I have a sister whose 33, beautiful, eloquent, relatively successful and the works. Every time I look at her, I can’t believe she isn’t someone’s wife. She just seems perfect. I’ve seen the way she relates with men, and I think it’s ok. I don’t think she is bothered about the fact that she’s getting older, and is in no hurry whatsoever, but I’m not sure if this is how she feels. I worry that deep down inside, she is alone. I think the more educated and successful women are, they tend to realize that they don’t have to settle for just any man, and are willing to wait until the find “THE ONE”. Unlike the younger one’s who most times seek to pin ANY man down, so she can laze around in his house.

honestly, its as if the person that worte those stories was speaking to me directly or givving me an advice.

I really hope some girls would read it and learn from it. very well spoken!

Busta, this is a very uncommon sincerity from a girl.

I applaud you heartily.

This thread is old but it's worth keeping alive

To the poster
Its your fault that you cannot look left or right without your husband.
Even when i was married i was doing everything on my own.
If i wnted something done today and my husband tomorrow i went a head and did it today.
Once i wanted a cupboard built up Now . He said later.
B4 he came back from work i had with a baby strapped on my back built up that cupboard.
He only had to fix the doors.
I was paying all the bills.
A woman has to be strong enough to run the house alone
What if the husband falls sick or something.
You punish your self your husband and your kids because you cannot turn a key to put on the generator or because you cannot find the hole for the fule

No wonder you're no longer married

@Dudu-Bobo, that was rude and un-called for. Mamaput made very valid points and had enough integrity to buttress her points by giving her experience. If you have nothing valid to contribute, then I suggest you stay off the damn thread.

@ Arielle and Dudu-bob

I agree somewhat with Dudu-bob without knowing the full details as to why mamaput is now single.
You see, marriage is a union of two people ordained by God. A man must love his wife as himself and a woman must submit to her husband. There is nothing wrong with a woman being strong but you shouldn't be strong to bruise a man's ego. If a woman does everything herself, sooner or later, a man will feel like he is not needed. It is possible to know how to do a lot of things yourself but it is also possible to let a man feel like he is needed. If you go into marriage with a backup plan, then you are admitting that the marriage will fail at some point. But if you put your full effort into the marriage, then it just may succeed. Marriage is not a career or business that requires extra-contingency; marriage should be once and should be for life. Some may say 'what if the man dies?'. are you praying or hoping for your husband to die? My father did everything in the house and when he died, my mother had to learn how to do everything. she made mistakes but in the end she succeeded. she sent 4 kids to university and also took over running his business. She didn't die while learning to do things on her own, instead she became stronger and it drew her closer to her kids.

We have to look to the Bible for guidance in everything we do (I am not a pastor or anything like that). The answers are there. If you want your marriage to succeed, you must be submissive to your hubby and the man must love his wife. If a woman wants to be single because she is strong and independent, that is also fine but do not encourage other women to be like you. Some women want to be strong but they also want the joys, pains, and lasting memories of marriage.

Tchinasa**:

Marriage is no longer in vogue please.

Are you on this planet, in denial or trying to console urself?

Tchinasa**:

Very much in reality my dear. Marriage is no longer in vogue since the divorce rate proves my point. I am not consoling myself. I am married Davidylan.

If I were not, it would not be a big deal to me. Simple.

Tchinasa**:

Very much in reality my dear. Marriage is no longer in vogue since the divorce rate proves my point. I am not consoling myself. I am married Davidylan.

If I were not, it would not be a big deal to me. Simple.

the divorce rate doesnt prove your point that marriage is no longer in vogue. It simply means more marriages break down faster.
Its just like saying having more hungry people today than 20yrs ago means eating is no longer in vogue.

@4 Him

Very right

honestly, its as if the person that worte those stories was speaking to me directly or givving me an advice.

I really hope some girls would read it and learn from it. very well spoken!

Tchinasa**:

It simply means more marriages break down faster? And why is that?

