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Relationship Advice: Investigate infidelity and garner evidence if you think your partner is cheating.


“I found out that my man is dating two other women”
​​
Dear Love Doctor,
My name is Zainab. I reside in the North. I am a 54-year-old widow and I am presently in a relationship with a divorcee. But I found out that he is dating two other women. Although he denies it, I have proof from his text messages. I know that he cares for me, but still, I am not happy with him. What do you think I should do? Thanks.

From Zainab,
07037419211.


Love Doctor’s Advice:
Dear Zainab, text messages might not constitute sufficient evidence for you to assume that your man might be having an affair with two other women. It would therefore be childish or immature for you to rush into conclusions without first getting more solid evidence. So, since you are both mature individuals over fifty, you should handle this matter in a more mature way. However, if you noticed any symptoms that your man might be cheating on you with two other women, it means that something might be definitely wrong with your relationship.
First, you need to look inwards to know if there is anything you may be doing to alienate your partner or drive him into the arms of another or other women. After an examination of conscience, it would be wise to have a serious discussion with your man. Tell him you think he is having an affair and ask him if you are the cause. Ask him to tell you what you can do to improve your relationship so that he won’t have any cause to be unfaithful to you (if he is actually cheating). If he is the cause, forgive him, but make it clear to him that it must not happen again if he wants this relationship to last. Try to get to the root of the problem and work on your relationship so that both of you might be happy. However, if you are sure that your man is cheating but he keeps denying it, you might have to adopt an investigative or ‘watch and see’ approach in order to catch him red-handed.
The truth is that if there is one hurdle most partners dread crossing in a marriage or relationship it must be the suspicion, or even worse the discovery, that your partner is unfaithful. If you suspect your partner is cheating on you, you owe it to yourself and the relationship to find out, and confirm it as a fact. You will need to investigate the infidelity and if necessary, come up with proof before deciding your next move.
Often, we prefer to close our eyes to what makes us uncomfortable, a situation of 'ignorance is bliss'. But this approach rarely pays off in the long run. We need to confront whatever it is that is causing the problem, and in this case, infidelity. It won't go away, if anything it will only prolong the inevitable. It calls for probing the situation and arriving at the root cause of the infidelity.
Some signs that may arouse your suspicion and could alert you as to whether your spouse is being unfaithful include:
• Your spouse fails to display the consideration he/she used to extend to you. You sense a change in behavior for the worse. Sex and intimacy may also become an issue and you sense him/her withdrawing, both physically and emotionally.
• He/she works late and often has no justification for it. They are always making excuses to avoid spending time with you, or have something more important to do. They may also get irritable or defensive if you ask too many questions. In fact they find it difficult to share anything significant about their day. Yet, at the same time, they always want to know your plans (so that they can work around it).

• They become more conscious of their appearance and pay greater attention to their grooming than previously.
He/she rushes to answer the cell phone and immediately moves to another room for privacy. Is evasive when quizzed for details. Often, when you answer the phone the caller disconnects.
• There are unusually high credit card bills, or large, unexplained withdrawals recorded on bank statements.
• Emergency overnight business trips become more frequent.
Don't ignore these warning signs, act on them. If you can trust your instincts and you think your spouse may deny cheating on you, then investigate the infidelity and garner evidence.
If you have the resources there are many avenues available at your disposal. You could hire a private investigator.
*Contact the above if you have more advice.

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