Sorry for the Title,I don't know a better one to give it.

Please,I will make this to be short as possible. Yesterday,I went to visit my Mum,because its been long I saw her,but we do speak on phone regularly.
As we were discussing an issue,and I aired my view,next thing my mum said was"I should shut up,else she would slap me" ( mind you,am in my early thirty,and someone who does his responsibilities regularly on her)
Instantly,I called her attention that I don't like what she said to me,(she's fond of saying that),and she shouldn't repeat,or say that to me again,that am not a toddler,and she should watch her choice of words on me,(I said that in a gentle voice) I noticed that she was surprised,and shocked somehow,after which I left her place. Later,I tried calling her,she refused to pick my call.

Through my day at office,I was thinking about what happened,and kind of disturbed,and distracted,with a sense of guilt.

Now,please I want a candid opinion,Have I said much to her to hurt her,or was it wrong I aired my dislike for what she said?

What you did was not wrong in my opinion. U r no longer a baby n shouldnt be treated as one. I believe telling her ur mind was d best option instead of nursing the tots n behaving awkwardly to her. U should apologize, gently stating ur reasons for not wanting to be told such. She'll come around, m sure.

People react to the things depending on what state of mind they are in. I think she was probably concerned about something completely different, and exercised anger based on this. Not necessarily based on what transpired between you two.
You need to find out what exactly she's facing. It would seem to me she wants to discuss something and probably needs attention.

I don't think you are wrong. You acted well. You are not a toddler, and she can't keep talking to you the way she might have been talking to you years back. My suggestion would be to keep calling her to discuss this issue or whatever else must be bothering her; that's if you can take it the rejection that may come with it. If not, you can wait sometime and then get back to her when she must have calmed a bit.

She's your mother any day and have all the right to say whatever she want to you. The onus on how you manage the situation lies in your hands not to over-react.

Growing up you probably did worse to her you know ...poooed on her, peeed on her, slapped her continuously, bit her n!pples, kicked her tummy a lots more.

Now is her turn ...so broda man, you need to stomach it. Last but not the least, note that as we all age, we tend to behave like kids ...your mother is no longer young, she now most probably experiencing the same childhood experience you had. What you can do is pet her and gentle tease her out of the habit you don't find funny.

@ Bigty,kul reply.....Op,yu heard it....she'z aging and thats y she reacted that wae....meanwhile,you are not a kid but shouldn't have reacted that way @ that particular tym....You coulda just endured et/stomached it and when you guys are done with the discussion,you let her know your mynd....Eniwaez,shez your mother and is Shocked cos this is the first tym you are telling her that so with time,she will get used to it.....just try and Go around and talk to her.....what she is Thinking might b different from what you have in mynd....Just my humble Opinion...#Peace

silence is golden. it's ur best option for such moments

If u can mark it,one day, she will tell u that the day u told her to stop talking to u anyhow is the day her boy became a MAN irrespective of the fact that u do ur obligation towards her.
Let her be. She will come around. She is still shocked and at the same time happy.
Don't be suprised she will confide to her closest person about d incident.

Mark my words;she will never repeat them again.

bigtt76: She's your mother any day and have all the right to say whatever she want to you. The onus on how you manage the situation lies in your hands not to over-react.

You are SO WRONG!!!

Just because she's ur mother, why don't u keep sucking her breast and never fend for yourself. SMH.

OP Stand up and be the man that you are, she may react negatively but she'll come over it and appreciate that her little boy of yesterday has grown.

Since you told her off in a respectful manner, you did the right thing. Do not feel guilty nor allow her manipulate you emotionally. She will soon apologize.

No matter what, nobody has the right to say to an adult that he/she will slap. It is not the right attitude and I disagree that it is due to old age. Old age doesn't make people irresponsible with words and comments but rather more matured.

At over 30 , your mum can still talk to u that way ? Wow my friend your have been a baby for far too long . I am sure u are not married cos if u are ur mum might be telling u how to run your home.

Your need to stop her now or u will remain a baby for ever . I am not saying u should disrespect ur mum but the truth is if u dont do anything about it now u might never be able to do anything about it for ever.

Lol! Did you just say you are in your 30's and she still talk to you like that
To be sincere you did nothing wrong by voicing your view, but may be you have been mama's boy for soo long
Yeah she is your mum but then you are her son too..
If you siblings or other relations that can help you talk to her you better do. But you have done nothing wrong on this one, you can just apologise for the sake of making her happy




Remember to remind her to stop talking to you like that.

If you actually said it gently and in a respecful manner, you've done nothing wrong and in no long time, she will come around and agree to your terms.

Btw, that is typical of so many Nigerian parents.

She's probably still in shock is all. Relax she'll come around.

My dad reacted the same way the first i told him to stop treating me like a little girl with all those restraints. He didn't speak to me for about a week, then he came around and actually did change.

The guilt you're feeling is normal though, and it'll also pass.

You did the right thing calling her attention to it, you even called her out very late in my opinion sef, how old are you again?

By the time I was 20 I was already telling my parents that I'm an adult and don't need to be yelled at before I get their point and they did understand and treat us with respect.

