To fall in love is awfully simple, but to fall out of love is simply awful,(no vex if the grammar too heavy ooo) especially if you are the one who wanted the relationship to last. But to stop loving isn’t an option. When those you love deeply reject you, leave you, or die, your heart will be broken.(But e no be plate or glass cup naaa) But that should not hold you back from loving deeply. The pain that comes from deep love makes your love ever more fruitful. But how do we get beyond the pain?

Here are 12 techniques I’ve gathered from experts and from conversations with friends ( and my own tory sef join) on how they patched up their heart and tried, ever so gradually, to move on.

 1. Go through it, not around it.

I realize the most difficult task for a person with a broken heart is to stand still and feel the crack.(Wen you wan form like say nutin do you wen inside of you dey boil). But that is exactly what you must do. Because no shortcut is without its share of obstructions. Here’s a simple fact: You have to grieve in order to move on.(Bible sef talk am naaa..Every disappointment na blessing oo). During the 18 months of my severe depression,(I suffer small oo) my therapist repeated almost every visit: “Go through it. Not around it.”(Reason dat ord well, difference dey oo) because if I went around some of the issues that were tearing me apart inside,(all d gbege just happen at once) then I would bump into them somewhere down the line, just like being caught in the center of a traffic circle. By going through the intense pain, I eventually surfaced as a stronger person ready to tackle problems head on. Soon the pain lost its stronghold over me.

 2. Stand on your own.

One of the most liberating thoughts I repeat to myself when I’m immersed in grief and sadness is this: “I don’t need anyone or anything to make me happy.”(Just dey dance) That job is all my own, with a little help from God. When I’m experiencing the intense pangs of grief, it is so difficult to trust that I can be whole without that person in my life. But I have learned over and over again that I can. I really can. It is my job to fill the emptiness, and I can do it … creatively, and with the help of my higher power.

 3. Detach.

Attempting to fill the void yourself–without rushing to a new relationship or trying desperately to win your lover back–is essentially what detaching is all about. The Buddha taught that attachment leads to suffering. So the most direct path to happiness and peace is detachment. In his book, Eastern Wisdom for Western Minds, Victor M. Parachin tells a wonderful story about an old gardener who sought advice from a monk. Writes Parachin:

“Great Monk, let me ask you: How can I attain liberation?” The Great Monk replied, “Who tied you up?” This old gardener answered, “Nobody tied me up.” The Great Monk said, “Then why do you seek liberation?”

4. List your strengths.

As I wrote in my “12 Ways to Keep Going” somewhere in my writing pad (I cnt even find it after a friend who got heart broken came visiting), a technique that helps me when I feel raw and defeated to try anymore, is to list my strengths. I say to myself, “Self, you have been sober for 20 years!! (Even though I am jst a little older than that) Weaklings can’t pull off that! And here you are, alive, after those 18 months of intense suicidal thoughts (believe me. It asnt easy). Plus you haven’t smoked a cigarette since that last text message sent to her back in December of last year!” I say all of that while listening to one song that helped in healing my wounds, and by the last line, I’m ready to tackle my next challenge: move on from this sadness and try to be a productive individual in this world. If you can’t list your strengths, start a self-esteem file.

 5. Allow some fantasizing.

Grief wouldn’t be the natural process that it should be without some yearning for the person you just lost. If you are trying to banish a sexual fantasy from your head, telling yourself “I’m not going to fantasize about her” or “I won’t think about what it would be like to be intimate with him” might make it worse: (even though e take style hard shaa). In a famous psychological study from the 1980s, a group of subjects were told to think about anything but whatever they did, they were not supposed to think about a white bear. Guess what they all thought about?

6. Help someone else.

When I’m in pain, the only guaranteed antidote to my suffering is to box up all of my feelings, sort them, and then try to find a use for them. When you turn your attention to another person–especially someone who is struggling with the same kind of pain, you forget about yourself for a split moment. And let’s face it, on some days, that feels like a miracle.

 7. Laugh. And cry.

Laughter heals on many levels and so does crying. You think it’s just a coincidence that you always feel better after a good cry? Nope, there are many physiological reasons that contribute to the healing power of tears. Some of them have been documented by biochemist William Frey who has spent 15 years as head of a research team studying tears. Among their findings is that emotional tears (as compared to tears of irritation, like when you cut an onion) contain toxic biochemical byproducts, so that weeping removes these toxic substances and relieves emotional stress. So go grab a box of Kleenex and cry your afternoon away.


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Very nice post@op,but i thought only girls feel the breakup more.Also,a scenario where one has to breakup with someone due to some issues(laziness,past,incompatibillity generally) of his partner but loves the person and doesn't really want the breakup but has to do it and is being torn apart by it,what can yhis person do to heal?

scolaluv: Very nice post@op,but i thought only girls feel the breakup more.Also,a scenario where one has to breakup with someone due to some issues(laziness,past,incompatibillity generally) of his partner but loves the person and doesn't really want the breakup but has to do it and is being torn apart by it,what can yhis person do to heal?

It is life, most times unteachable, - didn't write this piece but I can hook u up with d writer. He is experienced and good. Follow @entadaplace on twitter tell me u r d lady from nairaland and I will just CC him on twitter directly

Use super glue.

the fantasize part helps a lot.