IF YOU DON'T LAUGH AT THIS JOKE, YOU
PROBLEM MUST DEFINITELY BE GREATER THAN
THE JOKE
WEED EXPERIENCE: A TRUE LIFE STORY
I had just moved out of my parents house
and was sharing a room with my "friend". I
had no idea he smoked weed, despite his
suspicious movements and signature weed
scent (abi na odour?). Barely two weeks after
moving in with him, my worst fears were
confirmed as he started bringing home his
weed smoking buddies and they would
occasionally roll a wrap and smoke it right
there in the room or mix the weed with
beans or spaghetti.
Being a very curious person I always
wondered what made them happy after
smoking, so I decided to find out for myself
(wrong move). It was a very hot day in
February, a Saturday I think it was, my friend
was out as usual. I searched everywhere for
his stash but couldn't find it so I decided to
go and get mine. I arrived the weed joint all
sweaty and nervous, half expecting to get
mugged but nobody seemed to be aware of
my presence there, they were all on different
planets all except one I concluded that he
must be the seller so I approached him and
the following conversation ensued:
Me: how far?
Weed seller: I dey
Me: I wan buy weed Weed
seller: how many parcel?
Me: parcel ke? Iro oo, na just small i need
Weed seller: laughs really hard. bolo leleyi sha
(meaning this guy is a dunce oo)
Apparently, a parcel of weed is that small
wrap, I didn't know that. I thought it was
something very large. I gave him 1000naira
and he gave me a tiny wrap of weed with a
white paper, I was surprised when he gave
me 950 as change. I couldn't believe weed
was that cheap. On my way home, I decided
not to smoke it but mix it with beans
because I thought that it will be better that
way (another wrong move).
Long story short, I cooked beans and added
the whole weed, ate it and called my friend, I
told him ogbeni, I just ate weed oo and
nothing happened to me this one that you
people will eat and be feeling funky, I don
chop am oo. My friend was like, ehen you be
strong man oo. I decided to take a quick nap
before doing laundry, I woke up about 20
minutes later on the floor, I was banging my
head on the floor, and I couldn't stop, my
heart beat was so audible and fast,
everything was extra bright and extra loud.
After a few minutes of head banging, I was
able to get up from the floor, I felt as if I had
just gained access to a part of my mind that I
never knew existed previously. It was scary
and cool at the same time. I could feel the
blood flowing in my veins (you have to
experience it to believe it. Though I strongly
advise against it).
I felt so uncomfortable in the room, it felt like
I was in an oven. Suddenly, a voice in my
head wisphered ogbeni bo aso e joor (off
your clothes), I obeyed. The voice came again
oya sa re (now run). That was when I
realized that the weed had taken effect, so I
decided to take a shower to see if it will calm
me down, but the water felt so hot on my
skin so hot I ran out of the bathroom. I called
my friend to see if he could help me make
sense of what was going on but he laughed
at me, he asked me the quantity of weed I
took and I told him I used a whole parcel, he
said guyyyyy you don eff up! If you no sleep
in the next 30mins, you go mad oo. Go
chemist make you go explain yourself.
By this time things had escalated, I had a
severe itch at the back of my head that
wouldn't go away no matter how hard I
scratched and I was convinced that the
beating in my chest was an evil spirit that
could only be killed with a punch. I ran to my
neighbor - Champion and told him,
Champion e jo e fun mi lese laya(champion
pls punch me in the chest). ti e ba gbami lese
laya mo ma ku oo (if you don't punch me I
will die oo). He hissed and walked out having
had enough of such nonsense from the boys
in the boys quarters. The voice in my head
came again - iwo na o de gba ara e lese laya
abi o ti fe ku ni (why don't you punch
yourself in the chest or do you want to die?)
I punched and punched but there was no
difference. The house was getting hotter, the
voice in my head was getting louder, the itch
in my head was getting worse, and the evil
spirit in my chest was getting louder.
Then came the voice again - oya ma sare lo
(start running). So I started running but on
getting outside in the sun, I felt so cold I was
shivering but that didn't stop me from
running (I would have given Usain Bolt a run
for his money on that day). On getting to the
chemist, i realized I was bare footed, I told
him I had a severe headache I needed
something to make me sleep immediately. He
gave me the drug and I chewed it right there
in his presence. Next I asked him to give me
a drug for evil spirit, that was when he
realized something was wrong with me and
chased me out. I got back home and tried to
sleep but my heart beat wouldn't let me, so I
ran back out this time around to a nurse in
the area, first thing she asked was - kilode o
wo bata ni? (why don't you have your shoes
on? I told her Jackie Chan ti gba bata lowo mi
(Jackie Chan collected my shoes).
I was finally able to explain my situation to
her and she took me in, tied something
around my elbow and injected me directly in
the vein. I passed out immediately only to
wake around 1 or 2am in the middle of the
night with the worst kind of hunger I have
ever felt in my life. I ate a whole loaf of butter
field bread in one sitting without butter or
tea. I came home to a hero's welcome, my
friend told me e be like say your head no
carry am but e go better make you try am
once more so you go dey use to it.
The following day while the house was
empty, I packed my Ghana must go and like
the prodigal son in the bible I went back
home to my parents. It's been a few years
since that experience but the lesson I learnt
is an unforgettable one. My curiosity hasn't
gotten me in trouble again and my circle of
friends have since changed

Very funny indeed but you were not serious at all. Must you imitate your friend mostly his bad act? God saved you. Next time,come to me to hit you at the chest and see if I wont help you.

@Google63 You got me cracking my ribs that my girl was asking if i was alright, perhaps i would do the same one of this days to have the same experiences. [color=#006600][/color]

you can try it again so dat u'll get used to it . Dat tin no b better tin

Hahahaha..... I Don laugh quench for here o...@ mods abeg carry this thing go front-page, all nairalanders deserve a good laugh and learn lessons from this funny story

LWKMD
I laughed so hard ,i teared up

Nice one,that voice na wicked one ooooo,na madness be dt,mayb u for run reach cotonu

if ds is a joke, I'm laffin. buh I can't laff at all. ds is serz. u cud av gone crazy. it isn't funny jor

maayha: if ds is a joke, I'm laffin. buh I can't laff at all. ds is serz. u cud av gone crazy. it isn't funny jor

Lols. Lighten up jare. It's jst a joke and it makes for a good laugh

Mehnnn igbo (weed) na baskard, why he go make grown up man run without slippers on.

Ejor no vex. i was too lazy to even read it. just felt like commenting

Weed z 4 d body nd soul
Baba tank oluwa say u no kolo sha