chaircover:

. . another case of crying in jeep syndrome.

I have a question . . . .what if the CO too beats his wife? Will he be able to dish out an appropriate sanction?

It is well.

As you earlier noted, most of their wives are full housewives. For the educated wives, the officers are limited in their abuse. I lived in the barracks before (3 armoured division, Jos), I know some of these rules.
If the CO abuses his wife, she will report to the GOC of the division. and if it is the GOC, the Chief of Army Staff takes charge of the case.

I remember very well, the girl was my senior but we come home together because we stay in same area. Sometimes, I eat my TP and she laps me, making us pay TP for one
So I was disturbed because I didn't see her for five days. (I was more concerned about the savings I make by not paying TP).

The mother had also been locked up, hence her not saying anything whenever the man decides to discipline his kids. He doesn't deal with them himself but hand them over to junior colleagues which is what I don't understand.

Military ... No comment !

With dis military story stuff, I jst remembered one of our family friend then who had jst a daughter. Both parents were soldiers...dis girl is very beautiful wit a skin as light as dat of Monalisa chinda any little offence, they pound dis girl wit pestle, fam belt, wire or anytin dey like. i used 2 tink her parents were mentally deranged den. They leave her wit scars on her very light skin most times she run away from d house to our place. After narratin her story den, she's always scared of goin bak home tellin us her parents want 2 kill her she lives wit fear daily. The parents were close 2 my parents then so whenever they find out she ran away d first person they call lamenting to is my dad lol. My dad with anger most times shout them down asking them if they want to kill their only daughter. The funny tin is that they dont even show their temper outside they are so nice. After long talks and advice they promise they wil change but it goes on and on. Until this girl started keeping boyfriends @15 she told me she feels happy wit him dat her parents hate her...i was 2yrs older than her then but we were in same class. She became the talk of the class cos most times, she comes to class scattered, unkempt and her sch uniform most times dirty. She hardly sleeps at night i do ask myself questions if really those animals gave birth to her or she was adopted but she looks exactly like her mum tall and light skinned. Long story cut short sha before we relocated from the state we stayed then, i learnt she ran away. After 5 yrs since we relocated, i didnt hear from her i always think about her and at times pray for her safety. Not until early this year i saw her on T.V she is now a musician an upcoming one though i recognised her immediately got in touch wit d producer thru d number on screen...i had a chat wit her recently and she said she is doin fine but she is not wit her parents

D

Chillisauce: (I was more concerned about the savings I make by not paying TP).

Pls can anyone help me with welfare centres in Lagos that caters for abused women. Debrief posted one on this thread but I've been digging through with no avail. Its for a neighbour/friend of mine, thanks.

domina...

Poster here:
HEAD OFFICE
No 2028 Dalaba Street, Wuse Zone 5, F.C.T Abuja Nigeria.
P.M.B. 5161, Wuse, Abuja
WEBSITE: http://www.naptip.gov.ng
EMAIL: info@naptip.gov.ng
HOTLINES: 07030000203, 0800CALLNAPTIP (08002255627847) Toll Free


LAGOS OFFICE
165 Oba Ladejobi Street G.R.A Ikeja, Lagos State. EMAIL: infolagos@naptip.gov.ng
HOTLINE: 07080601801(Toll Free For Airtel Callers)


BENIN OFFICE
47 Adesuwa College,
GRA, Benin City,
P.O. Box 267, Edo State EMAIL: infobenin@naptip.gov.ng
HOTLINE: 07080601802 (Toll Free For Airtel Callers)


UYO OFFICE
Plot 40, Akwa Ima Estate, Ikot Akpan Abia, Uyo, Akwa Ibom State.,
EMAIL: infouyo@naptip.gov.ng
HOTLINE: 07080601804 (Toll Free For Airtel Callers)



ENUGU OFFICE
18B, Ekulu Street, Behind ESUT Teaching Hospital GRA, Enugu State. EMAIL: infoenugu@naptip.gov.ng
HOTLINE: 07080601803(Toll Free For Airtel Callers)


