BODE………………
Was so glad to get out of the cab at last. One thing I had learnt since I arrived Lagos about an hour ago was the notable difference between Lagos and Ibadan drivers. Lagos drivers were so so disrespectful that you would feel they were actually doing you a favor and not getting paid for their services. I just paid the man his
fee, collected my change and turned around to see if I was at the right address. Yep, it seems I am, the address says No. 5, Soli street and this was definitely No. 5 judging from the number written boldly on the black gate in front of me. As for the name of the street, I didn’t know but the cab driver had said this was Soli Street.

I knocked on the gate and noticed it was opened. Maybe I would just walk up to the main door and knock instead. I walked slowly in…looking around, It was a fairly big compound that had a one storey building sitting right in the middle of it. It was painted brown, paint was still bright, it must have just been painted recently. Had about 3 DSTV dishes hanging from the roof. Hmmm some pretty comfortable people must be living in this house. Can’t even tell if it was a face me I face you apartment or housing flats. There was a door slightly left open staring right at me but I could not just walk in..I sighed

Everywhere looked deserted and I silently said a prayer hoping Sesan would be home (Sesan is my cousin who I have come to Lagos to stay with while I look for a job). As I got closer to the building, I could hear faint noises coming from within. The closer I got the louder it became, it seemed like people arguing or more so fighting actually..errr what should I do now? I can’t just walk into a house that I knew no one. Strange, the noise now seemed to be coming from the back of the house. I started walking in that direction. As I turned a corner I could make out a smaller building at the back of the main one, saw a small crowd cheering, shouting and screaming.

No one noticed me, they were all so engrossed in what was going on in the middle it seemed. I kept walking towards them hoping to catch a glimpse of what exactly was going on that had everyone so excited. Gradually I could make out two ladies having a go at one another. They were both almost naked, one only had her panties on and my God, her boobs were massive. The other had something that I believe was once a bumshort but now was more like a half-pant and a T-shirt that was obviously on for the last day. My eyes returned to the girl with the big boobs. I could feel blood rushing to my dick but to think about it properly, no-one was making any attempt to stop them whatsoever. What kind of place was this? “If she no gree, bite her well…she dey mad”…shouted a short guy that was standing close to me. He had only his boxers on and judging from the bulge in it he was enjoying the show as much as I was too.

“Princess, please stop this na! I would give you money for another one”, a man was saying from the other side of the fight and yet he wasn’t making any move to get in between the fight. He was smartly dressed with a suit and tie to boot, cleaned-shaved too and looking around I thought to myself what was someone dressed like that doing here?

“beat am well”
“omo comot her pants jor!”
‘see boobi toh bad!”

These and more were the chants going on around me. I was finally able to pull my eyes away from the naked breast in front of me and started scanning the
crowd to see if I could get Sesan. Not looking too far, he was on the other side of the fight with his shirt thrown over his shoulder and a couple of naira notes in his left hand. He was sweating profusely and I began to wonder who the people fighting actually were. I started making my way round the crowd to the other side of the fight. In my haste to get to Sesan, i accidentally stepped on someone’s foot.“You dey mad?!” came a loud voice as I looked at the huge guy I had stepped on. He was about 6ft3 and had sure as hell been working out. I quickly mumbled and bowed my head in respect before another fight or beating started. He didn’t even hear me, he had turned back to continue enjoying the live smackdown vs raw going on in front of him. I was grateful for the distraction and continued my round trip. I was almost close to patting Sesan on the back when a voice rang out.

“Stella dey come, Stella dey come!!!” the speed at which everyone dispersed was unimaginable. I just couldn’t understand even the combatants took off, some were
heading to the main building which I just noticed had back entrance that led to the smaller one. The others including the combatants were rushing to the smaller building a few though I noticed was making their way to a well that was at the far end of the compound that had a few buckets surrounding it, only the man on suit and tie and I remained, he was shaking his head sorrowfully while I adjusted my bagpack and started wondering which direction Sesan had taken off to. While we were still standing
there, each with his own thoughts a lady came by. She was quite tall and had full hips with small boobs, she was wearing a mini/macro or whatever they call it these
days skirt and a top that had LOVE ME written boldly across it. She was sporting a low cut hair do. She was walking straight towards us and I adjusted my 6ft1 frame as she got closer.

“Yes, who are you and what are you doing here?’ was the first thing that came out of her mouth. I looked at the man standing next to me pretty sure the question was meant for both of us but apparently I was wrong. He was still with his thoughts and wasn’t paying any attention to the lady.
“Excuse me, are you deaf or dumb? I asked a question”.

Was she mad or stupid? How could she just talk to a stranger that way? None, I am fine but you are quite rude!” I blurted out. Her facial reaction changed and I believed she wasn’t used to been shut down.

SESAN……………
Oh boy this Stella of a girl na weyreh ooo, why would she show up at a time like this? Wey I don put money down on Yemisi head, I hissed, this girl
must be sick. No b her fault sha if no b say na her papa build the house, I for don beat her teytey. Shit, i forgot my bucket at the well, hissed again and stood
up. I was still holding 700naira the bet money hhhmmm, let me go and get my bucket first before this money tempt me pass gauge. I stood up and got my shirt on. I had taken it off in solidarity when the fight between Amaka and Yemisi started. I was still sweating like a guinea pig, wetin money go cause ehn! I opened the door and stepped back outside. There was Mr. Obinna still standing there like a truck hit him and there was the stupid girl Stella dressed to kill as usual. Hissed again. Wonder who was the unfortunate guy standing in front of her with bagpack? I got my slippers on and started walking towards them abi another fight wan start ni?

