In Flight announcement

"Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen. This is your captain (Boneyface Kasali Yaro) welcoming you on board of Nigeria Airways.

We apologize for the four-day delay in taking off, it was due to bad weather and some overtime I had to put in at the bakery. This is flight 126 to Lagos. Landing in Lagos is not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in the South. If luck is in our favour, we may even be landing in your village! Nigeria Airways has an excellent safety-record. In fact our safety
standards are so high that even terrorists are afraid to fly with us!

It is with pleasure, I announce that starting this year over 50% of our passengers have reached their destination. If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can arrange to turn them off! To make your free fall to earth pleasant and memorable, we serve
complimentary Bongo tea and Okin biscuits! For our not-so-religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help you find out if there really is a God!

We regret to inform you, that today's in-flight movie will not be shown as we forgot to record it from the television. But for our movie buffs, we will be flying right next to Air Barka, where
their movie will be visible from the right side of the cabin window. There is no smoking allowed in this airplane. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the early warning on the engines telling us to slow down! In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as possible for the best view. If, however, we go a little too close, do let us know.

Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the landmark! Kindly be seated, keep up your seat in an upright position for take-off and fasten your seat-belt. For those of you who can't find a seat-belt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat , and for those of you who can't find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a stewardess who will explain how to fasten yourself to your suitcase." And if we pass your street please tell the stewardess or shout Owa O Pilot !! so we can throw you off safely, at least that would save you taxi fare.

ENJOY Nigeria Airways the Best in the world ! We hope you fly with us again.

@poster,are you one of the aircrew?
if not,na you go first board dis no be meee

I flew nigeria airways as a kid. Its not as bad as you might try to present it.
humor noted though

Ha Ha. Very funny. Nice one !

very funny though!

I have never flew before but am going to fly to UK tomorrow
thank God its an International flight, becus i wouldnt want to have my
ist experience as rough as this guy presumed it to be with our local flights.

god's grace to you All

@ siena

Is there something you want to say, ??

@ siena

I dont understand, for the fact that this is a forum is the more reason you dont have to leave your sentences hanging.
I remenber you reiterated you will not partonize arik when it starts its operations to the UK. u probably never see anything good about nigerian airlines not to talk about the defunct nigeria airways.
You are the one that needs to lighten up for petes sake!

@ siena.
The world just might be a better place if we learn from ourselves.
if you did not take my response too seriously, I dont see need for your response.
No hard feelings bro, Im not a robot. I sure can see humour when I recognise one.
Cheers and have a great day!!!!

All aboard

@ thor!
My GOD!!! I cannot stop laughing.
but boarding this plane would be entirely at the passengers risk. but please remove yaradua's image.

good one.

igbogolo:

@ thor!
My GOD!!! I cannot stop laughing.
but boarding this plane would be entirely at the passengers risk. but please remove yaradua's image.

good one.

You see why you really need to lighten up !

After so many years of international travel, I was so disappointed to learn that the so-called Lion of Africa does not have any teeth and as a matter of fact, the Almighty Lion does not even have a national airline of its own - due in part to gross mismanagement, embezzlement of funds, don't care attitude, etc. I was very embarrassed when I came to the realization (whether deserved or not), that the word Nigeria, in many international business circles, is synonymous with the words: embezzlement, con-artists, 419, fake-products, inferior imitations, etc,

Ask any businessman/woman residing in the US, UK or in any African nation how he/she felt the first time they were asked by a Nigerian to go into a joint business venture. I bet the first look they had was a very skeptical stare,

While doing some research on the airline industry, I came across this article, and I must take my hat off to the blogger. You had me rollingggg. I was “crackin” up and screaming out loud, my sides hurt. This article was soooo funny, I sent copies to all my friends.

With all that said, I hope the Nigerian government gets its act together or Nigerian will remain nothing more than an oil-rich but underdeveloped, third world country that is ill prepared to face the issues of the 21st Century.