KANO OFFICE
98 Foundation Road,
Farm Centre, Nassarawa,
GRA, Kano State. EMAIL: infokano@naptip.gov.ng
HOTLINE: 07080601800(Toll Free For Airtel Callers)





SOKOTO OFFICE
7, Bunza Road, off Hussein Clinic Dogon Daji Area Sokoto, Sokoto State
EMAIL: infosokoto@naptip.gov.ng
HOTLINE: 07080601805(Toll Free For Airtel Callers)



MAIDUGURI OFFICE
Kwajaffa Street, Off Gombale Road,
Old GRA Maiduguri,
Borno State EMAIL: infomaiduguri@naptip.gov.ng HOTLINE: 07080601806(Toll Free For Airtel Callers)

Good to know the thread is still on point . . .

Ujujoan: Good to know the thread is still on point . . .

Good to know we have realized our mistakes and are doing better kudos swag queen

Thanks so much pikabeau, I'll relay the numbers to her.

I remembered Leshawn saying something about abusive men behaving in a particular manner no matter where they are in the globe. @leshawn, you are so correct. This case happened in Sydney, Australia

Gittany was so jealous, Mr Tedeschi claimed,
that he had banned her from seeing friends, forbade her from taking a job as a hairdresser and even hired a personal trainer to come to their home so she wouldn't go to the gym where he thought she would be ogled by other men.
Describing Gittany as 'controlling and abusive', Tedeschi saidhe made her become Catholic, do her hair and dress exactly how he told her.
'(He believed) it was her function in life to submit to his will as the male in the relationship,' he said.
But his vice-like grip over her life was still not enough, the court heard. Mr Tedeschi told jurors Gittany even set up a network of mini cameras around the apartment to keep tabs on her and secretly read her emails and text messages.
It was because of this forensic campaign of surveillance that he caught wind of her plan to leave him with the help of two friends, the court heard. As a result he allegedly abused one of them over the phone, advising them to stay away.

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2470030/Chilling-image-shows-Simon-Gittany-clamping-hand-fianc-es-mouth-hurled-Sydney-balcony.html

They all behave the same way.

Icherishu,how is your cousin?

kreami diva: They all behave the same way.

Icherishu,how is your cousin?

Lie. We are all not same way o. Infact I was about to post D abuse I got from my Ex too....doesn't mean I don't take control but I gave her chances but she abused it on me...Been single close to a year now. But right now. I guess I'm set to give it a try. Yes my post goes thus "Singla and free as a bird lol. Bt yea im searching." Matured and no game chic please. PM if u want to start some convo" See Ya!

lovelani:

Lie. We are all not same way o. Infact I was about to post D abuse I got from my Ex too....doesn't mean I don't take control but I gave her chances but she abused it

I said all abusers act in the same manner as if they all schooled together.

Please share your story.

I can remember when I was growing up, my mum use to tell me how my dad always beat her. Then we were in one of this yoruba states. My mum was actually teaching in a sch then so when they transferred my dad(he's a policeman) to lagos, he told my mum that he would help her secure another job which he never did. When we moved to lagos, he told my mum to forget about the job that he wants her to be a full housewife. (my dad actually stopped drinking before but when we got to lagos, he started drinking and smoking). I could remember their was a day I came back from school and met my mum crying( she found out that my dad was cheating on her) lol. When my dad came back, instead of him to apologise, he was asking my mum if she wanted to leave. My mum told him it's all his decision. That if he wants her to leave that she'll go. He started asking her if she was crazy or mad. The next thing I saw was a slap, he started beating my mum he wanted to remove his wristwatch so that he won't spoil it( can you imagine that. Which means the wristwatch was more important than my mum) my mum just ran out immediately( thank God she wore a tight because her wrapper fell off in the course of running).
Fastforward, he's been transferred to another state but my mum didn't go with him oo. We rented an apartment for her where she stays with my kid bro. I'm married so is my elder sis. My immediate sis stays with me. He's on his own now.
Abusive relationship shouldn't be endured at all.

kreami diva: They all behave the same way.

Icherishu,how is your cousin?