When you treat people right it tends to bring out the best in them from my experience with my folks, ofcourse they will always remind you that they are your parents so you'll always be their little one but still, everyone deserve some respect.

I have experienced similar things with my mom was always fond of using offensive words but i forced her to stop it . Though we have settled our differences. That time when she says shut up or madigbaju lue,o.ota e yawere ni,ill walk away from her and pack my stuffs,leave the house for her.that period we did not talk for 6 months so she told her friend about what transpired,her friend came to my place and asked for what happened,after i explained to her,she said no matter how old you are or what you think you have achieved,your mother will still be your mother,no matter how she talks to you,ok i want you to go back to the house and apologize to her,so when i got to the house,she opened ephesians where they said children honour your father and your mother,i opened the same place where they said parents provoke not your children to wrath.i knelt down and said,emabinu ma,but you have your responsibilities towards me and i have mine towards you,i dont like it when you use offensive words at me.when you use such words at me,how do you expect outsiders to talk to me.that was when we sha ended it like play play.she was like iwogan na,you too dey vex me,and i now hugged her.end of story.


Bottomline,If you dont like the way and manner your mom talks to you,let her know,if possible use bible to back up your stance (if you are a christian)

meanwhile,thats african parents for you.no matter how old you are or what you have,they will still see you as that child they used to wear diapers for and cane.infact,they will tell you you cannot have as much rag as they have.thats the difference between them and western parents or this 21st century parents

kulyie: I have experienced similar things with my mom was always fond of using offensive words but i forced her to stop it . Though we have settled our differences. That time when she says shut up or madigbaju lue,o.ota e yawere ni,ill walk away from her and pack my stuffs,leave the house for her.that period we did not talk for 6 months so she told her friend about what transpired,her friend came to my place and asked for what happened,after i explained to her,she said no matter how old you are or what you think you have achieved,your mother will still be your mother,no matter how she talks to you,ok i want you to go back to the house and apologize to her,so when i got to the house,she opened ephesians where they said children honour your father and your mother,i opened the same place where they said parents provoke not your children to wrath.i knelt down and said,emabinu ma,but you have your responsibilities towards me and i have mine towards you,i dont like it when you use offensive words at me.when you use such words at me,how do you expect outsiders to talk to me.that was when we sha ended it like play play.she was like iwogan na,you too dey vex me,and i now hugged her.end of story.


Bottomline,If you dont like the way and manner your mom talks to you,let her know,if possible use bible to back up your stance (if you are a christian)

meanwhile,thats african parents for you.no matter how old you are or what you have,they will still see you as that child they used to wear diapers for and cane.infact,they will tell you you cannot have as much rag as they have.thats the difference between them and western parents or this 21st century parents

chai madam u too dey watch yoruba movie

Chai kulyie and tori, you go be good scriptwriter o.

leavestory: chai madam u too dey watch yoruba movie

i am serious,this one is for real,not yoruba home video

freecocoa: Chai kulyie and tori, you go be good scriptwriter o.

jokes apart,this is real

No mother should talk to a child above the age of 21 in that manner. It shows bad and failed parenting to want to slap a 21 year old adult. You are old enough to have your own children and how would your children look at you if your mum still slaps you or threathens to slap you? What did she expect? That you will cringe in fear? The joy of parenting is to see their adult children living fruitful lives and independent of their parents not having children they can still slap at will.

Poster, dont worry, disagreements will always happen. Your mum will still pick your call. If she gets angry and says you are rude, you can apologise for peace sake but I am sure you have passed your message!

Op you are not wrong in correcting her. Relax she will get over it soon. No body has the right to use such words on an adult, even if she is your mother.

U av expressed urself to her. Im sure she will come round. She's just still in shock that u stood up to her for the first time.

And for those saying a parent cant slap a child above 20, wat if the child has refused to grow up and be responsible? Will u just leave himor her? Beating of children is a norm in 9ja and it has yeilded positive results as far as im concerned. So any 20 sumtin year old who decides to be irresponsible deserves cane like a child as long as the parents are still responsible for his feeding and total welfare.

uyiekpenm: Op you are not wrong in correcting her. Relax she will get over it soon. No body has the right to use such words on an adult, even if she is your mother.

this is africa,remember? Nigeria especially

phanthomz: U av expressed urself to her. Im sure she will come round. She's just still in shock that u stood up to her for the first time.

And for those saying a parent cant slap a child above 20, wat if the child has refused to grow up and be responsible? Will u just leave himor her? Beating of children is a norm in 9ja and it has yeilded positive results as far as im concerned. So any 20 sumtin year old who decides to be irresponsible deserves cane like a child as long as the parents are still responsible for his feeding and total welfare.

go and tell that to my 24 year old kid bro with mucles and abs everywhere due to him carrying weight.when you see his chest sef,you go think twice while lifting your hands

@Op

That's just an African thing and you just have to deal with it. African parents don't ever believe they're wrong, they're always right according to them. If you say otherwise or stand up to them for their oppression, it's disrespectful according to them so op, just gotta deal with that part of you like we all do

You did nothing wrong. You have to understand that she still sees you as her child so your response must have shocked her. Don't stop calling her. She just needs to adjust to the fact that her little baby is all grown up We also struggled with our mom on this issue. She finally gave in and now she just says "Let me not say anything before you people descend on me" LOL. It took her a while but now when she's with us girls she communicates with us like we are her little sisters. This is the same mom that would not even warn you before the slap.

