Hi, guys! I've been dating a guy from afar(long distance relationship). I know him personally but we've not really spent time together coz of distance. I'm in Lagos and He's in Abuja.
He always appears to be this very quiet, gentle and loving person.
And he proposed to me immediately so we really didn't date.
He came with his family for introduction.
Then I travelled to spend some time with him and. His people.
I saw a very different side of him. Anger, lying, badmouthing me to his family and he kept calling my people to report me for little things that we can easily deal with as a couple.
I'm fed up, I'm calling of this wedding, my question is: is it too late after introduction? I really need matured advice. Thanks

numdes: Hi, guys! I've been dating a guy from afar(long distance relationship). I know him personally but we've not really spent time together coz of distance. I'm in Lagos and He's in Abuja.
He always appears to be this very quiet, gentle and loving person.
And he proposed to me immediately so we really didn't date.
He came with his family for introduction.
Then I travelled to spend some time with him and. His people.
I saw a very different side of him. Anger, lying, badmouthing me to his family and he kept calling my people to report me for little things that we can easily deal with as a couple.
I'm fed up, I'm calling of this wedding, my question is: is it too late after introduction? I really need matured advice. Thanks

No. It's not too late.

It is not TOO late....
Infact it is not late ATALL..
Some people sef dey call off wedding talk less of introduction.


@op... Thank God for your life.

Call it off if you can't cope, but let him and his family members understand why. Better safe than sorry.

No it's never too late to call off the wedding. People walk away on wedding day sef.

Then I travelled to spend some time with him and. His people.
I saw a very different side of him. Anger, lying, badmouthing me to his family and he kept calling my people to report me for little things that we can easily deal with as a couple.

So you expect some of us to believe all of that ^^ went down while your hands were crossed and mouth mute consciously ? It is well and Good luck.

seriously

If you guys are engaged, MY PERSONAL OPINION is that it's late. My opinion is based on the fact that Joseph and Mary (Jesus' earthly parents) were engaged as at the time Mary conceived, yet Joseph purposed to divorce her secretly. Shey you get?

It is up to you.
It can be pretty irritating to deal with such a 'juvenile' who can't act like a mature human being.
You accepted a marriage proposal without getting to know the dude in question. . . TO SOME EXTENT AT LEAST?

WOW!!!!!

I wonder what made you do a thing like that?
Next time, get to know the individual before jumping in HEAD FIRST!

I saw a very different side of him. Anger, lying, badmouthing me to his family and he kept calling my people to report me for little things that we can easily deal with as a couple.

Sounds like a social misfit. Either you be patient and work with him. . . or quit! No marriage comes easy.
HA!!!! It is too WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY too early for this kind of behavior. . . he might get abusive in the future.

RED FLAG!!!!!

Every relationship comes with it's own challenges, but if you can't cope with those traits after marriage then it's the best time to quit.

Calm down and think things over, please don't act while angry. Take your time and make your decision wisely to avoid future regrets





My opinion

@Adewale leave matter for Mathias

The whole introduction/engagement = promise/ covenant has prevalently lost its moral value anyways as it is.

Everybody should do as they please. As long as you're happy and don't come crying on NL, whatever rocks your boat.

I'm not married but i can still say something..

Marriage is a life issue..And before you engage in such, you must have known your PRESAGED PARTNER like in and out..

You rushing into marriage is something i detest most especially with the little time you spent together...

I suggest both of you guys sit and talk about this..Query him and as him if he really know what he's doing..Take this beyond your level..Share this with sagacious persons around you..

Know from him if he truly loves you..If he gives you a comfortable reply, watch him carefully..He might be faking it..Draw conclusions on your observation..For sure you're grown enough to know what's love and what's not..

But in all be vigilant so you won't fall into the wrong hands..Thanks.

Remember that's a serious decision to take you know. How old are you? It's difficult for me to lend my support. When I call to mind what my people usually say " that there's no better place" If this guy's place is bad-mouthing. Can you tell the next guy's place? Please talk to him about it.

todayguest: Remember that's a serious decision to take you know. How old are you? It's difficult for me to lend my support. When I call to mind what my people usually say " that there's no better place" If this guy's place is bad-mouthing. Can you tell the next guy's place? Please talk to him about it.

Thank you jare

kulyie: seriously

I know you like to comment to a situation like this.

Let me standby to see how you will crucify the lady

And you have tried in correcting all these to no avail? If yes its not too late to me as a person...marriage is a life time institute, and its not meant to be endure.

Cancellation is so abrupt, so sudden, so final.

How about postponing the wedding.....indefinitely!!!

Lol.....just kidding, run as fast as your two feet can carry you. Call it anything that's palatable to them sha, as long as you don't marry into bondage. Goodluck.