She is there o. You know she was out of town leaving the man with the children. Fast forward days later the man has been begging. He is reporting himself to every family member except me. He knows that I will tell him the piece of my mind. Well she hasn't answered him yet and all of us are watching. Because he will still hit her next time and start begging. This is not knew jare. A leopard doesn't change his skin.

Is there no way family members of the abused woman can gang up and beat the demons out of the man?

Icherishu:

She is there o. You know she was out of town leaving the man with the children. Fast forward days later the man has been begging. He is reporting himself to every family member except me. He knows that I will tell him the piece of my mind. Well she hasn't answered him yet and all of us are watching. Because he will still hit her next time and start begging. This is not knew jare. A leopard doesn't change his skin.

Ha! She left the kids with him? The man is nice o...

Well,he might just change for good this time around if the girl's parents will seize this opportunity and talk sense into him warning him that this would be the very last time their daughter would be assaulted!

It is well o.

kreami diva:


Ha! She left the kids with him? The man is nice o...

Well,he might just change for good this time around if the girl's parents will seize this opportunity and talk sense into him warning him that this would be the very last time their daughter would be assaulted!

It is well o.

He will NEVER change.... Sha majority of them never change...

My closest friend in school married an abuser,though she doesn't know it but I saw all the signs and even her siblings never wanted her to marry the guy but she felt she was very lucky and privileged marrying the guy cos he's a pastor. Few weeks to her wedding my friend called me up in the night and started crying on fone saying that the guy walked her out of his house at 9pm in the night cos of an argument they had. Anytime they have issues my friend will keep crying and begging him on fone just to make peace. They are married now but she's not enjoying the marriage,the man sees her as a junior sister you can punish not as a partner you can correct in love. The guy makes sure she severed all ties with her family and we close friends.I really feel sorry for her. Pls ladies let's be very careful.I once dated a guy who was over possessive,I first thought it was love but now I know better,I dumped him!!

Les: . [size=16pt] Wrong [/size] it can be a sign of jealousy anyway I seriously hope this thread is not having a -ve impact on labeling overprotective guys abusers.. Let's get some facts right . Thank you!!!

Overprotectives can be a form of abuse especially if the overprotected does not appreciate it

xtassie: I grew up in a very abusive home, my father had a very violent temper and constantly beats my mom with anything within his reach. 4 days to her delivery he beat her up mercilessly 2 days after her delivery her beat her up my mom had to run for her life and she left our new born brother @ home hungry for dat day he cried till he was tired and my mom just had to come back for her baby. The beatings never stopped, the neigbours always come to our house @ least once a week to seperate the fights or rather hold down my dad from beating my mom.wen I and my siblings grew up ie to second school level my bros was now our body guard,wen my dad wants to beat my mom he wld sheild her cos my bros was tall, my dad started using weapons like knives, shovel or cutlass to chase us or even hit us with my mom's heeled shoes( he is an engineer and well learned and exposed) so people keep wondering why he behaves like a mad man and we were not excluded from d severe beatings ooo! My dad use to kick me match my stomach till I got married! Fastfoward till now my mom is almost a grandma we are all out of the house, yet my dad still beats her till now.
THE LESSONS I HAVE LEARNT IS THIS:
An abusive spouse wld never change( my mothere said she never saw any sign of violence for d 2yrs they dated he kept it well hidding till a week after their wedding he beat her up) and it never stopped!
With continuious exposure of violence your kid may likely behave like him and wld learn his beating attitude,(my younger bros despite the fact that he was our defender then, nowthat he is a grown man he has a violent temper and I heard he beat his girlfriend.
My advice is LEAVE the MARRIAGE it is not worth it. My mom keeps saying the high BP she has was a result of my dad as she was always living in fear!
My 2cents!

I really feel for you and understand where you are coming from!

An abuser never changes esp. by miracle and the children will always learn to solve issues by abuse no matter how learnt or whatever they are.

I pray God heals you and family.

God be with you.

Nigeria and their a-woman-must-die-married epidemic

I decided to modify my post:

What have you kids done to stop your dad or make your mum safe?

You mean you all married and left her to her fate?

