So here's a hypotethical question for you:
Just imagine for a moment you are in a healthy monogamist relationship.
You love your partner and even though you're in your late twenties you can imagine after a couple years of being together to spend a significant amount of time with each other. Nobody knows what the future will bring but if it's the one for your life that would be pretty awesome.
Here is the catch; You harmonize perfectly - and I mean perfectly , no nagging, no fighting, only constructive discussions and appreciation but the sex. The sex is just awful. Boring penetration that leaves you unsatisfied. let's not digress too much into the facts why it's so horrible but it definitely is and probably won't change.
What would you do?

1 - cheat on your partner?
2 - leave and look for another partner?
3 - Stay unsatisfied?

...and why won't it change?...say we go beyond borders, take courses in *logy..some sort of that nature, you think?

make things colorful, spice things up maybe..

PastelChic: ...and why won't it change?...say we go beyond borders, take courses in *logy..some sort of that nature, you think?

she is frigid.

she comes to quick, doesnt want to explore sex and likes to talk too much afterwards

make things colorful, spice things up..

Don Magic Juan:

she is frigid.

she comes to quick, doesnt want to explore sex and likes to talk too much afterwards

for the frigid part, in subtle and loving ways,encourage her to explore her sensuality

mess with her mind, make love to her starting from there..

PastelChic: mess with her mind, make love to her starting from there..

Here is a summary of it. didnt want to get into it at first but here it is...



she thinks sex is evil

had to go get a hiv test before i could hit it.

does not give head

does not feel comfortable to receive head ( i love to suck kitty)

thinks sex is a taboo

scared of my size

has guilty conscience after sex which makes me feel bad.

keeps buggin bout rubbers ; afraid to get pregnant. need to get condoms, pills and foaming tabs before sex. too methodological.

loves smooching and comes all the time, prefers no penetration. so i rub my man on her clit even though i still have to wear a condom.

likes to do it with the lights out

moans to much

scratches. bites and screams Jesus less than 2mins into it.

I am yet to com in her.
did not disvirgin her. some a33hole did and did a terrible job at that which makes her terribly scared of sex.

suffers from some sort of post-traumatic-d1ck experience, thinking she got r@ped in the past


I tried to calm her down. doesnt trust me. thinks am just in it for the sex.

love her to death.

cant talk bout sex. she gets angry or tries to shrug it off.

How do I make love to a woman who doesnt trust me or is willing to let herself go?

get her in anticipation from early in the day with hints,word play..whatever..romance really.

oh,tricky. i deduce you both are an unmarried pair,no?

PastelChic: get her in anticipation from early in the day with hints,word play..whatever..romance really.

she is too scared to open up on her personal life. it only comes in frames and she doesnt realize when she lets it slip and then when she finally does she gets cold.

As I said I love her.

I use to think she was still not over her old bf but they really did not have much of a sex life. She says am the only man who she has been this open with. I know this is true.

But she isnt willing to go any further. i once told her out of anger that i would go out and satisfy myself. she went cold and i felt like a supersized jerk for saying some childish and selfish thing. it's not that i am just craving for sex but i need sex with her and her only.

we are both comfortably independent i.e. it is either her place or mine and there is no need for her to feel uncomfortable

PastelChic: oh,tricky. i deduce you both are an unmarried pair,no?

no not married to her

but i have kids from a previous relationship which isnt a problem to her and she isnt pressuring me to get married. she is old fashioned and is patiently waiting for me to ask her. which i would. just need to get my finance together becos with her its all or nothing.

its jus the damn sex or lack of it

Don Magic Juan:

Here is a summary of it. didnt want to get into it at first but here it is...



she thinks sex is evil

had to go get a hiv test before i could hit it.

does not give head

does not feel comfortable to receive head ( i love to suck kitty)

thinks sex is a taboo

scared of my size

has guilty conscience after sex which makes me feel bad.

keeps buggin bout rubbers ; afraid to get pregnant. need to get condoms, pills and foaming tabs before sex. too methodological.

loves smooching and comes all the time, prefers no penetration. so i rub my man on her clit even though i still have to wear a condom.

likes to do it with the lights out

moans to much

scratches. bites and screams Jesus less than 2mins into it.

I am yet to com in her.
did not disvirgin her. some a33hole did and did a terrible job at that which makes her terribly scared of sex.

suffers from some sort of post-traumatic-d1ck experience, thinking she got r@ped in the past


I tried to calm her down. doesnt trust me. thinks am just in it for the sex.

love her to death.

cant talk bout sex. she gets angry or tries to shrug it off.

How do I make love to a woman who doesnt trust me or is willing to let herself go?

