I waka straight from Mr Henry staff room, go Joe office. I knock hand for im door before I enta. I no even wait for am to ansa the knock before I enta im office. Joe no too dey busy this tym. Im look me, but no gree smile. That one no consyn me. We no dey follow oursef laff before, so why we go follow laff now? Make im just gimme my result. If Joe for know wetin I carry for mind ehn, im for pursue me comot for im office. Im no fit know.


“Hmmm. So you came back? ” Joe ask me, with one kyn wicked smile.
“Yes.” I ansar am. Why im dey ask if I don come back? Abi no be im tok say make I kon see am collect my result?
Joe begin look round im table, scatter some files, shake im head. The thing wey im dey fyn no dey there. Im check some files under im table before im pull one big file out.
“ok!” Joe cool down. Im don see wetin im been dey fyn. Joe begin look to me lyk one dull person. Person wey keep something, wey dey see am everyday no kon know where the thing dey. To me, Joe go b one dull student when im dey school. Joe remove one paper from the file give me. I look am see say na testimonial be dat. The principal comment been dey show “Intelligent and trustworthy.” I begin wonder if say na Joe be the principal that tym, im for run me down. But why na testimonial Joe carry gimme? Na result I kon fyn, no be testimonial. Joe open im drawer, bring out one paper wey I later see say na my result. E be lyk say im don keep the result there before. Joe no gree gimme until im don full my head with ‘words of wisdom’


“I spoke with your father, he seems to be a decent man. I am sure by now, he will be disappointed to have you as a son. I only decided to release your result because of your father. He is such a gentleman and should not suffer because of his son's stupidity. The earlier you change, the better for you.” Joe carry water, drink small before im continue im long sermon. “Judging from your performance, you are intelligent; if you were calm, you would have beaten chibuzor.” Joe continue im long preaching. I no know how many thing im tok after then, but dat chibuzor wey Im call been vex my bone. Why im go dey compare me to that chibuzor? I begin wonder wetin make Joe get mind say I go sabi beat chibuzor. I look Joe well to see if im well. Na ten A1 we been dey tok o compare to my Eight A1 and one F9. I conclude say Joe no well.


Joe tok some kyn things wey I no hear. I been no dey even listen to Joe. My own be say make the ‘apari’ yarn finish, gimme my result make I fyn my levels outside the school. I just hate the man wey I dey see for my front. After Joe yarn finish, im gimme the result, tok say make I sign for one paper. Na chibuzor be the last person wey sign the paper. The date there show say na the day wey we meet im kon collect im result. I sign my name, give Joe im paper, waka comot for im office. I go greet Mr Henry before I leave the school.
“Nothing go carry me come here again.” I tok as I dey comot for the school gate. I begin waka go bus stop to carry moto go house.

welcome back!!!

chovwen01: welcome back!!!

yep...tnx dear

The next day wey be LASU screening deadline day, I wake up early dat morning so dat I go fit reach LASU quick. The admission sef been don comot for my mind; tym don go and na the last day be that. I just wan go see if I go still dey lucky. If no be say Joe been do me bad, I fit don get admission. Joe and im madness don reduce my chance to five percent, dat one na if my chance Neva die.

I enta LASU, begin my journey to the English department. I already dey familiar with the place already. Na different story e be when I first enter the school to collect admission letter. I ask reach fifty people where I go got my admission letter. Some wey I ask be JJC lyk me. Na one mumu boy wey I ask, im point anoda faculty for me. The thing been vex me. But dis tym, I no need to ask. The department office been dey so quite; nobody dey waka up and down, lyk the day wey I come collect admission letter. I begin wonder weda dem don finish the screening sef. I waka go the HOD office. Nobody ansar me when I knock for im door. I turn back when I begin hear footstep for my back. I look am see say na the person wey I dey fyn be dat. Na one fat man wey wear dat kyn Awolowo eye glass been dey waka come.
“Good day sir.” I greet am with no smile for my face
“Good day young man. How are you?” im ansar my greeting but im smile.
“Im fine sir.” I ansar am. This fit be good luck. The man follow me smile. Im look my hand see me dey hold file. Na so im take know say na screening go bring me come. Who no know say na Jambites dey carry file around?
“Are you here for the screening? ” im ask me.
“yes sir.” I ansar.
“What took you so long? The spots here is filled up, so I will recommend you to any other department ” The man been dey show consyn and dey sound nice too.“what's your name?” im ask me.
“Ugochukwu Jaja.”
“let me have those.” im stretch im hand towards the hand wey I take hold my credentials. I give the man all the thing wey dey inside the file. The man smile as im see my result.

