I have observed my father, and noticed that he holds the reins in his relationship like a charriot, wearing the trouser in the relationship.

while my girlfriend's father is the exact opposite. I mean i've never seen a man cry until when i met my girlfriend's father. I used to think women were too emotional but this one beats me. I was shell shocked.

I am now at a point where i have to hold the reins, and i have resorted to take after my father.

Guys, what makes you a man?

bare in mind the ladies will be reading this, but please be truthful.

My father is just like yours.
I think you're mistaking being a "brute" to be equivalent to being the "man" in a relationship. A man can be the leader in his relationship without being too pushy or making his partner feel intimidated.

well even though im a woman, im going to put my two cents into this. oka i heard your post was a little tooken back. First of all you said that women were too emotional. Negative. Second you said that you never seen a man cry. I want to ask you why you seemed so shocked when you first saw a man cry.Third of all, why does your dad have to be the leader of the relationship? why couldnt it be 50/50?

onyinye2:

Third of all, why does your dad have to be the leader of the relationship? why couldnt it be 50/50?

Why shouldn't he be a leader?

onyinye2:

well even though im a woman, im going to put my two cents into this. oka i heard your post was a little tooken back. First of all you said that women were too emotional. Negative. Second you said that you never seen a man cry. I want to ask you why you seemed so shocked when you first saw a man cry.Third of all, why does your dad have to be the leader of the relationship? why couldnt it be 50/50?

because even in life there are no two captains on a ship.

First of all, a woman looks up to man to be the leader in the relationship.  When the man starts looking up to the woman, then there's something wrong.

50/50 means there's no leader in the relationship.

stillwater:

Why shouldn't he be a leader?

he can be the leader, just not over me. i dont need someone telling me what to do. i have my own parents for that. and i dont want just one of us to be the leader of the relationship. why can't it be 50/50? there we both have a say and no one soul person makes the final decision but we both can.

onyinye2:

he can be the leader, just not over me. i don't need someone telling me what to do. i have my own parents for that. and i don't want just one of us to be the leader of the relationship. why can't it be 50/50? there we both have a say and no one soul person makes the final decision but we both can.

I'll be eager to know the guy who eventually marries you.

david,

it's not being brute, but being firm.

@ Onyinye,

My research shows most women get annoyed when they expect the man to take the decision and show the lead rather than asking her what he should do.

Are you saying your gf's father isnt a "man" cos he has emotions?

KarmaMod:

Are you saying your girlfriend's father isnt a "man" because he has emotions?

yeah i was tooken back about his statement too.

Studentet:


@ Onyinye,

My research shows most women get annoyed when they expect the man to take the decision and show the lead rather than asking her what he should do.

oka i dont want no punk as a husband because that aint nothing no one want. yea there will be times that i will have to except the fact he is the man and society says he needs to step up and take control. but i dont need no man telling me what to do. i have a mind of my own. and i dont want him to make all the decisions in the household. i mean it is my household too. i deserve to have a say and make decisions too.

A man controls his emotions, and not the other way round.

My father may feel pain sometimes, but i have never in my lifetime seen the guy cry.  even when his dad and mum died. now what painful emotion can be more than that?

Not someone who cries at every little opportunity just because his wife left him.

yeeeee o yibon. paa paa paa

Studentet:

A man controls his emotion, and not the other way round.

My father may feel pains sometimes, but i have never in my lifetime seen the guy cry. even when his dad and mum died. now what painful emotion can be more than that?

Not someone who cries at every little opportunity just because he's wife left him.

You sound like a demented psycho/ Are all men the same? So cos your cold father didnt cry about the death of his parents, everyone should look up to him as the standard of being a "man"

Abeg go and sleep

It's these so called "men" that can kill people in their sleep and sing "trust and obey" 20 mins later

@ Onyinye

a man has to be firm in his household does not interprete to being a punk.

Karmamod, please watch your language, this thread is not for insults.