Same noni. The guy sef looks kinda familiar. As I moved towards them, my brain was tingling‘How dare you talk to me like that?! Do you know who I am?” Stella don dey make mouth again.
“I don’t think I care and that I even wanna know who you are” oh boy, it was my cousin Bode talking. When did he arrive? And wetin concern him and Stella?
I quickly walked towards them. I always wanted to slap this Stella of a girl and Bode just seem to have provided the right opportunity. As I got closer I noticed Uti standing at a distance looking at the proceedings.. Bleep, I neva understand wetin be this guy problem. Every time Stella is around, he goes into protective mode. Hissed again.

BODE..
This girl must think she’s dealing with a JJC though truth be told I am a JJC. This was only my second trip to Lagos in history, but that didn’t mean I was going to back down. I just wasn’t brought up hitting women, I actually felt like slapping her. I adjusted my bagpack while she ranted again, I wanted to walk off and ask someone where Sesan’s apartment was when I noticed him walking towards us. He had his shirt on now but was still sweating. I moved closer to him and said…
“Morning bro, didn’t know your apartment”
“Oo its nothing, how ur waka na?”

Though I had turned my back on the ranting girl, I was pretty sure she was fuming. I didn’t care, I had seen who I came to see. He patted me on the back as we started walking towards the smaller building.

“Who is that girl”?
“Ooo, that is our landlord’s daughter”

Landlord’s daughter??!! I took a deep breathe. Little wonder she had seemed so confident of herself. I hoped I hadn’t crossed the line too much but from Sesan’s behavior it seems they are used to her attitude. I sighed and bent to take off my footwear as we got to Sesan’s room. Well maybe if I get to see her later on, I might apologize or something.

“Well this is my room oo..its small oo but comfortable bajebaje” Sesan’s voice brought me out of my thoughts. I looked around the room. There was a big bed occupying a corner of the room, a Television set right across it with a DVD player and a Playstation2 console lying by it side. Another corner of the room had a table and chair and all these were on a wine-colored rug. Well comfortable as he said and small. Well, I was here now….

Written by BASS @OlumiCFC

source ; www.elsieisy.com

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SESAN…
The look on Bode’s face was priceless……. guy don dey feel at home already. Well not to praise myself, I do pride myself in my pimped up room, na those girls fit enjoy the parole pass. Asides the fact that my room is usually a betting arena whenever I put on the PS2, it was all tight. Hmmm should I start explaining to Bode the workings of this house abi make I chill till he has settled and get things himself. As I made a move to go back out and get a bucket, Boka entered. Ohhh this guy no dey ever forget money matters….

“Oga, how far, wey my money? Fight sha don end and no winner”, always straight to the topic. Dude’s always feeling like someone’s out to cheat him, probably because God cheated him out of a few inches. Shortest person in the house at a height of about 5’4, already growing a potbelly off some money he was getting as a Yahoo boy.

“You no get sense at all, shey you know? You wan collect your money now, for evening if everybody wan play game now, you go don go blow the money ontop Ego head abi?”

“Guy, wetin concern you? Na sha my money…..Biko, abeg give me my money, I wan go Iya Niyi go chop”, with this, I just had to give him his money. I pulled out a two hundred naira note out of the lot which I was still gripping. After collecting his money, he turned and faced Bode.

“Chairman, I hail oo”…..Idiot!
“Boss, I salute back”, great! At least Bode was well mannered. I decided to do some introduction.

“Boka, na my cousin Bode be dis. Bode meet the one and only Boka the Messiah! The unofficial president of this house!”

Boka was all smiles now, he loved being hailed.

“No mind your cousin oo, my name na Chibuzor but you can also call me Boka”, a wide grin was plastered all over his face.
“Na here he go dey live oo”, It was best the boys started knowing I had a new roomie.
“You serious?” Boka asked as he turn to look at me. ‘Make we throw am welcome party na’
“Idiot, you better shut up, you wey be say na because of two hundred naira you enter my room dey para, shey na you wan buy beer boys for the party?”

Bode bursted out laughing on the bed, first time I had actually see him laugh since he arrived.

“You for say you broke, make I come help you ni, fool!” Boka said as he stepped out of my room. My laughter was epic as I turned to face Bode. Think it’s best if I at least started telling him one or two things about the house.

I was still trying to contain my laughter at the scene that had just played out in front of me. Chibuzor A.K.A Boka had seemed a really lively guy. Sesan went to the nearby wall hanger and changed shirts. He asked me to take a stroll with him that he wanted to get recharge cards outside the compound. I stood up and followed him. The compound that had been some sort of a fighting coliseum moments ago was now virtually empty save for a few people at the well. I noticed one of the girls that had been fighting earlier amongst them.

“This place is a crazy house oo, full of abnormal people, we call it ‘the House’”..Sesan’s voice brought me back to him. We had stepped out of the main gate by now. Calling the group of people I had seen earlier, crazy, seemed like a big understatement.
“Our landlord sef no test ok, you have already met his daughter gan, and you have seen the oskanbos we have in the house, those are just two, they are about five, the rest haven’t returned from work”, he turned away from me after this statement and knocked on the next compound’s gate.

“What’s Oskanbo?” I was lost.
“Prostitutes, ashy. We also have students, corpers and close to normal people sha living in the house”

“But does your landlord know there are prostitutes living in the compound?”

“Know ke? Abi he’s their commander in chief. I don’t think any of them has ever paid house rent before as far as they go and Bleep the man regularly”

“Seriously?!” I was shocked!

“But wait o, how old is your landlord?”

“Omo the man go don dey enter around seventy o but bleeps like he’s still in his thirties”

“Na wa o” was the next thing that fell out of my mouth.

