Sen.tempest:
Please oh i need someone to help me talk to my sister who want to reject the marriage proposal from a man she has dated for 2years+ simply because she has not being pregnant for him since they ve been dating! Is it wise? Plz ur candid advice needed.

Toyinletstalk: Your sister has her reasons. She is the one dating the man and she knows better, so her decisions should be respected. I like the fact that she knows what she wants.

Relationships though, shouldn't really be about popping out kids and making money, but you can't change someone else's mentality until they are really ready to change it.

chaircover:

How does your sister know that she is not the one with fertility issues. . . please dont tell me that she got pregnant before in a previous relationship; because infertility can come at any time. I have a friend with only one daughter and she has been trying for about 15 years for another baby.

If she is that concerned, her first point of call is to a hospital to get her and her finance tested. Tests wont cover all eventualities, but it will give them both an idea of their reproductive health.

ifyalways: Your sister I presume is an adult and we have varying reasons for getting into marriage, different goals and priorities.

She's the one dating the man,not you. If for whatever reason she feels the man is shooting blanks/is incapable of getting her pregnant,which is what I THINK is happening now, and she wants to have kids,infact having children is on top her priority list then she's 100% right to reject the mans proposal!

You just have to sit down with her and find out why she thinks the man cannot get her pregnant. Have they seen a doctor? Did she have a DC in the past and worried about herself?

Her life,her choice. You can't make her change her mindset unless she decides to.

chaircover:

How does your sister know that she is not the one with fertility issues. . . please dont tell me that she got pregnant before in a previous relationship; because infertility can come at any time.

eagle,eye:

Anty Ify, thank you for this advice ohh!.... Guys una dey hear am so..... If you okay and you girl no fit carry belle for you before marriage and you want babies, please free the babe ohh!
Her fellow woman(abi na fellow widow) has adviced all those testing the engine to know if it really works to do the needful.....
NB
believe me this kind of advice will do more good to the guys than the ladies. My opinion though.

ifyalways:
What's up with the widow statement ? Is that a sick joke or you and yours lost your husband/wife ?

It will land on your head first.

Sen.tempest:
Please oh i need someone to help me talk to my sister who want to reject the marriage proposal from a man she has dated for 2years+ simply because she has not being pregnant for him since they ve been dating! Is it wise? Plz ur candid advice needed.

Efemena_xy:

Your sister is an adult and knows what she wants.

If she's based in Naija, engaged to a Nigerian man, then yes - her choice makes a lot of sense and I respect her for that. At least she's being very clear on what she wants and has laid her cards on the table. No time for sme-sme and she just wants to get down to business. If the man can't deliver the goods, then he's out the door.

dayokanu: I trust Efe jare she doesnt mince words

Dont mind the others who are saying she married for love

How many of them can stay in a marriage without any kids to show

Efemena_xy:

^^ Abi?

@ eagle, eye: Naija 'love' nor dey extend reach childlessness. Let's call a spade a spade jare. Prevention is better than cure as per a broken engagement is better than a broken marriage.

eagle,eye:

I get your point though..... but its some other women now that will come to preach love when man makes this kind of complaint.... All is Fair in War and Love.

Efemena_xy:

Your sister is an adult and knows what she wants.

If she's based in Naija, engaged to a Nigerian man, then yes - her choice makes a lot of sense and I respect her for that. At least she's being very clear on what she wants and has laid her cards on the table. No time for sme-sme and she just wants to get down to business. If the man can't deliver the goods, then he's out the door.you are sooooooooo right


You couldnt have said it any bettermi remember the other day when one of those nl things was telling me as a lady you are supppsed to be seen not heard.i bursted in laughter and deliberatly let it go not because i didnt have a befiting answer but on a 2nd thought this is africa.men unconsciously expect women to be doormats or daft
their only usefulness is in marriage and child popping,if they cant fulfill that,tjey are ejected or sidelined

thats what i call african reality 101

Yeah, her actions might sound harsh, but not as harsh as what she'll be subjected to by her in-laws and probably her hubby himself a couple of years down the line of married life. I can almost picture it - the unbearable pressure from in-laws poke-nosing and wanting to know why pikin never enter the equation (even if the fault is the man's), her mother-in-law dragging her off to meet the 'pastors' of Celestial church of A, holy ghost ministries of miracles, etc where she'll be forced to swallow gallons of Olive Oil, bath n@ked and bury red candles at Lagos bar beach, and so on and so forth... (where is madam Debrief! sigh...)

No, better she saves herself the stress now than jump from frying pan to fire. All those shouting love...love...love...Naija love nor dey waka reach that side of childlessness. When push comes to shove, no one will bat an eyelid if the man decides to get a second / third wife + x number of girlfriends along the way to 'test' his fertility. He'll even get a pat on the back for it.

But her nko? Will she be at liberty to take a second / third husband or to 'test' her fertility outside? I don't think so. At the end of the day, we women can shout ourselves hoarse but in Naija, it's a man's world and women are expected to lead conservative lives and definitely no exploring especially once married.

Only thing I'll add on here is that she and her man both go for extensive medical / fertility checkups. Let the medics do their thing and rule out any possibilities of infertility caused from STIs / STDs, and they should also count the man's little swimmers and how active they are.