craziebone:

thats what i'm saying na. Men encourage themselves and each other to take more wives if their current wife 'misbehaves'. They never tell themselves or each other to leave even today!

Your answer just goes to show how cruel men can be. It would have been kinder for the man to leave, but no, they want to make sure they impact as much emotional damage on the wife as possible, by subjecting her to another woman. When the wife now leaves the home, the man will say, well she left, not me, not knowing that they had already left her in all aspects by taking another wife, and then you will now come on Nairaland to quote nonsensical statistics.

Women should also be encouraged to take more husbands when the husband misbehaves.

craziebone:

not all men who are not 'crazie' about women are gay!

I guess what he mean is that not all men are womanizers and sex maniacs and that is true!

Thanks for pointing that out, but I knew it might have a different connotation. Was just trying to be funny.

joomiegirl: I don't understand this OP at all.
He clearly thought he would be given a thunderous ovation from the women and I'm happy to see; that didn't happen!

I am female, and I will try to set him straight..hopefully.

IT IS THIS KIND OF HARE-BRAINED THINKING THAT IS THE ROOT CAUSE OF DYSFUNCTIONALITY IN THE WORLD TODAY!!
Hian!
The man is the head...GET OVER IT!!
Being the head has nothing to do with domestic abuse(that's another kettle of fish altogether)...its simply the way God wired it, for marriage to work as it was originally designed to.

Even with this partnership theory, the woman should realise that there is a senior partner and junior partner.

To wit: He should include her in decision-making, ask for her ideas and views..but ULTIMATELY he takes the decision. She may not like the end decision he's taken, but she's got to be submissive and support him not fight and buck him at every turn...there can be no two captains in one boat.

Even when she knows she's right, a wise and submissive woman would quietly let him do it his way if that's what he wants...trust me, when his fingers get burnt, you may be certain he would not take your counsel so lightly again. That's wisdom. That's submission. That's true followership.

I am a strong independent woman who knows what she wants; and is no-one's fool.
BUT I most certainly do NOT want to be the head of my marriage, when I do get married!
I do not want the responsibility(na yam?), and I most certainly do not want the conflict.
The man is the head AND priest of the house. Which means that I will not follow a man who would leave me alone to tend the family prayer altar...that's HIS job. I'm a helper. Chikena.
Life would be a lot simpler, and society a lot less dysfunctional if everyone stuck to their God-given roles.

Being submissive does not make the woman a footmat, and to the men: knowing your wife should be submissive does not give you the right to treat her as a footmat. The bible asked you to love her, as christ loved you, and asked her to submit. If you love her, and truly show her that love, she even tries to outdo herself in submission, and when she does that, the man loves her even more. Its a lovely circle.

Bottom-line, no woman should marry a man she cannot follow, respect and submit to...what's the point? Its not all about "love wan-tin-tin"
Ladies, If you cannot submit to this person, if you do not TRULY respect him, don't even bother getting into it in the first place...cos all you may end up doing is trying to usurp his authority...and disrupt the order of things.

...waoooooow....slightly speechless but God bless you and grant u a lovely husband ...1trillion likes!!!

Look around you. See marital abuse
Come to NL,read their stories that touch
Listen to your fellow women and cringe from their horror stories of what they call marriage.


But hey everyone with a brain knows it's the 'fault' of feminism that women are now able to up and say no to abuse.
Can't you get what the message is?
Feminism is so bad it makes women look men in the eye and say enough is enough.
Even in the society where it advocate equal rights for men/women in the social affairs,govt,education etc.
It must be an evil term to even think of getting the message of equality to those women who are still in bondage or limited and see it as their place in life.

How dare they?
Death to feminism.
Back to shackles.

You get power. You go debate tire today
I don't envy you

kmcutez:

It should not take a feminist to tell me what is going on all around me. I have eyes to see and ears to hear. Imagine the audacity of one of my guy friends telling me all married men cheat when I caught him cheating on his wife. Tomorrow if the wife files for divorce, you will come on Nairaland and tell me it is the work of feminists.

kmcutez:

So I pay the bill, he remains under me. I am not understanding your logic.

yeah, that's the logic there.

but the question now is how many women are ready to pay all bills in the house.

