people , especially ladies get into marriages for the wrong reasons sometimes. all your friends are married so why shouldnt you be?
when in fact all we're planning is the wedding and not the marriage. pressure from home and society, coupled with the never ending age factor
tends to make people hurry.
i agree that marriage should be enjoyed and not endured.

Am highly impressed by your topic   

Before i say anything, let me point out that my contribution is just for those who are really interested in this topic and not those who are simply bored and therefore find this topic an attractive distraction.In my own opinion the following are while modern marriages dont work.
1, Confused role: no serious association or relationship will work without defined roles by parties concerned. Citing biblical principles it is very clear that God intended man to be in charge and therefore any attempt to alter this always results in total confusion and therefore break up. A situation where nobody is in charge is a recipe for disaster.
2, Immorality: Nothing scatters relationships like duplicity.

plus ther points made by the first poster.

what a lovely documentation, really marriage as an institution of learning , you see so many hidden things as husband and wife are expected to work and talk as one person. so many sacrifices most invovled as u stated, to get close to a perfect married life. husband/wife's weaknesses most be worked upon to turn to strenght. husband n wife should be mindful the way they treat each other by not taking each other for granted.




@Arielle

I will advise you to sit your husband down and iron things out but if there is no positive results for period of 2yrs consider exit door, But know it , life is full of ups and downs, I wish you well in you endevors

gentlegg:

THIS IS THE MOST EDUCATIVE ARTICLE I'VE READ IN NAIRALAND.

INFACT AM PRINTING THIS ARTICLE, A COPY FOR MYSELF AND A COPY FOR MY WIFE, ESPECIALLY THE SACRIFICE PART OF IT.

@ POSTER
GOD BLESS YOU IMMENSELY.

Same here.

@Poster.

You are God sent. God bless u immensely for the time and efforts it took you in putting this beautiful piece together to bless the life of people (singles and Couples').

long and interesting story.

respect to olumok

Fellow Nauralander.

There a million reasons why Marriages dont work. But, look at these. It may be of help.


When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her
hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate
quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let
her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic
calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me
softly, why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man!
That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Dew. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which
stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my
company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who
had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger.
I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing
something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just
did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't
want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce.
She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked
me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her
out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions. She laughed
loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce
intention was explicitly expressed.
So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't
tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset.
I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned
on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her.
For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of
intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of
intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became
easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday
workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a
few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me, she had buried so much pain and bitterness
in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry
mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I
held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to
school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life
lacked intimacy.

I drove to office, jumped out of the car swiftly without
locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind, I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do
you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then
slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers
for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed – dead.



The small details of your lives are what really matter in a
relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the
bank, blah, blah, blah. These create an environment conducive for
happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be
your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that
build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

Wishing you all the best!!!

@Poster-Thank you for this thread.
@Jyde Walker -your story made me cry.
@Arielle and others having marital problems: I am sorry to hear what you are going through in your marriage Arielle and I sympathise with you because I can relate to how you are feeling.
If not for the grace of God my 3 year marriage would have broken now even though we had dated for 8 years before we got married in 2005.
I guess the person who said the first 10 years of a marriage are the most challenging knew what they were talking about.
To be honest with you I don't have any proper advice for you but I will tell you what I have been doing and you can try it and I hope it works for you!
First thing I did was to email my husband because I found that if I tried talking to him I got angry and could not speak my mind, so I wrote him a long letter of how I was feeling and how things used to be and how things will be if we don't do anything about it.I also spoke to his closest brother and my dad because I just wanted to have a clearer indication as to how men think and how they handle things and they both gave me very solid advice-PRAY FOR YOUR HUSBAND, DO NOT GET TIRED,TELL HIM HOW YOU ARE FEELING, DONT NAG, DONT FIGHT, BE VERY PATIENT IT WILL TAKE TIME BUT HE CAN DEFINITELY MAKE AMENDMENTS THAT WILL ENABLE THE TWO OF YOU TO LEAVE IN TOTAL LOVE AND HARMONY!
My husband has since being trying, there are still things that he is doing that i don't like but I have come to either ignore them and deal with them, it is almost impossible for a person to change instead of trying to change your partner why not make some changes yourself!
If your partner is at all human and if love exists when they see the effort you are putting in to make things work they will make an effort too.
Please pray to your God, I am a christian I don't know if you are but pray to whoever or whatever you regard to be your God and have faith that things will get better!
I pray the Lord gives us all the wisdom , knowledge anf understanding to be able to live with our partners, love them unconditionally, support them in eveyrway we can and overlook their mistakes(they are not perfect).
Good luck all!

@jydewalker.

wow, i'm sorry for your loss. it took 10 years for you to actually see your wife , find her again, realise that you never stopped loving her only to lose her. wow. ( i keep saying that right?) but im in awe of all she went through. what you both went through. i always wonder how the gap/ distance between couples appear.

WELL ALTHOUGHT WHAT OLOMOUK GAVE US TO READ WAS AN EPISTLE OF SOME SORT,I APPRECAITE HER EFFORT.

BUT I MY OWN CANDID OPINION,ANY REASONABLE FOLK SHOULD EXPECT CHANGES AFTRE MARRIAGE.ITS NORMAL BECAUSE IT'S A JOURNEY AND NOT A DESTINATION.SO YOU DONT EXPECT A PERFECT SPOUSE AT THE PIONT OF MARRIAGE!!!OK , HA HA HA HA HA!!!

