chaircover: If many successful married men were to be true to themselves, many got there with support from the wife and I dont mean financialy. You have a spring in your step when you know that there is someone there for you; Your number one fan. Someone who tells you that the sky is the limit, someone who crys with you and laughs with you. Someone who beleives in you. Someone who interceeds for you. Someone who wants the best for you and so on.

fresh dude: If £1=#250 then
£2.5m=#625 000 000,
£35 000=#8 750 000.
I now see why the women are concerned for this woman, how is she going to live a decent life with such a paltry sum? This man is just wicked, he should be shot!

Sagamite:

rhymz:


well, you have a point but it appears in this case it is Jay that just wants to do it, perhaps to show his love for Bey but in a way that does not leave him like a ravaged kitten.

True!

But I think it is just evidence of the subliminal effect of such laws on men in the West. When they have been bashed and brainwash in divorces they start thinking I should do this and that because I am or would be at fault.

Rubbish rants like this add to that effect:

"She gave him the best years of her life".

"She had kids for him".

"It is wealth made due to and during the union".

"She is entitled to half".

"He would not be successful if not for her contribution to his life and a stable home".

"In the best interest of the child".

"She is used to the lifestyle".

Each is utter cretinous tosh!

Sagamite: It is not a contract.

If it is a contract, the terms say: "For better, for worse", "till death do us part".

Which means, if it is a contract, you stay in it NO MATTER WHAT happens. It does not cater for "Oh, I am not happy", "Oh, (s)he cheated on me". There will be no divorce. Divorce is not allowed. Even when everything is going bad to worse, you stick with it as the "contract" says. The only way out is if you DIEEEEEEEEEEEEE! You parfukar! You kick the bucket! You Kpai!

Is that not what they said "I do" to?

It is not a contract.

It can not be a contract when the ONLY TERMS in the contract that people agreed to are not even relevant. It is a mere symbolic ceremony/ritual.

Shy Steady: An Igbo scholar, Dr. Samuel Okafor, has made one-time Aviation Minister, Chief Femi Fani-Kayode, look so small and uneducated by using facts and figures to demolish the claims he made in the controversial August 8 article, “The Bitter Truth About The Igbo”, which set off a storm that almost threatened Igbo-Yoruba relations.

In the first part of an article entitled “The Lies of Femi Fani-Kayode”, Okafor, who has a First Class in History from the University of Nigeria Nsukka and then did a Ph.D in Nsukka on scholarship, dismissed Fani-Kayode as a “half-baked intellectual.” He then proceeded, point by point, to address what he termed “the most reckless amongst the tangle of reckless comments spewed by Femi, a character who with each punch of his keypad stresses his severely unwell conditions of logorrhoea, delusions of enlightenment, history and sociology – amongst others.”

Below are Okafor’s words:

FEMI AND HIS SEVERELY IGNORANT LIES:

•Femi Lies About the Yorubas Being Nigeria’s Earliest Graduates:

From his myopic bubble Femi FaniKayode claims the Yoruba were the first to acquire Western education; the first ever known record of a literate Nigerian in the English Language is the narrative of an Ibo slave who regained his freedom and documented his life history as a slave from the time he was 11 years old in present day Ibo land till the time when he gained his freedom in the middle of the 18 th century. He later married an English woman and had 3 children. He died in 1795.

Femi, a basic Google-research will do you good here; check out the name, Equanoh OLAODAH. Further Femi claims that the Yoruba were the first lawyers and doctors in Nigeria. This is again a big falsehood. The first Nigeria doctor was an Effik man Silas G. Dove who obtained a medical degree from France and returned to practise medicine in 1840 in Calabar. This fact can also be verified from historical medical records in Paris.

I would also ask that you google the name BLYDEN – Edward Wilmot BLYDEN – an educated son of free Ibo slaves who by the mid-19th century had acquired sound theological education. He was born in Saint Thomas in 1832. He is one of the founding missionaries that established the Archbishop Vining church in Ikeja. Before the next time you succumb to your long-running battle with logorrhoea, Femi please do some research.