“Then the boys in the compound are cool sha. Weyreh boys asides one body builder wey we dey harbor for that house”
I immediately remembered the huge guy I had mistakenly stepped on during the fight. He sure looked like a body builder.

“Na the guy dey Bleep Stella sha, na only God know when him sef pay rent last”.

No one had answered the gate, this time he banged the gate like he was trying to bring it down.

“Tani yen!(Who’s that),E’ni gate ni ile ni?(Don’t you have a gate at home)”came a sharp voice from within.

“I wan buy card jor! Iya Nuru”…Sesan shouted. I was surprised when the gate was opened and out came a pretty girl with one of the most amazing smile I have ever seen. I was still trying to figure how someone as pretty as these could have such a sharp toutish’ voice when she spoke.

“How much card do you want to buy? “

Her voice was so sonorous I was beginning to think I was staring at an angel.

“Dem tell you say na him wan buy card abi me? Abeg give me Etisalat two hundred jor before your mama think say person wan come rob am”, Sesan’s voice brought me back to reality once again. He stretched out a two hundred naira note to her.

“Oga,easy”, she laughed as she took the money and went back inside. Apparently Sesan seemed some sort of area father around here. There was a frown on his face as he turned to look at me.

“The woman go dey feel say person wan come rob am ni abi person wan come rape her daughters for house”

“Daughters?” I asked in amazement that there could be more angels in this house.

“Yes na. She has three daughters and one boy. The boy is the eldest, the girl that came out just now is the last born”, He was just completing this statement when the girl came back out with his card. She handed it back to him and shut the gate as she went back inside. We started back towards our own place.

“She go dey monitor her daughters like say dem no go marry, and those girls ehn, dey Bleep anything!”

My brain rebooted at this statement. I was sure in for a crazy stay in Lagos.

“As I was saying jare, my compound is full of crazy abnormal people o. So its best I start telling you about them, make you no go dey feel out of place.”, he said this as he pushed the gate open and ushered me back in.

“Welcome to the house”
“Why do you call it the house? Sounds strange”. I wasn’t seeing any sense in him calling it the house.

“Haa you neva go casino before, they call casino floors ‘The House’ and you know what they say about the house?”
“No, I don’t” I replied.
“The House always wins”…………

Written by BASS @OlumiCFC

Source: www.elsieisy.com

Nice story
more please

BODE..

Three days in ‘The house’ as they call it and I am always feeling like I am on another planet. Only two things go around the house as I have discovered, sex and money. Sesan’s room which I had thought to be comfy was hell in the evenings when boys gathered to gamble on PlayStation soccer. Bleep it, they gambled and argued on everything in sight. And I have come to accept that the landlord probably infected every tenant. I met the landlord for the first time yesterday and it was really awkward or what more can I say? I had gone out to buy newspapers and on my way back in, I decided to walk in through the main house and not around it. I had not gone more than five steps when I started hearing voices.

“No bet on Madrid o, the odds for this weekend low gan, just bet Chelsea. First to score, Barca over two, Chei, nowadays ManU dey spoil ticket anyhow, I for talk say make we add them”. The voice sounded familiar.

“Hmmm Eleribu ni awon ManU yen, its ok, when time don reach, we go go the kiosk together”. This was a much older voice. The voices seemed to be coming from upstairs. I kept on walking and was almost at the back door when I heard

“Who are you?!” It was the elderly voice, I turned around and looked up to see a fragile looking man of about sixty years old with a brushing wood popularly called pako gently balanced by one side of his mouth. Beside him was one of the guys that usually came to Sesan’s room to gamble, couldn’t remember his name sef.

“Ha, na Sesan cousin be this”, the guy answered for me.

“Goodafternoon Sir” I quickly followed up.

“So that rogue has family, wonders shall never end!” Baba Landlord started, I thought he called Sesan a rogue because his room was more like the coliseum of all gambling in the house. It was later on I found out that the Landlord had his eyes on one of Iya Nuru’s daughter a while back and had been thinking of how to go about it without facing the wrath of Iya Nuru. He had confided his love for the girl to Boka, and in typical igbo boy fashion, Boka had advised him to go get a blackberry phone and give it to the girl as a gift. That from then onwards, the girl would be all over him. The Landlord thought it over and decided to do so. One particular morning he had woken up very early in the morning to go and hassle his tenants that were owing rent so he could use the money to buy the blackberry phone. After going round, he finally got to Sesan’s room. And when he knocked on the door, he was shocked beyond words when the girl he was in love with was the one who opened the door wearing nothing but one of Sesan’s shirt at 7am! The landlord almost passed out. Though no one has still told me any good reason why the Landlord had not sent Sesan packing.

‘Guy, how far, Sesan dey room?” the guy with the Landlord brought me back to the present.

“Yes he is”

“Confirm, I go soon show now” meaning he would come over to start up a bet on something that made absolutely no sense.

“You just move in without coming to pay homage to your elders, what place are you from?” Apparently Baba Landlord wasn’t done with his interrogation.

“I am sorry, sir, I didn’t ..”

“Don’t worry, go and buy one McDowells for Baba”, the guy cut me short. What the hell was his problem?! Does he have any idea if I have money or not.

“Ok sir, sorry! I would get one and bring it over sir”, I bowed to the Landlord.