1. It is now legally very easy to get a divorce . . . just go to NYC and see graffiti anouncing "fast food" divorces for $50.
2. Divorce is now socially acceptable, infact it has become a status symbol.
3. Many of us marry for the wrong reasons . . . he looks cute, she's hot, he's father has money, the sex is great e.t.c.
4. Divorce may actually be financially rewarding for some. Just ask Heather Mills.

Tchinasa**:

You can only relate to this topic from a "male's" viewpoint. Marriage is like fashion. You only hold on to what appeals to you. If the divorce rate tells you that it has become more difficult to stay in marriages, it simply means it has gone out of style.

There is no connection between marriage being out of vogue and the high rate of divorce. Infact what is in vogue now is celebrities getting engaged and finally marriage - that they will end up in divorce within 2 yrs is simply a by-product of a dysfunctional society.

Tchinasa**:

I will just pretend I did not see this analogy.

Maybe if u try digesting it you may understand the logic behind it.

Its not quite simple but a few of the following are probable answers.
1. Not all have been able to eat their cake and have it. Carreer, security can come but many leave a few suitors behind
2. Quite a few of the guys are just simply timid cowards who are afraid they will fail at being providers
3. The ladies have dreamed up what Mr right should be. He is taking too long in coming because he is not yet off the factory line
4. Both the guys and ladies are waiting for who should make the move. Life is not fair, it also moves on.

I can really relate to this thread    I am a so called "big girl" who is currently unmarried.  This is not completely by choice, but due to a number of (reasonable) factors:  I was raised (strict Caribbean background) to obtain an education and develop my career before marriage.  I am glad I did this.  I think I will be a better mother and wife when the time comes.  These days, a woman cannot and should not wait on a man to "complete" her dream.  It is my view that the right partner does not "complete" you, but compliments you.  Consequently, I purchased my home, progressed in my career, worked on becoming a better person and generally got on with enjoying my life as a single (but not necessarily looking) woman.  Although I am now ready for marriage and motherhood, I would not have done it a minute sooner.  I am glad I have had the opportunity to obtain my education and learn more about myself before committing 110% to marriage, partnership and family life.  I will never resent being a homemaker/housewife (if that is what my husband and I decide) because I have been out there and have experienced what it is like to be truly independent.  God's willing, I will have all the time and energy to devote to my husband and children, having already achieved what I set out to in life as a single, independent woman.  Whilst I value independence, it is possible (and desirable) to submit to the right man who has proved himself capable of being the head of the household.  Depends on your definition of "submission though:  in my world, it means learning how to give and take - one person can't be right all the time!  Clearly, the same skills that work for me in my career and my particular line of work will NOT always work in a marriage.

All that being said, I am in love with an amazing  Nigerian man who compliments me beautifully.    We are planning to be married in the near future.  Better late (I am in my early 30s) than never . 

If I had to do it all over again I would wait for the right man, rather than "Mr Right Now".

ps:  However, I do believe the following general (clearly there are exceptions) statements are true about dating and partnership in the 21st century:
1) The more successful a woman is, men are sometimes more intimidated to approach her
2) Love is NOT everthing - partners need to be equally "yolked" (no significant economic, cultural, religious or social disparities)
3) There is a perception that it is easy to divorce if you're just "not feeling him/her" anymore
4) Women are sometimes unrealistic in their expectations of black men
5) Game playing/mind games is considered MANDATORY
6) People meticulously and painstakingly prepare for their weddings, but NOT their marriages
7) There is a general lack of 'old school' patience and humility - we (particularly women) want everything & it must be perfect NOW

pps: Marriage is NOT for everybody!   So, we must all with the help of God individually work on making ourselves happy, because although husbands/wives/lovers/partners can facilitate our happiness and wellbeing, they cannot and do not create or define it for us.

Missphil I agree with you.
There's time for everything.
A woman ought to go into marriage prepared so that she doesn't rush out.
The time of ignorance is passed.
Marriage is not compulsory.
There are some women out there who ought to be by themselves same goes for some men.

4 Him:

1. It is now legally very easy to get a divorce . . . just go to NYC and see graffiti anouncing "fast food" divorces for $50.

