dayokanu:

[size=14pt]It is relevant if she is a virgin of the brain, that means Her brain has never been put to use before[/size]

When she gets to Malawi she can tell them shes a virgin they have special allowances for virgins and a job too

ROTFLMAO

*Watching keenly*

The man dey Naija here take buy the company for Malawi? Make e no bi some "job guys" hold the man for work. East Africans are not known for their "love and hospitality" to W. Africans, Naija especially.

Make the wife go arrange with her Gyn to declare her unfit to travel until she is delivered of her baby. Or she stand up to the husband,head to head and insist she aint going nowhere until she's done with school.

Ngokafor: @op a married woman's place is with her husband so she should quietly follow him to Malawi.Didnt she know what she signed up for when ran and got married while still a student?..she should have waited till she's done with school or at least in final year before getting married,besides she's four months pregnant now so how does she want to go round all that with a here-today-gone tomorrow husband?..

....am not even going to waste my energy abusing the man because he simply wants his wife and baby with him in Malawi,is that such a crime?...please tell your friend to follow him since he is insisting..or else he may get there and jump shipoo!..i don talk my own.

...as for her parents insisting on her finishing school..seriously?...i dont think they have that right anymore cos she's married!...they should have insisted she finished school first before marrying her off.

I agree. Too late now. You made your bed, lie on it and stop disturbing us Abeg. Make we hear better word. Finishing education as a single person is not easy. Having a husband and kids in the mix can only be imagined. When you take such a bold step, you should understand the level of sacrifice you are agreeing to. You can't eat your cake and have it. Sure thing you are Malawi now OP. Best of luck to you

Better the devil you know than the one you don't.

At least in Naija, she'll be surrounded by friends and family members in a familiar environment to see her through the trying period of childbirth.

As per education, she's come too far to just give up. It's better she finishes up where she started, have the baby and then go join the husband. The husband on his part should go set up in Malawi and pave the path for his wife and soon-to-be new born child.

If this lady up sticks and follows him, it'll be too much stress - adjusting to a new environment, having a baby as a first-time mum and her education? That'll be on hold for a long time, I'm quite certain of that.

She should use her brain and apply some common sense wisdom.

As per her being a virgin when she got married, what's that got to do with the subject matter under discussion?

The husband's decision takes precedence in a case like this if OP's friend is interested in a stable marriage. If you are not going to be submissive to your husband, you probably have no business getting married.

Granted it is going to be tough to forgo 3 years of education going to a 4th year for the uncertainty of Malawi.

Hence, it looks like the husband who is the person in charge of the family is making an error in judgement. What the wife needs to do is to make him see the deficiencies of his decision in a non-confrontational way. If he refuses to change his decision, the choice is hers- go with your husband's decision or stick to yours.

It all depends on what she values more.

P. S: I am interested in knowing the husband's position on what she will be doing in Malawi.

maclatunji: The husband's decision takes precedence in a case like this if OP's friend is interested in a stable marriage. If you are not going to be submissive to your husband, you probably have no business getting married.

Granted it is going to be tough to forgo 3 years of education going to a 4th year for the uncertainty of Malawi.

Hence, it looks like the husband who is the person in charge of the family is making an error in judgement. What the wife needs to do is to make him see the deficiencies of his decision in a non-confrontational way. If he refuses to change his decision, the choice is hers- go with your husband's decision or stick to yours.

It all depends on what she values more.

P. S: I am interested in knowing the husband's position on what she will be doing in Malawi.

Re the bolded, tell me this: What take's precedence - the health of his wife and unborn baby or his desire to subdue her despite her circumstances?

maclatunji: The husband's decision takes precedence in a case like this if OP's friend is interested in a stable marriage. If you are not going to be submissive to your husband, you probably have no business getting married.
.

What is this, nitori Oloun?

Efemena_xy:

Re the bolded, tell me this: What take's precedence - the health of his wife and unborn baby or his desire to subdue her despite her circumstances?

Taking a flight to Malawi at 4 months of pregnancy is less hazardous than running around with final year wahala in a Nigerian university up to the point of delivering a baby without your husband. Ceteris paribus I imagine the family does not live in Benin where the wife schools and that has its own hazards too.

