jidegirl12:

Are you sure?

Are you a night crawler , well ..not that there's anything wrong with that as long as you are not disrupting their ( wife&kids) beauty sleep esp on school nights.

But this boggles mind, don't you have your own spare keys ? Even if she owns the house 100% you are still entitled to own your keys.

Aghh.. this is emotional abuse... locking you out of your home, worst case scenario you sleep in the basement or living room.

This western palava na waya oh. They just grow wings like no tomorrow.

And what is African palava? Men threatening their wives to send them back to their dad's house?

jidegirl12:

Are you sure?

Are you a night crawler , well ..not that there's anything wrong with that as long as you are not disrupting their ( wife&kids) beauty sleep esp on school nights.

But this boggles mind, don't you have your own spare keys ? Even if she owns the house 100% you are still entitled to own your keys.

Aghh.. this is emotional abuse... locking you out of your home, worst case scenario you sleep in the basement or living room.

This western palava na waya oh. They just grow wings like no tomorrow.

A night crawler? Not at all, only went out for about 1:30 mins in the evening to secure one of our properties a tenant has just left, so I thought I'll let her know how it feels when she does this to me which has been going on for many years. On my return she had left her keys in the key hole behind the door, when I called her to find out what was happening she told me I should go back to where I was coming from. After waiting for about 45 Mins outside in my car, I had to call the police so that I can get some clothes for work the next day and they told me they were on their way, while waiting for the police she open the door. After I got in the house she made threats to harm herself if I do not tell her were I went, shortly after this the police called me to find out the situation of things and I told them she made threats to harm herself, I told them this because I was concerned for her safety. When the police came they told me because she was upset I must go and find somewhere else to stay that night, thank God the rental property was empty that evening and since then I have been living in the rental property I was letting out before. This is a true story.

chaircover:
Please you and your wife should please try and sort your problems out . . . . A word is enough for the wise.

True talk and thank you for this advice. But what if a man stays on in an emotional and psychological abuse from a woman who is bent on scattering her home for many years and the man ends up mental will he still be able to look after the kids? What is you advice in such situation?

chaircover:
You have to draw a line somewhere and say "No more"

Drawing a line means she calling the police and claiming she is being controlled and abused, keeping quite means living in emotional and psychological abuse.

Correction: Something very strange over here is that wife's siblings, a family friend and a pastor I reported the matter to are behind her. So one has no choice but to call the police when issues get out of hand.

chaircover:
sorry you are confusing me

I edited it before your post. Sorry didn't mean to.

chaircover:
The question is "are both of you prepared to make the marriage work?"
One person cant do it alone.

How do you get across to a woman like below. I believe this is the only issue I'm dealing with.

jidegirl12: What else new?
Bros OP, these are my deductions to your predicament :
1.your wife's achieved her goals ( career ) and thinks you're not important anymore. Obodo oyinbo effect.

chaircover:
Im only asking these questions to get an idea of what is happening

I do appreciate your concern, but to answer all your questions will require me going into too much details.

To sum it up, this is the best description of the woman I have been leaving with, I found it on Google after doing a search to research into the reason behind her behavior:

BY: Edward Steven Nunes (Professor of Clinical Psychiatry Columbia University)
"These women will lie, connive, and extort to get their own way while humiliating their partner by making a scene. In doing so, some will insult and humiliate their partner while others will use offensive language in the presence of others including their children. These women are driven by jealousy and view others as rivals. This is why they treat their partner as possessions, striving to isolate them from friends and family. Moreover, these women will falsely accuse their partners of infidelity while they have affairs. Nearly all exhibit erratic mood changes, feign illnesses or injuries, and most are practiced actresses. They are not sick; they simply play the multiple roles of the terrorist, the tyrant, the fiend, and the victim." https://mail.google.com/mail/u/0/?shva=1#label/01+Marriage/1383f8b601fdca18

chaircover: no worries I understand your not willing to share too much on here and i dont blame you

I dont really know what to say. I am very pro-marriage, but if both parties are not happy and the children are being damaged, then I advise a period of separation. Separation sometimes reboots the marriage, when both parties get to see how important they both are. it also gives then a chance to do soul searching and meditate on the relationship (assuming there isnt someone else already waiting in the wings)

What ever you choose to do, I wish you luck and also appealing to you to please consider the innocent kids in all of this. It is well

Thank you so much for this advice.

carefreewannabe:

And what is African palava? Men threatening their wives to send them back to their dad's house?

I understand you're trying to be funny but it's just not funny to me, I detest sarcasm like a plaque ... just so you don't know I don't frolic around on serious issues like this unnecessarily.

Bros OP, I perfectly understand what you're going thru, please talk to a lawyer & a shrink and know your options before she gives you the shocker of your life... Tell her straight up you've spoken to a lawyer and I promise you 100% she will behave!

She wants it all....career , family ( for show) and rule over you all at the same time because she knows this is the only society such is doable ..... that same family of hers that are pushing her now will eventually mock her .

Stop calling the cops, they wont do shait , you're heading for a serious conviction that'll taint your record! Then you wont have no other choice than stay and be stuck with her abuse forever.

jidegirl12: Bros OP, I perfectly understand what you're going thru, please talk to a lawyer & a shrink and know your options before she gives you the shocker of your life... Tell her straight up you've spoken to a lawyer and I promise you 100% she will behave!

She wants it all....career , family ( for show) and rule over you all at the same time because she knows this is the only society such is doable ..... that same family of hers that are pushing her now will eventually mock her .

Stop calling the cops, they wont do shait , you're heading for a serious conviction that'll taint your record! Then you wont have no other choice than stay and be stuck with her abuse forever.

Sis Jidegirl, you seem to understand what's going on very well, thank God that there are still a few good sisters like you among our Naija women.

I think it is dangerous to tell this man not to call the cops. She said she would harm herself. So she harms herself and tells the police he did it what proof does he have that she has made these threats in the past. If it was a woman saying this people would advice her to call the cops. It is just not true that the police never listen to men. Men will keep believing that and not exercising their rights. Not saying that the poster is an angel. I personally think that the smartest thing he has done so far is let the police know that he gets locked out a lot and she has threatened to harm herself.

Febup:

Sis Jidegirl, you seem to understand what's going on very well, thank God that there are still a few good sisters like you among our Naija women.

No problem. I've seen it all.

@cc the truth is there's nobody 'waiting in the wings' other than chop clean mouth if there even is.

OP should start keeping records if all altercations and report at the station in person for records purpose.

Then call her and tell your wife; mama x, I don't know why you're treating me and tormenting me like this after all my support but I'm fed up and going crazy and I think it's taking a toll on my health, I've spoken to a therapist and they advised I need a break to keep sane, I've also talked to a lawyer about separation and kids custody because I want see my children or you want to get your own attorney to respond to mine? I will text you his details, I want this ASAP.

Shikena.

If all her family members don't call you within 2 days & and start begging , call me a whatever.

@ jidegirl12, oul_glo and others
Thanks for the interest you have all shown in this matter. I will just wait on the Lord and let him handle the whole situation, the Lord has for now kept me in my own place away from her wahala, which is a great relief for now.

Febup: @ jidegirl12, oul_glo and others
Thanks for the interest you have all shown in this matter. I will just wait on the Lord and let him handle the whole situation, the Lord has for now kept me in my own place away from her wahala, which is a great relief for now.

I wish you well and pray for God's direction on what to do. We can only give advice best we could but you that wear the shoes knows where it pinches.

I have brothers and hate to see them abused and cheated too hence my interest and concern.

God will lead you and comfort you. Amen.