2. [size=15pt]Divorce is now socially acceptable, infact it has become a status symbol.[/size]

3. Many of us marry for the wrong reasons . . . he looks cute, she's hot, he's father has money, the sex is great e.t.c.
4. Divorce may actually be financially rewarding for some. Just ask Heather Mills.

There is no connection between marriage being out of vogue and the high rate of divorce.

[size=15pt]Infact what is in vogue now is celebrities getting engaged and finally marriage - that they will end up in divorce within 2 years is simply a by-product of a dysfunctional society.[/size]

Maybe if u try digesting it you may understand the logic behind it.

Nothing to digest my brother.  I think we are on the same path but you choose to be you. . . .as always!

_{Stubborn as a mule!}

All I highlighted in your write-up above just tells it all.  Marriage is like an item in a catalogue.  You pick it when you feel like it and dump it when it no longer suits you. It really does not matter what the reasons are. Big girls do not find marriage in "VOGUE" anymore.  They go for careers and single parenthood without the unnecessary problems of hunting for a spouse.  They are more selective and less dependent.

ALL NA FASHION! Thank God I did get married when I did. I will not even contemplate such a thing in my [size=15pt] 30's![/size] Strictly business companions only please!  "Pay as you go affairs only"! I don't have the patience for some things/people right now in my 30's. Just my opinion for I know myself. To each his or her own.

[size=15pt]RECHARGE CARDS ONLY!!! [/size]

missphil:

All that being said, I am in love with an amazing  Nigerian man who compliments me beautifully.    We are planning to be married in the near future.  Better late (I am in my early 30s) than never . 

If I had to do it all over again I would wait for the right man, rather than "Mr Right Now".

pps: Marriage is NOT for everybody!  

[size=15pt]So, we must all with the help of God individually work on making ourselves happy, because although 

husbands/wives/lovers/partners can facilitate our happiness and wellbeing, they cannot and do not create or define it for us.[/size]

Now this is a real big girl writing here.  Someone who knows what she wants and is very comfortable with it. 

Good job!

@4 Him
Did you read that?  Is this more acceptable for you?

bia this girl sef
Tchinasa Tchikere

sheniqua:

bia this girl sef
Tchinasa Tchikere

he he he he he he he he!

Should the world be full of married big girls?

If you get married you are no longer a "big girl". Please read the topic and stay the course. . . according to "George Bush"!

Only unmarried girls or ladies between ages 25-35 qualify as "big" girls. Over 35 need another terminology.

_{Old cargos!}

Sheniqua, thank you my dear - I spoke from the heart.

Xiomarra, your posts have me laughing too much!     But yes, I am comfortable in that I know what I want and (hopefully) how to achieve it, according to MY OWN schedule. 

Thankfully, I am nowhere near being "old cargo" yet!

I just could not read the long essay. I am answering the simple question : Why is The World Is Full Of Unmarried Big Girls : Because they ate all the thin girls.

LetThemSay:

I just could not read the long essay. I am answering the simple question : Why is The World Is Full Of Unmarried Big Girls : Because they ate all the thin girls.

see as u have exposed ur ignorance,.

if u had read even one other post u'd realise the topic was not about big girls in terms of size but big girls in terms of status. . . . .

u were in so much in a hurry to bash fat girls, hope u feel proud of urself

Because all the unmarried Big men have not married them.

HR.hotness:

see as u have exposed your ignorance,.

if u had read even one other post u'd realise the topic was not about big girls in terms of size but big girls in terms of status. . . . .

u were in so much in a hurry to bash fat girls, hope u feel proud of yourself

Yeppp so proud lol

Marriage is no longer in vogue please.  But for children, societal pressure, companionship and some religious "cultic" beliefs, people continue to plunge in. Small wonder the divorce rate world wide is alarming.

Many girls are single because many guys are ineligible.

Not a matter of life and death. 

To single ladies in the house, please make yourselves happy.  You do not need to be with any man's insincere or useless proposal. At the end of the day, most are polygmists. Most are highly ineligible and irresponsible.

The ratio of woman to men may be 100 to 1. But for every 100 women there is a useless man.

Go figure.

The rants of a frustrated human being.

