sistawoman:

I have not read through all of the posts yet but i wanted to share this:

One of my closest friends is married to a Nigerian but the marriage was set up.  So she was not to have any relations as he still lives with his orginal wife at home who he divorced a year ago to marry this girl for you know what.

Well they started sleeping together and when she asked him why is it that he is cheating on his wife his response to her was that he was legally married to her and divorced to his wife therefore he was sleeping with his jr wife and not cheating on his sr wife.

My question is, is this how men really justify cheating?  What if the first wife finds out will my girlfriend be in serious trouble or do Nigerian women expect this when their husbands divorce them and re-marry for paper?  Also are they still married in Nigeria still?  Does a divorce done in the states make them divorced in Nigeria?

I feel really bad for his first wife and really think that my girlfriend should not be sleeping with him.  But it is her life and she thinks he likes her, but I keep telling her he can't.  he is still sleeping and living with his first wife and he just comes to her to mess and leave but she wont listen to me maybe she will listen if i send her some of the messages recieved from yall.  

How do i get through to this girl and let her know that what she is doing is really really wrong?  He will never love her like he does his Nigerian wife no matter what she does.

if i were u,i would mind my business and let her be,leave her,let her do watever she wants to do

smooooooth:

right after the man gets his papers, then u will know a real Nigeria woman.

I really like the wife, she seems pretty cool.  I only know her thru my husband because her husband and my husband are very close, she has shown me how to cook some of my husbands fav. dishes.  I wish i was not torn between the loyalty to my gf and his wife.  My husbands advice is to just step back and let what happens happen.  But I dont understand other men coving for them when they know that he is cheating on his wife.

Queenisha:

The next phase is that the women will drop a Queenisha and a Shaquille as fruits of his labor and they are bound for life and the Nigerian wife is screwed for life with endless finances going that way.

Well the only good thing about this is that she is fixed and cant have anymore babies. Bad thing is she tells me because of this they are not using a condom during sex. She really believes this bama is not going to divorce her in 3 years.

She thinks what she has is what i have and it totally is not the case.

sistawoman:

I really like the wife, she seems pretty cool.  I only know her through my husband because her husband and my husband are very close, she has shown me how to cook some of my husbands fav. dishes.  I wish i was not torn between the loyalty to my girlfriend and his wife. My husbands advice is to just step back and let what happens happen.  But I don't understand other men coving for them when they know that he is cheating on his wife.

seriously i think u should tAke your husbands advise and step back,why r u trying to force yourself into some pples life

u just got married,so ,mind your home ,your husband and your kids,and stop minding other pples affairs,its none of ur business

sistawoman is so excited about her wedding that she has transformed herself into voltron - defender of the cheated wife.

davidylan:

sistawoman is so excited about her wedding that she has transformed herself into voltron - defender of the cheated wife.

like seriously


for heavens sake her husband has told her to back out and let them be,and shes still trying to poke her nose into wat does not concern her

dis is d reason y most men get angry wt their wives,wen u tell them to let some things go,they wont,they will keep poking their nose until they drag d family's name down,at d end of day pple will call them names,just because she refused to mind her business

Lady J:

seriously i think u should tAke your husbands advise and step back,why r u trying to force yourself into some pples life

u just got married,so ,mind your home ,your husband and your kids,and stop minding other pples affairs,its none of your business

This is what i am going to do but i hope this does not get reflected my way.  The way the wife and I are hanging out and talking we will be good friends in no time and i have already been good friends with my gf for sometime.  You know how women can be, when the shit hits the fan they will try to blame me because i knew and did not tell anyone.  

But I am alergic to drama, really i get a rash, and I dont want any drama thrown my way or in my marriage.  So i am going to do as my husband tells me and keep my mouth shut.  Hopefully his friend will be able to control both his wives.

sistawoman:

This is what i am going to do but i hope this does not get reflected my way.  The way the wife and I are hanging out and talking we will be good friends in no time and i have already been good friends with my girlfriend for sometime. You know how women can be, when the shit hits the fan they will try to blame me because i knew and did not tell anyone.
But I am alergic to drama, really i get a rash, and I don't want any drama thrown my way or in my marriage.  So i am going to do as my husband tells me and keep my mouth shut.  Hopefully his friend will be able to control both his wives.

good

if they like let them blame u,its not in ur place to tell any body,so cut off

keep d relationship u have wt both women neutral,so dat weneva trouble starts nobody will come knocking at ur door,its as simple as dat

By the way i still dont get why married women still prefer to keep very close relationships with other women especially those with troubled marriages. This is the way husband snatching starts.

davidylan:

By the way i still don't get why married women still prefer to keep very close relationships with other women especially those with troubled marriages. This is the way husband snatching starts.

