Hey all ,  I read this article in Essence Magazine recently, it really touched me and I followed the advise . I got engaged recently and it really helped me to ask the right questions and make the right decisions. I think not enough is said to young people about starting relationships especially when it comes to HIV. people are warned against having indiscriminate sex , but you will be surprised at the number of women/ men who get HIV from their husbands/ wives, in most cases long term boyfriends/ girlfriends. In some churches you will be required to get tested, before you get married . i am not an advocate of this process . You should make the decision to get tested even before you get to the proposal, Men this is something you should take into consideration before you propose .

Abstinence is the best prevention, but you can not practice abstinence with your husband/ wife  , please ask the right questions and make the right decisions before you get intimate. A lot more to this article , but I think HIV strikes home for Africans, enjoy

his new book, Before You Do, Bishop T.D. Jakes helps Black men and women find mates with whom they can go the distance 
By Demetria L. Lucas 



In between tears of joy, you'll squeak out a yes! if the man you love ever proposes. But put your happily-ever-after fantasies on pause until you consider these sobering truths from the Center for Marriage and Families: About 45 percent of marriages fall apart. And the rates of divorce and separation for Blacks have risen during the last several decades. "We date who a person appears to be, but we marry who they are," says Bishop T.D. Jakes, pastor of The Potter's House and author of the relationship self-help book Before You Do (Atria). These are the minister's best tips for getting to know your boo before he mentions jumping the broom:

Prepare for a Lifetime
"People don't think about whether the person they are dating has the tenacity to withstand losing the house or a child getting cancer," explains Jakes. Romantic? Maybe not, but it's essential to consider. To ascertain if your guy has what it takes, Jakes advises you to pay attention to how he treats people, such as waitresses and cab drivers, in difficult situations. Notice, too, how committed he is to keeping his word. These observations will offer you the clearest sense of his character.

Do Your Research
You don't have to check on your beau at ZabaSearch.com, but you should know as much about him as possible. "You can end up in bed with a stranger, even though you have rings that match," observes the bishop. Before You Do has 20 essential questions you must ask your mate before making a serious commitment. They include "Do you know your HIV status?" and "What is your debt-to-income ratio?" Says Jakes, "If you are careful about who you invest time in and do the background work, a lot of relationship mistakes can be avoided."

Give up on Perfection
There is no such thing as a problem-free marriage or a perfect person. "The best you can hope for is that someone is 80 percent of what you're looking for," adds Jakes. "You can find pretty close or almost, but you're not going to find Mr. Right." In his book, Jakes suggests that instead of searching for an ideal who doesn't exist, women should invest in a man who complements them. For instance, if you live to shop but he's good with budgeting, he's a man who can help you prepare for your financial future. Love him—and his flaws.

Do Set Ground Rules
To make the most of your partnership, establish five to ten parameters for each other that the two of you are forced to respect. These boundaries will vary by couple, but could include asking your partner to consult with you on all financial decisions or never use something you've told him in confidence against you in an argument. "You need to go into marriage understanding that your spouse is not perfect. And you must be willing to roll up your sleeves and make the relationship work," says Jakes. "To get to 20 or 50 years, you have to take the bitter with the sweet."

nice one

Pittbaby:

In some churches you will be required to get tested, before you get married . i am not an advocate of this process . . .

Churches on this planet? Are you for real What happens if you contracted this virus through no fault of yours? Please, tell me this is a joke

nice thread!

@busy body ,

Unfortunately it is not a joke , It is now common practice for Churches to request HIV screening during the Marriage counselling process. This is not a practice I in any way endorse, I think it is an invasion of privacy. Given the stigma associated with HIV and the reluctance of most Nigerians to be voluntarily tested , I have to admit that this practice can only be described has necessary to protect the innocent and help the infected seek medical care and counselling