@ Topic
When I’m angry, I write long, long, long letter to the person. I mean long, long, long. Once I’m done, I try to add silent treatment to it but so many factors are against me (1) I talk too much (2) I talk too much (3) I can only keep malice if I don’t see the person (4) I talk too much.

The talking one kills me because I forget I’m supposed to keeping malice and before I know it, I am gisting about a movie I saw, a book I read, what happened at work, fly that just flew by. . . anything.

Having no self control is the worst.

Desiree1:

As 4 me, he's at fault yet he still has this ittle pride so im keeping my distance too 2 see his next step but it aint easy. even if he's not thinking bout me, im thinking bout if he's ok n happy? i wish i could call him now but i gotta do what i have to do rite?

Hey  I know exactly how you feel. I ve been there before, its so hard to keep away sometimes, even though you know deep down inside you want to forgive but yet  you just can't see yourself answering his phone calls or better yet calling him either.  when that happened to me I didn't speak  to him for like 2 weeks or so, he stopped calling for like a week and i couldn't take the heartbreak of watching my phone and he's not calling, so i decided to change my number (ofcourse that wasn't the smartest thing to do ) But it kept me away from feeling the hurt of him not calling me and i tried to  get myself busy from thinking about him ,obviously i thought it was over . to cut the long story short,  He met with a friend of mine and he asked my friend to give him my number ( I was so happy)  But he didn't know, He called me and we settled things etc,  My point ,  what is meant to be will be. You have to be strong if you really want to teach him a lesson but i can tell you its a dangerous game!

Another thing i heard from an akata friend is to write down what your partner has done to get you upset ( as in what he did/done/ and doing), anytime you are tempted to swallow your pride, read through it ( it makes you remember why you got upset in the first place) I havn't tried it but i hope this works

Sisikill:

@ Topic
When I’m angry, I write long, long, long letter to the person. I mean long, long, long. Once I’m done, I try to add silent treatment to it but so many factors are against me (1) I talk too much (2) I talk too much (3) I can only keep malice if I don’t see the person (4) I talk too much.

The talking one kills me because I forget I’m supposed to keeping malice and before I know it, I am gisting about a movie I saw, a book I read, what happened at work, fly that just flew by. . . anything.

Having no self control is the worst.

ouch! thats why sometimes its better to ignore, not to even talk, see, or hear from them, cause when you love someone and you are next to them its even harder to keep malice or fight with them for a long time , I know it sucks!

@Gucci_Babe

it's a hard thing oo, I miss him, this lesson is even weighinh me down not only cos i miss him but i cant bear thinking he's feeling sad n such.

[size=13pt]I act very cold and only reply his questions by just 2 word
Like okay, yea, hmmmmmm, iight e.c.t
Ignoring his phone call is very childish [/size]

is this thread only for women?

i'm out of here

Desiree1:

@Gucci_Babe

it's a hard thing oo, I miss him, this lesson is even weighinh me down not only because i miss him but i can't bear thinking he's feeling sad n such.

awwwww, just know what is meant to be wil be, occupy yourself i know it's hard but be strong!

tRoOE:

[size=13pt]I act very cold and only reply his questions by just 2 word
Like okay, yea, hmmmmmm, iight e.c.t
Ignoring  his phone call is very childish [/size]

  No not childish . It depends on the gravity of the crime he has committed. when you are really upset, i dont think two word reply can do the job   

fo eti e!

opsydudu:

is this thread only for women?

i'm out of here

No its not a woman thread! Fellas lets hear your own story too!

dyabman:

fo eti e!

so you are a woman beater? you should be ashamed of yourself, if you are serious!

Desiree1:

Please help me, I'm new to this but only because my HEART is broken. It is a long story but I'll summarise it the best way I could. I am a young beautiful girl, been going out with my boyfriend for about a year plus. I was a virgin when I met him and lost my virginity to him not because of sweet talks but it happened and because I was in love with him. He started talking of marriage, introduced me to his parents and so on. I'm a student and lived in school but things were realy hard, after skul, looking for a place to stay and drop my things and so on. My parents are not in this country. He helped me get my things and infact i lived with him for 6months a semester not because of love like the others but circumstance.