“Good, omo dada, seems you are more responsible than that cousin of yours”, the landlord said as I turned around to leave. Was already thinking about money, my little cash I had brought to Lagos had depreciated faster than Zimbabwe’s currency. I just made my way back to the room to go get some money then go and buy baba Landlord his drink. Getting to the room and I could tell this boys had started gambling. The door was lined-up with different slippers and foot wears. I just sighed and went in, didn’t bother looking around, there were about four boys all seated around the TV screen. Sesan was standing as always, naira notes in his hand. They were all shouting, and hailing as each player made his move. I went to my bag, pulled out a thousand naira note and went back out. This time I decided to go around the house and not through it. I noticed a lady going in the house though, she looked like one of the girls fighting the day I had arrived. I didn’t pay her much attention, went out and arrived at Iya Nuru’s gate. The few times I had come here, it had been Iya Nuru herself attending to me, such bad luck. I was about knocking when the gate opened and out came the stunning daughter of hers that I had first encountered with Sesan.

“Sorry, I want to buy McDowells” I quickly found my voice to show off my confidence though.

“Oo ok, let me check” She replied me with a smile and went back in. I couldn’t see my face but I was sure wearing a grin as long as the river Nile. I patted my hair to check if it wasn’t that rough, I had been keeping an afro for the past few months. Was still at it when she came back out holding a pack of McDowells. The biggest one! Who said I wanted the biggest oo?! I wanted the small bottle na, I was about weeping inside.

“It’s only the big one we have left or is it the small one you want to buy” that voice and smile again, shit, I was in trouble.

“No no, the big one is ok, how much is it?

“One thousand, two hundred”

I was now seriously weeping inside, one thousand two for what na?! But the smile and voice already had me. I looked at the girl to properly see her beauty. She was about 5ft8 tall, had a mole by the side of her mouth that gave her smile an extra edge. Long hair (don’t know if it was natural) that reached down to her breast which looked average but then her hips was crazy! They were wide enough to make me start wondering how her ass would be.

“Are you buying?” The smile on her face was gone.

“I am but its only one thousand naira that is here with me, would bring two hundred naira later”

“Haa I don’t know you o”

“I am Sesan’s cousin, we came here together the other day to buy card” , I was seriously praying that name-dropping Sesan would work. And it sure did.

“Ok but please bring it today” She said as she pulled out a Nylon out of nowhere and put the McDowells in.

“I will, thank you, what is your name by the way so when I come back”

“Latifah” She replied with that smile again. Chei, her name didn’t fit at all. She collected the thousand naira note and before I could say anything more, shut the door in my face. I shrugged and headed back home. Latifah, Latifah was ringing in my head as I got back home and started making my way upstairs to Baba Landlord’s Apartment to pay homage. Surprisingly everywhere was quiet but then again it was around noon, the responsible ones had gone to work and the not-so-responsible ones was in Sesan’s room. I got upstairs, first time I had been here since I started living in the house. There were about three doors each on both sides of the place leading up to a central door. I figured that must be the living room and started making my way towards it when I passed one of the rooms which door was slightly ajar and noticed some movement in it. I took a step backwards and the sight I saw made me remember Sesan’s introducing me to the house. There was the lady I had seen earlier walking into the house on my way to Iya Nuru’s place kneeling between what I assumed was Baba Landlord’s legs giving a crazy head. I adjusted properly to see if I could see the Landlord’s face but the door shielded that. The lady was sure good at what she was doing because as I turned to leave, I could hear Baba Landlord making out animal sounds. I just sighed and made my way back to Sesan’s room which was now containing over eight fully grown guys shouting and cursing. The guy I had seen earlier with the landlord was here now so also was Boka. I just found a spot on the bed that was free, placed the McDowells bottle by my side and dozed off which was surprising considering the level of heat in the room. Woke up a few hours later, empty room, empty cups, empty McDowell bottle!…..

written by BASS @olumiCFC

Source: www.elsieisy.com

Nice story but if you want to have followers then you need to update more often

Lolz, THE HOUSE hmmm see am waiting for your next update

SESAN…
Two thousand naira gone in just four games?! Dem jazz me ni?! Been asking myself that question for the past 24hours ever since I lost that amount to Leventis playing soccer last night. Well e dey happen sha occurred to me but this one happened to me! I was supposed to be the Onile (house owner)..I wasn’t meant to be losing such amount of money and not at this time wey pocket dry. I shook my head and went inside to get a torch, it was getting dark and as usual, useless NEPA never bring light. Least of my worries, right now I was hungry and since Bode wasn’t back from wherever he went to and boys weren’t around, there is only one room in this compound that could provide my stomach some relief.

I got the torch, stepped out and locked my door. Turned around and started making my way to the other side of the compound. I need money, cash, ego seriously..exams go start soon and I no get any plan to stress my brain at all this time around. I got to the room we had nicknamed ‘Aso Rock’, all occupants of this particular room were prostitutes, oskambos, ashy..whatever you decide say you wan call them sha. High class, low class oo, you go find them here. It was actually a set of two rooms but the dividing wall had been taken down and now you had the biggest room in the compound. Only baba God know how many girls reside here sha because even baba landlord didn’t know how many. How could he when he no dey collect rent? If one of them don go bed am, him brain don throway. Well apparently the same thing his daughter was doing with Uti. Like father like daughter.

I didn’t knock, I opened the door and stepped in praying I would catch one of the girls nude or half-dressed. That was always my prayer anytime I came to the part of the house and it was usually answered.

“Sesan, wetin you find come here? Abi your room don long reach here ni?”One of the girls Yemisi by name was the first to fire. I took in the scene before me. There were just three of them around, Yemisi, Jane and a girl I had never seen before. New intake I guess. While Yemisi and Jane were seated at one corner of the room, she was laying stomach down on one of the numerous beds. Damn her ass was something oo, this one na better intake, the rechargeable lamp in the middle of the room provided enough illumination for me to view the mountain she called an ass.

“Shey I no fit con greet una again ni? Una be my wives na abi una don get another husband for compound ni?”