I really appreciate all the comments,I would have responded earlier,but I didn't want to influence anybody's opinion.

I didn't even bother calling her at all today,I will give time to cool my nerves. No doubt,am missing her daily calls to pray for me. I really love her,she knows,maybe that why she still sees me as her toddler.

Thanks for your contributions.

yellowpawpaw: If u can mark it,one day, she will tell u that the day u told her to stop talking to u anyhow is the day her boy became a MAN irrespective of the fact that u do ur obligation towards her.
Let her be. She will come around. She is still shocked and at the same time happy.
Don't be surprised she will confide to her closest person about d incident.

Mark my words;she will never repeat them again.

YeePeePee,
GOD bless you! I so agree with your comment.

I'm actually surprised some people are saying his mom action is okay since she is his mother and he shouldn't have reacted that silence is golden etc.

People, come on!!!!!! There is a time and season for everything under the Heavens! When he was much younger, that expression of hers was appropriate but now he is a MAN in his thirties. His mom needs to respect that he's a man of his own now.

At this stage of his life, she needs to talk to him as an adult and not a child; yes, he is and will always be her child but he's no longer that child that she can talk to anyhow. Calm dialogue, petting and loving persuasion are what she should be doing? Or does she want to drive him away from her? GOD forbid!

Using my family as example, dad and mom never say such to my brothers in their thirties. They understand they are men now so tactics and approach must change. Momsy does those tactics I mentioned above and if any of them says anything inappropriate to her, she voices her displeasure at their attitude at the moment and broses adjust instantly.

So Yomilov, I applaud your voicing your displeasure calmly and peacefully. If it were otherwise, I would have been against your action.

You have been tolerating her action all the while so now that you have voiced your displeasure, that took her by surprise; so she will tread with caution next time.

Also, take time to visit her; buy her gifts to appease her and have that mother-son conversation "calmly" too.
You are the MAN Yomiluv!!!!!!!!!!!

ferhyntorlah:

YeePeePee,
GOD bless you! I so agree with your comment.

I'm actually surprised some people are saying his mom action is okay since she is his mother and he shouldn't have reacted that silence is golden etc.

People, come on!!!!!! There is a time and season for everything under the Heavens! When he was much younger, that expression of hers was appropriate but now he is a MAN in his thirties. His mom needs to respect that he's a man of his own now.

At this stage of his life, she needs to talk to him as an adult and not a child; yes, he is and will always be her child but he's no longer that child that she can talk to anyhow. Calm dialogue, petting and loving persuasion are what she should be doing? Or does she want to drive him away from her? GOD forbid!

Using my family as example, dad and mom never say such to my brothers in their thirties. They understand they are men now so tactics and approach must change. Momsy does those tactics I mentioned above and if any of them says anything inappropriate to her, she voices her displeasure at their attitude at the moment and broses adjust instantly.

So Yomilov, I applaud your voicing your displeasure calmly and peacefully. If it were otherwise, I would have been against your action.

You have been tolerating her action all the while so now that you have voiced your displeasure, that took her by surprise; so she will tread with caution next time.

Also, take time to visit her; buy her gifts to appease her and have that mother-son conversation "calmly" too.
You are the MAN Yomiluv!!!!!!!!!!!

thanks so much,I have gone to her place from work on Friday. We chatted,and she didn't even mention the incident at all,and I didn't made mention of it too,but I noticed she was talking to me calmly,and maturely..
Am happy,something she can't try with my younger sister,cos my sister has always been rebellious type.

I'm happy for u and her too. Proud u handled it maturely. Let me tell u a little secret,had it been u didn't curb it now, she will automatically transfer the same treatment to ur wife when u marry. Its very normal and when u start objecting, wahala go start. And if ur woman isn't the type that will readily take it, ur guess is good as mine.

Bravo!
When r we coming cos u r very ripe body soul and mind!(I must tie my gele one day!)


Feri, fery, I can feel u!
U r so correct.

yellowpawpaw: I'm happy for u and her too. Proud u handled it maturely. Let me tell u a little secret,had it been u didn't curb it now, she will automatically transfer the same treatment to ur wife when u marry. Its very normal and when u start objecting, wahala go start. And if ur woman isn't the type that will readily take it, ur guess is good as mine.

Bravo!
When r we coming cos u r very ripe body soul and mind!(I must tie my gele one day!)


Feri, fery, I can feel u!
U r so correct.

thanks,very very soon,infact coming soon,you will tie the gele. My mum has a domineering attitude,it takes God's grace to call her off,I thank God for giving the courage. Funniest thing is that she can't talk to my younger sister anyhow,I told her that to her face,she just kept quiet. maybe I have been the gentle type.