Call it off

numdes: Hi, guys! I've been dating a guy from afar(long distance relationship). I know him personally but we've not really spent time together coz of distance. I'm in Lagos and He's in Abuja.
He always appears to be this very quiet, gentle and loving person.
And he proposed to me immediately so we really didn't date.
He came with his family for introduction.
Then I travelled to spend some time with him and. His people.
I saw a very different side of him. Anger, lying, badmouthing me to his family and he kept calling my people to report me for little things that we can easily deal with as a couple.
I'm fed up, I'm calling of this wedding, my question is: is it too late after introduction? I really need matured advice. Thanks

No it's not too late
The period of courtship is for you to get to know yourselves and decide if this will work
This man has shown you what being married to him will be like
He is immature
Call it off now
Your first hunch is right,don't allow anyone talk you out of it
Since he has anger issues you may not want to do this while you are with him and his people,they may hurt you
Go back to your own comfort area and call him from there and tell him it is over after you have informed your parents.

todayguest: Remember that's a serious decision to take you know. How old are you? It's difficult for me to lend my support. When I call to mind what my people usually say " that there's no better place" If this guy's place is bad-mouthing. Can you tell the next guy's place? Please talk to him about it.

I would have said you gave a nice opinion but let's look at what the lady said critically;

numdes:
I saw a very different side of him. Anger, lying, badmouthing me to his family and he kept calling my people to report me for little things that we can easily deal with as a couple.

No problem with this at all. Even the best couples on earth always display a new side of theirs at times; what could be termed 'human dynamics'.

I saw a very different side of him. Anger, lying, badmouthing me to his family and he kept calling my people to report me for little things that we can easily deal with as a couple.
I'm fed up, I'm calling of this wedding, my question is: is it too late after introduction? I really need matured advice. Thanks

We can be angry, human emotions at work, but the ability to subdue anger and not carried towards misbehaviour depends on maturity. That can also be talked and walked out depending on the level of maturity of the parties involved.

I saw a very different side of him. Anger, lying, badmouthing me to his family and he kept calling my people to report me for little things that we can easily deal with as a couple.
I'm fed up, I'm calling of this wedding, my question is: is it too late after introduction? I really need matured advice. Thanks

Lack of integrity. If he could lie, he cannot be trusted at all. A liar will cheat, won't be trustworthy at all and may end up putting one's life in jeopardy. If he cannot be trusted when pre-marriage is in course, how would he be trusted when the marriage now kicks off? That too can be remedied, depending on the psychological (and spiritual) inclination and maturity of the Miss (and Mr).

I saw a very different side of him. Anger, lying, badmouthing me to his family and he kept calling my people to report me for little things that we can easily deal with as a couple.

Now the very big problem. The woman never come in, he don dey badmouth her in front of family members. How would you expect him to talk about her when she becomes Mrs at the end? What he is doing is like downgrading/relegating/depreciating/devaluing his wife-to-be in front of others, the person she is supposed to see as her other half. In his subconscious, he has already played her on the level of an inferior personality, and has seen her as not precious to her at all. One would have reasoned that he loves her afterall and that is why he wants to marry her, but psychoanalytically, he doesn't.

numdes:
I'm fed up, I'm calling of this wedding, my question is: is it too late after introduction? I really need matured advice. Thanks

I will say leave him, but the onus is still on you to follow your discretion.

We are asking the Op to run fast, have we asked the Op her roles in all the drama?
If she is the one that triggers the reactions (i'm not in any way applauding the guy's immaturity)then i'm sorry running won't solve the issue 'cause the next relationship won't be a smooth sail either.

Op please give us a scenerio here, does he get angry over petty issues? and what do you consider petty?
You guys should stop getting on each others nerves and try to be adults. We can only give our opinions but the decision is yours,choose wisely.

D_BestDoc: We are asking the Op to run fast, have we asked the Op her roles in all the drama?
If she is the one that triggers the reactions (i'm not in any way applauding the guy's immaturity)then i'm sorry running won't solve the issue 'cause the next relationship won't be a smooth sail either.

Op please give us a scenerio here, does he get angry over petty issues? and what do you consider petty?
You guys should stop getting on each others nerves and try to be adults. We can only give our opinions but the decision is yours,choose wisely.

I don't care what she does,the man is calling her parents to report her and badmouth her to his people
If he can't handle whatever the problem may be between them then he is not mature enough for marriage
Period

I'm sure those ladies calling for call off are among those desperately looking 4 someone to put them at home barring all odds

Baby mama:

I don't care what she does,the man is calling her parents to report her and badmouth her to his people
If he can't handle whatever the problem may be between them then he is not mature enough for marriage
Period

I agree with you.

Baby mama:

I don't care what she does,the man is calling her parents to report her and badmouth her to his people
If he can't handle whatever the problem may be between them then he is not mature enough for marriage
Period

Baby i'm not saying it's right for the guy to report Op to her parents or whatever he does, what i'm saying is the lady in question shouldn't trigger issues and expect a pat on the back. Why is she always giving him things to report her for?

Im not trying to be the judge here but one sure thing is that if the guy in question comes on here to tell us what the op does, im sure we will aslo ask him to run from the lady without looking back.
Op knows herself and her relationship better than we do.

D_BestDoc:
Baby i'm not saying it's right for the guy to report Op to her parents or whatever he does, what i'm saying is the lady in question shouldn't trigger issues and expect a pat on the back. Why is she always giving him things to report her for?