After the semester was over we both decided what was best for us, for me to move out like a decent girl and wait for the proper time, you know marriage and so on. yeah we had our ups and downs like other relationships but we scaled through. As soon as i left he changed. Communication, others and what hurt me more was there was no reason behind these, I asked why and wanted to move on, but just complained about his life, financially, economically and so on. It happened for 3months this summer then he came back and stated communicating well and infact one day was stuck at the airport and called me to come there and he needed some money. As a student, my last card, rushed there and gve him everything just to see him happy while i had nothing on me.

Well after a while things came back to normal but he began to distance himself again n would apologise 4 not showin up n so on, n telling me he's hopin 4 better, he wants 2 get married n keep faith, until just yesterday, in my school, a girl i used to know but wasnt close to saw me and asked me if i knew some person which ahppened to be my boyfriend. I said yea and asked her why, and she asked if i was and is still dating him, i said no to play along and hear from her. She started telling me how she met him and everything that had happened between them and us. How they met was while he came to drop me in school which was around may. How they had sex and so on and had misunderstanding so she went to his place broke his glass and stuff. I was shocked because i now knew the reason behind his change towards me. A small world but she figured i was the girl and he texted her that he doesn't want a relationship with her and she got mad.

i know she was angry that it didnt work out and thats why she came to tell me as a friend but i know if it was working out, i wouldnt hear from her. As for my boyfriend when I called and told him everything, he defended himself and told me nothing happened between them but it was because he didnt want her. That yes he met her as a friend but he saw no other person could compare to me and it's me he wants to marry, thats why he came back to work things out. and started saying how he doesnt have friends anymore that people betray him, He's frustrated.

Well i'm so hurt yeah but at the same time i love him and pity him whatever he's going through. he hasnt called me, told him i want my things out from his place, no reply. what do i do? Afriend advised me to stand by him if i love him and fight that girl off. Funny, love is crazy, he hurt me and doesnt care yet i feel for him what he's going through and want him to be happy. what do i do? PLEASE HELP ME.

i tot u've broken up

Gucci_Babe:

so you are a woman beater? you should be ashamed of yourself, if you are serious!

dont worry , you will experience it someday with me, ori e tukasibe!

i don't think she said they have broken up, its harder than u think !

@ Templa

We haven't broken up, maybe I did with him in my mind but even though, he doesn't want to and still has my things u know so I guess that's the strategy he's using to make sure he still has me.

Gucci_Babe:

  No not childish . It depends on the gravity of the crime he has committed. when you are really upset, i don't think two word reply can do the job   

[size=13pt] True that but the best way to handle situation like this will be,
Talk things out in a mature way, so whateva the issue can get resolve
and not allowing our anger to take the best of us [/size]

tRoOE:

[size=13pt] True that but the best way to handle situation like this will be,
Talk things out in a mature way, so whateva the issue can get resolve
and not allowing our anger to take the best of us [/size]

yeah I know. if only men listen. They go back doing the same S***t after talking to them. I'm like why waste time talking?

Desiree1:

@ Templa

We haven't broken up, maybe I did with him in my mind but even though, he doesn't want to and still has my things u know so I guess that's the strategy he's using to make sure he still has me.

LOL!! nice plan hope it works!

@ troOe
u r right but Gucci_Babe just answered that if only he would listen. Men have difficulty listening. I've tried all I could, sit n talk but he's proving stubborn. I dont know why my heart is too soft cos i still love him

Gucci_Babe:

yeah I know. if only men listen. They go back doing the same S***t after talking to them. I'm like why waste time talking?

[size=13pt]I feel you on that
Why don't you write him an email, I do that sometimes when am trying to get my point/feelings across to him.
I hate talking or repeating myself, that is why i prefer the email

@Desiree
Sometimes our heart leads us to the wrong direction
Do what is best for you, even if you have to let go someone you love
[/size]

I know gals!

Its crazy i think we sometimes put them in our mind more than they put us in their mind. Guys have lots of ways to relief stress. ( Video games, sports etc) That sucks!

i dont know how long this debate of opinion is be going on, talking from my experience,  ma babe is already to trying da silence treatment, and i have been playing same game to her. She does not like dat i play back her game. She is still stubborn but i aint giving in, cos wen u do it encourages her to do it again and again wen we av issues! Dudes lets be smart ! i hate it wen a woman that proffeses love use emotional frictions, mind games to get at a man cos of wat they percieve as weakness, Its all a game, Bring it on babes!