Probably a woman who has had 1/2/3 failed marriages and trying to mislead younger girls into the same path

dudu-bobo:

The rants of a frustrated human being.

Probably a woman who has had 1/2/3 failed marriages and trying to mislead younger girls into the same path

you can say that again, that's typical of a bitter and fustrated woman who has learnt it the hard way, i won't even try to ridicule her for all her rants but i can only empathize and try to understand her cos she has her reasons and has made her points.

dudu-bobo:

The rants of a frustrated human being.

Probably a woman who has had 1/2/3 failed marriages and trying to mislead younger girls into the same path

mazaje:

you can say that again, that's typical of a bitter and fustrated woman who has learnt it the hard way, i won't even try to ridicule her for all her rants but i can only empathize and try to understand her because she has her reasons and has made her points.

We don hear! Like anyone asked you guys or shemales who can only afford to get phocked in the arse by fellow cross dressers for a fee when the correct customers have all been chosen for the night?   Go and marry your own first!

Single nairaland old cargos, with multiple failed YIM romances! At least I have failed "marriages" with some priceless collection of rings to show for my conquest of mugus like you discarded in the trash can!!!! Idiots!

At least I have tasted it. . . you try to see if anyone will prize you off the shelf with your stinking arses full of AIDS!!!

Xiomarra:


We don hear! Like anyone asked you guys or shemales who can only afford to get phocked in the arse by fellow cross dressers for a fee when the correct customers have all been chosen for the night? Go and marry your own first!

Single nairaland old cargos, with multiple failed YIM romances! At least I have failed "marriages" with some priceless collection of rings to show for my conquest of mugus like you discarded in the trash can!!!! Idiots!

At least I have tasted it. . . you try to see if anyone will prize you off the shelf with your stinking arses full of AIDS!!!

Some of us are not frustrated retards which is what you are.
Some of us are happily married to wonderful women. Thank God we avoided 'slum buggers' and life-time failures like you when we wanted to get married

dudu-bobo:

Some of us are not frustrated retards which is what you are.
Some of us are happily married to wonderful women. Thank God we avoided 'slum buggers' and life-time failures like you when we wanted to get married

By their fruits you will surely know them!  You happily married?  Even if you are "Frankies" the dunce of Nairaland!   Yeah! Married to the dried sperm-filled hole in your "Teju-foam"!

I love being a failure.  Deal with it I say.  Or are you still interested in a one-night stand with me? You have to wait in line and undergo a thorough medical exam for at least one year incase you have some thing like Yaradua's disease without a diagnosis.  It will cost you a handsome fee to the point of bankruptcy.  Because I would have to be physically and spiritually compensated for your numerous handicaps!  Including a shrivelled, disease-infested, impotent pen-is!

Please get lost or go phock your mother!  She needs you! Only her womanhood can fit your manhood or lack thereoff!

Later my love. . .some of us have full time jobs! While you stand along the road side hoping you will be chosen tonight as an "Abacha" boy hoping to land one huge 419 contract after being sodomized in Abuja over there!

Idiot!

But. . . . .

The write up is a good one, to she who has ears, let her hear the advice. Though some ladies here already said that they prefer being single and not all the ladies will like to marry, yes I agree with them, but the truth of the whole matter is that 90% of ladies world wide will like to get married and have their own home. Then if we want to do a further studies on who actually want to get married, amongst most unmarried big girls, you will be shocked that 95% of them wants to experience it even if be it that they will later get out of it someday.
My dear sisters, marriage is good no matter how you see it. why some people see it as terrible is because of their choice of pattern, more over, is more fun when you quarrel and stuffs like that, it makes the bond stronger.
So if by any way you as a lady think that marriage is not sweet, probably your past relationship or even your parents’ attitude is time for you to throw away that feelings and carry on.
How will you feel say 30 to 40 years in marriage, and then you have successful children and grand children. These are seed you sow now. Then how will you feel when you are 50 to 60 years old, just you alone? You see your friends and sisters families and all that? Then you will know what it means.
What so ever you sow, same you shall reap, nothing good comes that easily. But we have to carry on.