i have been married for about 5 years and the first two years were fun-filled we were happy and depended on each other to move the family forward. sex was fair, my minus, life was sweet and things moved very fast. the 3rd year we had to be apart for a while (was in school). when i came back everything had changed, it was like cohabiting with a stranger. as i speak we hardly communicate, no family time together(he'll rather stay with his friends) . after work he is mostly glued to his phone chatting with some silly females (he claims he has never seen them he only chats with them) he doesn't even care about my feelings he is just a total stranger. each time i look through his phone i usually see funny messages so i no longer trust him. sex now is close to zero cause my libido is next to nothing and he hardly touches me. when i try i feel like pushing him away. please what can i do to get his attention and go back to how we used to be. right now we have not been speaking to each other for since saturday.

Well, I think this is one of those situations where you have to act based on what you want rather than what you feel. His distance and his "infidelity" are playing on your emotions, dropping your libido and making his touch unwanted. Work on yourself. You want him, don't yu? You want your marriage to work, don't you? Tell yourself that you miss his touch. Tell yourself you want him sexually. Remember the good times you had. Tell yourself those times are comming back.

Then give him what he gets from those girls he "chats" with - companionship and an ego massage. Talk to him about nothing and everything. Start slowly first. Don't jabber away. Don't request. Don't question. Just talk maybe about food. Maybe something like this
You- honey, what do you want to eat
Him- anything
You - would you prefer chicken or beef?
Him - anyone
You - there was this thing that happened in the market while I was buying th chicken.....bla bla bla

Hopefully, he will ask some question about what happened. If he doesn't, don't let hurt or dissapointment show. Start again. Take it slow and steady like you were toasting the fellow. Wait a minute, you are toasting the fellow!

Believe and be the best wife you can be. Above all, pray earnestly about him. It will be wel

Communication is the key here. U have to talk to him. Try to talk to him wen he is relaxed and in a good mood. Ask him wat has gone wrong and try to do things both of u used to do wen u just got married.

tanx will give it a hard try i pray it works

I have only 2 question for you.

Did you ever observe your PARENTS as a MARRIED couple?
DID YOUR PARENTS EVER LIVE IN A PERRRRMANENT CONDITION OF LOVE?

The best way to handle a stray dog, IS TO GIVE IT A LOOOOOOONG LEASH.

A man that does not miss you, NEEDS SOME TIME OFF TO MISS YOU!!!!

The fact that your husband prefers being with his friends means one thing ONLY! It means HE WANTS TO BE FREEEEEE!!!!

Give him some time to miss you. Or he may be gone FOR GOOOOOD!!!!!

@Kanwulia well said i observed my parents quite closely and am sure they really love each other. i was away in school for over a year and he visited just once so we've been apart long enough to miss each other, we had a little catching for a few days but dat was all. so i dont know if staying away will be helpful .

pepeyoyo: @Kanwulia well said i observed my parents quite closely and am sure they really love each other. i was away in school for over a year and he visited just once so we've been apart long enough to miss each other, we had a little catching for a few days but dat was all. so i dont know if staying away will be helpful .

Ma'am,
You are NOT ready for Marriage!

Rule #1
Do NOT make ANY MAN the CENTER of your world, ESPECIALLY when you are NOT even in his PERIPHERAL VISION!

Go find something better to do with your time darling!!!!

I have a cousin(a very HANDSOME ATTORNEY married to A VERRRRRRY BEAUTIFUL PRINCESS OF A WOMAN) whose marriage just CRASSSSSSHED AYAAAAKAAAATAAAAA after THIRTY YEARS, 4 BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN(2HEAVY DOCTORS INCLUDED) 8 DELIGHTFUL CHERUBIM ATI SERAPHIM/ANGELIC, TO-DIE-FOR GRANDCHILDREN. . . . . The cousin just turned 50 last year. . . . .then FOUND TRUE LOVE!!! The wife siddon for one corner dey do her own NWA-BABY ASSSHAWO TYPICAL ONITSHA-WHO-RE work. I can never forget their HEAVY, SOCIETY-WEDDING!!!!

This was THE ULTIMATE ROMEO AND JULIET COUPLE, that was meant to be HAPPILY-EVER-AFTER!!! They had IT ALL. Or, so we thought!

Are you asking me how this concerns you?


You see, there is only one thing certain in life. WE ARE ALL GOING TO BE DIVORCED!!! BY MAN OR GOD!

Your only MISSION in life is to live it like you are ALONE. There is no condition that is permanent dear!!!


. . . . And you are on NL making noise about this your ALMIGHTY, "F-IF-E" - year, ONLINE-SPRING-TRAINING, PSEUDO-MATRIMONY eh?

I pity your life o.

Nne, THE JOURNEY OF MARRIAGE IS LOOOOOOOOOOONG. I am SOOOOOOOOOO pleased to INFORM you that YOU AIN'T seen NOTHING YET!!! HANG TIGHT DEARIE!

The road is ALWAYS ROCKY, the ride BUMPY, the dream A MIRAGE!!!

When the going gets TOUGH, the TOUGH get going, AND THE WINNER TAKES IT ALL!!!!

Learn to be "THE GAMBLER" by KENNY ROGERS!!!

Take Kia!!!

Talk to him about it! You might have to re-kindle the fire again from scratch.

One question though: when you were in skul, don't u pple communicate...like through chats or something....If yes, how was the communication then?

I am not married but it's obvious your husband is cheating and hez feeling guilty.. firstly i'll advise u dress more attractive , get a nice hair do.. always serve his favourite meal, when he comes home greet him even if he is frowning, ask how his day went..b extremely nice to him.. get sexy lingerie 2 wear at night, u don't need to go touch him, just go in ur sexy lingerie and tell him good night then go quietly 2bed... Importantly u shld observe 3-7days fast and ask for God to fill your husband's heart wit ur love and rebuke every strange women.... if he finally touches u,if u've neva given him a bj do so and get as wild as u can wit him .. wish u goodluck

Wit my little observation, when men are like dis trying to talk abt it gets dem more angry and they count it as a nagging wife/ complains too much... She needs 2 show her husband more love and try 2b calm regardless.

alutacontinua: Talk to him about it! You might have to re-kindle the fire again from scratch.

One question though: when you were in skul, don't u pple communicate...like through chats or something....If yes, how was the communication then?

@ OP you both are in need of counselling. At this rate, he may not agree to it. But you should totally get good counsel especially when things aren't going as planned. I agree with Kanwulia, a little distance would help. Don't move out, just don't breath down his neck in the name of starting and maintaining conversation. Space is what he needs and hopefully if he has enough he will come back. Act nice but don't go out of your way to be so. He may not even appreciate things you do but don't let that bother you. Keep doing them anyway. Don't ask about the girls, act unconcerned. He may b trying to get to you. Your coping mechanism should be in doing something productive to keep your mind off him and hopefully, the issue will be sorted.