If your own father cries like a baby each time, does not mean you should insult people on here. That statement from me was used as a reference and not a standard of measure geddit?

Make me.

onyinye2:

he can be the leader, just not over me. i don't need someone telling me what to do. i have my own parents for that. and i don't want just one of us to be the leader of the relationship. why can't it be 50/50? there we both have a say and no one soul person makes the final decision but we both can.

Ok . He being a leader doesn't mean you shouldn't and wouldn't have a say.

A marriage is not 50/50 because 50/50 does not work.  I am a woman but I can tell you only what i have observed.

The first man in my life is my father and he is a man.  He is the head of the house.  He would ask Hazel for her imput but at the end of the day Tony made the decisons and he took on the responsiblity for those decisons both good and bad.  He always worked, he always took care of his house, he always provided for his family.  My mom always catered to my dad, had his dinner on the table, the house clean and us kids in order.

there was never a disrespectful word uttered to my parents for fear that dad could read our minds.  My dad never showed weakness but I did see him cry when my sister died.  And seeing him cry did not make him any less than a man in my eyes.  My dad demanded respect and provided it back.  My dad has his own plate and was always served before everyone else.  My dad never made his own meal or cup of tea or poured his own glass of wine.  But my mom never had to worry if a bill was paid or the car was maintained or if my father was going to work.

My mom went to work when my youngest sister was 8 because she wanted something to do outside the home and then she only worked part-time.  My father is a MAN and the only model I have of MAN.

There can only be one head.  I have been the head of my house since I was 17 when i got married the first time.  Believe me being married to a boy in a man's body is no fun at all.  When my current husband came along and showed me that they still make real men i was more than happy to pass the weight to him.  Women are not made to carry that weight that is why men have more musles   but for real it feels so good to finally be able to go to him with the problem and know that he will take care of it i dont have to worry anymore when i turn it over to him.

I dont mind being the submissive wife to my husband because he caters to me as much as i cater to him and we both understand our place in our marriage.

@sistawoman

oka i don't know how you do it cause i don't think i could be a submissive wife. it just doesn't work with me. yes i will take care of my husband but to wade on him hand and foot is a hell naw for me. Growing up my father was a man but he treated my mom as his equal. And a marriage can be 50/50 if you try. I don't understand how people can withstand marriages in which things are 75/25. i don't like being seen as inferior to anybody so i don't want no one controlling me or telling me what to do. he can tell our children what to do but as for me, i do what i feel is right in my heart not after being told what to do. I dare for him to think he aint never going have to cook for himself cause my father cooked for himself all the time. and my mom took care of hte bills every now and again. so i guess it depends on what you were brought up with.

sistawoman:

My dad never made his own meal or cup of tea or poured his own glass of wine. But my mom never had to worry if a bill was paid or the car was maintained or if my father was going to work.

No offence but I'm VERY thankful that my father is the complete opposite despite being a village man to the core.

whoever said marriage was 50/50 is either a bloody liar or unmarried

KarmaMod:

You sound like a demented psycho/ Are all men the same? So because your cold father didnt cry about the death of his parents, everyone should look up to him as the standard of being a "man"

Abeg go and sleep

It's these so called "men" that can kill people in their sleep and sing "trust and obey" 20 mins later

ROFL
Trust and obey
for there's no other way

KarmaMod:

No offence but I'm VERY thankful that my father is the complete opposite despite being a village man to the core.

These are the ways my parents showed they loved each other.  It is admizing that out of everything I said about my parents the one thing you focued on was that he never served his own food to his self.

Sista don't get too distracted by the naysayers, at least your parents had that much needed mutual respect and understanding for one another.

sistawoman,

Don't mind Karma, she's just being a sissy.

You think calling a female a sissy hurts her feelings? when I can easily just translate it to Sisi?

and sista, who said your parents didnt have love between them? Im sure they did. Apparently your mother was fine with that kind of arrangement. Good for her but Lol I dont see my mom accepting that approach. Just saying Im personally perfer my father's attitude towards his marriage.