@kmcutez i do not endorse polygamy on the ground that the wife is 'misbehaving'. Thats a mockery of Polygamy!

I only said it becos thats what happens in some cases and i have friends who say this too. But to say men do walk out of their marriages becos the woman is misbehaving is whats not true.

cococandy: Look around you. See marital abuse
Come to NL,read their stories that touch
Listen to your fellow women and cringe from their horror stories of what they call marriage.


But hey everyone with a brain knows it's the 'fault' of feminism that women are now able to up and say no to abuse.
Can't you get what the message is?
Feminism is so bad it makes women look men in the eye and say enough is enough.
Even in the society where it advocate equal rights for men/women in the social affairs,govt,education etc.
It must be an evil term to even think of getting the message of equality to those women who are still in bondage or limited and see it as their place in life.

How dare they?
Death to feminism.
Back to shackles.

You get power. You go debate tire today
I don't envy you

Do not mind all this lily-livered men on nairaland. They want women to be their slaves, hence quoting all these submissive nonsense. All men are equal regardless of gender, race, tribe etc. I wish women everywhere will stand up for their rights, just like the blacks did to the white during the era of slave trade. The whites also used the bible to subjugate the blacks, just like the men are doing to women nowadays.

BluIvy: Our God is wise beyond our understanding. If you really read into the reason behind such a stipulation in the bible and the life actions of men you will understand that God knew in essence that men are the weaker sexxx and can be easily be replaced in the scheme of things. Hence He had to instruct the stronger sexxx to submit and give them the title of "the head" to make them feel relevant.

See how grown up men are cursing, threatening the op to preserve their title. Really, why would people fight so hard to be called "the head"? True men who knows their worth and would actually careless who the head or tail is because they know they are incharge and have their shiiit together.

Lastly, not all men even deserve the title. There's a thread as we speak that tells of " a man, a married man for that matter who tried to commit suicide because he was rejected by a girl". What kind of a head is that? If that wife of his follows everything such head says, it would be disastrous.

men are the weaker sexx? interesting.


even feminist will laugh at this.

tintingz: yeah, that's the logic there.

but the question now is how many women are ready to pay all bills in the house.

You just might be shocked on how many women are already doing it in their matrimonial homes.

cococandy: Hahaha.

Whatever works for them right?
If it takes mind game for them to succeed. So be it.


@ shaybebaby. I dey follow you.

Following right back at ya coco.

no one has answered the question i asked earlier. What are the acts of control men exercise over women that women have always talked about?

@Op, go and busy ur over fertile mind wth more productive ventures.
Your wife can head and lead u. It's not a norm or must for all. Stop pushing ur feeble and ill ego on others' pschology. Gender equality has been/is preached enough and attained reasonably, so i don't knw what u 're talking about.

when you say men want women as slaves, i ask what really you mean?

We have never depended on the woman to bring us food, neither have we depended on them to protect us. We have always gone out to fend for ourselves. So what do you mean when you say men have always made women their slaves?

kmcutez:

You just might be shocked on how many women are already doing it in their matrimonial homes.

i dont understand it. It is believed that economic power is still in the hands of men. So where do women get all the money to do the bills. Or are we talking about those times when things go wrong for the man?

kmcutez:

You just might be shocked on how many women are already doing it in their matrimonial homes.

whose home, the man or the woman's house?

Those women that pay bills in the house never thought of that in their marriage nor accept it as their responsibility in the first place.

any woman who is ready to pay my bills should holla me.


where is that Bruno mars song.

craziebone:

i dont understand it. It is believed that economic power is still in the hands of men. So where do women get all the money to do the bills. Or are we talking about those times when things go wrong for the man?

And men are fighting to keep it that way, but the women are saying no to that. The women also want economic power. Beauty depreciates over time, but wealth will keep on increasing. With wealth you can do and undo, including marrying trophy husbands just as men marry trophy wives, I wish more women will realize this.