Im not trying to be the judge here but one sure thing is that if the guy in question comes on here to tell us what the op does, im sure we will aslo ask him to run from the lady without looking back.
Op knows herself and her relationship better than we do.

You don't get baby mama do you?...read your first paragraph again and you will understand why I said you do not understand baby mamas point..whether she triggers issues or not, the man shouldn't be ringing her parents to report their daughter to them, but once not twice but countless. It's a sign of immaturity, if he can't handle her, call the marriage off.

The lady isn't expecting a pat on the back, what she wants is for them to be able to sort out their issues without involving her parents, is that too much to ask?

This girl I am telling you right now isn't half as stubborn as I am and never for one day has my husband picked up the fone, dialed my parents number and reported me to them.

That u r earning a living, of a certain age and want to marry does not mean u a qualified for marriage. Both male and female. Some pple need to go to pre marriage school.
This my guy belong to such group.

@D_BestDoc, no matter how pissed off the man could have been that doesn't still call for him to badmouth/downgrade the lady. She is his wife-to-be and needs to be treated as one with dignity, honour, pride and respect.
Let's see it this way; you have a friend and you have disagreement with that friend of yours. Would you need the consent of parents to settle issue with her? This lady is supposed to be her man's best friend and numero uno, yet he is now ridiculing her with all those kinds of behaviour. How do you expect her to feel? What the man is try to say covertly is that she is not worth to be esteemed at all. Whether she causes the problem or not is not the case here but the way the man is meant to deal with the issue. Assuming the lady is the one guilty here, it's better for them to deal with this issue amidst each other than to result in badmouthing her in public [even doing so in private is uncalled for]. Remember, whatever is presented cheaply in public has lost its pride and value, whether in public or not.

numdes: Hi, guys! I've been dating a guy from afar(long distance relationship). I know him personally but we've not really spent time together coz of distance. I'm in Lagos and He's in Abuja.
He always appears to be this very quiet, gentle and loving person.
And he proposed to me immediately so we really didn't date.
He came with his family for introduction.
Then I travelled to spend some time with him and. His people.
I saw a very different side of him. Anger, lying, badmouthing me to his family and he kept calling my people to report me for little things that we can easily deal with as a couple.
I'm fed up, I'm calling of this wedding, my question is: is it too late after introduction? I really need matured advice. Thanks

Call it off.

Before you come back to cry that your family talked you into saying he will change, let me warn you that he will not change except by divine intervention. It will be too early to start praying that God should touch his heart when you are supposed to be enjoying your honeymoon. My advise is that u should run not even walk, before warn is before armed. My one cent.

jennykadry:

You don't get baby mama do you?...read your first paragraph again and you will understand why I said you do not understand baby mamas point..whether she triggers issues or not, the man shouldn't be ringing her parents to report their daughter to them, but once not twice but countless. It's a sign of immaturity, if he can't handle her, call the marriage off.

The lady isn't expecting a pat on the back, what she wants is for them to be able to sort out their issues without involving her parents, is that too much to ask?

This girl I am telling you right now isn't half as stubborn as I am and never for one day has my husband picked up the fone, dialed my parents number and reported me to them.

Jenny in my second post i stated clearly that the guy is being immature, i can't dispute that. Now talking about your hubby, you should remember that people react to and handle things differently.Nobody is saying she should remain in the relationship if she can't handle what she's getting, my point is the next guy's reaction to whatever it is that causes the problems(assuming the Op has a part to play)might be different and more dangerous.

Btw the Op knows the answer to her question, even marriages involving kids are called off how much more an engagement. If she is 100% sure the guy is the problem, i don't think she would have given it a second thought.

RedReact: @D_BestDoc, no matter how pissed off the man could have been that doesn't still call for him to badmouth/downgrade the lady. She is his wife-to-be and needs to be treated as one with dignity, honour, pride and respect.
Let's see it this way; you have a friend and you have disagreement with that friend of yours. Would you need the consent of parents to settle issue with her? This lady is supposed to be her man's best friend and numero uno, yet he is now ridiculing her with all those kinds of behaviour. How do you expect her to feel? What the man is try to say covertly is that she is not worth to be esteemed at all. Whether she causes the problem or not is not the case here but the way the man is meant to deal with the issue. Assuming the lady is the one guilty here, it's better for them to deal with this issue amidst each other than to result in badmouthing her in public [even doing so in private is uncalled for]. Remember, whatever is presented cheaply in public has lost its pride and value, whether in public or not.

Yeah, i understand your point.The guy is being immature no doubt about that.


Sincerely i give up. All the best@ Op

Do you need a soothsayer to tell you what to do?
Your case is like someone who deliberately falls into a ditch.
You can go ahead,but am waiting for next thread on. How to cope with an abusive Husband.

Yomieluv: Do you need a soothsayer to tell you what to do?
Your case is like someone who deliberately falls into a ditch.
You can go ahead,but am waiting for next thread on. How to cope with an abusive Husband.

Funny i say!!

It won't happen...