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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Having Trouble Understanding My Nigerian Husband (4032 Views)
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Re: Having Trouble Understanding My Nigerian Husband by coogar: 8:37pm On Oct 19, 2013 |
IgboWifeUSA: you might as well make your hubby blind so he cannot stare at another woman. a 10ml of hydrochloric acid sprayed on his cornea should do the job. you go girl!!! 1 Like |
Re: Having Trouble Understanding My Nigerian Husband by Nobody: 9:22pm On Oct 19, 2013 |
@ Poster . . . I can't decide who is the bigger child between you and your husband! 1 Like |
Re: Having Trouble Understanding My Nigerian Husband by IgboWifeUSA: 9:58pm On Oct 19, 2013 |
Phema: This one I can stand and disagree with. I am fully aware that we are humans and are built to be attracted to the opposite sex in order to marry. But not all humans are the same and religion obviously plays a role. i starred at men before the marriage because a single person is free to do so, but the bible advises men to enjoy their wife and avoid the adultress. I dont remember the part that says look and dont touch. But from what i am reading in many post, many women have grown to accept the behavior by using these cover up techniques of joking and laughing. Forgiveness is not the issue here but i will definately admit its trust. Other behavioral changes added to my discomfort such as not wanting me to touch the phone anymore, leaving it on silent, or him starring if im holding the phone. now who can help solve this mystery or will everyone say once again calm down. 1 Like |
Re: Having Trouble Understanding My Nigerian Husband by critique101(f): 10:52pm On Oct 19, 2013 |
i hope he didnt use you to get a greencard... If he did, he is likely to breakup with you soon and marry the person he really wants to marry (usually a Nigerian) ![]() |
Re: Having Trouble Understanding My Nigerian Husband by Mamacita007(f): 12:29am On Oct 20, 2013 |
Even halle berry's bf stares at other women tsk tsk |
Re: Having Trouble Understanding My Nigerian Husband by Chrisbenogor(m): 1:06am On Oct 20, 2013 |
Dear igbowifeusa, First off wake up. Wash your face and look at reality, men would stare it's just natural. I dunno how old you are or how much you have been into the business of understanding men but men and women are fundamentally different in the way we function. To say he should not look would be akin to him letting hell loose because you have your monthly pms. While some women handle it better than other all women have the same issues and it's not their fault we know it's the hormones, men stare it's a fact you have to live with and it has no bearing on if he is cheating on you or not. I don't also think he started now and perhaps after the birth of a second child you are worried about how you look physically and as such have become more conscious of the things he does that makes it look like he does not worship your body anymore. My advice is make it not look like an issue, joke about it prod and probe and tease him each time he looks, ask him in a joking way to tell you what is fascinating him. Finally, wake up, wash your face and look at reality, you are his wife, the mother of his kids, unless you got married to a complete 'werey' man worry not he knows that ass and boobs abound in the world he might look but in the end he knows why he put a ring on your finger, let him know you trust that he chose you. 1 Like |
Re: Having Trouble Understanding My Nigerian Husband by Rejoice5000(f): 4:35am On Oct 20, 2013 |
[quote author=Chanchit]I'm not married but I think I should add what I think from a guy's view. Stop complaining about the act, but let him knw you know when he's staring, you can smile a lil' bit if ur feelings permit. It would make him feel guilty but he won't be able to tell you. [/quote] Seconded u have said it all. u must be a wife material. |
Re: Having Trouble Understanding My Nigerian Husband by Nobody: 8:55am On Oct 20, 2013 |
IgboWifeUSA: So, now what do you want to do? He stares at women, so what? Did he have an £rection while at it? How does starring equal cheating? That he's married doesn't make him blind. It only means that he sees the beautiful creatures of God but has chosen to stick to one. I honestly feel you are insecure for reasons best known to you. Either because you feel you are no longer beautiful after having kids and fear he would cheat or you're just plain insecure. I tell you, if you continue whinning and nagging him cos of this, you will only be making it worse. Now he will not only stare, he will act on it! Lastly, if something this infinitesimal is causing such problems in your home, then I fear you are not ready for marriage. People are battling finance, infidelity, childlessness, inlaws etc and still holding on and you are here putting funds away "just in case" because your man starred? No wonder some "Western marriages" break up for the silliest of reasons. |
Re: Having Trouble Understanding My Nigerian Husband by Nobody: 4:03pm On Oct 20, 2013 |