Please remove you mum from that situation soonest! Talk sense into her head and make her realize that there is no medal for 'killed by husband'

it is well

bukatyne:

Overprotectives can be a form of abuse especially if the overprotected does not appreciate it

I agree with you.

Merkki: Is there no way family members of the abused woman can gang up and beat the demons out of the man?

It depends on the family. A relation's husband was always beating her. She reported to her family and they warned the husband.
He continued beating her until...

One early morning, the youths in the wife's kindred visited him with a pick-up truck of long water canes. They ensured all the canes were broken on his body, after which they locked him up in the police station. He took 3 months to recover.
That was when his family came to beg and apologize.
Since then, he ensures his wife doesn't have as much as a scratch on her body. He is now a good boy!

If the woman didn't complain, he would have continued panel-beating her.

^^^^^^ this got me laughing

bellong:

From her post, I guess she is a counsellor. So she is doing her professional work, she can speak with the husband.

Yes i am a counsellor and the practice entails that you hear from both parties. Well here's an update. I did ask the lady in question to bring her hubby the next time. I was not expecting to see him but he came anyway and i had to have a private talk with him. He felt embarrassed but opened up that he does not do it intentionally. To cut the long story short I referred them to a Health care provider. I think it is a medical problem. She will come back next week, I hope all goes well for them.

zaimeg:
It depends on the family. A relation's husband was always beating her. She reported to her family and they warned the husband.
He continued beating her until...

One early morning, the youths in the wife's kindred visited him with a pick-up truck of long water canes. They ensured all the canes were broken on his body, after which they locked him up in the police station. He took 3 months to recover.
That was when his family came to beg and apologize.
Since then, he ensures his wife doesn't have as much as a scratch on her body. He is now a good boy!

If the woman didn't complain, he would have continued panel-beating her.

This is the traditional way we handled it before the white man came

passionate88: I remembered Leshawn saying something about abusive men behaving in a particular manner no matter where they are in the globe. @leshawn, you are so correct. This case happened in Sydney, Australia



www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2470030/Chilling-image-shows-Simon-Gittany-clamping-hand-fianc-es-mouth-hurled-Sydney-balcony.html

Yes. That is why I can relate with others who have been in such situations and when they hear mine, they'd also exclaim about How similar my case was to theirs.

Infant, I saw this with a roomie I had. I could see what happened to me happening to her too. The guy was behaving in a way that was very similar to my ex. Infact, without her confiding in me, I knew the guy was abusive.

I told her my story, hoping she'd pick one or two lessons. Alas, She went ahead with the marriage. She even told us that the love was now very sweet as the guy had gotten a job in an oil company. The guy succeeded in alienating her from her brother who brought her up before the wedding and She was actually supporting the guy over the brother. Suddenly, to her, her brother was up to No good. All Because of a guy She met over the social network.
I was just looking at her, Because after all I've been through, I can't pick a man over my family. My family have been there for twenty something years, loving me and Seeing to my well-being.

Anyways, they got married and from the honeymoon, trouble! Of Course She didn't confide in me. But the person She told told me.

For the honeymoon, they lodged in a beautiful hotel in lag for a few days. This guy would Sleep with her roughly with his huge manhood. At night, in the mornings and he'd also come back for more during his breaks from work, as he was also working during the honeymoon. She dared not complain of pains as he bluntly told her it cannot be painful, that after all, She wasn't a virgin bride.

Probably Because of the rough sex, She got an infection and started Seeing drops of blood after urinating.
When She told him, he told her to get herself cured before he got back from work or else, he'd return her back to where he got her from.
He told her if he gets infected, she'd be in for it. That How won't She get infections when She was always sleeping around.
She was always being harassed and abused and insulted. I won't be surprised he beat her too. A few weeks after wedding, She was already envying single girls.

Gosh! Many people are suffering and smiling. @ LaShawn, some people only learn by experience. Your friend was deceived by the glamour of getting married to a rich guy. She knew the guy was abusive but tried to hide it from you so you wont discourage her. Many ladies are like that. She don enter one chance be dat. Just keep watching from the sideline else you'll be labelled a husband snatcher. ;DGosh! Many people are suffering and smiling. @ LaShawn, some people only learn by experience. Your friend was deceived by the glamour of getting married to a rich guy. She knew the guy was abusive but tried to hide it from you so you wont discourage her. Many ladies are like that. Lwkmd @ the thing got sweeter when he got job with an oil firm. She don enter one chance be dat. Just keep watching from the sideline else you'll be labelled a husband snatcher. Women and rich husbands. Lol.

