Ayee Idris:

Maybe it is just me, but I personally don't care if my MIL calls her son everyday. She may be a widow. She may be lonely now that the kids are out of the house. Since we cant teach her to start using the internet and relieve her boredom and calling her son makes her happy, then more grease to them. In the two years that they were married, she has not moved in with them and coming to visit doesn't mean she wont go back. many MILs have self-respect. Some don't, but many do. Now we cannot assume he is discussing marital affairs with his mother. It could be anything. Imagine the scenario. His mother's advice had saved him from major pitfalls in the past. Chances are high that he would value her opinion. Now I am not advocating that he rubs it in his wife's face all the time. Nothing wrong with him claiming his mother's idea as his own and tweaking it to accommodate his wife's suggestion. It takes a smart man to balance the two relationships and a smarter woman to realize that when there is a very close bond between mother and son, she shouldn't look for a way to lessen it or 'cutting the damn cord already' but a way to become a part of that bond. That's how I see it sha.

Yield:

The reference about cutting the cord was directed at the husband, not the wife. He's the one who can lessen the dependency his mother has on him and that he has on his mother, not the wife. According to what you wrote earlier, "[the wife] would tell him to do something. He would ask his mother and she would suggest something else and he would do that", so he's tweaking zilch to accommodate her suggestions but solely going along with what his mother says. We're focusing too much on the mother here. What about the wife? People can be lonely in their own marriages too! I'm more concerned about her because she's the lone ranger. The husband's treatment of his wife could very well be making her lonely. Just last month there was a thread in another section from a wife whose husband refuses to acknowledge her in their home and flat out said she feels alone in her own home. He blatantly ignores her, watches tv, sleeps and plays video games when he's home and refuses to communicate with her or tell her what's going on, even after she tried to get him to open up. To make matters worse, her marriage to him helped him get papers into the country, only for him to be treating her like she doesn't exist now that they're married. Returning back to this situation, the wife needs her husband too and she deserves the right to privacy in her own marriage. She should try and become part of the bond? Like I said earlier, it could be that the MIL herself isn't fond of the wife and not receptive to her for the reasons I've already mentioned (I will not repeat myself). There're many unknowns, but my responses are based on the information you've given.

bellong: She is not suffering from clinging syndrome but ignorance and selfishness. She will grow to become a MIL tomorrow. She needs serious help because if she continues this way, her husband will soon get tired of the tantrums against his mother.

No wife should hate their MIL especially when there is no cause to. If her husband cannot share secrets with her, it shows that she is yet to earn her husband's trust. How will she even earn it when she is busy hating on his mother.

maclatunji:

That lady is a bad wife for real. May God save us from choosing bad spouses.

bellong: I do not understand why anybody will defend the wife in this scenario. Going by the short conversation between the poster and the lady in question here, I can deduce the lady has a lot of issues with myopic view of marriage and relationship.

She has no single concrete evidence of the mother's evil doing towards her except she is cold to her. What an ambiguous statement to make. Nobody knows why the mother is cold to her and if she can't pin point to one bad thing the woman has done, the wife is the wicked fellow in this case. The husband takes to his mother's advice over her. Men are not emotional being who do not look at merit of advices before jumping at one. The fact that you are my wife does not mean I will reject a superior argument and better advice when I see one irrespective of who offers it. That doesn't give the husband excuse to table matters before her mother daily. Only fools reject good counsels based on emotional sentiments.

For two good years, she has nothing tangible against the woman and yet she is very bitter against her coming. She is an ingrate of a wife. She is enjoying her husband but failed to recognise who nurtured him by God's grace to be who he is today that she is happily married to. Some wives need some serious brain and orientation reset. Like I said before, she can continue with her present attitude to the mother-in-law, her daughter-in-law will pay her in same coin with compound interest.

It is because of this, I patiently and diligently chose a good woman with compassion and deep understanding. Not one of the girls of these days who lack depth and are myopic.