Jane laughed and I could imagine her brown teeth glittering in the dark, wonder the kind of men that allowed her to give them head. She must have been the end product of a bad close-up advert.

“See you ehn, na anytime you need something you dey always waka come this room, oya wetin you dey find this time?”, forget her bad dentition, she was the smartest of the lot.

“Who tell you say I need something? I just come play with una ni na”my stomach growled at my lie, why couldn’t I just go straight to the point?! Being broke na bad thing o.

“Sesan,talk true, wetin you want?”

“Yemisi, make una behave jare, I just come play with una before compound full again abi una sef dey comot, night don reach o” I asked in good faith.

“No jare, I wan rest, sit down house, chop and get better sleep”

The moment I heard ‘Chop’, my brain went into overdrive. It was either the food was ready or it was just about to be made and considering the fact that I could not smell anything, it was definitely the latter. Time to be a good guest.

“Good idea sha, wait, una get any drink for house?” I knew the answer even before Jane replied in the negative. I told them I’d go get a drink at Iya Nuru. I knew for sure I was going to be included in the dinner plans. I was silently praying Latifah was around. I could always con a drink out of her, don’t know how or why but it was easy for Iya Nuru’s children to steal a dozen Mcdowells than steal a grain of rice. Probably because Iya Nuru herself was an alcoholic and would probably think she had drank it herself..well all that one na her business.

I stepped out of compound enroute the next house in slow steps trying to calculate what I would do if it was Iya Nuru who came to attend to me. I looked up to see if the gate was open and there at the gate was Bode and Latifah. she was giggling like a 9years old kid and he was also grinning like a toddler. Chei this boy don dey set this girl P. olorun oo, make he sha no block my black market runs. For now it was even better he had Latifah outside for me.

“Ha, bro how far na?”, Bode greeted me, his usual folder underneath his arm.
”I dey jare, house just dull, I say make I stretch leg small”

How was I going to do this now oo? Didn’t want anyone finding out about my usual runs with Latifah.

“Broda Sesan, goodevening” the girl pipped in, which one be all this “broda broda” she dey always call me.
“How are you jare? Ehen come sef, Bode abeg give me one minute” I said as I pulled Latifah to one side to quickly make my case.

“But haa you still owe me about five thousand six hundred” was the next thing she said as I tabled my matter.

“Don’t worry na, I have told you, once they sort us pocket money, I will sort you”

“You have been saying this since last year o, ahan”, Last year ke, I scratched my head, I thought I only started giving her this format two weeks ago.

BODE
Wonder what Sesan wanted that he had to pull Latifah aside. I was seriously praying that he shouldn’t make a move on her. I had been coming home from another ghost interview when I had seen her standing in front of their gate. Funny, I had never seen any of Iya Nuru’s children outside before. Come to think of it, never seen any of her kids asides Latifah. Oh well..I looked up and noticed Latifah had gone in and Sesan was standing all alone. Was this the best time to tell him I had been robbed of my phone at Oshodi (the all famous oshodi)? Or should I just wait till we were inside the room? Would he start thinking that I was a dunce? I lost my phone and I was here about to make a move on a girl. His voice brought me back to reality.

“Bode abeg, borrow me your phone, I wan flash Boka”..

Written by BASS @OlumiCFC

Source - www.elsieisy.com

V

BODE
It was hard telling Sesan about my stolen phone but I managed to do so. After all was said and done. He just smiled and said “we go work something out”, patted me on the back and proceeded to get a black polythene bag from Latifah and left us.

SESAN
McDowell’s gotten, I strolled back to the ladies’ room thinking about Bode. Well he was still new to Lagos. His stolen phone wasn’t the issue but his approach on Latifah. Didn’t know how I was going to tell him the girl was a loose cannon and could Bleep any dick in sight. I heaved and sighed and I stepped back into Aso rock. Spent the rest of the night eating and drinking with Yemisi and company. Stole occasional glances at the new girl but she never for one second paid me any attention. No worry, we get where we go catch you. My sleep that night was blissful, with the morning came another headache. Bode needed a place he could take Latifah out for a date. I scratched my head thinking, taking her to ICM, ikeja would blow her mind. The girl never jah like that but mehn Bode pocket go suffer. Thought of E-center, naa, not now when every Tom, dick and Harry went there. Galleria was out of the question. So I told him the only good option left. Leisure mall, surulere, coded place, cheap too. And if you no wan watch movie sef, shoprite is the next building. He thanked me and left, this boy na still JJC o. what was my plan for the day?

(The events below took place two hours later)
……………

“You sure say e go work?”, Boka asked again.

“Guy, I don tell you, e sure die. The guy say make I just use am with tramadol”, Ben answered his question for the third time in a row.

I adjusted myself on the bed where I lay silently listening to the ongoing conversation.

Bello just stood by the door, arms folded across his chest as we all started pondering what was before us.

“When she go land?”, I asked what I thought was the most vital question at the moment.

“In about thirty to forty minutes sha”, Ben replied as he wiped his sweaty brows. It was understandable. Today was the D-day, asin ehn, D day! Bisi had finally agreed to come Bleep him (well according to the bbm chats he had showed us) and in a move to totally finish her on bed, he had visited the chemist on the next street who was our pal. And had returned with two blue pills he had called Viagra. It came with a guarantee that he would last over two hours. We were all silent once more as each person was lost in his thoughts.

“Sesan, how va, shebi you still get tramadol?” Ben was now taking charge of his fate. He knew the answer, I had come back from an ill-fated job I had taken at a charcoal farm in Ilorin last year with packs of tramadol. And all I knew was that they were used by the farmers as some sort of energizer. Why I had packed them, I don’t know but I had shown the guys. I never knew they also acted as Viagra.

