bigheart2013:

There are Nigerian girls who don't have money, car, flashy clothes, they live in face-me-I-face-you yard, yet they have self-respect and dignity. Those are the type of girls men are looking for in marriage.

Efemena_xy: The way I see it, this girl in question is bowing to peer pressure - which as we all know, is hard to resist.

That notwithstanding, right is right and wrong is wrong in this scenario. There are no middle grounds here.

@OP, having read her latest response / defence of acquiring that phone, it's obvious she's being economical with the truth. A girl should respect herself and background enough to know when to cut her coat according to her size. She obviously hasn't / doesn't and definitely has more than one boyfriend on the go.

There's not much you can do to dissuade her if she's chosen the path of greed and avarice over her studies. However, you can contain the damage by preaching to her to protect herself from STIs/STDs and unwanted pregnancies.

baralatie:
u av not worked wit young ladies.u are judging this girl unfairly and i bet u ,if u go head in wit this tone just like soul-glo.he wil lose her trust and would prefer the hard road!

Efemena_xy:

Don't you think your views are a bit skewered here?

How can you say those are the sort of girls men look for in marriage, yet, it's these same men that try ever so hard to buy love with material wealth. If a man with low self-esteem / confidence issues throws money at girls' faces, flashes his flash car and bachelor pad, then what do you expect the girls in question to do?

Mind you, I'm not defending these awon / runz girls. Far from it. I'm only just letting you know that the men in question must take equal blame for the girls being so corrupt.

Efemena_xy:

What's unfair and harsh about what I've posted?

Pray, do tell.

baralatie:
imagine u are sitting along wit her.u know tel her everytin from paragraph 3 downwards!do u tink she want to change to dat tone!

The 1st tin is dat she wil find it hard to tel u anytin again!she wil now resort to taking advice from her peers!
Dealing wit young ladies needs tact witout pushing them away!
She wil feel coz u say the phon u av know termed her promiscious and greedy.if u dnt hold it down she begins to conceal the very informatn u want to work with.

Efemena_xy:

Really?

So what approach do you suggest for a grown-assed 25 year old girl living above her means?

'Cos I haven't seen your suggestions here - abi you're of the school of thought that bad behaviour should be rewarded?

And when she finally reaps the seeds of what she's currently sowing (a.k.a her runz movements), who d'you think will be there to help her shoulder the mess she's created for herself?

soul_glo:

If at her age she has not found a way to rise above all that then I truly feel sorry for her. Why does she have to wear peruvian or brazilian hair? What happened to Nigerian hair? Please. I don't feel sorry for her.

bigheart2013:

I tried making contact with her via phone yesterday but the noise in the background was too much. I sent her a soft-tone text

"..I'm hapi u're doin well at schl & lukin healthy. but I think dat big fone i saw u wit can attract thieves to rob u. Also pple hu wana help u may think u're rich. wit ur bkgrnd it sends a wrong signal o, haba...LoL!.. just a brotherly advice.."

she wrote back "..uncle u'r not d 1st to say dat. but it's a make-up gift frm a frnd afta a big quarrel, & he's always checking to c I stil hav d phone. maybe he tot i sold it like one money-lover. men hia say nig gals dont value gift but only mony. Pls I'm not a bad girl. uncle, even whn u dont want dis thinz, & dnt want dem, men hia'll pester u wt big gifts & cash to woo u. wot do u do?...pls sorry sir 4 ma behavior"

When I asked further that I thought it's from her bf I know as a student, she said it's not from him rather from a guy, where she did her IT who wants to go out with her... . Should I discourage her to date dis type of man who 'buys' love with cash & gifts? However, I don't want to meddle with her privacy...she won't share info with me again.

kulyie: lmao @ nigerian hair a 25 year old will always be a 25 year old.yorubas say igba ewe lan bura.let her wear all the spaghtti,short skirts,bom shorts etc so that at 50 something she wont wear them.shes still a chic abeg,let her act,dress and look like one.not that i encourage living above your means,but ill prefer her asking her cousin or uncle for money than asking one chief,alhaji,senator or campus big boy for money.which is better of the 2 evils

baralatie:
abi o!them don cal am name finish!

