These 10 quotes were the most cringe-
inducing of the year and we present
them for your reading pleasure. In
ascending order.
10) “I am the best rapper in Nigeria. If you
have an opposing opinion, now is the best
time to keep it to yourself”
Rapper Yung6ix having his imagined
Kendrick Lamar moment. Dear Yung6ix;
make good music, put out an album, put
your name out there. Maybe then we’ll
take you seriously.
9) “Any academic staff who fails to resume
on or before December 4, 2013 automatically
ceases to be a staff of the institution and
vice chancellors are also directed to
advertise vacancies in their institutions.”
Nyesom Wike, supervising minster for the
education ministry wading full throttle
into the federal government-ASUU
impasse like the uncouth fellow that he is
and trying (unsuccessfully, thank God) to
scuttle the work of parties genuinely
committed to ending the months long
strike. His ill advised press conference in
which he stayed screaming at the
microphone and yelled threats became
an instant visual manual for government
officials on how not to act in public. We
shudder to recall.
“ I was not a tribalist when I had a long-
standing and intimate relationship with
Miss Bianca Onoh, an Igbo lady…”
What shall we do with Femi Fani Kayode?
For most of the year, the former aviation
minister and presidential spokesman
was a national embarrassment, spewing
forth conspiracy theories on any subject
catching his fancy. While he had so
many disastrous statements, he got more
than he bargained for when in
defending himself against tribalism
attacks, bizarrely claimed to have had a
sizzling relationship with Bianca
Ojukwu, widow of the late Biafran
warlord. He was forced to recant when
she threatened to sue him for every
penny.
7) “We have stolen billions of dollars, what
did you do? We steal because you never
stoned us for it.”
Governor Rotimi Amechi of Rivers state
takes his side job as ruffler of feathers
very seriously. He dishes out one
provocative statement after the other
without giving a damn and exists to
taunt the unfortunate suckers who have
not gained access to the national loot. At
a tribute event for Nelson Mandela some
weeks back he dropped his latest verbal
missile and it was both an indictment on
himself as it was on his docile followers.
No sir, in bad taste.
6) “Come, sit on my laps and I will show you
a level of grace you do not understand.”
According to Ese Walters, repentant
adultress and misguided victim, senior
Pastor Biodun Fatoyinbo of the
Commonwealth Of Zion Assembly must
have been using these cringe worthy
lines to score with wide-eyed members
of his female congregation. The most
surprising part of this line is that it
actually works. His sweet roll came to an
end when she published a tell all blog
post revealing the pastor’s many
sexcapades. Pastor Fatoyinbo is yet to
deny Walters’ claims. And is yet to give
that robust response.
5) “As the president, I don’t know him (Abu
Shekau) and don’t know if he is dead or
alive; you journalists will know more than
us. You are the ones who talk to Boko
Haram”
In a presidential media chat, Goodluck
Ebele Jonathan uttered the words never to
be spoken by a country’s chief security
officer. In denying the whereabouts (and
maybe existence) of Abu Shekau, Boko
Haram’s point man, he took the war on
terror 10 steps back. Worse still was the
lackadaisical manner in which he
delivered his cluelessness.
4) “Yes, Patience Jonathan is my Jesus
Christ!”
Now this would be funny if it wasn’t so
sad. And true. Hon. Evans Bipi of the
Rivers state house of assembly who
proved he was anything but honourable,
was speaking from the bottom of his
heart when he declared dame Patience
Jonathan (aka mama Peace) his deity as
she was responsible for his political
career so far.
3) “I cannot categorically tell you one now…
the one we are going to make use of is going
to be made known by my oga at the top…”
Mr Obafaiye Shem , former Lagos state
commandant of the National Security
and Civil Defence Corps was asked a
simple straight forward question by the
hosts of Channels tv’s daily breakfast
show. “What is the website of the
NSCDC?” It became his undoing as he
went on a rambling routine that did not
produce the answer to the question but
succeeded in shedding light on the
pathetic state of affairs of our public
institutions and officers. Shame on you
Shem.
2) “We do not pray for accidents but it is
inevitable… we do everything to ensure that
we do not have accidents, but it is an act of
God.”
Stella Oduah , Aviation minister
addressing journalists 3 days after 16
people lost their lives in the Associated
airlines crash that was ferrying the
remains of Olusegun Agagu, a former
aviation minister. Of course, as it turned
out, God had nothing to do with this
particular crash as the Accident
Investigation Bureau revealed that a
malfunctioning engine and a wrong call
by the pilot was most likely the cause.
1) “You are a widow… go and die”
Oh dear! Edo state governor, Comrade
Adams Oshiomhole became this year’s
face of insensitivity when he was
recorded on video, yelling at a poor
widow displaying her wares illegally by
the roadside to go and die. He later had
tea with his victim and rewarded her
generously but still, that image lingers.

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