What about the third president of a free Liberia – President J JRoyle – again, a man of Ibo descent. Please take some time to do some research so that we can discuss constructively. It is wrong to peddle lies to your people. It is academic fraud to knowingly misrepresent facts just to score cheap points with people who do not have the discipline to do research and accept anything you pour out simply because they say you are well educated. To again quote the great Nobel Prize Winner in Economics Joseph Stiglitz; Femi fits into the category of third rate students from first rate universities with an inflated sense of self-importance. Let’s go on!

Who was the first Nigerian Professor of Mathematics – an Ibo man – Professor Chike Obi – the man who solved Fermat’s Last Theorem. He was followed by another Ibo man, Professor James Ezeilo, Professor of Differentail Calculus and the founder of the Ezeilo Constant. Please do some research on this great Ibo man. He later became the Vice Chancellor of the University of Nigeria Nsukka and one of the founders of the Nigerian Mathematical Centre. Who was Nigeria’s first Professor of Histroy – Professor Kenneth Dike who published the first account of trade in Nigeria in pre-colonial times. He was also the first African Vice Chancellor of the University of Ibadan. Who was the first Professor of Microbiology – Professor Eni Njoku; he was also the first African Vice Chancellor of the University of Lagos. Anatomy and Physiology – Professor Chike Edozien is an Asaba man and current Obi of Asaba. Who was the first Professor of Anatomy at the University College Ibadan? Who was the first Professor of Physics? Professor Okoye, who became a Professor of Physics at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology in 1960. He was followed by the likes of Professor Alexander Anumalu who has been nominated for the Nobel Prize for Physics three times for his research in Intermediate Quantum Physics. He was also a founding member of the Nigerian Mathematical Centre. Nuclear Physics and Chemistry – again another Ibo man – Professor Frank Ndili who gained a Ph.D in his early ’20s at Cambridge Univesity in Nuclear Physics and Chemistry in the early ’60s. This young Asaba man had made a First Class in Physics and Mathematics at the then University College Ibadan in the early ’50s. First Professor of Statistics – Professor Adichie who’s research on Non-Parametric Statistics led to new areas in statistical research. What about the first Nigerian Professor of Medicine – Professor Kodilinye – he was appointed a Professor of Medicine at the University of London in 1952. He later became the Vice Chancellor of the University of Nigeria Nsukka after the war. What about Astronomy – again another Ibo man was the first Professor of Astronomy – please, look up Professor Ntukoju – he was the first to earn a double Ph.D in Astronomy and Mathematics.

Let’s go to the Social Sciences – Demography and statistical research into population studies – again another Ibo man – Professor Okonjo who set up the first Centre for Population Research in Ibadan in the early ’60s. A double Ph.D in Mathematics and Economics. Philosophy – Professor G D Okafor, who became a Professor of Philosophy at the Amherst College USA in 1953. Economics – Dr. Pius Okigbo who became a visiting scholar and Professor of Economics at the University of London in 1954. He is also the first Nigerian Ph.D in Economics. Theology and theological research – Professor Njoku who became the first Nigerian to earn a Ph.D in Theology from Queens University Belfast in Ireland. He was appointed a Professor of Theology at the University College Zambia in 1952.

I am still conducting research in areas such as Geography where it seems a Yoruba man, Professor Mabogunje, was the first Professor. I also am conducting research into who was the first Nigerian Professor of English, Theatre Arts, Languages, Business and Education, Law and Engineering, Computer Technology, etc. Nigerians need to be told the truth and not let the lies that Femi Fani-Kayode has been selling to some ignorant Yoruba who feel that to be the first to see the white man and interact with him means that you are way ahead of other groups. The Ibo as The great Achebe said had within a span of 40 years bridged the gap and even surpassed the Yoruba in education by the ’60s. Many a Yoruba people perpetually indulge in self-deceit: that they were the first to go to school; to be exposed to Western education; that they are academically ahead of other Nigerian cultures of peoples. Another ignorant lie.

As far back as 1495 the Benin Empire maintained a diplomatic presence in Portugal. This strategic relationship did not just stop at a mere mission but extended to areas such as education. Scores of young Benin men were sent out to Portugal to study and lots of them came back with advanced degrees in Medicine, Law and Portuguese Language, to name a few.

Indeed, some went with their Yoruba and Ibo slaves who served the sons of the Benin nobility while they studied in Portugal. These are facts that can be verified by the logs kept by ship owners in Portugal from 1494 to 1830. It is kept at the Portuguese Museum of Geographic History in Lisbon.