I stand dey do small prayer for my mind make the man change I'm mind give me English.


“Mr Ugochukwu, you have an excellent result here. It's a pity we don't have enough space to accomodate you. The best I can do is send you to theatre art. There should be space left there. I'm so sorry my Ugochukwu.” The man yarn me. Wetin I been no understand be why im dey tell me “I'm sorry.” I think say na when you do person bad you suppose tok am.

The man carry one of the form, write something, tell me to carry am go ‘Faculty of Art’. I later hear say I go pay ten thousand naira to change course. All these things for one day? I no carry reach dat kyn money. Tears just full my eyes. Who I been offend wey dey suffer me lyk this? I no just know wetin I go do. I waka comot for the school, enter moto go back house. The two hours journey dey lyk two hours suffering. So no admission this year? I no sabi how I go take cry dat day

pardon any of my error. I'm just being lazy to correct them.

As LASU admission no click,my mama carry me go one computer school wey dem dey call learned minds, make I go learn computer,so dat I no go stay idle for dat one year wey I go stay for house.As a sixteen years old boy wey I be dat tym,I still be "mummys boy".All the negotiations wey been dey go on na between my mama and the person wey get school. The man tok say na ten thousand naira with one thousand naira registration fee.

“Ten thousand! ” my mama hala. “But a friend told me she paid three thousand.” My mama been don discuss the issue with one ‘IYA TOSIN” wey im pikin ‘TOSIN’ been dey attend the school. I stand for one place, dey look my mama. Ten thousand naira? I no sure say im go fit pay dat kyn money.

“Those who registered some few months back were given seventy percent discount. It was a bonanza period. It ended just last week.” the man clear my mama

“Alright.” na so my mama take agree with the man. She no follow am argue again. She agree to pay the ten thousand naira with the registration fee, but she go only pay six thousand make she complete am later.

The man collect the money from my mama, register me for the school before she give me one receipt.

“What is your name?” im ask me.
“Jaja.” I ansar.
“Do you know there was one a great man with that name?”
“Yes sir.”
“You will be great like him.”
“Amen.”

Which kyn prayer him self dey pray? Shey im know how I dey suffer?

The man carry me go the class wey I go stay learn. The school get one big hall, but that na lecture hall for students wey dey prepare for JAMB or GCE; depending on which one dey come up. Another four classes dey too, but dem no dey big reach the Hall and one room wey dem take do administrative office (Na the office wey I been register). Three of those four classrooms na for normal classes; when dem wan do subjects wey no be general subject. English, maths and any other general subject dey always hold for inside the big hall. The Computer class na the last class. The back door to the building go carry you enter the computer room, with one toilet wey dey opposite. Ten computers dey inside the room, but na only four dey work well. Three been dey work lyk NEPA; Come one anytym dem feel lyk and if dem lyk, dem no go gree on. The other three no on till I comot for that lesson.

As I enter the computer room, na only two students been dey inside: one boy and girl. The class dark small as dem Neva open the iron window. I waka go near them make I greet dem. The boy na person wey I don see before but we no too sabi oursef well well. The boy name na kelechi, but dem be dey call am KC. The way the guy dey take blow yoruba make me believe say na Yoruba guy. Na later im clear me say im be Igbo boy. “Kelechi.” My mind no go there.

The girl na one Yoruba girl. The first thing wey I notice when I been see am be say she too fyn. If no be for class we see, i for call her model. She carry one kyn innocent face wey i been like.The way she take greet me lyk say I be one kyn big boy. My height been dey deceive am. I no follow am tok anything. I just ansar her greeting. I later know say her name be bisi. I don begin dey lyk bisi. To me, bisi na one fyn Yoruba girl: A BLACK BEAUTY.

