September 15, 2008
The Area Manager,
NEPA,
Lagos


Dear Sir,
COMPLAINT ABOUT YOUR SERVICES
I am writing to you with a deep sense of humility and gentleness. I consider this a great opportunity to communicate with an entity as awe-inspiring as yourself. Firstly, I bring greetings to you from residents of my area in Lagos.

As a dutiful citizen, I consider this letter as part of my civic responsibilities. Great countries comprise of citizens who are alive to their responsibilities. As a famous musician once said, "Ask not what your country can eat from you but what you can eat from your country."

I have benefited immensely from this country; therefore I have decided to give back.

I want to bring to your notice some strange occurrences which have been happening in my area. I want to sadly inform you that in the last 2 weeks, electricity has been stable. In other words, we sleep and wake up with electricity, we go to work and come back and electricity is still running. This is a terribly new and I must add DANGEROUS development in the lives of residents of my area. This is something we are not used to. This is too much electricity for us to handle. In the first week of constant electricity, I started acting strangely. I ironed all my clothes because I didn't know when "light" will be impounded on your orders. After 2 days, the "light" was still there. Therefore, I proceeded to re-iron the ironed clothes. My fridge which had not seen "4 hours" of constant light for months suddenly started freezing. In order to enjoy the maximum effects of refrigeration, I have decided to be drinking 20 cups of cold water before I go to sleep. Once I finish a cup, I put the bottle back into the fridge. After 10 minutes, the water cools and I drink. I just don't know what to do. All the Ceiling fans in my house have been switched on alongside my AC. My deck is playing at a high level. My life is now in state of chaos because of constant "light". My TV and VCD player are complaining of high blood pressure, as they have been terribly overworked in the last few weeks. Half of my light bulbs have gone on strike to protest their resurrection from blissful death.

All the customers in the beer parlour beside my house are complaining that the beer is too cold and wants to destroy their teeth. Even the rats and cockroaches are complaining that human assailants find it easier to track and exterminate them under electric light than under candlelight.

All the witches and wizards that regularly visited me in my sleep have suddenly taken flight in the presence of "light". Now I have to review my membership of MFM (Mountain of Fire and Miracles) since their work has been done. Can you imagine what will happen to the membership of churches if constant 'light' persists? No more demons meaning No more offerings.

With the above situation not abating, I decided to seek the reason behind this strange situation. This task was made easy for me when I realised that it was the work of saboteurs. Sabotage is the main reason for anything going wrong / right in our country. Our elections were sabotaged, our president's health is being sabotaged, Obama's chances of becoming the American President are being sabotaged by Nigerians. Therefore this constant "light" is the handiwork of saboteurs within your work system. These disgruntled individuals are enemies of progress who want you miss your set targets. These enemies want you to score very low on your KPI assessment. I realised this fact when I stumbled on a document showing your Key Performance Indicators for every month. These are:

1. Explosive growth in the amount of Candle-lit dinners and balcony-bedrooms

2. Massive boom in the sales of Candles, torchlight, generators, inverters and lanterns

3. Increased work place productivity due to Employees spending at least 16 hours at work because there is no light at home

4. Massive growth of Rock music fan clubs being aided by the endless sound of generators that are switched on overnight.

5. Volume of human blood being sucked by mosquitoes unchallenged by ceiling/standing fans

6. Incidence of heat rashes

7. Large Increase in Naming ceremonies: When people have no light at home, what else do they do with their time other than *******?


Sir, I strongly feel that the above achievements will not be possible if we keep on having "light". The saboteurs in your workplace will make you look stupid and incapable in front of your bosses. The repercussions of this charade would be unbearable. This is why I am writing to you now. As a responsible citizen, if I do not volunteer this information, I know that I will be the one to suffer. The day you realise that I have been enjoying endless light for 2 weeks, you will pay me back with 2 black months. The end will be worse than the beginning, thereof. I am at a crossroad. This is a major dilemma. Should I keep quiet? No I won't. This is because Evil triumphs when Good Men keep silent. Your incompetent staffs have left the light switch on and gone to sleep. I know you will take back all that we have stolen from you but Please remember my house in the day of recompense.

Your humble servant

Myself

wen my area transformer don waka for over 3 months
now in the oven for 3 weeks
thunder fire ur area yansh
bad mouth humble servant

@poster hilarious

romade:

when my area transformer don waka for over 3 months
now in the oven for 3 weeks
thunder fire your area yansh
bad mouth humble servant

That means the PHCN officials in ur area are performing their duties well, i urged them to keep up the good work

sure no be our transformer dey ur area so
cos we sabi get light no be small o

romade:

sure no be our transformer dey your area so

Come carry am back now

by midnyt ur trns go xplode gbosa, d fuses wld turn grey, ht & lt wld bcome wireless

folly69:

@poster hilarious

Hey!!! Wheres your middle finger ohhhh. . . . I miss it soooooooooo much

9c one poster

gabrywyl:

Hey!!! Wheres your middle finger ohhhh. . . . I miss it soooooooooo much

What have you been doing with his middle finger

;d

KunleOshob:

What have you been doing with his middle finger

I'm a fan. havent you heard?

nice jokes

@ Poster
U r a true son of your father. Now that u've written this letter, i've been motivated to orchestrate a peaceful rally with my union people. I no fit put food for my family table again. Market no dey, I no fit sell the generators wey i dey sell again. Problem Has _truly Changed Name

@ poster
Very nice.

Ninjabyte:

@ Poster
You r a true son of your father. Now that u've written this letter, i've been motivated to orchestrate a peaceful rally with my union people. I no fit put food for my family table again. Market no dey, I no fit sell the generators wey i dey sell again. Problem Has _truly Changed Name

So wetin we go do now? make we go stage protest for NEPA office?

Ebi like say PHCN officials read my letter true true OH, i had a blackout throughout the weekend my and my big mouth.

@ Poster, there is a topic with thesame letter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   check for the topic, Letter to N.E.P.A,, 

@Poster

I wish I dey your area,I dey travel to go charge my laptop on daily basis.Imagine that

Ohilebo,who send you work

@poster: if u come to durban s.a, i will personally, note that, personally cut off your head, were u a head prefect in school, u sound like a teacher's pet!

@poster

shuttap

@ohilebo
na my fault say nobody respond to your thread

@chioya
Wettin

@ KunleOshob , no, nor be ur fault sha ,, but u should not have copied and paste it in the same joke section this na the kind thing wen dey make our Nigerian musicians cry

@ohilebo
I did not copy your post, i didn not even know you had a similar post as at the time i posted it.

Kiss and make out sha.

Gaby the mediator!! Let them stab each other!

NOOOOO!!!! How can I I have invsted a large sum of mony of them. . . . I no fit watch. . . No fit watch. . . .

Eh eh, we are very congested on NLD, gaby let them go oo!

tammyswits:

Gaby the mediator!! Let them stab each other!

na you i go first stab, you wey your name sound like kitten name

tammyswits:

Eh eh, we are very congested on NLD, gaby let them go oo!

But why > They are still pikin's ohhh . . . . . . Still innocent and naive. . . Forgive them abeg. . .

KunleOshob:

na you i go first stab, you wey your name sound like kitten name

NOOOOOO. . . . . Dont ohhh. . . . ABEG!!!!

@kunle: thats so sweet, i like kittens! Yours sounds lyk a village elder's, thea av given u a reason 2 stab me!

tammyswits:

@kunle: thats so sweet, i like kittens! Yours sounds like a village elder's, thea av given u a reason 2 stab me!

At least like you suggested nairaland would be less congested, that is good enough reason.