LaShawn:

The guy succeeded in alienating her from her brother who brought her up before the wedding and She was actually supporting the guy over the brother. Suddenly, to her, her brother was up to No good.

Textbook. They all attend different schools that teach with the same syllabus. Many girls are so useless, why would one allow anyone to alienate one from one's family?.

Many girls sees marriage as a means of escaping hardship, they just don't like to spend their own money.

If marriage ever come across my mind, I won't marry a student, non-worker, clubs, etc.

kreami diva:


Ha! She left the kids with him? The man is nice o...

Well,he might just change for good this time around if the girl's parents will seize this opportunity and talk sense into him warning him that this would be the very last time their daughter would be assaulted!

It is well o.

Why won't he take care of the kids? Are they not his own? Well because of christianity, we don't want to go the extreme way. Though I discussed with her that he is seriously pushing us to look for army to deal with him. Well he says he will change and we are seriously praying for him. I hope he does and may God help him.

remsonik: My closest friend in school married an abuser,though she doesn't know it but I saw all the signs and even her siblings never wanted her to marry the guy but she felt she was very lucky and privileged marrying the guy cos he's a pastor. Few weeks to her wedding my friend called me up in the night and started crying on fone saying that the guy walked her out of his house at 9pm in the night cos of an argument they had. Anytime they have issues my friend will keep crying and begging him on fone just to make peace. They are married now but she's not enjoying the marriage,the man sees her as a junior sister you can punish not as a partner you can correct in love. The guy makes sure she severed all ties with her family and we close friends.I really feel sorry for her. Pls ladies let's be very careful.I once dated a guy who was over possessive,I first thought it was love but now I know better,I dumped him!!

This is the problem we all have walking away when the wedding card is printed. Thinking of what people will say, she should have seen the writing on the wall. Pastor or no pastor some people are very abusive. Let's learn to recognise them and keep them at arms length.

LaShawn:

Yes. That is why I can relate with others who have been in such situations and when they hear mine, they'd also exclaim about How similar my case was to theirs.

Infant, I saw this with a roomie I had. I could see what happened to me happening to her too. The guy was behaving in a way that was very similar to my ex. Infact, without her confiding in me, I knew the guy was abusive.

I told her my story, hoping she'd pick one or two lessons. Alas, She went ahead with the marriage. She even told us that the love was now very sweet as the guy had gotten a job in an oil company. The guy succeeded in alienating her from her brother who brought her up before the wedding and She was actually supporting the guy over the brother. Suddenly, to her, her brother was up to No good. All Because of a guy She met over the social network.
I was just looking at her, Because after all I've been through, I can't pick a man over my family. My family have been there for twenty something years, loving me and Seeing to my well-being.

Anyways, they got married and from the honeymoon, trouble! Of Course She didn't confide in me. But the person She told told me.

For the honeymoon, they lodged in a beautiful hotel in lag for a few days. This guy would Sleep with her roughly with his huge manhood. At night, in the mornings and he'd also come back for more during his breaks from work, as he was also working during the honeymoon. She dared not complain of pains as he bluntly told her it cannot be painful, that after all, She wasn't a virgin bride.

Probably Because of the rough sex, She got an infection and started Seeing drops of blood after urinating.
When She told him, he told her to get herself cured before he got back from work or else, he'd return her back to where he got her from.
He told her if he gets infected, she'd be in for it. That How won't She get infections when She was always sleeping around.
She was always being harassed and abused and insulted. I won't be surprised he beat her too. A few weeks after wedding, She was already envying single girls.

Kai this is so pathetic, I pray she doesn't die in that marriage o. How couldn't she have read the signs or she wanted to marry oil money. Kai I don't pity some girls. The man doesn't have an iota of respect for her. May God grant her the brain to work away while she is still alive.