To do well in this game, just sharpen ur charms, smile very well and enjoy meeting new ladies! hmmmm! Thats a better treatment to ladies who play mind games!

[size=13pt]Not really, they might be playing game to relieve their stress
But trust me their mind isn't there
Their focus are mainly on the issues they are dealing with,
they are just good in keep their emotions inside without having to show it[/size]

Godspalm:

i don't know how long this debate of opinion is be going on, talking from my experience,  ma babe is already to trying da silence treatment, and i have been playing same game to her. She does not like that i play back her game. She is still stubborn but i aint giving in, because when u do it encourages her to do it again and again when we av issues! Dudes lets be smart ! i hate it when a woman that proffeses love use emotional frictions, mind games to get at a man because of what they percieve as weakness, Its all a game, Bring it on babes!

To do well in this game, just sharpen your charms, smile very well and enjoy meeting new ladies! hmmmm! Thats a better treatment to ladies who play mind games!

see how man are. For us ladies, most of us is too sad to even think about meeting someone else, but guys will always cheat even when the situation on ground is not totally solved!

I do not think women realise how much of a distraction and interruption it is for a man to have clean focus on things that matters, instead women in da name of love resort to mind games to get even, which kind love be that sef? I gave ma babe da option of peace she responded i dont know, so wat do i do ?wait until she knows? wait until she gets over me and dumps me? wait until she calls me before i get on with the business of pioneering my life. No way! The truth is that women love u and even ur gf wld love u more if u are succesful. If ur gf plays on ur mind cos of a conflict, dudes, shake it off and dont scrub ur throat over it. If she so loves you she wld create a conducive atmosphere to talk it over. Women should learn to understand the mechanism of dispute resolution!
Lets do away with da show of who pulls da biggest muscles!

@Godspalm

I understand what u are saying but what would u say in my situation. He was always wrong yet cos of my heart I always made up, until he reached his limit, I decided to stay off, now he called me once, wouldnt it be a good idea to at least admit he was wrong? No one is playing game here, he's been offending me then i'm silent , then he calls

Gucci_Babe:

I know gals!

Its crazy i think we sometimes put them in our mind more than they put us in their mind. Guys have lots of ways to relief stress. ( Video games, sports etc) That sucks!

yes we love that especially me!

it makes sense @disiree, lets give peace a chance, keep trying to make peace!

If am at fault, ill chill and await her call,we talk everyday but if doesnt call ah ill be kinda worried,prepare a nice speech and call when i know she's about to sleep or already asleep,if she picks up ill apologise and give some 'i love you die' kinda speech but if she doesnt pick up ill have to see her the next day for us to resolve whatever problem it is. i have this principle of resolving problems they day they occur . . . . really helps

If she's at fault, hehehe,she go call tire at last when i pick she'll complain about me not picking up on time before even apologising,and ill be like 'you know i dont like it when u do
such and i know thats why you do it just to test my temper' and she'll be like ahhhh no ooooooo am so sorry pls now

Malice is killing , face to face helps


@desiree
did he cheat? if yes . . . . ill advice you let him go forever
if no . . . .have a friend arrange a 'coincidental' meeting
aim being to talk things out.
aint easy being without the one you love

why should she call if you're at fault?

steve49ja:

If am at fault, ill chill and await her call,we talk everyday but if doesnt call ah ill be kind of worried,prepare a nice speech and call when i know she's about to sleep or already asleep,if she picks up ill apologise and give some 'i love you die' kind of speech but if she doesnt pick up ill have to see her the next day for us to resolve whatever problem it is. i have this principle of resolving problems they day they occur . . . . really helps

If she's at fault, hehehe,she go call tire at last when i pick she'll complain about me not picking up on time before even apologising,and ill be like 'you know i don't like it when u do
such and i know thats why you do it just to test my temper' and she'll be like ahhhh no ooooooo am so sorry please now

same here!!

juzz dat itz d oda way round!!!

no matter how serious it is apart from cheating we still have to talk
on the spot of the occurrence i will apologise if am wrong
when she gets home or when she's about to go to bed if she doesnt call then it means she took it serious or outta voucher then i will
if she calls or i call i still apologise



@moyo
iyawo why photocopy me na?
hows u jare