Nearly 10 years after an acquaintance had been languishing in Nigeria, living wretchedly, I spoke with my husband and suggested that we arranged his relocation to come and sort out his life! On arrival, we did everything (I mean everything) for him: paid for his flight, and on arrival we fed, housed (arranged and paid his rent), and clothed him! We also advised him on what to do and how to go about things—the lawful way, of course. In no time, this character started avoiding us; and, perceived our counsels as attempting to stop him being ‘himself’. His wife stopped speaking with us. Once we realised this, we withdrew into our shells. Then he started accusing us of not caring anymore, and more recently he has taken to lampooning us on facebook. There are too many graphic details I cannot go into here.

We’re clearly not asking this idi0t to worship us or anything; we’ve only helped him escape abject poverty, and thought given our experience of living abroad, we could offer him guidance pending when he’s used to the system and capable of independently figuring things out. For example, he once had to pay triple the original train fares for not pre-booking his train ticket and for not paying attention to peak and off peak rules. We explained; he ignored us. On another trip, he was meant to fly with a low cost airline and got to the airport before changing his mind. Why? He wanted to pay and board, just like Nigerians would arrive airports, and pay just before boarding. In the civilised world, flight, bus, train, and ferry tickets are bought in advance in order to get the best deal. It’s on issues like this, clarified in a gentle manner, that this dude felt we’re dominating his life, and subsequently chose to lampoon us. Having heard and seen how Indians and Pakistanis help themselves in this country, and having heard stories of Nigerians behaving like the idi0t I've described here, I woke up this morning with a burning question on my mind: what is wrong with Nigerians, and why are we ingrates?

It is not a "Nigerian" thing, ingrates are everywhere in the world. Forgive his mumu-ness..I pray this event doens't stop u from rendering such help in future.

@ops what do you expect after all such is life.

I always have problem with a general statement. The fact that a Nigerian did something unworthy doesn't warrant you painting all Nigerians with the same brush. You are also a Nigerian yourself. It is not a function of race nor culture but wickedness that resides in the hearts of men irrespective of race, culture and gender.

My advice to you is when you set to help people, do it with no strings attached and no expectations whatsoever. With this you will not be disappointed by the shortcomings of people. If because of the disappointment of one, you close your eyes to others in need, how will you feel if God repays you for all your shortcomings against Him?

Do good to all and be wise while doing it. It is well with you

What's with Nairalanders and general statements??
Nigerians are this...Nigerians are that

What's with the natural beef to your fellow Nigerians??

Like they'av met atleast one-quarter of the Nigerian population.

bellong: I always have problem with a general statement. The fact that a Nigerian did something unworthy doesn't warrant you painting all Nigerians with the same brush. You are also a Nigerian yourself. It is not a function of race nor culture but wickedness that resides in the hearts of men irrespective of race, culture and gender.

My advice to you is when you set to help people, do it with no strings attached and no expectations whatsoever. With this you will not be disappointed by the shortcomings of people. If because of the disappointment of one, you close your eyes to others in need, how will you feel if God repays you for all your shortcomings against Him? Do good to all and be wise while doing it. It is well with you

I agree this is not a Nigerian (but a humanity) thing. But hey, I've seen and heard what Indians and Pakistanis do to help fellow countrymen and women. Have you lived or worked with the Filipinos? When one Filipino knows about an opportunity, he tells the whole village and everyone would start to quickly avail of such opportunities: that's how the Filipino flooded the NHS in the 2000s at a time when Nigerian nurses in the NHS who knew UK needed overseas trained nurses were hoarding the recruitment information from their colleagues back home in Nigeria. Also, if you understood my post, you should have realized we helped with no strings attached and even withdrew at the slightest opportunity once we realized his warped mentality. So crossed this morning.

Erelu_Y:
. Also, if you understood my post, you should have realized we helped with no strings attached and even withdrew at the slightest opportunity once we realized his warped mentality. So crossed this morning.

I read and understood perfectly your post and frustration. What I meant by doing things without expectation is giving room for the stupidity in the heart of men like the one you painted here. If you had factored in this situation from the beginning, you wouldn't be this cross. Meanwhile, I am not saying you shouldn't be annoyed at his actions, infact you have every right to. I am only appealing that you resort to this in subsequent helps you will render.

humans are generally ungrateful, we are even ungrateful to our maker.I don't bother myself with people when I can't help from arms length, take them into your bosoms and they ll surely disappoint.