You took the words from my mouth.
If I ever had a friend that was running around with married men and sleeping around,that's it.
Our friendship is over.
Thank God I don't have such friends.
I don't keep friends who may pull me down by their lifestyle.
Tufia!!

davidylan:

By the way i still don't get why married women still prefer to keep very close relationships with other women especially those with troubled marriages. This is the way husband snatching starts.

abi ooooo
can't imagine keeping loosers as close friends

anyway i trust myself,d few friends i have don't even know me too well,i can't risk my marriage,my home,my joy ,my happiness and husband all because of some friends

friends gbakwa okwu,nonsense

Lady J:

good

if they like let them blame u,its not in your place to tell any body,so cut off

keep d relationship u have wt both women neutral,so that weneva trouble starts nobody will come knocking at your door,its as simple as that

My advice will be that she even distances herself from such complications.
I would cut ties with both people because I can't be close friends with people I can'tbe free with and have to hold a secret.
Life is too short.
I'll cut them lose and that's it.
Let them sort out their wahala

davidylan:

By the way i still don't get why married women still prefer to keep very close relationships with other women especially those with troubled marriages. This is the way husband snatching starts.

that is a very interesting thought. you would think you would like to socialize with people with some what of an okay marriage. but instead alot of women do be kicking it with women they know have trouble marriages. knowing good and well that jealously will soon come around.

davidylan:

By the way i still don't get why married women still prefer to keep very close relationships with other women especially those with troubled marriages. This is the way husband snatching starts.

My girlfriend and I have been friends for sometime (years) and i normally dont run with women who sleep with married men, but she is a long time friend.  We have been thru alot together and she would not be married to this man if it was not for me making the introduction.  

Queenisha:

My advice will be that she even distances herself from such complications.
I would cut ties with both people because I can't be close friends with people I can'tbe free with and have to hold a secret.
Life is too short.
I'll cut them lose and that's it.
Let them sort out their wahala

But I am thinking that this maybe the best course.  Not to cut my gf but to cut the wife off.  I would like to get a few more cooking lessons but maybe i can find someone else.  She is really cool thou.  The first Nigerian woman I have ever known and I really like her.

Lady J:

abi ooooo
can't imagine keeping loosers as close friends

anyway i trust myself,d few friends i have don't even know me too well,i can't risk my marriage,my home,my joy ,my happiness and husband all because of some friends

friends gbakwa okwu,nonsense

I on the other hand have 2 close friends that I've known since we were 10 years old and one is closer to me than the other.And we know intimate details of each other down to you know what.
Everyother person is an acquaintance and I can cut them off whenever I choose.

Queenisha:

My advice will be that she even distances herself from such complications.
I would cut ties with both people because I can't be close friends with people I can'tbe free with and have to hold a secret.
Life is too short.
I'll cut them lose and that's it.
Let them sort out their wahala

osisi im saying d same thing

d neutral i meant is---keeping them on d hello and hi levels,as in when they see themselves on dway,they just greet hello and hi,that is what i mean t by neutral

atleast when d problem starts nobody will blame her for anything

some women just go into marriage wtout knowing what exactly marriage is all about,maybe if they look at their age ,they just say they r ready for marriage,sometimes age does not give one d maturity one deserves or need in life

as a married woman sistawoman,my advise is for u to watch d way you're going,if u continue like this ------------let me not talk sha

because i can see you're d type that trusts easily,but my dear,shine your eyes well,and don't be too loose in your home

Queenisha:

I on the other hand have 2 close friends that I've known since we were 10 years old and one is closer to me than the other.And we know intimate details of each other down to you know what.
Everyother person is an acquaintance and I can cut them off whenever I choose.

osisi i also have a close friend and shes edo,we grew up together as in right from kindergarten,but my dear they r some things u cannot discusss wt friends osisi no matter how close u all r,u should have ur own secrets now,dont tell me u discuss wt them virtually everything u and ur hubby discusses in d closet?

sistawoman:

My girlfriend and I have been friends for sometime (years) and i normally don't run with women who sleep with married men, but she is a long time friend. We have been through alot together and she would not be married to this man if it was not for me making the introduction.

My best friend and i have been together for 9yrs. When he got married i became second place . . . and the same will happen when i get married. Give a man or woman space to solve issues with their spouses.
My mum always says . . . let there be no third party in any marriage . . . i can only hope you learn that lesson and fast.

Lady J:

osisi i also have a close friend and shes edo,we grew up together as in right from kindergarten,but my dear they r some things u cannot discusss wt friends osisi no matter how close u all r,u should have your own secrets now,don't tell me u discuss wt them virtually everything u and your hubby discusses in d closet?

