Franca cannot really say when she stopped trusting Femi her partner of over two years. It all started so suddenly. Maybe the inability to trust was always inside her somewhere, something she carried over from other relationships that broke as a result of cheating ,or maybe It started when she stumbled on some curious text messages from a female in Femi’s phone and some airtime numbers sent to the same number.She knew the number belonged to a female because on the spur of the moment she dialed the number and a female voice answered and the voice did’t sound like anyone she knew because she was pretty sure she knew all the significant people in Femi’s life or so she thought. She asked Femi and as she was almost sure he would he denied it confirming all her worst fears. To her shock and anger all the text messages and numbers were all gone when they searched the phone together. Deleted by the very same man she assumed she knew all there was to know about him in the two years they had been dating. Suddenly in a twinkle of an eye everything she knew and loved in the relationship was gone. Happiness, peace and security just flew out of the window. Nothing was ever the same again. She couldn’t get herself to trust him anymore. Each time she couldn’t find him, she was sure he was up to no good. All the safety, security, love and friendship she thought she had suddenly left, replaced by anger, anxiety, disrespect etc which she couldn’t help or control. She began to spy on his every movement and detail. His cell phone, emails, Facebook etc. Overnight she became a cop. Femi of cause wouldn’t stand for that. Then the fights started the name calling, the arguments, and the questioning sessions. “Where have you been?” blah! blah ! blah. That finally broke the camel’s back. Before they knew it the relationship was over.

Does this sound familiar? This story is very common place. It happens all the time. Things happen in relationships and trust is lost sometimes forever. All sorts of things can cause a breach of trust. Perhaps a partner lies a lot and ends up exasperating his mate. A woman confessed that lying is the reason she cannot get herself to believe her partner whole hearted anymore. He lies about everything she says just to get away from taking responsibility even about his rent. Again perhaps lying is not the issue it could be abuse of some sort, it could be taking your mate for granted or out of neglect. Anyhow once distrust creeps into a relationship it is almost certain to kill that relationship. The way termites get into wood and eat it up until it collapses. This is because trust is the bedrock, the foundation any relationship is built on. Losing trust in a relationship is like knocking the bottom or the foundation off the relationship.
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Things I know will definitely make things worse when trust is broken are firstly if the guilty party withdraws into himself or herself and refuse to show remorse. Some people do this when they offend leaving their partners frustrated and angry. Secondly, if the guilty party now gets more angry than the offended and throws tantrums and cause more confusion and hurt.

I don’t know anything that works better than giving a sincere apology when you break the trust of your partner somehow. Some people never go into themselves and discover the real reason for their offense and resolve never to repeat it. Often they buy expensive gifts and express surface remorse only to fall back into that same crime at the slightest provocation. I believe in going straight to the point and apologizing to your partner. Tell him the truth, cut out the excuses and lies and don’t make your partner feel he or she had some part to play for your misbehavior. Like trying to blame your partner for your infidelity.

How much truth do you tell in your attempt to make things better? I have a friend that believes telling the whole truth in a bad situation can only make things worse. To him giving graphic details in the spirit of telling the truth for example in the case of cheating can only hurt your partner more and do more damage to the relationship .He advocates you tell the truth with care. Well I don’t know about that but denying and telling lies to your partner when you are caught cheating will definitely do more damage in my honest opinion. Truth always has a way of slipping out in the end. I feel it is better you tell the truth when you are guilty and prepare yourself to face the full consequences of your actions like a grown up. Even if your mate does not forgive you immediately he or she may respect the fact that at least you told them the truth and you were willing to take responsibility for your actions. That may help a bit to perhaps start the process of rebuilding things. Being defensive righteous or casual about the situation will make your partner angrier and more pissed off. No one likes being treated like a fool or like he or she is imagining things. If there is a problem there is a problem. Taking your partner’s feelings for granted or waving aside his or her accusations, complaints or fears would only make things worse. You must make sincere efforts to work out the issues raised by your aggrieved partner if you want things to be normal. You have to be ready to work to create the environment that would eventually bring your partner’s trust back. This may take awhile so that if it doesn’t work you will know you tried all your best to mend things.



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Too long,