Why then would several Yoruba people peddle all these falsehoods to show that they are ahead educationally in Nigeria? The true facts from the Federal Office of Statistics on education tell otherwise, showing that 3 Ibo states for the past 12 years have constantly had the largest number of graduates in the country, producing more graduates than Ondo, Osun, Ekiti and Oyo states. These eastern states are Imo, Anambra and Abia. Yet he calls Ibos traders. Indeed, the Igbos dominate because excellence dominates mediocrity – truth.

Let me enlighten this falsehood’s mouthpiece even further: before the civil war Ibos controlled and dominated all institutions in the formal sector in Nigeria from the universities to the police to the military to politics:

•The first Black Vice Chancellor of the University of Ibadan was an Ibo man

•The first Vice Chancellor of the University of Lagos was an Ibo man

•The first Nigerian Rector of the then Yaba College of Technology was also an Ibo man

•The police was run by an Ibo IG

•The military as a professional institution was also run by elite-ilk Ibos.

Facts can never be hidden. To be first does not mean you would win the race; let us open up all our institutions and may the best man win. Let us not depend on handouts or privileges but on heard work. Let us compete and give the best positions to our brightest – be it Ibo, Yourba or Fulani, and then we shall see who is the most successful Nigerian.

I find it difficult not to respond to some of these long-held lies that are constantly being peddled by Yorubas. One is that the Yoruba have the largest number of professors in the country. I would again ask that we stick to facts and statistical records. The Nigerian Universities Commission has a record of the state with the largest number of professors on their records and as at 2010 that state is Imo State followed by Ondo State and then Anambra State; the next state is Ekiti and then Delta before Kwara State. I am sure you Yorubas are surprised. When you sit in the South-West do not think others are sleeping but I wish to address another historical fact and that is who were the first Nigerians to receive Western education. It is important that these issues be examined in their historical context and evidence through research be presented for all to examine.

I have continued my research for as the great sociologist and father of modern sociology – Emile Durkheim – put it, the definition of a situation is real in its consequence . What this simply means is that one must never allow a perceived falsehood to become one’s reality and by extension individuals who accept a defined position act as though the situation is real and apply themselves in that narrowly defined perspective.

Why is this important to state it is because for long the Yoruba have peddled lies that have almost become accepted as the truth by other Nigerians but it is important that we lay down the facts for others to examine and come to their own conclusion for facts are facts. Let’s go back to education. Historically, Western education resulted as a product of indigenous ethnic groups interacting with the whites through trade. The dominant groups sold slaves, ivory gold and a host of other products to their European counterparts in exchange for finished goods – wine, tobacco, mirrors, etc.

The Bini who were the dominant military force from the 15th to the 19th century raided and sold other ethnicities to the Europeans. Top on the list of those they sold were the Yoruba, Ibo and Igala. Various other ethnicities suffered as a result of the Bini military expansion. And the Benin Kingdom stretched from present-day Benin up to what is now geographically referred to as Republic of Togo. Indeed, the influence of the Benin Empire extended to the banks of the river Niger to present-day Onistha. There are huge Yoruba settlements in the Anioma part of Delta State who fled Yoruba land as a result of these attacks and constant raids. Yes, there are Yoruba people who are currently living with Ibos in the Ibo-speaking part of Delta and they are full citizens of the place no one refers to them as strangers and there is no talk about the Ibos being the host community like we hear from the Governor of Lagos State. But let me return to research. Slaves were moved from the hinterland to the coast and many were sold through Eko to the New World. These slaves were the first to encounter the Europeans and by extension their way of life – this included education in a Western sense. The Bini King had taken pains to establish a diplomatic presence in Portugal and the relationship developed into areas that extended beyond trade in the late 15th century and lasted well into the early 19th century. Scores of young Bpni youth were sent to Portugal and studied there, coming back with advanced degrees in various disciplines. The next set of people to receive Western education were the slaves themselves. Some of them managed to buy their freedom and develop themselves further.