You seem to think that the husband is out to "subdue" her. His decision may be based on any number of things outside of the desire to "subdue" her, like wanting to be in charge of taking care of his wife and unborn child etc.

This situation is not as complicated as you guys want to make it. The wife should be humble and she is likely to get what she wants. We can all play political correctness and modernism but these things do not negate the fact that the husband leads in a marriage and his decisions might not favour the wife sometimes.

It is unwise to suggest a separation or initiation of hostility whenever this happens.

Tanx u all. I told her u guys suggested she shouldn't leave her school. After much talking nd misunderstanding,d man has bought another company in Kaduna,nd he has agreed to allow her finish her school in Nigeria.
So,i guess he ll av to employ someone else to take care of d company in Malawi so he can now stay in Nigeria to manage d new company in kaduna.

chaircover:

here we go again! What has virgin got to do with the matter at hand?

A husband of less than a year takes such a great decision behind your back and we are talking about virgin. He bought a whole company in Malawi, not a loaf of bread at Agege!!! Where was he when he was negotiating on the sale? were you not in his house and his bed every night? only to suddenly out of the blue tell you his decision.

A husband who knows that you are in your final year in school asks you to up and leave school. Has he found you a school in malawi? and will you be continuing from where you left off in Nigeria? Wont the stress of the move affect your studies on top of the pregnancy? Should he be even moving you now that you are 4 months pregnant?

Some marriages really make me "fearful" I tell you

Madam tell your friend to better put her foot down and finish her education . . .I dont know the man, but based on this story alone, She is going to have a long long bumpy ride with this one and although I dont pray for this, she may need that degree at some point to put food on her table, when the man shows his true colours.

I didnt comment on the should undergraduates marry . . .Its late, but my answer is NO NO NO! IMO a woman should be fully cooked in all areas before getting married, cos once you are married, its no longer Me me me but US! This thread is a good reason why one should at least have a first degree or workable skills before taking the plunge.

Bros,its as if u read humanology in school. She is going tru some stuff now,and am thinkin u r really right,she ll really need d degree,because d man is indeed still behaving funny,even after he bought d new company.

stan4b:
I don't knw if its relevant or not,but she was a virgin before she got marry and they got married last year.

it was this dat made me suspect the real intent motive behind this story!wen a guy says abt a girl he has his eye or hands somewhere?

stan4b: Tanx u all. I told her u guys suggested she shouldn't leave her school. After much talking nd misunderstanding,d man has bought another company in Kaduna,nd he has agreed to allow her finish her school in Nigeria.
So,i guess he ll av to employ someone else to take care of d company in Malawi so he can now stay in Nigeria to manage d new company in kaduna.

Much better.

maclatunji:

Taking a flight to Malawi at 4 months of pregnancy is less hazardous than running around with final year wahala in a Nigerian university up to the point of delivering a baby without your husband. Ceteris paribus I imagine the family does not live in Benin where the wife schools and that has its own hazards too.

It's not about taking a flight to Malawi.

It's about what'll happen when they get to their destination. Issues surrounding settling down, acquiring decent accommodation for himself and his pregnant wife, making the necessary healthcare arrangements and ensuring her pregnancy is monitored closely - re: antenatal check-ups, arranging appropriate transportation for moving from A to B within Malawi and lots more. That's where the real hazard lies.

I fail to see your point about her: running around with final year wahala in a Nigerian university up to the point of delivering a baby without your husband. Universities do make allowances even accomodation for pregnant and nursing mothers. She wouldn't be the first, nor the last student to be pregnant whilst undertaking her course, be it final year or not. And her husband being there or not won't stop the baby from coming out whenever it's ready. The important thing is that she has the necessary supporting network around her at that time - which is her family and friends. She wouldn't have those if she up sticks on a whim and flies off into to sunset heading for Malawi.

The location of her family (and friends) is of little relevance here. As long as they're all in Naija with her, travelling from Lake Chad or the Sultan of Sokoto's palace to Uniben is nothing compared to travelling from Naija to Malawi.

maclatunji: You seem to think that the husband is out to "subdue" her. His decision may be based on any number of things outside of the desire to "subdue" her, like wanting to be in charge of taking care of his wife and unborn child etc.

