Every man should get married some time; after all, happiness is not
the only thing in life!!


When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why. When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why



When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife



*One day a Nigerian guy and a zulu lady were making love and while they make love the zulu lady kept on saying ngikhathele the nigerian guy responded back by saying forget about Alcatel i will buy you 3310


, A guy died and was on his way to heaven, on his way he was hearing some beautiful music from 50 Cent,Shabba Ranks,JayZ and the like, You know, top 40 stuff, when he got to the Pearly Gates he asked St Peter where all that good music was coming from, St Peter told him, "oh, that's the music coming from Hell", so the guy tells St Peter "Hey, can I leave my bag here and go check it out real quick before I go into Heaven?" "Sure", says St Peter, "but between My Son,be back before Midnight as that's when we shut the gate down", so, the guy heads off to Hell, enjoying the music, frollicking with the women, good wine, then allofasudden he checks his watch, it's 11:58!Oh, Snap, so he's rushing off back to Heaven, 11:59, oh my, 11:59:30, almost there, 11:59:45, and he just makes it!!!Then St Peter says, "You're very lucky my son, I was about to lock you out of Heaven, ", the guy goes, "what makes You think I want to stay here?I just came to get my bag!!"




A well-worn Five Hundred Naira note and a similarly distressed Five Naira note arrived at the Central Bank to be retired. As they moved along the conveyor belt to be burnt, they struck up a conversation.
The Five Hundred Naira reminisced about its travails and travels all over the country. "I've had a pretty good life," the Five Hundred Naira proclaimed. "Why" I've been to Lagos , Ibadan, Benin , Kano and Abuja etc, the finest restaurants in Victoria Island, Kaduna, Abuja, Port Harcourt and eastern Nigeria, performances at Muson Centre and Glover Hall, hottest night clubs all over the country, even visited the Malam, the forex exchange expert at the Airport and Bristol hotel whilst concluding with a cruise on the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans."
"Wow ya don live life o!" said the Five Naira. "You've really had an exciting life!" "So tell me" says the Five Hundred, "where have you been throughout your lifetime?"
The Five Naira replies, "Oh, I've been to the Apostolic & Methodist Church, the Islamiyyat Mosque, the Redeemed Christian Church, the Ahmadiyya Mosque, the Deeper Life Bible Church, Ansar-your-deen Mosque, John the Baptist Church, Anwar-Islam Mosque, Anglican Church, Zuleyat Mosque, Catholic Church, Jubril Martin Mosque, the Cherubim & Seraphim Church, Gaskiyya Mosque, the Celestial Church of Christ, and the Lutheran Church, , , etc"
The Five Hundred Naira note interrupts, "What's a Church/Mosque? "

Please help the N500 notes go to Church/Mosque. Drop them during offerings !!!





A preacher asked everyone in the congreation that wanted to go to heaven, to please stand up. Only one man failed to rise. The preacher then asked, "Brother, do you mean to tell me that you don't want to go to heaven when you die?" to which the man answered, "When I die? Oh sure. I thought you were gathering a crowd to leave now."



Three pastors were interviewed- Yoruba, Hausa and Igbo-.

They were all asked how they spend their tithes, offerings and donation money.
The Yoruba pastor said: "I draw a big circle and get in the middle and i throw all the collective church earnings up in the air, which ever one that's in the circle belongs to me, the rest is God's.
The Hausa pastor said he draws a straight line, stands in the middle and throws all the church earning up, which ever one that falls outside the line is his own, the rest if God's.hmmmmmmm
Dem come ask the igbo pastor and he said: "why draw lines and circles?" all i do is throw the whole church earning up in the air, which ever one God catches is his', the rest is mine!

very cooo jokes

the last one is really old but makes sense any day

this rocks for sure

ya,very very cool