what are u talking about? I have fallen in love and in love now for over how long now andhaven't have sex, so plz, talk for yourself, as far as am concerned, sex breaks up relationship. if u love me, u won't think of sleeping with me period and I SHALL NEVA GIVE NAY MAN WHOSE NOT MA HUSBAND MY BODY if not lemme be single for da rest of ma life

i went out wiv someone for 5yrs shoulda gotten married bt we jst broke up bt i guess it wasnt meant to be love is present sometimes your priorities overshadow it be it school or work! emotionally im tryna get over it but the STRESS Is over and nw i can brace single life again, that means i can scope dudes

Sometimes is not meant to be, sometime is lust, love in a relationship is not only a feeling , it involves commitment and is choice.
When you feel or when you find yourself loving somebody is like the first step, you now have to figure out to experience whether you cope withe person, being in a relation ship in order to fulfill unsolved needs or problems might be one reason why people fall out of love, why? once their needs are not met they feel that the are no longer in love ( and i am talking about serious relationships with healthy people).

When you claim you love somebody as is defined in the dictionary or the Bible, is to accept the for who they are, and to be committed to love them because it makes it ´s part of your happiness not because you base your happiness on it.

I think love has different phases,

d initial phase is when ure all excited about everyhting, (pet names, romantic outings etc)

but the later phase, is when ure all comfortable wit each other and dont do all u used to initially

Dat dont mean love isnt there no more

I think there are a number of reasons why love doesn't last in relationships.
Now stick with me because this will be kinda deep.

One of the main reasons relationships don't last is because people "fall in love" with an IMAGE. Whether it's an image we create of ourselves or an image of what we think someone else is. I think this is something we all do or have done at some point.

Human beings live by experience.
Our personalities are defined by the experiences we gain and the choices we make.
Many of us also pick up on patterns. If we run into the same situation repeatedly, we come to expect certain things to happen. This is the case in social interaction as well.
We make up our minds that people who display characteristics A, B, C are this type of person and
someone who displays D, E, F is another type of person.
Based on the 'images' we create of people when we meet them, we immediately;
(a) Make up our minds based on a number of interactions whether or not someone is or isn't worth our time
(b) Convince ourselves of the things this person would NEVER do and believe it
(c) We look for 'signs' to confirm our beliefs of what the person is REALLY like. We see these things as 'PROOF' to their character.

Then the inevitable happens - that person does something that surprises us or hurts us. That person does something that we didn't expect. That person 'changed'. In reality, we should really question whether the IMAGE we created of this person was inaccurate. Were we oblivious to the changes in this person? We felt betrayed and love goes away.
Sometimes it happens in another way, where WE have an image of who WE think we are or who we want to be - other people in our lives buy into it and when they realize the image that we created was inaccurate, they feel betrayed and love disappears.

Knowing this, I try to make a conscious effort to look at every person as a blank page. To outsiders (people who don't know me) I appear naive, stupid or too-trusting. I care not. I have won the most remarkable and rewarding opportunities and friendships by being open and giving people a chance to show their colors. Being this way also has its perks in weeding out the shady, undesirable types as I just give peeps enough rope to hang themselves and it never fails.
But I digress.

I look at it like this, a person CAN affect another in 3 places.
(1) Intellectually - Example: you can talk for hours because their brain turns you on
(2) Physically - Example: when you see them, you want to know what they taste like - every single day.
(3) Emotionally - Example: from the time you got to know them, something in you just wants to be there for that person

If the person in your life only falls into one of these categories, you can either take more time to see if the other two will develop -OR- draw a clear line stating to you and them that this is all it is to avoid any misunderstandings.

If you are lucky, someone may only affect 2 of the above - don't mistake it as love. If you do, the relationship will tire. Give it time, one could drop off or another could be gained.

I was the one out of all my friends who no one thought I would ever get married. I loved being single and playing men the way men play women. I have been with my husband for 3 years and he is the first man who never bored me. He is gorgeous, talented, intellectual, he constantly makes me laugh and we are always talking. We are both quiet passionate and artists. I enjoy being in his company because there is so much I can learn from him, so I respect him. His family comments on how much happier and healthier he is and how he's so much better dealing with stress. He says he's learned that from me. People make fun of us because we are always together. Things don't have to change as long as two people are together for the same reasons and they keep growing and changing together.

Rhea has said it all. any other input happens to an addendum.'he who has hears let him hear. and he who has eyes to read pls do' and act accordingly.

diddy4:

@zarah
u don preach everything u wann@. but let me ask you something, when something is responsible for 85-90% of break ups, is that thing really good?

you here saying sex is underated, underated ke, open your eyes and stop viewing it from one angel. sex is overrated and i will keep on saying it.

out of all the realtionships going on, only few survive cuzz of sex others are destroyed cuzz of it. where im at, if it aint sex, he wont go out with you. the only thing this morons think of is sex, sex and sex, like they are dog or something.

what is a guys next move after dating you for more than a week or 2, isnt it to trynn@ get in between doz legs and bang the daylight out of you.


sex is so damn overrated and that is my own. that one or two r/ships survive upon sex doesnt make it mandatory in every r/ships. i am a guy and i know what im saying. all my males friends have had not less dan 10 girlfriends in a period of 1 year. all they do is sex and sex and sex and if the sex aint good, they break up with you.

sex is overrated. kapish

[[color=#006600][/color]

Pls get off ma back, i can preach wataeva i wanna, so far as it is related to the thread at hand. it is ur duty to either take it or leave it, i have a right to ma opinion dont i?

and pls read thru again, i didn't say a r/ship must be based on sex, and i mentioned sexual harmony. sex is proly responsible for 85-90% of breakup like u said abi? try doing it right. wat i said is people don't pay enuf attension to it especially after marriage,it goes somehr to the background. am not talking of randy adolescents dat are counting names on their list. Most people who have great sexual compatibility are best friends, they can't help but be friends cos they will be miserable wen they are fighting with each other.