Efemena_xy:

Really?

So what approach do you suggest for a grown-assed 25 year old girl living above her means?

'Cos I haven't seen your suggestions here - abi you're of the school of thought that bad behaviour should be rewarded?

And when she finally reaps the seeds of what she's currently sowing (a.k.a her runz movements), who d'you think will be there to help her shoulder the mess she's created for herself?

Efemena_xy:

Oh please!

Just open up your eyes will you? Unless of course, you're a love-vendor in disguise?

@OP stated that:

~ she's got a pennyless koboless student boyfriend

~ She's got a man on the side whom she's not interested in, yet accepts expensive gifts from (in return for what??)

~ She comes from a poor background and practically lives hand-to-mouth and yet is able to flash a 50K phone.

So tell me, what d'you call a single girl with multiple boyfriends - playing them off against each other? Nor be awon runz stuff?

baralatie:

when a 25yr old has to beg his uncle for #10000.do that define her as som1 who is living above her means!

Concerning my comments check again!

bigheart2013:

I tried making contact with her via phone yesterday but the noise in the background was too much. I sent her a soft-tone text

"..I'm hapi u're doin well at schl & lukin healthy. but I think dat big fone i saw u wit can attract thieves to rob u. Also pple hu wana help u may think u're rich. wit ur bkgrnd it sends a wrong signal o, haba...LoL!.. just a brotherly advice.."

she wrote back "..uncle u'r not d 1st to say dat. but it's a make-up gift frm a frnd afta a big quarrel, & he's always checking to c I stil hav d phone. maybe he tot i sold it like one money-lover. men hia say nig gals dont value gift but only mony. Pls I'm not a bad girl. uncle, even whn u dont want dis thinz, & dnt want dem, men hia'll pester u wt big gifts & cash to woo u. wot do u do?...pls sorry sir 4 ma behavior"

When I asked further that I thought it's from her bf I know as a student, she said it's not from him rather from a guy, where she did her IT who wants to go out with her... . Should I discourage her to date dis type of man who 'buys' love with cash & gifts? However, I don't want to meddle with her privacy...she won't share info with me again.

Efemena_xy:

Your comprehension abilities are truly amazing. Did you understand @OP's post regarding his latest communication with her? Here it is again:




To make it easier for you, I've highlighted the incriminating bits of information in blue. (You do understand what the word incriminating means - yes?) but just in case, I'll school you:

1. Her uncle isn't the first to notice her unladylike behaviour and she's more or less admitted it.

2. She says it's a make-up gift from a friend after a big quarrel? Really? So when you have an argument with a member of the opposite sex, you buy them expensive 50K gifts that are way above what they can afford without expecting anything in return? If your answer to that question is yes, then you are either naive or being economical with the truth.

3. But then again, she mentions that men pester her with expensive gifts to woo her. What does that mean to you? So it's okay for her to receive gifts from every Tom, d.!.ck and Harry that chooses to woo her? What do you call such girls, Mr Baralatie??

4. She confirmed that the gift wasn't from her koboless student boyfriend but from someone else who wants to date her. So she's keeping the student boyfriend and yet accepting gifts from me wooing her?

5. Finally, why do you think she's apologizing for her behaviour? Hmmm?

Have you figured out what sort of girl she's portraying herself to be yet? If not, then take that as your homework to be submitted first thing tomorrow morning!

baralatie:

unfortunately u did not highlight the part he said"she wil not share info wit me again"
now what was the op asking for again yes _a solution!

Ask urself this question from ur highlights.what do u tink happened!idoes she deserve been called a b.. Frm outside & now inside!
Do u tink she wil ever ask for #100 from her uncle after she is indirectly called a b...

Like a said earlier when u dealing wit a young lady it is one step at a time.as long as u dnt get her slaming the door of heart.

chaircover: ^^^^^ please are we talking about a 25 year old or a 15 year old?

chaircover: ^^^^^ please are we talking about a 25 year old or a 15 year old?