The class suppose be for two hours everyday, from 10.00 reach 12.00 for morning. Another group dey come from 12.00; dem be our Seniors.

The first day been dey boring; I begin wonder if I go enjoy the school at all

Well done bro, keep it up.

DONMAYOR19: Well done bro, keep it up.

I see you.

maputohq:
I see you.

I see u too...

The Tosin wey I know for my area and the Tosin wey I meet for the Computer school dey different. She quite for lesson but when she dey area, she go turn Area mama. E Neva tey wey im pipu park enter our area, Tosin don begin friend all the boys for area. Even as im mama and my mama be friends, me and Tosin no dey follow ourself tok. Tosin fyn small sha but me no just lyk her. Tosin eye dey red small; na one thing wey make me no lyk am. She go even dey below five feet. I begin wonder wetin guys see for Tosin body. We begin tok when Tosin begin friend one of my neighbour; Ogu. I been don follow Ogu argue about tosin.

“I wonder wetin una see for that girl body.” I been tell am.
“Which girl?” Ogu ask me.
“Tosin na.” I ansar am.
“My guy, That girl dey attractive o.” I begin wonder wetin Ogu mean by ‘attractive’
“Wait Ogu, shey you know wetin e mean to dey attractive?” I ask Ogu. “That girl no dey attractive to me at all.” I begin to look Ogu make im ansar me. Im just smile. Im no ansa dat one. Me sef comot mind for dat one. Shey dem tok say one man food na anoda man poison. I begin think anoda thing.

As I no follow start lesson from day one, I join dem dey do EXCEL. The thing be say I don do other parts wey dem been start from when I dey School (secondary school); I been see no reason to start from the beginning. Dem don tok say the classes na for house three months; why learned minds go dey collect Ten thousand? And say na only two hours per day begin vex me.

Bisi turn my teacher for the school. Anytym wey Mr Sola; ‘our teacher ’ no dey, she go dey teach me wetin dem don learn before I come. I no tell her say I don learn am when I been dey for school. I just dey enjoy to dey learn with Bisi. She begin tell everybody wey wan hear say I be her husband. The thing sweet my belle, no be small. The last time person call me im husband na when I still dey school. One yoruba girl wey dem dey call Tope. I like the girl but I no been dey ready for dat kyn thing; I been dey hustle to beat chibuzor for best student dat tym. I been tell the girl make she leave me, say I no get tym for dat kyn thing. The girl no gree follow me tok till I comot for dat school.

Bisi na the smallest girl wey been dey the computer school. The thing wey dem been no know be say Bisi sef senior me but because I big, nobody except Tosin know. My mama been don yarn Tosin mama say I just dey enter sixteen, make she no look how I big. Since then, Tosin no know im mate again. Thank God say Tosin na gentle girl for lesson, she for open her big mouth tell dem say I be small boy. Tosin dey claim fyn girl for area but for lesson, she be one local girl wey nobody wan follow flex. At least, Bisi dey flex with me, a local boy. I begin wonder why I dey flow with Yoruba girls well well.

One day for house, chike call me.
“Jaja.”
“hmmm?” I ansar am. “Why you dey call me?”
“Tosin tok say you get one Yoruba wife for una lesson, say im name na Bisi.”
I begin smile. Na wa for tosin o. Why she go dey tell my brother say I get wife?
“Jaja.” chike continue to yarn. “I know say as you dey smile lyk dis, na true tosyn tok.” I no ansar chike. I no wan ansar sef. Anything wey tosin lyk, make she tell chike, e no consyn me. I know say chike sef na sure guy. Girls lyk chike well well for im school. Na everytym im dey carry gift wey one babe buy for am dey come house, im no fit let my mama see am; im wan die? The funny thing be say, Chike want only the principal daughter, that one sef no dey look chike side. I begin wonder why chike go leave all the girls wey like am, dey fyn the one wey no dey look im side, im principal daughter. Im wan chop wetin im no go sabi swallow. Na chidi I been dey fear for. Im still be small pikin. My mama sef go carry fyn fyn pikin dem, from only God know where, kon drop for my papa house. If dem begin pack girls come house, she go dey tok. Only God know how many boys go follow her small twins when dem grow. Dem still be four years, people don begin call them ‘our wives.’