Mr or Ms op, i totally dsagree wit u, u r no motivational writer/speaker. Damn any woman who listens to ur crab, men r mearnt to b d HEAD, meanwhile evry gud man undastnds dat he needs a gud neck to lean on nd ds neck happens to be d WOMAN. women shud b loyal nd submissive to dia husband and d man shud LOVE hs wife as d bible clearly states. Pity any woman who wnts to CONTROL her husband, for HELLFIRE awaits her. Thanks

tintingz: whose home, the man or the woman's house?

Those women that pay bills in the house never thought of that in their marriage nor accept it as their responsibility in the first place.

any woman who is ready to pay my bills should holla me.


where is that Bruno mars song.

most women who are bread winners in US homes are actually single mothers. There was no choice. A lot of them are black americans. My heart goes out to them

craziebone:

most women who are bread winners in US homes are actually single mothers. There was no choice. A lot of them are black americans. My heart goes out to them

True.

Those women that even divorce their husband will still want child support from the ex husband.

but yes Ofcos the father must take responsibility of the child.

After reading this i.dio.t's post about how God killed his siblings, i just know the reason why he has lost it. He is suffering from hyperdeceasemeciatonuistosuidementia!

shizzleStar:
Its a relief seeing that there are women with functional brains from functional homes, with good sense of objectivity and judgement, and who are rational in reasoning. And you are one of them. You have spoken like a well brought up child who is aware of her environment and appreciates the position of the woman in a home.

You and a hand full of other ladies have chosen not to live in denial of the truth, by accepting the mere fact that the man is the HEAD of the family; and undeniable fact, which can only be contested by some[b] never-to-do-well, deluded, hypocritical and dare-devil women seeking to swindle the minds of innocent younger women in their evil bid to manoeuvre them into making regrettable mistakes in their marital lives and aso to deceive and lure them into thinking that men do not deserve to be respected simply cos some of them suffered from heart breaks and paranoia from their previous relationship(s).[/b]

Most women who share the shallow opinion of the op are f[b]rom dysfunctional or broken homes, devoid of fatherly love and care and whose upbringing must have been terrible, frustrating and miserable and as such their line of reasoning is so warped, erratic and delusional to the consternation of every right thinking human.[/b]

....future senator patrick o... ....

kmcutez:

And men are fighting to keep it that way, but the women are saying no to that. The women also want economic power. Beauty depreciates over time, but wealth will keep on increasing. With wealth you can do and undo, including marrying trophy husbands just as men marry trophy wives, I wish more women will realize this.

men are not trying to keep economic power. There are no institutional barrier keeping women from economic emancipation as far as i know.

Pls shed more light on what you mean by 'trophy husband and wife'?

shaybebaby:
Saner would be determined by who makes better decisions depending on the situation and respective strengths. Outcomes would indeed prove them right or wrong.
Say I like maths and have been known to make sounder financial decisions than my partner, it stands to reason that I should take the lead in such matters. Not because of my gender but because I have proven that I am better equipped.
If my partner has shown himself to be a people person, a good negotiator and I'm the more impatient type, it stands to reason that he should take the lead when situations like that arise lest I ruin things with my temperament. I reiterate, it's called putting the best person forward for the task at hand for the benefit of all those involved( family).

Aren't you married to a white liberal guy? It's better you argue based on context and your experience than to lead these women involved with African men astray. Before some of them get battered by their husbands and boyfriends for being belligerent, thus destroying relationships that would've been better-off with normal progression. And those who're single, remain single till menopause kicks in. Regardless, of how globalised the world is today, there are still certain cultural differences wired into the mentality of the different races of people.

You of all people should know that there are certain things that you can do with white guys that're unacceptable to black guys - and vice versa. Just as I know I can't relate to black women the same way I do with white women. That's just how the real world works. Anyway, sorry for bringing race into it, I just wanted to tell you to keep it real, and make your arguments in context of your experience.

Furthermore, I think the OP has his(or her) own innate problems by finding a non-existent correlation between being the "head"(team leader) with domestic violence. Even in normal partnerships, someone has to always take the initiative. And in African societies men are naturally tasked to do that, so I honestly don't see anything wrong with it, to be honest.