SEE YAH LADIES!!!

Are u a psycologist?

tHANKS oLUOMOK, I totally got ur drift and thank God am heading the right direction.

My marriage is 7months old today and I know people are on the waiting for any sign of discord (We-my wife and I- were actually told our 'love in tokyo attitude' will simmer after our wedding but its getting strongeer.-------------But i guess we were built to last and added to this is the challenge that we are on stage here and must disappoint those who said we wouldnt last.)

Am gonna send this to my wife now,
get to print a copy home ,which i will do also,
then go tru it all the way like i di now,
but moreso , ruminate/meditate every line ,
I beleive at the end of this,we are coming out better,
Thanx for this free therapist section,
Thank you so much, cos i wanna be /hav the best marriage in the whole world,
Its good already and wit this I know its gonna get better,

Thak you once again

Are u a psycologist?

tHANKS oLUOMOK, I totally got ur drift and thank God am heading the right direction.

My marriage is 7months old today and I know people are on the waiting for any sign of discord (We-my wife and I- were actually told our 'love in tokyo attitude' will simmer after our wedding but its getting strongeer.-------------But i guess we were built to last and added to this is the challenge that we are on stage here and must disappoint those who said we wouldnt last.)

Am gonna send this to my wife now,
get to print a copy home ,which i will do also,
then go tru it all the way like i di now,
but moreso , ruminate/meditate every line ,
I beleive at the end of this,we are coming out better,
Thanx for this free therapist section,
Thank you so much, cos i wanna be /hav the best marriage in the whole world,
Its good already and wit this I know its gonna get better,

Thak you once again

I'll post a more apt response after reading thru the entire original novel post

this  is a cool article, could never have agreed more with it. as i`ve always told my friends, it takes maturity, sacrifice and tolerance 2 make a marriage work. marriage is far from a bed of roses as some newly weds think, it comes with its own shares of challenges. also its good to put some form of dynamics in it bcs human beings naturally get easily bored of routins, so wives & husband should try to come nice ideas that would constantly put some sparks in the marriage.

what a pity,
wont i simply say that men are enjoying
they partied through out secondary school, into universities, out of universities and into marriages coming home at 2pm
my God, they would probably party before death and hope to do so in heaven

the thing is that, it comes out this way for a lady who marries an irresponsible man
A literate can also be an educated illetrate when he is not responsible especially after tieing the knot

when morals that ought to be instilled in youthful years before marriage is neglected, that is what a married woman get
besides, it has become normal,
men find pleasure hanging out with related friends, drinking and talking about their business and marriage,
they talk about how hard it is and how annoying the woman may be atimes, pleasure they get in doing this,

things eventually turn around when they age and their kids are grown, the power shifts to the woman and she becomes untamable due to what she has taken from the man all through the years.
hmmm,
i can only sigh

Thanks for this write up, it is really a blessing to me.

@ jydewalker
i took my time to read your story, i tell you, you have lost
am so sorry it had to come out that way but reading your story made me see a woman who couldnt move on without you
for those who are in marriage, someone told me that the lady wouldnt or didnt find any better person to marry thats why she would have choosen you - the man she desired
i was hoping for a happy ending in your story but didnt find.
it pinches me that your wife isnt alive , a mighty loss.

am so sorry.

i can change, like karmelon

@ Poster
Lovely post
I am so happy to have across this. I'll cherish it for a long time

@ jydewalker

Sorry about your loss.

this is really an eye opener, there is really no need jumping into a marriage and then jump out the same way you have jumped in.
@ poster thanks for this info.

This is really a kind of articles that we need in this forum not all those vain and meaningless topic. I really appreciate the poster of this article. I cant just finish reading it now but i have also printed it for future reference. Thanks alot and God bless the source.

prior to marriage, a man may pretend and hide certain bad habits but women are masters of this. u can date a woman for 7yrs and never truly know her, but as soon as u are married u will see her rainbow

Then leave women alone and marry a fellow man then nedra

jydewalker,

was that your story or someone else's?
might be worthwhile to clarify and indicate source, if applicable.
thanks.

Did people actually read the initial term paper on this thread
you people get patience Infact it has passed from patience to longsuffering.
You have to pay me to read all that
I never 'craze' reach like dat
Time is precious

This is actually a topic where you would find a lota ladies or women and they would consider it the most important topic, o please

Janji:

This is actually a topic where you would find a lota ladies or women and they would consider it the most important topic, o please

oya carry on.
if the post pass 2 paragraphs,I no go even attempt am.
I come here to have fun not to get a BA hons in reading

ha ha

Magnificiently excellent post!
I read the whole thing, and it reaffirmed my core beliefs about marriage.

Queenisha:

oya carry on.
if the post pass 2 paragraphs,I no go even attempt am.
I come here to have fun not to get a BA hons in reading

LoL ,

@ poster, I learnt a lot from reading this. The love of many are waxing cold thats why marriages are breakn up by the second. Pple enter relationships wanting to get as much as possible from his/her partner & not wanting to give in return and it continues into marriage.

I just hope I get married to my soulmate cos am gettn married and throwing the key into the Lagoon!!