If a 25 year old is still being swayed by peer pressure by kids 5 years younger than her, then there is a problem! Wjhat is the average uni student age? if anything they should be looking up to her for wisdom and not the other way round.

If a 25 year old cant deal with the truth and needs it sugar coated, then there is a problem. Do her 25 year old mates who are working get the truth sugar coated in the workplace?

If a 25 year old doesn't know how to turn down an unwanted gift from a man, then there is a problem

baralatie:
we are not sugar coating the truth we just administering thro anoda means which deliver the same effect.
Also understand whatever she goes affects al age strata of women starting from teemage to oldage.
Namely men(GOD BLES US!)

chaircover: ^^^^^ please are we talking about a 25 year old or a 15 year old?

If a 25 year old is still being swayed by peer pressure by kids 5 years younger than her, then there is a problem! Wjhat is the average uni student age? if anything they should be looking up to her for wisdom and not the other way round.

If a 25 year old cant deal with the truth and needs it sugar coated, then there is a problem. Do her 25 year old mates who are working get the truth sugar coated in the workplace?

If a 25 year old doesn't know how to turn down an unwanted gift from a man, then there is a problem

baralatie: Lol!dont worry urself!d real issue is this :u go direct wit a strong tone wit a 25yr old.she wil kick against correction!dat i bet on!why?she lives in a community where she is made or force to at least tag along with the crowd!
The best option is to comunicate to her inteligence!to do this she needs to trust enof to be able to correct herself while speaking about herself.and it needs 1 step at a time approach and lots of prayers!

kulyie: .so i understand when ladies are moved by such the only issh i have is that she should make getting out of school her priority,at 25 she should be in an office,rounding up her masters or shop not school doing buga with 21,23,20 etc

bigheart2013:

You're right. but strikes by lecturers lengthen years spent in school, and graduation year..

kulyie: awwww.ok.i get.but still i still feel you should talk to her about thinking of setting up a buisness or learning a skill so that the ASUU strike wont waste her life.at least when shes occupied she wont have time for peer influence/pressure

bigheart2013:

Hillary Clinton once wrote that Nigerian youths are psychologically traumatized by what they see going on around them... The issue of peer pressure, societal influence, loss of values, and the way rich people, shove it in the face of those who don't have, put a lot of pressure on Nigerian youth to 'catch-up' at all cost. Look around, there are not even good role models. For the ladies it's sleeping around with men to get what they want, while boys take to fraud, dishonesty and crime to catch up.

It's not about age, approach, or even family background. Otherwise there are older women, working class ladies, married ladies, and even daughters of wealthy men sleeping around with men. I think we are underrating this problem. I just need a practical solution to nip one more statistic in the bud.

bigheart2013:

Hillary Clinton once wrote that Nigerian youths are psychologically traumatized by what they see going on around them... The issue of peer pressure, societal influence, loss of values, and the way rich people, shove it in the face of those who don't have, put a lot of pressure on Nigerian youth to 'catch-up' at all cost. Look around, there are not even good role models. For the ladies it's sleeping around with men to get what they want, while boys take to fraud, dishonesty and crime to catch up.

It's not about age, approach, or even family background. Otherwise there are older women, working class ladies, married ladies, and even daughters of wealthy men sleeping around with men. I think we are underrating this problem. I just need a practical solution to nip one more statistic in the bud.

baby_123: Bigas*s and Bigheart should get married. So that they can discuss all their numerous issues. I am sure it would take years to deal with.

greatgod2012:


thanks for your compliment, but pls, with all humility and due respect, don't refer to me as the wise, i am human and i will remain human, only God is wise. Thanks.


@post, the reasoning of that your cousin is somehow, if it was his bf that actually gave her that phone as a gift, she supposed to have questioned the guy as to where he got the money to buy the phone from.
On the other hand, she might not be telling you the truth as to who gave her the phone. If i were you, i will invite her over and have a serious and meaningful discussion with her, if she doesn't appreciate it now, she will do later.
May God help us all.