Of course there are some things that even the hubby nwa will not be told at least not right away.
But my best friend and I are almost like man and wife without the lovemaking.
We are buddies to the core.
We can talk for 5 hours straight and talk about our men,their performance,exchange tips.
When my man makes me mad,she's my shoulder and same with her.
We disagree sometimes but our bond is unbreakable.
We even made each other promises at 16 that we'll remain virgins till marriage.
Won't tell you if we kept it

Lady J:

osisi i also have a close friend and shes edo,we grew up together as in right from kindergarten,but my dear they r some things u cannot discusss wt friends osisi no matter how close u all r,u should have your own secrets now,don't tell me u discuss wt them virtually everything u and your hubby discusses in d closet?

Even my best of friends dont get that info.  What me and my husband discuss somethings are ment just for us.  What we do is certainly not ment for my gf's.  You cant tell your best friends everything.  I dont want them looking at my husband in that manner.

Queenisha:

Of course there are some things that even the hubby nwa will not be told at least not right away.
But my best friend and I are almost like man and wife without the lovemaking.
We are buddies to the core.
We can talk for 5 hours straight and talk about our men,their performance,exchange tips.
When my man makes me mad,she's my shoulder and same with her.
We disagree sometimes but our bond is unbreakable.
We even made each other promises at 16 that we'll remain virgins till marriage.
Won't tell you if we kept it

This one na wa.
Unwritten rule for the male - never talk about your wife in bed with another man even your own father!

davidylan:

This one na wa.
Unwritten rule for the male - never talk about your wife in bed with another man even your own father!

Yet they do it all the time

Queenisha:

Of course there are some things that even the hubby nwa will not be told at least not right away.
But my best friend and I are almost like man and wife without the lovemaking.
We are buddies to the core.
We can talk for 5 hours straight and talk about our men,their performance,exchange tips.
When my man makes me mad,she's my shoulder and same with her.
We disagree sometimes but our bond is unbreakable.
We even made each other promises at 16 that we'll remain virgins till marriage.
Won't tell you if we kept it

naaaa i guess im different then,i can't confide so much in my friend,no marra how close we r ,

weneva there is a misunderstanding between myself and my husband,is either i keep it to myself alone or cry on my immediate elder sister's shoulder

but friends no way for me ooooo,i can't discuss our sexual life wt my friend ,no marra what,i always leave everything in da house

but i understand u sha,depends on how good d friend is,but no marra no be me

but osisi y u no wan talk if una keep d virginity promise naaa

davidylan:

This one na wa.  
Unwritten rule for the male - never talk about your wife in bed with another man even your own father!

You get crude mind. . . she might be talking of kitchen or 'DIY' performance.No true Igbo woman will talk of her husband's sexual performance to her friends@ Queenisha,na lie?

davidylan:

This one na wa.
Unwritten rule for the male - never talk about your wife in bed with another man even your own father!

Most of the time they get A's in performance.
So it's not as though we're bashing.
She's worldlier than myself so I've learnt a lot from her.
Thanks to her I now have a wardrobe full of lingerie from Victoria secret and no one is complaining

4 Play:

You get crude mind. . . she might be talking of kitchen or 'DIY' performance.No true Igbo woman will talk of her husband's sexual performance to her friends@ Queenisha,na lie?  

Ok maybe na me do mistake.   I'm sure she's not telling her friend about Oga's yekini.

Queenisha:

Most of the time they get A's in performance.
So it's not as though we're bashing.

His cooking skills you mean to say.

4 Play:

You get crude mind. . . she might be talking of kitchen or 'DIY' performance.No true Igbo woman will talk of her husband's sexual performance to her friends@ Queenisha,na lie?  

honestly i cant share my husband's sexual perfomance wt anybody;I CANT

davidylan:

This one na wa.
Unwritten rule for the male - never talk about your wife in bed with another man even your own father!

I hope this is true.  I would hate to think that my husband is discussing what we do and how I do it to his best friend of 40 years.

I think i would cry str8 for a week.

sistawoman:

I hope this is true. [b] I would hate to think that my husband is discussing what we do and how I do it to his best friend of 40 years.[/b]I think i would cry str8 for a week.

i agree wt u on dis one sistawoman

Lady J:

honestly i can't share my husband's sexual perfomance wt anybody;I CANT

Imagine my wife discussing my sexual performance with her friend. Abomination!!!

Lady J:

honestly i can't share my husband's sexual perfomance wt anybody;I CANT

that just seems weird and awkward. i mean what kind of conversation would that be. "Oh husband is so great in bed. He knows all the rights spots to touch me in and everything". yeah couldn't do it. and besides i feel that is a bit disrespectful. what goes on between a husband and wife should stay between a husband and his wife.