“Yea, e dey my room. How many he talk say make you use with the pills?”

“Errrm he say four”

“Four ke?! Wahala dey o”, I exclaimed.as I stood up and dusted myself.

“Come collect am o, I wan go sleep” were the next words as I made my way out.

“You no go stay watch match ni”, Bello was saying with a grin as he made way for me at the door.

“I no dey interested unless Benji go gree say I go enter set”, I didn’t wait to hear the curses that followed me as I made my way to my room which was two doors away. Pushed my door which was slightly ajar and got my kicks off. Opened my wardrobe where I kept the stack of tramadol. Took a pack out and threw it on the nearby table and I fell on bed. Mehn, it has been a while I got laid o, picked up my phone and browsing through my contacts idly when Ben poked his head in.

“Guy you come lie down ni? Where the tramadol?”, He asked. My hands replied for me pointing to the table.

“Thanks man”, he said as he grabbed the tramadol and made his way out.

I continued flipping through my phone till the inevitable happened. I dozed off. Don’t know how long I was out but loud bangs on my table woke me up instantly. My blurred vision made out Bello’s slim tall physique.

“Guy wetin happen na? Which kain parole be this”, I blurted out angrily. I very much hated being woken up abruptly, moften gave me migraines.

“Bobo, dey come quick”, he didn’t even waited for my reply as he was rushing back out.

My anger evaporated as I began pondering what could be going on. I had forgotten all about Viagra, tramadol, Bisi, ben and all. I got a pair of slippers on and buzzed out too. Sounds were coming from Ben’s room, seemed to be the place where whatever was happening was. I stepped in and the sight before me was shocking and crazy. Ben was lying down in the middle of the bed stark naked with his dick hanging in the air like a huge mushroom with lots of veins on show.

“Osanubua of the seven seas” I whistled out.

“Omo, Bisi no show oo”, Boka offered before I could even asked what was going on.

“And he don go use the pills and the tramadol down”

Ben groaned out loudly as if to remind us he was here o. I started breathing fast. Ok calm down.

“Wetin Bisi say happen?” Logical question.

“She say her mumsi call her say one tin one tin”.

Ok, don’t panic. Ben groaned out again as if to tell me “Panic oo!!!” I rubbed my chin as I noticed I was sweating.

“That girl no go die well o”, Ben cursed out from his pain. The issue at hand didn’t give me enough time to laugh.

“Benji, how va? Shey you no go self-service like this? Stroke yourself well”, Bello’s advice.

“Be like say you dey craze, you think say I never try am before I shout for help ni”

“Ehen abi make another person do am for you. You know say hands different”, I raised one eyebrow at Bello to see where the idiot was heading to. Definitely he isn’t suggesting what I think he is suggesting because if he is suggesting what I think he is, I would slap his soul into next year.

“Wetin you dey talk?” Boka asked the obvious question we all wanted to ask.

“Ehen say make Boka help you dey massage your dick make me and Mayowa sharply run go that chemist place to ask for solution”, Bello answered with a straight face.

“Shey o ya weyreh”

“Bello dem dey do you from your village ni?”

“Bello, you no go die better o”, Ben’s usual curse ended the assault on Bello.
But bello did make a good point though which I acted upon.

“Bello, make we dey go the chemist place. Boka chill with Ben, we dey come”, I turned round and pulled Bello by his arm.

“Make I wait with am dey do wetin, shey I resemble nurse ni abi”, Boka’s voice trailed off in the distance as we got out of the house.

“Guy, make we jog, if that guy die, I no fit write statement o”, I said as I took off running rather than jogging. A few minutes and I was bending over panting as I arrived at the chemist. Bello arrived about two minutes behind.

“Egbon, we get problem oo”, I blurted out as I caught my breathe.

BODE
I smiled as Latifah walked boldly with me past her house and into our compound. The date had turned out well, I had taken Sesan’s advice. I picked Leisure mall in Surulere as our date venue. Sesan had said it was the cheapest hangout spot/cinema in Lagos. Cheapest my ass, I had left the house with 7k, borrowed and own funds and had luckily gotten home with four hundred and fifty naira. The movies has cost five hundred naira per ticket. Cheap enough but the snacks, cab fare had swallowed up the rest. Well at least she was following me to the room, something must definitely happen. My only prayer was that those guys shouldn’t be up in there gambling.

Walked round the main house with Latifah holding onto my arm. I started staring at the room entrance. No footwear whatsoever. Thank God o. We stepped on the corridor and were walking past a guy called Ben’s room when we started hearing.

“Abeg rub am well, put small oil. Oya rub am faster”

“Guy, easy o, I no be woman oo abi make I leave am make you come dey rub your prick yourself”

What the Bleep was going on? Latifah and I stopped and stared at ourselves. As if reading my mind, she stepped forward and opened the door. And there right in front of us was Ben lying stark naked and Boka sitting by his side holding onto a rod that was later to be Ben’s dick. What the Bleep was going on?!

Written by BASS @OlumiCFC
source: www.elsieisy.com

VI

SESAN
The chemist explain to us that he didn’t know what solution he could offer (fucking problem with all these quack roadside chemist, na problem dem go give u, no solution).

“Make una quick find am one Ashewo to Bleep o, I no fit talk wetin go happen to him penis if he no Bleep”He offered as Bello and I turned and started making our way back home. And those stupid girls in the house had all gone for a wedding. One of their colleagues actually. When ashewos start to dey marry? I hissed as I started my second round of jogging.

BODE
I couldn’t say anything, I was just trying to figure in my head how long Boka and Ben had been gay lovers. It was Latifah who asked the obvious dumb question everyone had been expecting.