1. Stop generalizing. You only helped an individual,not your whole village.

2. When you just waltz in into peoples life(try to help) without studying the fella,understand or try to understand his current situation ie why are things not working out for him in Nigeria, then ferry him straight to obodo oyibo as if there's a magic wand there,then expect such problems.

* did your friend ever tell you he wanted to travel abroad or u think traveling sorts all problem?
* how do you and ur husband talk with him when you do "correct abi give him orientation" ? In a condescending manner,reminding him how u guys rescued him from death in 9ja?
*we all live our lives differently. You've helped him? Fine! Let him be his own man,take charge of his life including mistakes. He'll either learn or suffer for it. You cannot change his personality because you transported him to ala bekke,biko.

Too much information kpa kpa in your write up! If you or your husband have shared this story the way you did here to friends,then its understandable to see the man avoiding yous. Who wants to be demeaned, as in, thoroughly washed,dried and re-washed just because s/he was "helped" ?

Lastly, you help people because of God then let go! Don't expect them to repay back,sing your praises,dance to your tune. He's an adult for fvcks sake,give him space. Let him say whatever he likes on FBK or wherever,ignore him.

PS: I'm assuming things happened as you claimed.

OP is really pissed
You know what, it's called life! You have tried your best, let him be. I always say if you know you can't give without expecting anything in return, it's better you dont even give.
Most Nigerians are like that you just described but you are taking it very serious probably you thought you have an investment that will start profiting in no due time.
Whatever he is saying in his Facebook, block him na, like that you couldn't careless. How difficult can that be.
Your hubby is picking on you because you helped someone who doesn't appreciate? How would you have known it would happen like that.
My dear, too early to start getting worried and old because of something someone is doing. Get your self and continue your good works(if you still hav any left)

What happened to the word "some" or "most"?

@ op i understand how you feel.ive also felt the same way in the past,but its part of life.there are some peeps that are naturally ungrateful.if you like dash them your kidney,they will still be part of the people plotting to bring you down.however,

like others have said when you do stuffs for people,do it WITHOUT EXPECTATIONS.its because you have set a very high expectation of him,thats why you are dissapointed.wgen you help,do it as unto the lord and do it for the sake of your kids not even because of who you are helping.

Even the bible says when you give to the poor,God owes you.it also said somewhere in proverbs.you say you love me,but you saw your neighbour hungry,you didnt feed him,you saw him naked, you didnt cloth him,you saw him homeless,you did not give him shelter.if you cannot show love to the man you see how then can you claim to love me (God) that you do not see.

Siving to the poor is lending to God and he definetly will repay you.his ingratitude hurts i know,but know that ungrateful people dont go far in life.they always meet their waterloo in the shortest possible time so give like you are lending to God.

Ingrates are everywhere,even some people who jesus performed miracles for didnt come back to say thank you.thats human beings for you

Erelu_Y:

I'VE VOWED TO CLOSE MY EYES TO PEOPLE'S SUFFERING. IF WE DIDN'T GET INVOLVED WITH HIM THIS WOULDN'T HAVE HAPPENED. MY HUBBY IS, UNDERSTANDABLY, SO CROSSED - SAYING YOU INITIATED THIS, NOW SEE WHAT'S HAPPENING. WE'VE NEVER HAD ANY ISSUES SINCE MARRYING.

Op,
You are not alone ohhh!
I can't count up to 3 people I or my family has helped that appreciated it.
.
.
.
I have a 'friend' (these days, I doubt that word) who had accomodation issues, I took him in because I am still single and live all alone in a 3 bedroom apartment.
Close to two years now. Recently the guy got another girlfriend and decided to end things with his long term girlfriend of about 4yrs. He got another girlfriend and in his wisdom, decided that the girl will live with him in my own house without informing me.
Now, I am a private person and I am really crossed about this development. So I have decided not to talk but to keep my distance from him and the girl.
.
.
.
Could you imagine that this ingrate of a guy has been running his mouth to my cousin, that is it because of accomodation
that I am doing shakara for him......Hmmm. Human beings.

O gaa o!

Somebari ia maaad!

Poster u r yet to understand the meaning of giving.
If u r a christian, go and study the life of Jesus Christ.