This situation is not as complicated as you guys want to make it. The wife should be humble and she is likely to get what she wants. We can all play political correctness and modernism but these things do not negate the fact that the husband leads in a marriage and his decisions might not favour the wife sometimes.

His actions so far, show he has little or no regard for his wife.

They are newly weds and should ideally, still be in the honeymoon phase of their marriage. Marriage is about two becoming one and decisions made should be joint. A man swanning off to go buy a company in a foreign country without so much as informing his wife until the deed is done, says a lot in itself - that he doesn't value her opinion or input.

If his actions are based on his wanting to be in charge of taking care of his wife and unborn child as you claim, then he should have gotten her involved in the picture from the start. He should also bear in mind that the health of his wife and unborn child should not be put at risk. Or are you not aware that simply moving house is a lot of stress, how much more relocating to a country you've never visited before. That aside, stress and worry can be dangerous to the health of a pregnant woman and her unborn child. The last thing he'd want for her, is for her to develop high blood pressure from his uncouth actions.

A man who claims to care for his wife would want the very best for her AND also want her to better herself. He won't cut her education short at such a crucial point, on a selfish whim, just to prove that he is the man in the relationship.

maclatunji: It is unwise to suggest a separation or initiation of hostility whenever this happens.

No one is suggesting that they separate or initiate hostility. Those are your words, not mine.

Besides, seeing as he's the one instigating the move, do you not think it makes sense for him to go ahead and pave the way - i.e sort out their accommodation / housing, transportation, healthcare etc? Shouldn't he be the one ensuring that the move when it happens, is as smooth a transition for his wife and child as possible? So how is him going ahead first, while she stays back to complete her education and have their baby instigating separation and hostility?

You also seem to have conveniently forgotten that once there, he would be engrossed in making sure that this business of his kicks off well - and that won't happen overnight or without him putting in the hours. Very long hours. So who's going to support his wife in his absence while they're both at Malawi?

Efemena_xy:

Much better.



It's not about taking a flight to Malawi.

It's about what'll happen when they get to their destination. Issues surrounding settling down, acquiring decent accommodation for himself and his pregnant wife, making the necessary healthcare arrangements and ensuring her pregnancy is monitored closely - re: antenatal check-ups, arranging appropriate transportation for moving from A to B within Malawi and lots more. That's where the real hazard lies.

I fail to see your point about her: running around with final year wahala in a Nigerian university up to the point of delivering a baby without your husband. Universities do make allowances even accomodation for pregnant and nursing mothers. She wouldn't be the first, nor the last student to be pregnant whilst undertaking her course, be it final year or not. And her husband being there or not won't stop the baby from coming out whenever it's ready. The important thing is that she has the necessary supporting network around her at that time - which is her family and friends. She wouldn't have those if she up sticks on a whim and flies off into to sunset heading for Malawi.

The location of her family (and friends) is of little relevance here. As long as they're all in Naija with her, travelling from Lake Chad or the Sultan of Sokoto's palace to Uniben is nothing compared to travelling from Naija to Malawi.



His actions so far, show he has little or no regard for his wife.

They are newly weds and should ideally, still be in the honeymoon phase of their marriage. Marriage is about two becoming one and decisions made should be joint. A man swanning off to go buy a company in a foreign country without so much as informing his wife until the deed is done, says a lot in itself - that he doesn't value her opinion or input.

If his actions are based on his wanting to be in charge of taking care of his wife and unborn child as you claim, then he should have gotten her involved in the picture from the start. He should also bear in mind that the health of his wife and unborn child should not be put at risk. Or are you not aware that simply moving house is a lot of stress, how much more relocating to a country you've never visited before. That aside, stress and worry can be dangerous to the health of a pregnant woman and her unborn child. The last thing he'd want for her, is for her to develop high blood pressure from his uncouth actions.

A man who claims to care for his wife would want the very best for her AND also want her to better herself. He won't cut her education short at such a crucial point, on a selfish whim, just to prove that he is the man in the relationship.