“What’s going on here?”., Ladies and dumb questions sha. You see a guy giving a fellow guy a handjob, what do you think is going on? Weight-lifting with his dick ni?
“You can’t understand, we get small problem ni” Boka answered with a straight face. Yeah, sure, they definitely had a problem. They were gay, the thought sef was really irritating to me.
Ben groaned out from the bed, he sounded like someone in pain and not pleasure. Now what the Bleep was going on?

“Ben, wetin do you?” My turn to ask a question. Was it dumb? I hoped not.
“Guy I go use Viagra ni o and that stupid girl no go show”, he was sounding like a kid who just swallowed his meat before chewing. Which girl was he talking about? I didn’t know and wasn’t really interested. What had my interest was the viagra he had mentioned.

“Jesus, viagra?! Why didn’t you wait till she even land sef”, Latifah uttered. Jesus like it was just a normal word in the dictionary.
Just as Ben was about to groan and say something. Sesan and the tall house fellow they called Bello burst in, panting heavily. Sesan bent over and looked at everyone in the room, he smiled when he saw Latifah.

“Guy, abeg the chemist give una the medicine for this thing”, Ben was now on the verge of crying. The funny thing is Boka’s hand was still on his dick.

“Omo, we gast go find pussy make you Bleep o coz the guy say if u no Bleep, you fit crossover”, Sesan spat out.

“You serious? He fit die?”, Boka sounded really shocked.

“Wait, Boka wetin yoru hand dey do with Ben prick”, Bello asked. This time the question didn’t seem that dumb.

“You dey mad! No be you talk say maybe another person hand go fit make am cum quick?”, Boka attacked. I looked from Boka to Bello and to Sesan who visibly was holding back his laughter.

“I dey play ni. How guy go dey help guy massage him prick? I don dey suspect you o, You be gay ni. Abi when you even see Latifah for here, why una no ask am for help?

My brain burst wide open at the mention of Latifah who was now the one laughing.

LATIFAH
I couldn’t help laughing but to be honest all these talk was getting me Hot. And Ben’s dick was really massive and attractive. Those veins around it just wanted to make me go down and suck him till he spilled in my mouth. But not with these guys around especially Bode. If I had known Ben had a dick like this, I would have accepted his proposal last year and bleeped him o. Damn, this was one good dick. What were these guys thinking?

SESAN
Hmm Latifah could be the solution o but Bode wey come dey here now don spoil job. Hmmmm, what to do now o? We had to get this guy one pussy and any pussy to Bleep. If he go die, I no fit write statement. Time to put down a plan. I was about saying something when Ben groaned out loud and said.

“Latifah, abeg make I Bleep you na. I go buy you blackberry. I go even dey pay subscription every month”, this guy was really loco o.

“Are you mad ni? What kind of talk is that?”, Bode’s eyes were flashing red. Bello was now the one filling the room with his laughter.

“Guy, which one be your own na? She be your girlfriend ni? Make he Bleep her na, make he release abi you wan make he die ni”, Boka attacked Bode who could offer no defense but still had his anger pasted all around his face.

“Latifah, abeg na. Na only the head go enter. No be all my dick. See sef, I dey always quick release. Two to five minutes I go don release”, Ben begged again.

Surprisingly Latifah didn’t say anything, her facial expression was blank. Abi she dey reason am ni. No, shit was going to happen. I had to step in.

“Guy, get sense. Make we dey go islander” (Islander is a hotel in Mushin that always had lots of available prostitutes).

“Haa, I go die before we reach there”, tears were now trickling down Ben’s face.

“Guy, no worry, you no go die. Bello go find cab for outside. Make you wear clothe make we dey go sharply”.

Bello went out without another word and Boka finally took his hand off Ben’s dick. He got a sachet of pure water and went out to wash his hand.

“Bro, I am going to the room”, Bode told me as he turned and stepped out. Latifah followed him but as she got to the door she turned and said to Ben.

“Ben, sorry but you would be fine”, She said with a smile. This girl sha, I have to warn Bode later.
“Thank you” was Ben’s reply as he turned to me to help with his clothes. Oh lord! Getting a short over his erection was wahala o. Boka came in and didn’t even bother helping, he just stood in a corner watching us. Bello bumped back in.

“I don get taxi o, he say two thousand, he don dey wait”, He said.

Two thousand ke for a trip of usually seven hundred naira. Sharp guy Bello was trying to make his own gain out of the situation, I should do the same.

“Ben, how much dey your hand?”

“I get about seven five (7,500) for wallet but if we need money. My ATM card dey. make we dey go abeg”, he was limping towards the door. I followed up and helped him.

Outside the gate was a downbeat typical Lagos cab. Even the yellow and black paint seems to have washed off. But this trip wasn’t about the means of transport, it was about what would end it.

BOKA
Chei, make I follow these guys them? But I still dey owe Cynthia two thousand five for the short time wey I go do last o. She fit go dey around and see me. And the stupid girl no get joy, she go embarrass me ni. Abi make I no go ni but this weather be like say e go sweet to Bleep o. If to say Bode no dey house now, I for just go back house go scope Latifah make I Bleep small.

SESAN
Finally, we on our way to Islander. Boka had hesitated before getting in the backseat with Bello and Ben..lol, crazy boy was probably scared of Ben asking him to rub his dick again.

“Yeeeeh!!!”

I turned back to look at what was wrong. Ben was obviously in pain because his eyes were closed and he was frowning.

“Benji no worry, you go make am. Na two things sure pass for this life. You go die and you go reach house”

“Yeeeeeehh!!! Sesan I go die?!”, Ben yelled.

“Ki lo shey (what’s wrong with him)”the Cab driver asked in concern.