your guy will return tonight...*wink*

Three girls come register for the school. Dem tok say dem know me well well but me Neva see dem before; dem be dey live for my area. Na from their mouth I hear am. One of the girl, Mary dey follow me play well well sotey tosin go tell Chike say I don get anoda wife for school, my broda carry am dey yab me for house.

I go school one morning, early. E no tey before bisi enter class too. Bisi come meet me.
“Jaja, please follow me to the market over there.” she beg me. The market wey Bisi been dey tok about no far from the school. My mama work place no far from the market and she dey always buy something from there. What if my mama catch me with girl for inside market?
“Alright, I'll go with you.” I ansar am. I try hide the fear wey dey my body; My prayer be say make my mama no see me. Since the tym wey I still small, maybe five years, she don dey warn me about girls. She been don ask me if I been dey shook hand for girl yan$h. I tok say I no dey do am. The kyn way she been take ask me, I tok yes for wet in I no dey do. E get anoda tym wey one small girl go tell her mama say I shook hand enter im yan$h. The mama ask well well but I no remember the tym wey I shook hand for person y@nsh. Dem bring another boy, ask the girl again if na me or the other boy, she still point me. I no dey follow the girl play or yarn, which tym dat one kon happen? The tym wey my mama take hear story, she carry cutlass to cut my hand. She beat devil comot for my body; I begin suffer for wetin I no do. Anytym wey I see the girl, e go be lyk say make I kill am but since we comot for the Area, I no see am again. The story na something I no dey like remember, e dey make me cry.

I follow bisi enter market, lyk say dat one neva do bisi, she hold my hand. Which kyn wahala I wan enter so? I begin pray for my mind. My mama must not see me. Bisi been dey gist me tory, dey follow laff join. If she know wetin been dey my mind, she for free me. Na just disc bisi go buy. She buy finish, comot for market. Thank God, mama no enter market dat morning.

Chike and me just dey run parolz on a low key outside house. My mama must not know say we get friends wey be girl; no be even girlfriend sef. Maybe we go call them admirers. My mama strict sotey you no go think of babe. Chike try to read well so dat im go pass well well for im school. As im dey SS 2 dat tym, im get plenty rivals for school. I been get only chibuzor, dem plenty for im own school wey dey follow am drag. The funny thing be say na girls dey follow am drag; maybe na why im dey friend only im principal daughter. Chidi, for im own side still dey Jss 2. Im neva start follow person fight for position for im own class. Na for am only to dey go school, dey return. E go hard before you see chidi open im book.


My mama see say I always dey happy since I begin go dat computer school. The Jaja wey she dey see dey different from the one wey she been dey see for SSCE tym.
“Jaja, e be lyk say you dey enjoy your computer lesson?” mama smile as she ask me.
“yes mama.” I ansar. “ i meet plenty friends for there. Dem be nice people.”
“No go dey play for there o. Just face wetin you go do for there.” mama yarn. She don dey tell me dat thing since I dey primary school. I been dey wonder if to play na bad thing. I remember the day wey I dey play for school when she come visit. I run sharply enter class as I see am dey come. I been surprise say she no tok anything when I reach house.

“Mama.” I call. “My money remain five thousand wey I neva pay.”
“I go pay am when I get money.” I no follow her argue, I know say she no get money. She for gimme if she get.
“mama, I wan buy some books.” chike tok im own.
“mama, me sef wan buy book.” chidi join.
“mama, I wan dis, mama I want dat, I don hear ooo, mama pikin them.” As my mama yarn finish, she enter room go sleep. We sef carry our own wahala comot for house. Na only the twins, Amaka and Chichi remain. Make dem give their mama small wahala. We don know say if mama dey sleep, no try disturb her, except you wan cry.