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Shit Happens! by flyuche(m): 1:15am On Sep 02, 2008 |
Sometimes when shit happens, you want to be able to articulate the experience more than just you've, taken a shit. Here are some shit definitions to help you explain the situation better to your friends and family, Ghost Shit You know you've shit. There's shit on the toilet paper, but no shit in the bowl. Teflon Coated Shit Comes out so slick, clean and easy that you don't feel it. No traces of shit on the toilet paper, you have to look in the bowl to be sure you did it! Gooey Shit This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe your ass 12 times and it still doesn't come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your underwear so you don't stain it. This shit leaves permanent skid marks in the toilet. Second Thought Shit You're all done wiping your ass and you're about to stand up when you realize it, you've got some more. Pop a Vein in Your Forehead Shit This kind is the kind of shit that killed Elvis. It doesn't come until you're all sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard. Bali Belly Shit You shit so much you lose 5 kilos. Right Now Shit You better be within 10 seconds of a toilet. Usually it has its head out before you get your pants down. King Kong or Commode Choker Shit This shit is so big that you know it won't go down the toilet unless you break it into smaller chunks. A coat hanger works well. This kind of shit usually happens at someone else's house. Wet Cheeks Shit This shit hits the water sideways and makes a BIG splash that gets your ass wet. Wish Shit You sit there all cramped up and fart a few times, but no shit! Cement Block or Oh God Shit You wish you'd gotten a spinal block before you shit. Snake Shit This shit is fairly soft and about as big around as your thumb and at least three feet long. Cork Shit (Also Known as Floater Shit) Even after the third flush, it's still floating in there. My god! How do I get rid of it? This shit usually happens at someone else's house. Mexican Food Shit (also called Screamers) You'll know it's alright to eat again when your asshole stops burning. Beer Drunk Shit This happens the day after the night before. Normally your shit doesn't smell too bad, but this shit is BAD. Usually there's somebody standing outside to use the bathroom. This kind of shit also usually happens at someone else's house. The Frightened Turtle The kind of shit that just pokes its head out then quickly goes back in The Bungee Shit The kind of shit that just hangs off your ass before it falls into the water. The Ring of Fire Shit The kind of shit where you eat really spicy food and your asshole feels like the inside of a cigarette lighter. The Crippler The kind of shit where you have to sit on the toilet so long your legs go numb from the waist down. The Big Bobber The kind of shit that no matter how many times you flush it always floats back to the surface. The Shitty Shitty Bang Bang The kind of shit that hits you when you're trapped in your car in a traffic jam. The Incredible Hulk Shit The king of shit that sits in the toilet overnight and mysteriously expands to twice it's normal size. The Jack the Ripper Shit The kind of shit that yanks out the hair of your ass as it pushes its way out. The Party Pooper The giant shit you take at a party. And when you flush the toilet, you watch in horror as the water starts to rise. The Toxic Gas Shit The kind of shit that makes you pass out and fall of the toilet before you finish, and then you wake up in some strange South American town. Dirty Bowl Shit The kind of shit that comes out in a million pieces a second, reminiscent of an avalanche - but with rocket propulsion, and splatters all over the toilet bowl. The Windy City Shit When you sit down, and fart for so long and hard that you no longer need to take a shit. Oh Shit! Shit You shit so much and wipe your ass so furiously you run out of toilet paper and you say OH SHIT! The Never Ending Shit It's the shit that keeps running out of your ass like pea, and just when you start wiping your ass your stomach gargles and splash, more shit runs out. This always happens after eating at Kentucky Fried Chicken. Ouch That Hurt Shit The type of shit that leaves you feeling like you just hoped onto a bicycle without a seat. Sensation usually lasts hours. __________________________________________________ |