For the Ibo it does not matter who your father is; the question is: Who are you? Who was Obasanjo’s father? Was he the most educated Nigerian? I am sure the answer is no. Yet this Great Nigeria led this nation two times as a military Head of State and as a civilian President. What about GEJ? Who was his own father? Was he the first Nigerian to go to London? The answer is no. In fact, he had no shoes, yet he is fully in charge. So it does not matter if your father was the first Lawyer or first Doctor in Nigeria but rather what matters is what an individual does with the talents the Almighty has given to him. Let us open up Nigeria for competition. That is the solution to our problems. Those who want privileges keep reminding us that their fathers were the first to go to school in London. Every generation produces its own leaders and champions. Like Dangote who is the biggest employer of labour in Nigeria today and the richest man in Africa. Was his father the first to go to study in London? Yet he is the master of people whose parents gave them the best. My brothers, the answer to the Nigerian problem is that we should establish a merit-driven society. “I get am before” no be property.

Baby mama:

shoerack6:
Hello house,

Whenever I have disagreement with hubby, he'll decide not to talk to me. He won't eat my food and also will not sleep on the same bed with me. I'll have to beg and beg before he finally decides to talk to me.
I'm so sick and tired of his attitude. I tried discussing with him that we should look for a better way to resolve issues but he said he doesn't want to discuss anything with me. 
We are presently not talking and have promised myself that this year, no more begging and begging. Have apologised to him like thrice since yesterday, i've sent him messages apologising even though I know that i've done nothing wrong.
Now i'm always in my room because even when I go to where he is, he'll stand up and leave d place.
This is killing me inside. Don't know what to do.
Pls mature advice only.
Mod pls I don't want this thread on front page.

That was your first post
I was about to respond and offer my advice until you hit me with this 

shoerack6:
I don't even want to explain what happened cos if I do, u people will help me insult him.
Ok, let me explain. Hubby is a tribalist. He said he doesn't like me speaking this particular language and that's the language I use when communicating with my family.
So yesterday, my aunty called. I tried as much as possible not to speak this language so was just answering her hun, ehn ehn but at the same time I don't want him to think i'm talking with someone I don't want him to know, so I decided to ask after her son in the language. That's where the trouble started oo.
I'm so sick and tired of all this. When I tried begging, he asked me to leave his presence and that was when I asked him if he was trying to frustrate me. He now said these days that my mouth is becoming too sharp and even threatened to slap me.

Then I am thinking,there is still some hope here 
When I read

shoerack6:
Thanks for your advice but the thing is we have separate room but when it's time to sleep he comes to my room. So practically, when he's angry, he'll decide to sleep in his room.
Yes I have two kids. I've stopped cooking for him whenever is angry cos if I see d food there on the table, I get more heart broken.

And just before I was fully recovered from the first posts you said this 

shoerack6:  The most painful part is when it comes to begging. I can stand for I hr begging
Just how many days ago, he was angry that my aunty's husband called me.

He's so jealous and practically controls my life. If not that I already have kids, I would have asked him to divorce me.
He has another wife (i'm the first) so whenever he's not talking to me, he'll just face the other wife and abandon me. This breaks me down.

And also 

shoerack6:
I already answered. I actually graduated last two years but he refused from going to serve.

And then about your co wife you said

shoerack6:
Yes we stay in the same house and we live happily.

Then back to the situation you said

shoerack6:
I'm actually tired but don't want to leave because of my kids.

Then as I was getting a good grasp of the situation I said hmm
A Muslim woman with two kids for a tribalist polygamist who controls her every move including her associations with family members on the phone.
A man who gets angry ,with violent tendencies and doesn't care reconciling since there is a spare wife around
A man she knows in her heart she ought to leave
what did this wife say 

shoerack6:
Thanks so much for your advice.[b] To be candid, he's a good man. [/b]The only problem I think i'm having with him is the silent treatment. Thanks once again.