*shrugs* Life goes on.

onyinye2:

@sistawoman

oka i don't know how you do it cause i don't think i could be a submissive wife. it just doesn't work with me. yes i will take care of my husband but to wade on him hand and foot is a hell naw for me. Growing up my father was a man but he treated my mom as his equal. And a marriage can be 50/50 if you try. I don't understand how people can withstand marriages in which things are 75/25. i don't like being seen as inferior to anybody so i don't want no one controlling me or telling me what to do. he can tell our children what to do but as for me, i do what i feel is right in my heart not after being told what to do. I dare for him to think he aint never going have to cook for himself cause my father cooked for himself all the time. and my mom took care of hte bills every now and again. so i guess it depends on what you were brought up with.

I never looked as my mom as inferior to my father but my father is the head of his house.  My father did not control my mother but she knew what was expected of her as he knew what was expected of him.  I dont ask my husband for permission to do things as my mom never asked my father for permission for everyday things.  But if any of us children came with a special request, ie a loan or something, it had to be cleared thru dad.
My husband cooks but that is his personal preference and my dads was that he did not have to cook because my mother or us girls would do it.
If it is 50/50 and a husband and wife dont agree weither to go left or right are they suposed to go off and do thier own way seperate from each other.  a decison has to be made and the result of that decison has be delt with.  why not allow your husband to make those decisons w/ your imput and allow your husband to shoulder the weight of those decisons.
Women have the power to influance our husbands in only a way a wife can.  We can help them, hold thier hands and guide them to a decison w/o taking control.  The real deal is, and every man knows this, if mama aint happy nobody is happy.  My dad often said that to us children.  He always made sure my mom had a smile on her face and no matter what was going on mom was always happy.  Now I know why, she had a MAN who took charge of his family and ran his house.
You say you cant submit to a man.  Let me tell you I used to think that way at one time until my husband.  When that MAN comes along you will gladly submit to him.  You will gladly wait on him hand and foot because he will treat you like the Queen you are and you will have no problem giving him his King status.

onyinye2:

@sistawoman

oka i don't know how you do it cause i don't think i could be a submissive wife. it just doesn't work with me. yes i will take care of my husband but to wade on him hand and foot is a hell naw for me. Growing up my father was a man but he treated my mom as his equal. And a marriage can be 50/50 if you try. I don't understand how people can withstand marriages in which things are 75/25. i don't like being seen as inferior to anybody so i don't want no one controlling me or telling me what to do. he can tell our children what to do but as for me, i do what i feel is right in my heart not after being told what to do. I dare for him to think he aint never going have to cook for himself cause my father cooked for himself all the time. and my mom took care of hte bills every now and again. so i guess it depends on what you were brought up with.

what does a child know? When i was 5yrs old i thot the earth was flat too.

KarmaMod:

No offence but I'm VERY thankful that my father is the complete opposite despite being a village man to the core.

Its no big deal, all fathers are different . . . dont be surprised if u end up with a man the exact opposite of ur father.

You say you can't submit to a man. Let me tell you I used to think that way at one time until my husband. When that MAN comes along you will gladly submit to him. You will gladly wait on him hand and foot because he will treat you like the Queen you are and you will have no problem giving him his King status.

LOL! Oh yea, I mustTa forgotten! We're still living in Victorian time.

@post
Seriously, I don't know.
But I think responsibility and ability to control their emotions has to do with being a man. But them, a woman also possess those qualities.

I'll accept that day you accept marrying a girl that is the complete OPPOSITE of your mother, David

Eiher way I dont see that happening on my side

KarmaMod:

I'll accept that day you accept marrying a girl that is the complete OPPOSITE of your mother, David

Eiher way I don't see that happening on my side

maybe maybe not. I've learnt that not all women are the same, i take them as they come now. I suppose you shld begin to see things in that light.