let her send him to his father
he will be able to handle him
and also prayer is needed

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izeek: did u say 14?
my dear bone all this talk about words sinking
the pikin need serious beating
too bad that i am no where near there
i go offer to flog the lion outa him.

Exactly my thoughts, that boy is spoilt....ne needs some thorough, dragging on the floor, beating. If the mum is from Naija, send him to stay with one of his no-nonsense uncles, they will show him some sense back home, if she is not, then i don't know what to tell the mother.

lucabrasi: [b]she has spoilt the boy rotten all through the formative years [/b]so its getting a bit too late now,tell your friend to deport the boy to his dad's or have a male positive role model who will discipline and mentor him,someone that understnds youngsters but firm n disciplined or else the boy is on his way to join the wha wha in south east london

Things like these happen when you do not discipline a child through formative years. Even if the parent had a bitter divorce and he was disciplined, he won't turn out this way. The problem with most people in the Western world, which it has come to my attention is that they neglect their children. Most are busy chasing the dollars to the extent that they don't have time for their kids. I know of a couple who recently moved to the states. They have 2 young boys ages 8 and 10. Imagine the boys telling their mum to shut up, the lady just laughed it off and was like see what oyinbo has turned my children to. I mean you see kids keeping late nights because the know their mum is working night shift.

The only she can do right now is dialogue with him, understand his reason for behaving in an unusual way.

@OP

I honestly think your friend's choices are very limited. Also it gets quickly amusing sometimes how neurotic Nairalanders can be. In some other thread, a father is being cursed and condemned for applying excessively tough measures on his kid, some even went further than cursing; they opined that the father should be reported to the police, or arrested or something. In a flip-flop-Mitt-Romney style, you'd be amazed how these same group of Nairalanders appear to have lost the appetite for their campaign against "Parents who beat their kids" ...and now think this boy in mention deserves some thorough discipline....smh!

I fear the boy has been allowed to get away with a lot he shouldn't have which included threatening his mum guests and visitors. I believe he now sees himself as the lord of the house and given that his hormones are at their peak levels, he's willing to go to any length to defend his position as the lord of the house. Sadly, the mother has failed in her leadership and it may now be too late to regain that position!

Here are a few things i think may help:

-- Anytime the boy threatens to beat her up, she should daze him with a surprising, resounding deafening slap! and she must stand her ground after doing this. I believe that it will take a special kind of devil's curse for a kid to beat up his mum even though he threatened to do so. There's always a conscious part of his little brain that will always keep him from doing so. as a matter of fact, if their's one person he'd kill to protect, it's likely to be his mum. (Again, this is working with the assumption that he hasn't been cursed by the devil himself).

--- If the mum ever slaps him, she should never seek reconciliation. She must consistently and constantly show a disappointing look. Boys generally hate to see that look on their mum's face. In most cases, they would seek to make amendments without being prompted to do so.

--- If none of the above works, and the mum is flexible enough, she could consider relocating to another part of the country. It may be the case that the kid is simply too comfortable in his environment and among his friends who probably don't show much respect to their mums as well. It may be easier dealing with his errant behavior in a different environment.

--- The mum shouldn't be too quick to rule out the boot camp option. A stronger force may be all he needs


If all else fails, consider the Naija Mopo option.

@ poster
u mentioned ur friends boyfriends, in my own opinion that is why the boy is losing all respect for his mother.
As a teenage boy it is normal for him to be embarrased by his mother dating esp if its more than one guy. D violence isnt normal tho
Anyway, if the mother wants to get her 'power' back she will have to suspend bring her dates home completely.
she has to realize that her son is becoming a man&start respecting him like that. Attempting to beat him will only lead to further disrespect.
she should have a long talk with him with the aim of becoming friends.
Divorce is really hard on kids that age, mother should pls forgive her son& never stop praying intensely for him. This too will pass.

This child is hurting inside!!!
This boy loves his mother dearly and his whole life circulates around her. However his image of what a mother should be has been destroyed by the mother and he is tormented.
It was absolutely wrong of the mother to expose the boy to different men.
When you have a kids you need to be very discreet about your relationship. Never introduce the man to the child until it seems certain that the relationship is heading for marriage.
The new man has to take time to get close to the boy and be actively involved in his activities before playing the role of disciplinarian in the boys life.
As far as i am concerned the woman has reared a monster that is turning around to consume her.
She needs to turn things around real fast and i would suggest.
Take the boy out for a meal and for a walk and then sit down with him and talk.
The first step.
APOLOGISE to the boy for mistakes made but assure him that she wants to do it right and that she loves him above everything else.
Second step. LISTEN to what the boy has to say. Listen to what is hurting him.
Thirdly set GOALS and how they are to be achieved. For instance , we want to be polite to one another, you need to do well in your school work, I have to stop bringing men home...
Fourthly make a CONTRACT in writing and mother and son have to sign. This sounds ridiculous but it works wonders in a family. Both parties take it serious and can always refer back to it.
Finally agree on SANCTIONS and most importantly REWARDS for both mother and son. Fo instance the boy can agree to bring the mother breakfast in bed as a reward.