And if a guys next move after 2 weeks is trying to get in-between a dogs leg and bang, the day lights out of you is the best u can think of, then am sure we are operating on different frequencies.

Since this is an open forum, I would love to read more perspectives other have to share - especially from the personal experience of others and what they've learned, why their love didn't last. Minimizing any shared thoughts by referring to them as an 'addendums' to one post (which was copied from the internet) doesn't encourage people to share.
I hope more people keep building on this - I know a lot of heartbroken and frustrated people who would love to read what anyone has to say.

Let me tell all of you wot u dnt know.Love is different from Infactuation.And Infactuation is what 95% of people feel these days which they misinterprete to be love.When a girl sees a handsome guy with affluence,she thinks she has fallen in love with him,but wait till they get married and she starts seeing his bad habits,she will then realize that shes no longer in love.What she failed to realize is that she was only infatuated to his good looks and money then.You know that you are in love with someone when after seeing his bad side and habits you still decide to stick to him.So all of you who think you are in love with your partners should rather be on a sober reflection today.Think hard - is it LOVE or INFACTUATION?

easy Easy we get ur point!!!

i aint on your back girl. just before you say some stuff you gott@ think with both parties. sex is overrated kapish. thats my own.


@ashala

true talk son. tell them. make them carry their ear hear am.

thats just life

rhodalynnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

she is backkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk


yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

hiya diddy
i aint back, just Came to Check Up On 2cantango

no no no

im still mad at ya for that stuff and i will only forgive u if u come back to nl.

thats gonna happen in dreamland

OOps!! did i Say dreamland??, i meant nightmare land

oh dats it huh? u leave and forget others huh?

ok go get out, dont want to see you again sef.

There must be love in every relationship. Attraction + Likeness + Desire + Fondness + Respect + Trust = LOVE.

If either of these qualities start having problems, that is, the opposite; LOVE starts fading.
Love does not die a natural death, it also look for something to sustain it that is no longer there before dying. But the thing is that no body pays attention to it, and nobody knows or cares for it any longer to give a dam whether it is still there.

diddy4:

oh that is it huh? u leave and forget others huh?

ok go get out, don't want to see you again sef.

diddy baby, it aint like that i Could never forget U guys, U've been another big part Of my life On nl, i really treasure all Of U, really, i do but Sumtymes, just Sumtymes everything gets Soo bleeped Up and those U thought Could be Called friends turn to but HeY!!! im Still here

Rhodalyn:

diddy baby, it aint like that i Could never forget U guys, U've been another big part Of my life On nl, i really treasure all Of U, really, i do but Sumtymes, just Sumtymes everything gets Soo bleeped Up and those U thought Could be Called friends turn to but HeY!!! im Still here

awww hun, come take some sugar.

what wonderful contributions.but i heard a saying that true love never dies if people get married on d basis of true love will there be problems or does true love not exist at all?

@Seun:
F-i-n-a-l-l-y am agreeing with Seun 4d 1st tym.
Love grows and Love dies too(if that culd b called LOVE rlly) cos i have seen some couples getting married 'accidentally' i.e when 'love' was rlly not d basic consideration and i hv also seen couples who professed all d Love in d world and getting married later only to go 4 each other's jugular too soon.
So,COMPATIBILITY is d key word ! Its more tangible and predictable than whateva u pple call love

I don't agree with you guys sha. Although Compatibility is important but Love is also very important.

shine,
i think u got me wrong. a foolish person says he learns from experience, while a wise person says he learns from other peoples experience. Rhea's post was more of a research that was conducted. take a glimse look at most relationships or even divorce aound you.
simply stated, each of these elements once they are missing, that r/ship will hit the rocks and sink like "the titanic".therefore
most of our r/ships because we did not provide for ourselves concrete foundation. its not been choosy, but u gaz ask what du u want from this thing(r/ship).
if u go in 4 s*x, wat happens if there is no more sex. if u go in 4 cash, wat happens if the cash dries and turn red like the red sea,

wat du u want from the r/ship u r going into, infatuation kills fast. be ur self.

hotstepper,
i think i will like 2 know u more.

@ akniy

you've said it all.

most people dont regard their spouse is a friend.d minute u can accept him or her as yr friend then u have a better respect and regard 4 each other

I think Hotstepper had said it all. Men or Guys are after sex and once have it with you, you'r finish

Well i feel Love doesnt last in relationships cos theres usually little or no communication between the 2 parties. Love is all about compatibility and understanding each other very well. People usually confuse love and lust and its so wrong.

me 2 cents.

Women call love something utterly different from what men call it. What often dissipates love in a relationship is when neither party is willing to compromise when issues come up. When both have different definitions of love, neither knows what the other actually wants.

Love is a culmination of compatibility, trust and every other (you name). Love in itself doesn't exist; it's just a word used to describe a feeling elicted by certain qualities. Compatiblity, trust, intimacy, even sex, understanding all require compromise. When one of these qualities is lacking, love still exists, but is incomplete. However, one of these qualities alone cannot define love.

Falling in love (in psychology terms) is a simple temporary collapse (or extension) of the minds 'ego' bounderies. It is a phase where couples may (or not but mostly) experience bloom and ecstasy. This duration varies for different couples. When these mind extensions replace themselves, couples are said to have changed. When "falling in love" is mistaken for love in itself, the relationship dies soon.

Falling in love is but an illusion.