Letter to men:
Young man, if you’re in a relationship or about to ask out a woman who is always talking about money, I advise you to think twice.
Unless your surname ends with Trump, Gates, Dangote or Helu, or your father’s mother’s cousin’s son-in-law’s driver’s half-sister owns the Central Bank, you’re in for a rough ride,
Mister. If her interests are always in what you bought for her, how much money you gave her this month….she will bring you grief. This woman is a leech and will milk you to the last drop, then wring you, just in case there are some stray kobos left in your pockets, then she will dry you and dumpyou. Abeg, borrow my favourite letters for this kind of situation are: R. U. N!
Some women will so verbally abuse you, you’ll wish your mother’s womb could open again and you’ll crawl into that safe cocoon of innocence. She’s rude, sometimes vulgar, calls you all sorts of names, denigrates you, always compares you with your friends and calls it
“keeping it real.”
I agree…..the real thing is she’ll keep on doing this and will never stop. And unless you can tame the shrew, pack ya kaya and move on! If she always harps on a particular issue forever, repeating those words till they burrow inside your brain like itch-mites and you can recite them by heart, it’s call nagging. Methinksyou
should flee o! Else, one day, you’ll either wake up in police custody with a murder charge on your head or realise that you’re a recurrent member of Alcoholics Anonymous. Please, in the name of all that’s sane and logical, don’t be with a woman who is still hung up on her ex. If a woman is always going on and on about how her ex, John was mean to her, cheated on her, didn’t treat her right, etc,
bros, unless you’re her shrink and helping her work out her emotional problems, I suggest you pack your luggage and board the next available flight. She is definitely a citizen of Yesterday, living in baggage House, on Regret street. You will wake
up one day, and see a Dear John letter pinned to your pillow.
If a woman keeps telling you that all men are dogs, and how she hates all men except you, her darling boo, just know that network is bad and your matter is hanging. One day, very soon, you will make a mistake or slip up in a little issue. Then her verdict will be delivered
and you will join the long list of men in her life who are hated canines.
If a lady compares your relationship to that of Nneka, Sandra or Shade, just know that you’re in the Best Couples of All time
Competition…..the only thing is you don’t know you’ve been registered as a contender. For this kind of woman, nothing you ever do with and for her is good enough, because one her
friend’s will definitely be better. In my opinion, you would be better off Keeping Up with the Kardashians than with this woman (ifyou realise how much I hate that empty show, you’ll know this is a really last-resort kinda advice).
Ah, my brother have you met the NEVER DIVA?
Like her name suggests, there are things she’ll never do because she believes they are a man’s, servant’s or a professional’s job. She NEVER calls you. She NEVER buys you any gifts. She’s NEVER emotionally available. She NEVER takes you out or even offers to pay for half the meal. She NEVER apologises. She is NEVER wrong. She NEVER compliments you. She’ll NEVER give up anything for you or the family. She’ll NEVER compromise. I can NEVER
say this enough…..NEVER hook up with this
kind of woman! There’s this other sister whose favourite song is “Just as I am, without one plea…” The only
thing is, she’s not singing it in the original
gospel version. Like “Mount Zion which cannot be removeth,” her favourite mantra is “you met me like this and this is how I’ll always be!” and
she’ll never love you enough to compromise or change to make you happy. It doesn’t matter if you own a boutique…her skimpy clothes will
stay. Don’t bother enrolling her in evening
school; her broken grammar will do just fine. That you’re an accountant that can help her with financial advice on saving and investing makes no difference- her money is her own to throw away as she wishes. I can only ask; bros, whence goeth thou?
I am sure I have by no means exhausted the list; the above are the commonest I could think of. Don’t be like Macbeth whose wife pushed him to commit heinous crimes.
Recently, I heard a popular song by KCee, a Nigerian artiste, in which he pleaded with a girl, saying “oya make we go limpopo…..let me be your maga tonight.” The Limpopo I know is a South African province and a maga is a fool.
So unless your name is Kcee and you’re a fool who likes visiting places in South Africa, then don’t let yourself be “mumutized” by any woman.