Hi IgboWifeUSA ![]() Glancing at fine women is almost automatic. Following a pretty lady with your eyes is not automatic, that's a choice. And I'm speaking from my experience as a man. We follow with our eyes when we want to imprint a memory. It's a not a nice thing to do when you have a woman and it's even less nice to do it in the presence of your wife, and positively wicked as welk as iddiotic to say, "you're making me uncomfortable, everybody wants freedom" when she confronts you about it. It's not a Nigerian thing though. And I wouldn't have known how to advise you about it. I'm glad you did something and he responded. It is not good what he did and if he thinks it's normal and you shouldn't be offended, be very clear to him that you are offended by it. And let me be clear in telling you that it is not normal. However, his response convinces me that he still values you so keep that in mind. If how you behave matters to him, then leverage on it but don't punish him unnecessarily. Just get his attention enough to show him that you don't want to share his sexxual attention with random ladies on the street. And listen to what he says or does in response to that. I wish you well, lady 1 Like |
Re: Having Trouble Understanding My Nigerian Husband by IgboWifeUSA: 4:07pm On Oct 20, 2013 |
Ujujoan: @ Poster . . . ok, then if we are both childish, i guess we will mature together , as they say birds of a feather eeehh |
Re: Having Trouble Understanding My Nigerian Husband by IgboWifeUSA: 4:10pm On Oct 20, 2013 |
Ihedinobi: Hi IgboWifeUSA very straight forward. thank you |
Re: Having Trouble Understanding My Nigerian Husband by Nobody: 4:17pm On Oct 20, 2013 |
IgboWifeUSA: You're very welcome. ![]() |
Re: Having Trouble Understanding My Nigerian Husband by repogirl(f): 4:39pm On Oct 20, 2013 |
Theres nothing you can do, he owns his eyes, he will stare if he wants to........ obviously talking about it makes it worse for him. its good he knows u're on to him, for me, my husband can stare but if he takes it further than that, thats where we'll have a problem. u guys are still early in marriage, this is the period the nastiness starts, i've learnt to look at marriage through a cynic's eyes, that way i expect anything. |
Re: Having Trouble Understanding My Nigerian Husband by IgboWifeUSA: 5:04pm On Oct 20, 2013 |
Keneking: What does the other women have that you don't have? Look for it and come back and update the house. I know im complete package, from the kitchen to the bedroom. That one is not in question. And he has a taste of both worlds because I have lived in Nigeria and can cook anything he desires. I am even learning to master his language. So Im not the average nija wife. What is missing? 1 Like |
Re: Having Trouble Understanding My Nigerian Husband by Nobody: 5:05pm On Oct 20, 2013 |
IgboWifeUSA: I need some advice. I am american and married to a nigerian igbo man. We have two children and have been married three years. He is changing lately and I noticed some behaviors I didnt like so I asked him about them and he got really angry. I told him that I notice he stares at other women and that its not right. Its not a normal stare, because he will look at them for a long time and his head will follow their direction if they are walking. That day I told him that he stopped talking until the next night when i asked him why wont he talk. I think you should take it cool. it's not much of a big deal. Am a guy and I can't imagine my wife getting upset with me because I am staring at a hot lady. It's trust issues and you guys should work that out. Give your husband some breathing space and you guys should joke and laugh over issues like this. Not worth having a fit over |
Re: Having Trouble Understanding My Nigerian Husband by benbazus: 2:59pm On Oct 24, 2013 |
Phema: True talk. Plain and simple!!!!!!!!. Listen my Sister, you are bothering yourself over nothing. I do look and my wife sees me and sometimes we make a joke out of it; she does not have any issues with it. Looking does not equal to doing. My candid advice to you as a married man is to ignore him or simply make a joke of it and move on. From what you wrote he still love you and that is what matters. Please do not drive him to these girls by nagging him to death. |
Re: Having Trouble Understanding My Nigerian Husband by veave(f): 5:57pm On Oct 24, 2013 |
wen he starts hidding his fone, then u should worry o... me am not married, i wouldnt know w@ to tell you. but starring wen ur wife is by ur side is disrespectful. starring @ all is rude. |
Re: Having Trouble Understanding My Nigerian Husband by sheniqua: 9:16pm On Oct 24, 2013 |
Igbo wife i asked your question somewhere else too with some mature posters,some Igbo in origin http://www.nigeriancircle.com/forum/showthread.php?650-Having-trouble-understanding-my-Nigerian-Husband&p=5567#post5567 Follow up with what the say there to come to the best solution to this problem |
Re: Having Trouble Understanding My Nigerian Husband by sheniqua: 9:34pm On Oct 24, 2013 |
kreami diva: Hahahahaha...... .my husband dey look o but with style.(through the side mirror) I no dey complain because my middle name is STARE. How about me wey dey point out babes to him sef wey get my kind of assets ( Nkiru and azuka) He will look and our eyes jam when I catch him looking and we will both start laughing Every man with a functional Blokoss looks at attractive women Why should anyone be insecure about that Personally anything he is looking at,I get am in quantum and not intimidated by any woman out there This woman is stressing over nothing jare Life is too short Thank God I laugh over things like that not stress over them |
Re: Having Trouble Understanding My Nigerian Husband by sheniqua: 9:44pm On Oct 24, 2013 |