Yield:

You are missing the bigger picture, lady. Of course, she can call her son, but calling him everyday is not healthy, like I've said. And it is not normal. She might as well pack her things and come and live in their home since she cannot do without her son. Ironically, your friend's MIL is coming to stay with them for a while too, she just might end up not leaving the house, poor wife. Men, love and respect your mother, always. But once you're married, be a man and have your own life. You have a wife. Communicate with her. When it comes to things pertaining your marriage, don't go running to your mama each time and doing what she says instead, while ignoring your wife's own point of view, like the husband in this case is doing. Mama's boy, pfftt, cut the damn cord already.

Yield: ^Don't misuse my name jor.

pickabeau1:

Hahaha...smile a lil

Yield: "Sarah- She hasn’t done anything per se. You know me. You know I no dey take nonsense. It’s just that she is always so cold to me, she is always calling her son everyday. I would tell him to do something. He would ask his mother and she would suggest something else and he would do that. They are too close for my comfort and it is irritating me. Secrets he should share with me first, he would go and tell his mother first…."


It's kinda disrespectful to the wife for the husband to be consulting his mother every time the wife asks him to do something and he ends up doing whatever his mother says instead! Men who cannot let go of mommy's hands are a no-no. As a husband and a grown man, he should be able to make decisions together with his wife. You're now in partnership with your wife and shouldn't be running back to your mama for everything you gotta do. Things like this always pop up while dating someone and if you know you're not happy with it, then maybe you need to re-evaluate where the r/ship is going. He didn't become a mama's boy overnight, most likely he has always been one and changing him won't be easy.

Yield: "Sarah- She hasn’t done anything per se. You know me. You know I no dey take nonsense. It’s just that she is always so cold to me, she is always calling her son everyday. I would tell him to do something. He would ask his mother and she would suggest something else and he would do that. They are too close for my comfort and it is irritating me. Secrets he should share with me first, he would go and tell his mother first…."


It's kinda disrespectful to the wife for the husband to be consulting his mother every time the wife asks him to do something and he ends up doing whatever his mother says instead! Men who cannot let go of mommy's hands are a no-no. As a husband and a grown man, he should be able to make decisions together with his wife. You're now in partnership with your wife and shouldn't be running back to your mama for everything you gotta do. Things like this always pop up while dating someone and if you know you're not happy with it, then maybe you need to re-evaluate where the r/ship is going. He didn't become a mama's boy overnight, most likely he has always been one and changing him won't be easy.

Yield: "Sarah- She hasn’t done anything per se. You know me. You know I no dey take nonsense. It’s just that she is always so cold to me, she is always calling her son everyday. I would tell him to do something. He would ask his mother and she would suggest something else and he would do that. They are too close for my comfort and it is irritating me. Secrets he should share with me first, he would go and tell his mother first…."


It's kinda disrespectful to the wife for the husband to be consulting his mother every time the wife asks him to do something and he ends up doing whatever his mother says instead! Men who cannot let go of mommy's hands are a no-no. As a husband and a grown man, he should be able to make decisions together with his wife. You're now in partnership with your wife and shouldn't be running back to your mama for everything you gotta do. Things like this always pop up while dating someone and if you know you're not happy with it, then maybe you need to re-evaluate where the r/ship is going. He didn't become a mama's boy overnight, most likely he has always been one and changing him won't be easy.

Yield:

Ah, you have the naija mentality.

Babynwan:


I reacted to dat post cos of one phrase 'his mum gives better advice than d iyawo'

Babynwan: if u don't entirely agree with ur wife's advice n run it by mom, u shud bring her (mom) opinion back to ur wife

Babynwan: as a suggestion not conclusion.

Princess zoe: There is nothing wrong in a mother in law visiting her son's house except if she is demonic and i didn't see where sarah mentioned that in the above statements however i agree with yield's posts. Yield, i agree with you completely, at least judging from the cases we have handled concerning homes, you made the best points here.

Silverb: i agree with u.