Then the most important remedy is TALK!!!!!!!!!! Talk and talk sincerely without anger and coursing.
NEVER EVER course your child because as the mouth speaketh....... The word was made flesh and dwelt amongst men.
So always tell ypur child what your prayer for him is. My prayer for you is that you one day stop gettin so angry.

And the ultimate LOVE.

@ poster ur friends son is already goin out of control n dis is d ryt tym 4 ur friend to stamp her feet on d ground and be firm with her son.d woman stil has energy n she is sittin down whining,d dat d boy turns 21 if she doesnt do wot am about to say he will bea his mother,steal her money n clothes to give his galfriend,infact he will bring gals into ur house n av sex on ur bed even wen ure around,cos he knows ure a toothless bull dog.1st since he has ttraces of violence,go to d barracks,and go to d office of dose who recruit soildiers n tel dem u want ur son to b in d army,tel dem he is unruly n violent,trust me he will mit pipu fiercer than him,dey will train him till dey drain all d madness out of him.i know wot am talkin about.soildiers dont take shit frm unruly kids n dey dont send.if d boy stays there for @ least ten yrs,he shud go to skul frm there,just b sendin money 4 upkip n make sure u dnt let ur motherly instincts or compasion becloud u to take him frm there .by d tym he lives there,he will b mature,wiser n more calm.i com frm a family were my father is a disciplinarian general,my mother is in d navy,all dis whining is because u av over indulged him.if i were u,ill com wit a minimum of ten hefty soildiers to bundle him to d baracks were he will b eating once a day all d nonesense he is doin in ur house,he wont dare it in d baracks odawise he will b thoroughly beating n locked in d guard room

mutter: This child is hurting inside!!!
This boy loves his mother dearly and his whole life circulates around her. However his image of what a mother should be has been destroyed by the mother and he is tormented.
It was absolutely wrong of the mother to expose the boy to different men.
When you have a kids you need to be very discreet about your relationship. Never introduce the man to the child until it seems certain that the relationship is heading for marriage.
The new man has to take time to get close to the boy and be actively involved in his activities before playing the role of disciplinarian in the boys life.
As far as i am concerned the woman has reared a monster that is turning around to consume her.
She needs to turn things around real fast and i would suggest.
Take the boy out for a meal and for a walk and then sit down with him and talk.
The first step.
APOLOGISE to the boy for mistakes made but assure him that she wants to do it right and that she loves him above everything else.
Second step. LISTEN to what the boy has to say. Listen to what is hurting him.
Thirdly set GOALS and how they are to be achieved. For instance , we want to be polite to one another, you need to do well in your school work, I have to stop bringing men home...
Fourthly make a CONTRACT in writing and mother and son have to sign. This sounds ridiculous but it works wonders in a family. Both parties take it serious and can always refer back to it.
Finally agree on SANCTIONS and most importantly REWARDS for both mother and son. Fo instance the boy can agree to bring the mother breakfast in bed as a reward.

Then the most important remedy is TALK!!!!!!!!!! Talk and talk sincerely without anger and coursing.
NEVER EVER course your child because as the mouth speaketh....... The word was made flesh and dwelt amongst men.
So always tell ypur child what your prayer for him is. My prayer for you is that you one day stop gettin so angry.

And the ultimate LOVE.

Story. My dear women... it is impossible to raise a man independent of the influence of his father... una don hear word now.

izeek: did u say 14?
my dear bone all this talk about words sinking
the pikin need serious beating
too bad that i am no where near there
i go offer to flog the lion outa him.

Did you check is stat b4 ranting ? He is 6 ft 2 tall and 200lbs..

Davidylan,
I am so sorry I totally forgot that aspect.
You are completely right.
I was just referring to how the woman may wish to deal with the situation.
Certainly it is very important for separated parents to work together for the interest of the child.
The woman in this case has made a grievous mistake in letting her personal problems with the ex be a hindrance for the child.
I would really advise her to take up contact with the father and if if need be plead with him to take up his role. She should always talk to the boy about his father in high regard and so help the child build up the picture of his father as a worthy role model. The older the boy gets the more he needs the influence of his father.
I just do not understand why people can let their ego override the necessity to d all one can in the interest of the child.

send him to my parents for some ass-whopping he will come back to you sobber, no child have passed thru my parents and remained the same! even tigers and dragons from yankee!...silly boy!...better still save urself the stress and send him to his father!..and get yourself another man!

Kill d meat and wack. . lion pepper soup!