Maybe I don't know the definition of good
Everything you described here is far from good my dear
Read the highlights
You better wake up
This time next year there could be two other wives
If you think it is hot now,wait till then
There is no advice anyone can give you regarding being happy in a polygamous home
You can never be happy married to a man that you will be lying in bed and hearing moans from your fellow woman across the hallway
No woman born of a woman would tell me she enjoys that
There is no incentive whatsoever for this man to be good to you
He doesn't miss you when you have a disagreement
There is a readily available alternative right under your roof
If he doesn't eat your food,he will eat hers
If both of you are in the dog house,he goes outside to the potential 3rd wife
A polygamous man can never be committed to you and can never be faithful 
You can't demand or have all of him,bits of him are everywhere,
The mere fact that he couldn't stick with you as his one and only speaks of his unfaithfulness and lack of commitment
He is allowed to play you all,if he couldn't he will stick with you and work things out with you.
You have two and half options

1. Either stay and collect the little attention he gives you and spend 12 hours of your day begging for love like an Almajiri begging for alms 

Or

2. You insist that you want to find you a proper job starting with going for NYSC 

Or

2.5 get you a little "undercover lover" to "tidy sequences" when he is doing inyanga ( this is me speaking without the Holy Spirit) 

No 2 advice is because ,when or if he meets your demand and divorces you ,he may also repossess the so called business he opened for you
So whatever you have with his name on it,is still his including the roof over your head.
He will keep the children and they will become boi boi for the other wives or you get custody but no money to take care of you or them. Islam may permit polygamy,it doesn't mandate polygamy so any man that tells you he is doing it because Islam permits him is using it as a cop out for his infidelity.

crackhaus: As regards the question on the topic, It is not always the fault of the woman/girl, but it's a lot more so than it is the fault of the man.
Here are a few points;

- women are creatures of emotion. Only about 3% of the decisions y'all make is logical, the remain 97% is mainly sentiments based on how you feel you should be treated.

- I hardly ever hear a man say, "I want to be treated like a king"... But women churn out the phrase, "I should be treated like a queen" more so.
This is why I think y'all over-rate yourselves too much, cos truthfully, a good man can tell when a woman deserves to be treated like a queen and unfortunately, these 'queen' nominees are quite few.

- attitude! Yes attitude!
The moment a woman doesn't get what she wants or have her way, she resorts to calling men all sort of derogatory names.
For example, during an argument between a man and his spouse...a time comes when the woman in an attempt at gaining the upper hand, begins to refer to her spouse as acting like a child, or being immature.
She does this for no reason, other than the fact that her man has a stronger argument but her 'pride' won't let her admit it.

- now it is a known fact that women don't like being taken for granted. Y'all feel that just for the reason of having a va.gi.na, men are supposed to kiss your as.ses whether you deserve it or not. This is a delusion from the pit of hell!
Yea, men have egos but what the nazi-feminists and pro-feminists don't understand is that trying to create equality is a lost battle. The world has being made to accomodate a man while the woman remains a companion or helper, this is the way God designed it. IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH EGO!

- the availability of a woman is by far outweighed by the availability of a man, forget them damn statistics.
You see, a woman's biological/reproductive clock starts ticking the moment puberty sets in. A medical study I once read states that, "A woman is born with all the eggs she'll ever have in her life, and these eggs die off yearly. A man on the other hand doesn't stop producing sperm eggs until he's well into the late 60's."
Now going by that info, it's safe to say that y'all are needed to start a family as soon as possible (and try to stick with it), probably more so than men.

- the men vs. women factor is entirely orchestrated by women, this is a known truth.
For every time a man gets antagonistic towards a woman, a woman is being antagonistic 5x already elsewhere.
This is also related to the 'emotional nature' of women.

- this final point, which is not a point really but just a summary of everything above, deals with the ego-trips of both men and women.
Men are smart, women are smarter!
Men don't like to admit it, and women don't know that most men actually prefer they think this way.

This is why there will always be a battle of the sexes, I personally find it all amusing anyway.
Faults can come from both sides, but most of the time when it comes from a woman...she goes on an all out emotional tussle for supremacy because y'all know that physically you don't stand a chance.

Note -
All points and assumptions above are valid for but not restricted only to people in a 'healthy' relationship.
Cases of physical abuse, ra.pe, criminal attitude towards women, etc, is exempted!

2buff: Ladies, have you ever been toasted by a guy and then all of a sudden, he just floats away?
There are a few reasons to that. It's likely not because you were not physically on point, or he wouldn't have started the process with you to begin with.

In most cases, the 2 possible factors to a good man's withdrawal are:
1. No chemistry with him
2. No Humility.