If you aint kids and you are ready for marriage,just get married to her and end all these distrust. She cannot remain like that forever esp when she's married.

her past/background def has a play here...go for counselling,get a therapist..you need to earn her thrust

marriage + lovemaking is 100% spiritual,100% carnal and pre-marital sex is indeed a no-no...

no. 2 + let's be friends

@OP
any woman can learn how to be a wh.ore/freak in the bedroom, you just have to make it fun so that she can enjoy it too. unless she has a medical condition, most women can learn how to act RIGHT in the bedroom, where to caress, how to eat the congo etc

be that as it may,lovemaking within the bounds of matrimony cannot be compromised

so here is my humble submission: you both get some counselling together as a couple and her separately with the same therapist

PastelChic: so here is my humble submission: you both get some counselling together as a couple and her separately with the same therapist

OP, you and her should do this.

PastelChic: so here is my humble submission: you both get some counselling together as a couple and her separately with the same therapist

counselling

I am suffering from a bad case of blue balls

@OP, I think time will heal this. Just give her sum more time, she needs 2 build her confidence in u a little more cos of her bad past. Its good 2 no u're in 4 d right reasons, but pls exercise more patience.

U both need counselling,but not necessarily by a therapist, u can counsel each oda. Pls sit her down, weda she wants to talk or not,dont let her stop u by freezing up or baleful looks. Explain d sex is not working for u and its a big factor in ur ralationship, according to ur explanation, she is not frigid ,she is just staid or over-reserved, frigid ppl dont enjoy sex @all, dey cant come. What she is is extrasensitive, staid and a bit selfish, meaning she should try to hold off her orgasm so dat u can get one.its really about discipline and if she really wants to please u. U can try witholding sex, just give her i am not in d mood crap for a while, when she asks because she will, tell what u want and how u want it, if she doesnt gel no sex. Just tell her derz no point to it if u cant get an orgasm. Or maybe u just linger too long on pre-intimacy, dats y she comes so fast, but may she hold am o, u both deserve to get an orgasm, d fact dat u dont and she is not concerned is quite suprising.

didicold: U both need counselling,but not necessarily by a therapist, u can counsel each oda. Pls sit her down, weda she wants to talk or not,dont let her stop u by freezing up or baleful looks. Explain d sex is not working for u and its a big factor in ur ralationship, according to ur explanation, she is not frigid ,she is just staid or over-reserved, frigid ppl dont enjoy sex @all, dey cant come. What she is is extrasensitive, staid and a bit selfish, meaning she should try to hold off her orgasm so dat u can get one.its really about discipline and if she really wants to please u. U can try witholding sex, just give her i am not in d mood crap for a while, when she asks because she will, tell what u want and how u want it, if she doesnt gel no sex. Just tell her derz no point to it if u cant get an orgasm. Or maybe u just linger too long on pre-intimacy, dats y she comes so fast, but may she hold am o, u both deserve to get an orgasm, d fact dat u dont and she is not concerned is quite suprising.

thnx. well said

OP,

This is Nigeria. You that ure close, she's not even telling u much except in frames na him u wan make she tell counsellor. Don't waste your time for that angle at all.

If u truly love her, let the job begin with you. Take ur mind of sex, if she wants romance, give it to her... don't unzip at all and cope with it... u can stay without sex for years as a single Guy... its easy...

Dont try make her talk about her past... Whenever she is around, make sure u watch movies with her... talk along the.line and u will be surprised one day, she will tell u all u need to know.

Messages are passed well thru movies to such as they will feel calm and secured right in ur arms and the person next to them is u... for a chat.

If u think marrying her will solve this, na lie. I knowof a lady that didn't have sex for years after marriage because of fear of her past molestation... so take it easy abeg and why tell her to give u a head or u giving a head? Yuck! She never do normality na sub-normality u dey request for.

Note that sex is 100% spiritual... even handshake set....



Imagination is evidence of the divine.

Don Magic Juan:

counselling

I am suffering from a bad case of blue balls

...yes counselling, and by a therapist...lemme break it down for you

if you have never experienced migraine, when a person close to you is goin thru a bout..you will not know what the fuss is about

hence in the long run,your patience may wear out..the prob is imbedded in her psyche...this woman you love right?

go the extra mile,it is for you both..+dem no dey use panadol treat cancer.it is advisable this is dealt with from the root or its gonna play out in your marriage someday when something triggers it off

this is just my opinion and hope it will be helpful...but what do i know?

There is no such thing as boring sex because we can research ways of making it better unless his P is too small. Its other things that can make u bored in a relationship but not sex

Look for a way out, find a way to let him open up, subtly or by force...Spice it up with anything crazy, pre-intimacy, roleplay...or anything he has in mind that he's bottling up.

[size=1pt]unless the p too small then there is no way in my opinion oh![/size]