akin_kk: This issue has always gone through my mind....disowning a child; is this a punishment or what, what's the concept behind this and why do some parents see it as a solution or judgement to their child(ren)'s character or wrongdoing...Please share your thoughts on this

Efemena_xy:

The concept behind this is failure on the part of the parent(s) in bringing up their child(ren) well - so what do they do? Shirk their responsibilities by washing their hands clean of the child rather than admit their failure at parenthood.

No child is born bad. Children are what you make them. They come into this world as blank slates and everything they learn is based on what they see and hear around them. The simply emulate the actions of adults and those close by.

fowowe411: I refuse to agree with you on this,because children are not necessarily what you make them but sometimes what they choose to become.I have seen a lot of situation where well brought kids get spoilt as a result of external influence.Take for example Nigerian universities,80% of the girls play aristos in school and they become saints at home.My point is that parents should try their best in bringing up their children. Back to topic,many people see it as Nigerian mentality but I see as a personal thing.I don't pray to be in a situation to disown my child but if need be,some reasons I can do such is just like a situation where my child is f*cking live on T.v,I will have no choice than to disown such child if after my advice he/she refuses.

fowowe411: I refuse to agree with you on this,because children are not necessarily what you make them but sometimes what they choose to become.I have seen a lot of situation where well brought kids get spoilt as a result of external influence. Take for example Nigerian universities,80% of the girls play aristos in school and they become saints at home.My point is that parents should try their best in bringing up their children. Back to topic,many people see it as Nigerian mentality but I see as a personal thing.I don't pray to be in a situation to disown my child but if need be,some reasons I can do such is just like a situation where my child is f*cking live on T.v,I will have no choice than to disown such child if after my advice he/she refuses.

Efemena_xy:

The concept behind this is failure on the part of the parent(s) in bringing up their child(ren) well - so what do they do? Shirk their responsibilities by washing their hands clean of the child rather than admit their failure at parenthood.

No child is born bad. Children are what you make them. They come into this world as blank slates and everything they learn is based on what they see and hear around them. The simply emulate the actions of adults and those close by.

alutacontinua:

Is there even any legal backing for dt whole disown crap?

What do u even call 'proper upbringing'? A child that has been made to feel like home is prison and once she feels a wave of 'freedom', decided to express herself

Mrs mansson: Would you disown your son who raped his own sister and his brother's Girlfriend?

Mrs mansson: Would you disown your son who raped his own sister and his brother's Girlfriend?

Efemena_xy:

Okay, let's take a look at your first and last statements - i.e: the bits highlighted in bold:

What's your definition of a well-brought up child? Yes, external influences and peer pressure are all part of growing up. These two things 'test' the integrity of the child. Now, as a parent who's been actively involved in their child's emotional, social and physical well being from the word go, part of effective parenting skills is the ability to let your child fully understand that this world is full of temptations. You as the parent are responsible for teaching your child the difference between right and wrong, and when faced with tempting situations, how best to deal with them.

Part of achieving this is making them well aware of actions-and-consequences. If you teach your child early on how to take responsibility for their actions, good or bad, such a child would be hard pressed to deviate from that path. I'll give you a very simple analogy: from an early age, you teach your kids that playing with fire is dangerous and they can get burnt. So, your child is equipped with the knowledge that playing with fire is bad. Now if this same child decides to test out that theory and place a finger in a flame, they get burnt and will be hard pressed to forget that experience. Simply analogy I know, but the underlying principle remains the same.

Now you mention girls involved in aristo runs. Part of bringing up your daughters to be decent is impacting good morals in them. Having said that, go that extra mile as a parent to make sure your girls have every thing they need, moneywise. Make sure they don't find themselves in such dire situations where they'll be forced to do anything to ensure they have the very basics of life (food, clothing and shelter). That is every parent's responsibility to their offspring. Now having catered for the basics, the onus is on you the parent to make sure your child learns to cut their coat according to their size. This is where impacting good morales comes to play.

But most importantly, ensure that there is a good, clear and open communication channel between you and your kids. Make sure your kids feel absolutely free to tell you anything and everything they experience in life. Be there to guide them. Be understanding and do not adopt the typical Naija mentality where my word is law and you have no say in the matter.

The need for effective communication cannot be over emphasised. When children feel they're in situations where they can't voice their thoughts, concerns and opinions to their parents / adults around them, what do you think happens next? I'll tell you - they'll kick against your form of authority and all you stand for. They rebel against you and do the very things you've taught them not to and this is part of the reason the girls get involved in aristo runs.

Interestingly, another reason why these girls get involved in such activities is due to deprivation. A child coming from a deprived background, struggling from hand-to-mouth so to speak just to feed, have a roof over their head and to clothe themselves are easier targets / victims to aristo runs / dealings, and this brings me to my earlier point of ensuring you as a parent must cater for your child's needs, else they fall foul to temptation and compromise their morals (if they had any to start with).

Now having said this, give me any other reason why you think those girls would be involved in aristo runs apart from the reasons I've given above? And why the others don't?

akin_kk: This issue has always gone through my mind....disowning a child; is this a punishment or what, what's the concept behind this and why do some parents see it as a solution or judgement to their child(ren)'s character or wrongdoing...Please share your thoughts on this

Ewuro707: ^^ may God forgive you sir/madam.

fowowe411: Yes I agree with almost if not all your points.But with the way you sound,I doubt it if you school in Nigeria(most especially public universities).A lot of things happened there that beat my imagination.many girls who are from rich families,God fearing homes,and even elite parents still involve in such dirty act.So in a situation like this will you still blame their parents?I know those of us that school in Nigeria will understand me better.

dayokanu: Efe,

Its not all that easy and straightforward

You see kids from same parent with same upbringing grow completely different. Kids from affluent homes in Igbinedion Babcock Covenant still flood major cities for aristo runs