I have unfortunately come to see a rise of factor number 2 in this our generation, which is terribly unfortunate...

Ladies, a (real) man could care less about your money.
Yes, being gorgeous piqued his interest but you will need more than just that to KEEP it.
Yes the beginning stages will have all the yanga and all that, but after that phase (which shouldn't last too long btw), what are you really showing that man?

The primary thing a man needs from you, is not your love, but your respect.
Because from that, comes the right kind of love necessary to maintaining your man.

I hear a lot of my more honest female friends say: "I cannot love him If I don't respect him".
Love without respect is tantamount to the sort of love you have for a puppy, dog, cat or your girlfriends....not a man.
It is important for every woman praying for her man to keep this very crucial fact in mind.

Now you may think you can pull the wool over his eyes by being nice to him and all that, but you are mostly deceiving yourself because a watchful man is not just looking at how you treat him, but also how you treat others. And if you're faking it, you will slip.

Contrary to what many of you think, men are very intelligent when it comes to deciding who they want to get serious with long-term.
We analyze and we project with fore-sight. We see attitudes and we project them years into the future and analyse the form that attitude will take by then. This is a gift men have, as women tend to be more "in the moment" with their decisions.

It is important to understand that men are NOT women and you cannot associate with a man the way you would with your fellow woman. If you disagree with this, you had better educate yourself for your sake (e.g. I personally don't think anyone should marry without reading a book like "Men are from mars, Women are from venus". Remember those seemingly innocent conversations you have with him? Even though he is laughing with you, he is subconsciously using them to analyse which category you fall in.

You: "Can you imagine that from all the chairs in the room, they wanted me to sit down on that rickety-looking chair?"
Man: "Really? How dare they"
Man's mind: She's too proud. What does she want to sit down on, a throne? She doesn't seem like the type who can easily put her ego aside or "come down" for the sake of peace. That won't be good for marriage...

If you are always trying to tell your man how one person seemingly did this or that to you, and after he analyses it he sees that the person may not have been wrong, though he might agree with you for the sake of peace...he is making other decisions inside him as to what to do with you.

The key to this is (contrary to what you might have thought) not to stop telling your man about your day to day...but to, on your own, be humble!
Detach yourself from the mindset that everyone and everything should worship you, serve you or put you on any sort of pedestal.
Decouple yourself from the "princess" mentality.
Grow the heart of a servant.

Why am I telling you this? Because I am tired of seeing brilliant, heavily-employed, outstanding women totally missing the point and thus remaining single and searching long into their years. I want you my sisters fulfilled and I want you to understand that, contrary to the fallacy of media, Humility is one of your brightest virtues as a woman that will promote every area of your personal life, especially with men. Just as the lack of certain manly traits in a man often illicit's the charge:"Be a man!", I also charge you: "Be a woman!".

-With love,
2Buff


---EDIT -Dec 27th (absolutely no changes where made to the letter above)---

Judging by the tangent a lot of girls have unfortunately (yet predictably) decided to go off on in this thread, I am forced to highlight certain key details about my writing that the lot of you (delibrately) chose to miss. Firstly though, why is it that the very word "man" triggers such a deep defiance within you? Why is YOUR definition of the word "man" equivalent to "abusive", "rapist", "evil", etc. Do you not have fathers?
If you hate men so much, why even contemplate marriage? Why not just get a puppy and be done with it?

I even took a step further to use adjectives like "real man" and "good man" everywhere throughout this letter, yet you fail to understand, choosing instead to latch onto vain, cooked-up contexts from which to derive some childish justification to once again rebel against what a "man" is trying to tell you for your benefit.

So do tell, is YOUR definition of a "good man" an abusive, evil rapist who is never interested in what you have to say? Or is comprehension just a hard thing to come by these days? Assuming you have healthy definitions of good/real men, I hope you wouldn't even consider dating/marrying a man unless you determined he was a good/real man before any of this even becomes relevant.

Instead of being on the edge and looking for which part of this "man's" writing to further rebel against, why not just be still, stop thinking you know it all, and just maybe you could learn something to save your next/current relationship. Contrary to what most of you have decided to think, this letter was written out of the depths of my love for women. It can only help you going forward. For a woman, there is more power in humility than you think you know...

Happy New Year. Renew your mind. Make changes...