No one is suggesting that they separate or initiate hostility. Those are your words, not mine.

Besides, seeing as he's the one instigating the move, do you not think it makes sense for him to go ahead and pave the way - i.e sort out their accommodation / housing, transportation, healthcare etc? Shouldn't he be the one ensuring that the move when it happens, is as smooth a transition for his wife and child as possible? So how is him going ahead first, while she stays back to complete her education and have their baby instigating separation and hostility?

You also seem to have conveniently forgotten that once there, he would be engrossed in making sure that this business of his kicks off well - and that won't happen overnight or without him putting in the hours. Very long hours. So who's going to support his wife in his absence while they're both at Malawi?

This epistle for me? The summary of what you are saying is that she should confront the guy because his decision is so "stupid".

And I say stupid or not, his decision takes precedence and she should negotiate her way out of it which has already happened.

A good wife knows how to manage her husband and his "stupid" decisions.

maclatunji:


This epistle for me? The summary of what you are saying is that she should confront the guy because his decision is so "stupid".

And I say stupid or not, his decision takes precedence and she should negotiate her way out of it which has already happened.

A good wife knows how to manage her husband and his "stupid" decisions.

Epistle or not, the fact remains that what I've written not only makes sense, but address the points you've made and shows the flaws in your argument.

Hard as it may be for you to comprehend, marriage is a union of two minds working together - and not a dictatorship where one's person's word is the law written in stone.

We aren't in medevial times you know.

As per the highlighted bits - again your words, not mine.

Efemena_xy:

Epistle or not, the fact remains that what I've written not only makes sense, but address the points you've made and shows the flaws in your argument.

Hard as it may be for you to comprehend, marriage is a union of two minds working together - and not a dictatorship where one's person's word is the law written in stone.

We aren't in medevial times you know.

As per the highlighted bits - again your words, not mine.

Is the togetherness so great that the family becomes leaderless? Leadership endows primacy.

^^ And your understanding of leadership is doing what you want at all costs - bypassing the feelings and circumstances of those you're meant to be 'leading' abi?

^Typical. It means you consider their position on issues and their welfare and if there is a need to overlook/overrule/ignore those for the overall benefit of the family/any other group, you forthrightly do so.

If there is a need to reverse your decision, you do so but never should you be apologetic about being the leader; you only apologise for offences you commit or mistakes you make.

maclatunji: ^Typical. It means you consider their position on issues and their welfare and if there is a need to overlook/overrule/ignore those for the overall benefit of the family/any other group, you forthrightly do so.

If there is a need to reverse your decision, you do so but never should you be apologetic about being the leader; you only apologise for offences you commit or mistakes you make.

How can you say you consider one's position and yet you:

~ Overlook
~ Overrule
~ Ignore
~ But never apologize?

You're contradicting yourself! Furthermore, @OP's already mentioned that the lady's hubby has had a rethink and is okay for her to complete her studies in Naija. So what does that tell you? If not that marriage is about compromises, discussions and dialogue - and not cave man antics of my word is law and final?

stan4b: Tanx u all. I told her u guys suggested she shouldn't leave her school. After much talking nd misunderstanding,d man has bought another company in Kaduna,nd he has agreed to allow her finish her school in Nigeria.
So,i guess he ll av to employ someone else to take care of d company in Malawi so he can now stay in Nigeria to manage d new company in kaduna.

^You are repeating things I already knew and referred to in previous posts.

We had since left the particular case this thread was created for and are engaging in a debate on what the husband/wife relationship should be especially in terms of decision-making.

I have seen that you are determined to misrepresent my posts to promote your position.

Let me define the word "consider":

con·sid·er /kənˈsidər/
Verb:
1. Think carefully about
(something), typically before
making a decision.

http://www.google.com/m?q=Consider&client=ms-opera-mini-android&channel=new

Many thanks to Google.

Now, it is quite possible as a man "to think carefully" about what your wife says on an issue and still:

-Overlook

-Override

-Ignore it

and not apologise for a decision that is sound and made for the family in good faith.

This doesn't mean you have to use force but you have to be firm.