Re: Shit Happens! by Nobody: 1:34am On Sep 02, 2008 |
lmao |
Re: Shit Happens! by naijababe2(f): 8:25am On Sep 02, 2008 |
shit business is serious business. very funny analysis. Are u talking from experience? |
Re: Shit Happens! by clemcykul(f): 8:51am On Sep 02, 2008 |
yes na abi u no dey shit big black shit?? |
Re: Shit Happens! by naijababe2(f): 7:39am On Sep 03, 2008 |
shit get different colours o! |
Re: Shit Happens! by Gabry(f): 7:40am On Sep 03, 2008 |
I think I have experienced almost all of those shit. |
Re: Shit Happens! by clemcykul(f): 8:47am On Sep 03, 2008 |
i trust u shttie shittie |
Re: Shit Happens! by Gabry(f): 8:58am On Sep 03, 2008 |
And I trust you too Poo Poo |
Re: Shit Happens! by clemcykul(f): 10:03am On Sep 03, 2008 |
kai! *farts loud and clear* |
Re: Shit Happens! by spenchuks(m): 10:08am On Sep 03, 2008 |
newdeal come over. this is ur speciality |
Re: Shit Happens! by MrInfo1(m): 10:58am On Sep 03, 2008 |
clemcykul: Are we safe? |
Re: Shit Happens! by tytylayor: 11:44am On Sep 03, 2008 |
clemcykul: u don carry ur fartting come here again, no wonder ur shit dey get style |
Re: Shit Happens! by clemcykul(f): 12:03pm On Sep 03, 2008 |
lmaol |
Re: Shit Happens! by naijababe2(f): 7:24am On Sep 04, 2008 |
*sprays everywhere with air freshner* ahhh, smells nice. |
Re: Shit Happens! by cbase: 8:00am On Sep 04, 2008 |
really nice Naijababe, tnks, u jst saved a soul |
Re: Shit Happens! by clemcykul(f): 9:05am On Sep 04, 2008 |
no way! this thread musnt smell nice. *continues farting till eternity* |
Re: Shit Happens! by cbase: 9:09am On Sep 04, 2008 |
**buys n wears nose mask** No shaking |
Re: Shit Happens! by onyekang1(f): 9:12am On Sep 04, 2008 |
laughing ma cute butt out |
Re: Shit Happens! by cbase: 9:13am On Sep 04, 2008 |
laugh but close ur cutebutt abeg |
Re: Shit Happens! by spenchuks(m): 9:15am On Sep 04, 2008 |
when i saw shit issue, i knew cbase will be there. i'm still waiting 4 his partner in bizness, newdeal |
Re: Shit Happens! by cbase: 9:19am On Sep 04, 2008 |
N hear comes director of shits Mr Spen, welcome sha, abeg come tell ur friends, dem wan fart me comot, but i don buy mask, so No shaking |
Re: Shit Happens! by spenchuks(m): 6:21pm On Sep 06, 2008 |
*invites newdeal to come and intervene* |
Re: Shit Happens! by cbase: 6:32pm On Sep 06, 2008 |
SO WHO COME GET THIS
|
Re: Shit Happens! by spenchuks(m): 6:42pm On Sep 06, 2008 |
what do u mean |
Re: Shit Happens! by cbase: 6:46pm On Sep 06, 2008 |
Gabrywl like u? |
Re: Shit Happens! by spenchuks(m): 6:51pm On Sep 06, 2008 |
chei! na me be gabry? if u wan abuse me, start with 'lie nsi' |
Re: Shit Happens! by cbase: 7:03pm On Sep 06, 2008 |
Ngwanu Ilisha Nsi, e rie Ahu, Iti akwu di ka gi |
Re: Shit Happens! by spenchuks(m): 7:05pm On Sep 06, 2008 |
i bu ezigbo aturu. i ga ebu-uzo lie nshi, i licha nsi, i gwa m ka osi ato |
Re: Shit Happens! by cbase: 7:11pm On Sep 06, 2008 |
Chai! Nwanna m Ndewo , Baba Otu nsi |
Re: Shit Happens! by spenchuks(m): 7:14pm On Sep 06, 2008 |
ichie onyu nsi 1 of nairaland |
Re: Shit Happens! by Gabry(f): 4:52am On Sep 08, 2008 |
Clem, I think you need to go to a Farthechologist to solve your farting problem oh. . . . May God save your soul. . . |
Re: Shit Happens! by clemcykul(f): 11:01am On Sep 08, 2008 |
no way mehnn. i dont want or need a cure. *Farts silently on gabbies hands* |
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