yellowpawpaw: I think understanding and trust r the missing keys here. I thought I was alone in that Now that I read you and kreami diva I know say I no dey abnormal To the highlighted my hubby will make such statement and my response will be something like Eediot!, shebi na from Church we just dey come,if the trumpet sounds now ,will you make it? And we both laugh Then when Maurice Green or some other loaded sprinter would be wearing that leotard and sprinting in slow mo,I will shout nna mehn see package !! Lekwanu Okoloto!! And we will laugh about it too Obama will appear on the TV screen and I will say chai,my bobo don grace my screen oooo People should be able to laugh about such things That is when you know you married a friend. We were at a wedding recently and this girl and her cleavage stopped and said hello to us as she went to her table I turned to my hubby and said this one you are smiling after that girl carried bobby to greet you,did you even hear a word she said And we started laughing And it ends right there |
Re: Having Trouble Understanding My Nigerian Husband by IgboWifeUSA: 6:10am On Oct 25, 2013 |
you people r really making me laugh. dont worry. me and my honey is closer than before. i appreciate the honest criticism.. i will be asking many question in the future.... |
Re: Having Trouble Understanding My Nigerian Husband by IgboWifeUSA: 6:31am On Oct 25, 2013 |
sheniqua: Igbo wife i asked your question somewhere else too with some mature posters,some Igbo in origin nice follow ups. thanks |
Re: Having Trouble Understanding My Nigerian Husband by Nobody: 6:40am On Oct 25, 2013 |
Re: Having Trouble Understanding My Nigerian Husband by sheniqua: 10:21pm On Oct 25, 2013 |
IgboWifeUSA: you people r really making me laugh. dont worry. me and my honey is closer than before. i appreciate the honest criticism.. i will be asking many question in the future.... I am glad this ended well. You have a good heart If you need recipe for some Nigerian dishes please let us know I will be glad to help |
Re: Having Trouble Understanding My Nigerian Husband by Nobody: 11:59pm On Oct 25, 2013 |
Good to know u learnt a lot from the honest criticism. Really, I didn't expect such based on threads I've been seeing recently about foreign wives. May u live and enjoy ur marriage to the fullest. It is well with u. Sheniqua, u r right,she is a good woman. Really good. 1 Like |
Re: Having Trouble Understanding My Nigerian Husband by Nobody: 5:12am On Oct 26, 2013 |
I believe your husband has gotten quite bored of the relationship since he had the guts to utter the word FREEdom... I suggest you look for ways to sparkle up the relationship by exercising(if overweight) and dressing se.xy for him to admire. |
Re: Having Trouble Understanding My Nigerian Husband by IgboWifeUSA: 2:24pm On Oct 26, 2013 |
sheniqua: yes, i would love to learn new ones. he loves when i cook. as long as i can find the ingredients. i will post a different thread for recipes thanks |
Re: Having Trouble Understanding My Nigerian Husband by IgboWifeUSA: 2:30pm On Oct 26, 2013 |
Mister Dan: I believe your husband has gotten quite bored of the relationship since he had the guts to utter the word FREEdom... I suggest you look for ways to sparkle up the relationship by exercising(if overweight) and dressing se.xy for him to admire. this is the typical thinking of a man. u cant assume that a women has lacked in areas such as not dressing sexy or being overweight (which many men like not hate) just because of this illeged boredom. didnt one of ur fellow posters mention Hally Berry having issues. Shes very beautiful already, how much change could she possibly make? 1 Like |
Re: Having Trouble Understanding My Nigerian Husband by Nobody: 11:05pm On Oct 27, 2013 |
IgboWifeUSA: No pun intented dear....just dropping my own two cents. am glad you guys have patched up your love life. happy married years ahead |
Re: Having Trouble Understanding My Nigerian Husband by biafranqueen: 7:04am On Oct 29, 2013 |
Hahaha you guys just started, I remember when my husband use to do that and I would get pissed, especially young in the marriage after I had delivered, it was my own insecurity I found out because of the weight I gained, knowing he loves me with small waist keeps me going to the gym and doing my best to discipline my eating habits. I was born in USA he in Nigeria` and I think that we are use to people not being as open, it took him some time to realize that it was disrespectful to me but after a while he got it. ![]() |
Re: Having Trouble Understanding My Nigerian Husband by dBard: 8:44am On Oct 29, 2013 |
chaircover: True wat u say.. I am not a starer, but I look attimes, not necessarily out of lust or disrespectfully but if u saw something ![]() My fiancee has dealt wit it, funny enuff n I feel free wit her t comment.. she does point somethings t me n we talk about it n laugh..it's a tin of fun btween us and on d plus side, its made me appreciate her more and t really tone it down so I dont abuse it. #my personal take |
Re: Having Trouble Understanding My Nigerian Husband by dBard: 9:00am On Oct 29, 2013 |
IgboWifeUSA: This here is the issue not the looking..that is just the symptom. Trust is one very essential ingredient in marraige. If due t all wat u mentioned above u find the trust waning then u need t act fast t nip it in the bud, cos lack of trust breeds suspicion n suspicion will result in unnecessary strife in the home. Communication is the key, I think. U need t sit him down n in a calm manner , talk about some of these wit him. He may not, in all fairness, realise his actions are causing u issues n even if he does, least now its out in the open..open discourse Also, u mentioned u just gave birth, hope dis isnt one of those post partum depression/ insecurity tins?? |
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