“Baba, ara e o ya ni(he’s ill)”, then I turned to Ben”Guy calm down, I no talk say you go die. I dey try say everybody go die na certainity but not today.”

I turned back and face the road. It was all quiet and gloomy as we drove to our destination. Ben’s occasional groaning reminded us why we were stuck in here. Finally arrived at Islander Hotel. I told the cab driver to park about four houses off. Then I got down and called on Boka to follow me.

“Why b say na me you call? When you wan go chemist, no be Bello you call?” He grumbled.

“Cool down jor, no be you dey Bleep ashewo pass. Na you go sabi negotiate with them na”, this seemed to calm him down as we walked towards Islander.

“Guy come first”, he pulled me back as we got to the gate, standing a few feet away was a group of ready to Bleep six girls.

“Wetin?” I asked.

“Make we go price one of those ones wey stand for there na”

“Why? Dem no go get room for here jare. You go pay money to Bleep then pay for room sef. Make we go inside bar go meet regulars”

“No you no understand, those ones for inside don chop belleful, dem go wan over-charge us as soon as dem see Ben dick. But these ones go wan Bleep anything”

Hmmm he was making sense though. Stupid guy could Bleep a prostitute all day of the week. Apparently where he was burning all the little change he was getting from his yahoo runs.

BOKA
Thank God say dis girls dem dey outside. We fit go enter bar now go jam Cynthia. The format wey I give Sesan work sef coz he agree.

SESAN
As we approached the girls, I grew uncomfortable. Never been a fan of paid sex and its hawkers. Even the ones in the house, it had taken me quite a while to get accustomed to them and they had their usefulness occasionally. I pushed Boka forward.

“Boka!!” One of the girls shouted as they looked up at us. I told you this dude’s popular with them. Here was the shocker, the lady in question step forward and planted a slap that could be heard in the vatican on Boka’s face.

“Where my money?!” She gripped him by the collar of his shirt. Boka’s eyes were still closed as he was still recovering from the slap.

“Cynthia, why you come do like this na?” He said without opening his eyes.

“Cynthia ke, where you see Cynthia? You want make I dash you another slap abi? Beta open your eyes pay me my money”, this was going nuclear, I took a step backwards.

BOKA
No b say I no wan open my eyes, I wan open am but e be like say dem use glue hold am down small. I sha force am open, wait make the moon comot make sun come back. As I go look properly, na so I see Anita face o! Jesus! This witch don come back, I bin think say dem say she don relocate go back village permanently. How much I owe am sef? Haa which kain wahala come be this.

“Anita ,when you come back”, I no remember anything wey I talk again, Na another slap answer me. I no remember if I faint.

That second slap was like one of Muri thunder’s shots. Boka was falling down but was held firmly by the hand on his collar. I started calculating my options here.

“Sister, abeg take am easy, wetin he do. abeg no kill am”, I said without stepping forward.

“Leave me, make I kill am. Na me go even carry him dead body go station go report myself. This stupid boy con sit down ontop my toto for one week dey tell me say one maga dey send money, money go come. Till I travel he no give me shingbain! To Bleep na for free? Abi he resemble him mama own”, She was shouting with her fellow prostitutes hailing her.

“Boka na true?” I started to play good cop.

Boka couldn’t answer or rather didn’t want to answer incase of another slap.

“Sister abeg, you fit deal with am later. Na business me I come here for. You fit beat am enter next year if u like. But now I need correct babe”

As I said this, all the other ladies stopped hailing Anita and started walking towards me.

“Bros, look me, I fit Bleep and suck you well o”

“Bros, you for talk since na.”

“Bros I go take care of you”

Anita looked up at me, her eyes still glaring red. Her hand was still firmly holding Boka in place. I decided to play a card.

“No, na Anita I come for. Boka don talk well of you. He no even know say you don come back, we for call your phone instead say we dey come here”, Bleep, does Boka even have her number?

But all I said apparently sank in well because her anger evaporated and she was smiling now.

“No mind the foolish boy, he no think well. Na only when he wan Bleep toto, he dey think. Oya make we talk, wetin you say you need?”

She let go of Boka’s shirt and the really foolish boy truly just sat flat on the floor.
I was confident now and pulled Anita to one side and explained the whole situation to her. At first she was adamant that she couldn’t Bleep a customer who had used Viagra but when I mentioned we would pay anything she asked for, she calmed down and charged ten thousand naira. I added a clause that she would forget about Boka’s debt (at least he could gain from today’s business), she disagreed then I renegotiated a twelve thousand naira deal that would get Boka off the hook she agreed.
Boka had regained himself now and we went to get Ben from the cab. The driver charged us extra five hundred for time wasted. That is according to Bello who was the negotiator. Benji pulled out three thousand naira and gave it to Bello as Boka and I helped him to the hotel to get a room. He passed me his ATM card and gave me his password (Agro don make the idiot trust me, lmao). He asked me to withdraw ten thousand naira and gave me the four thousand five hundred naira in his wallet hoping it would cover all. Well a room was just one thousand five hundred naira for shortime. I agreed and left as Anita locked up the door behind me and faced her special customer.

I went down to the bar with Bello and Boka and ordered three big stouts.
“Sesan, abeg make we go sit down for back”, Boka said as our drinks arrived. Islander had a back room in the corner.

“For wetin, heat dey always dey that side. Make we sit down here jare”, Bello replied. Just as I was opening my drink, I heard a lady shout

“Boka!!!”

I looked at Bello and said

“Padi, make we dey go back”

BOKA
Cynthia!!!


Written by BASS @OlumiCFC

Source: www.elsieisy.com

Lolz. Ben don kill am ni, lolz d lady shouted ke

Hmm