Corruption is the glue that holds the fabric of the country together. It ensures that, one way or another, we get paid.

Two weeks ago, I paid a visit to Dubai for the very first time. Dubai is everything Lagos is not. Dubai works: Lagos does not. Dubai is spotlessly clean: Lagos is filthy. Dubai is bathed in gleaming electricity. Lagos is shrouded in darkness. Dubai is organized. Lagos is disorganized. After a few days in Dubai, I longed to be back in Lagos.

What is the attraction of Lagos relative to a city like Dubai? The answer is actually very simple. Lagos is the very best city in Nigeria; the very best country in the world. I have traveled all over the world. I have been to the Far East, to the Middle East, to North and Latin America and to Europe. I have been to over 30 African countries. This qualifies me to make this assessment. Nigeria is the very best country in the whole wide world.

Made-in-Nigeria

There are too many things that make Nigeria exceptional and without equal. If Nigeria were not so wonderful, there would not have been 170 million Nigerians. Because Nigeria is such a great country, we are determined to give birth to as many children as possible so that even more people can partake of the pleasures of living here. We manufacture babies by the thousands and the millions because we are in love with the country. Nigerians don’t commit suicide. Neither do Nigerians ever desert Nigeria. The very worst thing that can happen to a Nigerian is to be exiled from the country.

Remember this: Nigeria is nobody’s colony. We refuse to be subject to nobody. We are not under the thumb of the British, the Americans or anyone else. Nigeria is the one African country that can be said to be truly independent. We have nationalized all the nationalize-ables. We own the land. There is no foreign settler-community in Nigeria that holds us captive. We are the kings of our castles. Our very best products are made in Nigeria. We make our own mistakes; make our own choices and make our own beds.

We rig our own elections. We forge our own passports. We buy our own lies. We deceive our own people. We choose to live in the middle ages and not in the 21st century. We choose to eat in “bukas” and not in restaurants. We choose to eat with our hands and not with forks and knives. We choose to walk rather than fly.

Organised chaos

Nigerians are natural-born revolutionaries. We like to struggle. We are always fighting something or someone. We don’t like the easy life. That is way too boring. We thrive when there is chaos. We make a profit, where there is confusion. We rise up to the challenge, where everything is upside down. If something is well-organised, our first assignment is to scatter it. That gives us room to maneuver. We can handle chaos, but order is another problem entirely.
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Correct.
Corruption our major problem. Its everywhere you go in Nigeria, just like MTN.