Relationship101: Kudos to all the women (and men) that are standing up against domestic abuse. Africans have experienced a large dose of abuse (especially to the women) and we need to stand up against this devilish act. I lopve women. They are queens. They are strong, energetic, important and compassionate. Damn! Did I forget to mention that they are sexy?
.....................

BUT*clears throat* for those idiots that think men are the HEAD which automatically place women somewhere beneath, I pray you fall into river niger and drown (fortunately for you, that isn't going to happen) but I still wish bad for you. To all those stupid women that has been brainwashed into thinking that they need to be beaten, harassed or maltreated for them to BE a woman, I pray you go to hell fire. You have lost your sense of becoming 'yourself'. You've sold your soul to an ideology that is contrary to the ethics of being a human being. To all those clergy that preaches 'submission' to women. I come against you with all my might. You have destroyed our women. You have made our wife remain in an abusive home simply because they need to be submissive to their fucking husband. What actually is submission? Is it the 21st century term for slavery. Woe unto you! You have made the teenagers in my street think that they need to FEAR men and give them respects they don't deserve simply because they are men.

Marriage is not a hierarchy of positions. It is partnership. It is BEING together. It is LOVE. It is kissing all night by the moon light without any thought for tomorrow. Women are not baby making machines. Their DUTY is not to be used.

A marriage without children can also be a sweet marriage if both parties agree together. Don't call the woman witch. (Yes I am talking to you the useless in-laws). Go get a job and stay away from peoples life. Women pride is my pride. Women courage is my courage. Women freedom is my freedom. I love women.

REVISIT YOUR BIBLE

shymexx:


Aren't you married to a white liberal guy? It's better you argue based on context and your experience than to lead these women involved with African men astray. Before some of them get battered by their husbands and boyfriends for being belligerent, thus destroying relationships that would've been better-off with normal progression. And those who're single, remain single till menopause kicks in. Regardless, of how globalised the world is today, there are still certain cultural differences wired into the mentality of the different races of people.

You of all people should know that there are certain things that you can do with white guys that're unacceptable to black guys - and vice versa. Just as I know I can't relate to black women the same way I do with white women. That's just how the real world works. Anyway, sorry for bringing race into it, I just wanted to tell you to keep it real, and make your arguments in context of your experience.

Furthermore, I think the OP has his(or her) own innate problems by finding a non-existent correlation between being the "head"(team leader) with domestic violence. Even in normal partnerships, someone has to always take the initiative. And in African societies men are naturally tasked to do that, so I honestly don't see anything wrong with it, to be honest.

My argument is based on what I reason to be true not what is defined as the norm " irrespective of race". To me it's common sense which is applicable in all relationships not just in romantic ones.
You have no insight into my reality so cannot question it. You exist only as far as nairaland and the same applies with me, I do not presume to know or even begin to know you despite what you may have shared on this platform.
Now the world is more connected, the fact I can even have debates with people on the other side of the planet is an attestation to how the limitations of physical boundaries do not apply to the sharing of ideas and new knowledge.
People travel and mix and because of that there will be influx of ideas and change. Regardless of how you might wish to keep things like they are, the world is changing, Africa is a part of this world hence will be part of that change, a bit slower but definitely.
The idea of " headship" is outmoded and with time will be fully eroded giving way to a more balanced relationship between genders. Are we there yet, no but we are lot farther than we were 100 years ago.
It is happening, whether you agree or not or choose to disregard my contributions because I'm married to a white fella. Does not negate what is and will continue to be.

@OP(Relationship101), just a question. Can you let your children bear your wife's surname.

lawanson44: After reading this i.dio.t's post about how God killed his siblings, i just know the reason why he has lost it. He is suffering from hyperdeceasemeciatonuistosuidementia!

craziebone:

most women who are bread winners in US homes are actually single mothers. There was no choice. A lot of them are black americans. My heart goes out to them

Please, you're killing me
You have a warped view of the U.S.

shaybebaby:
My argument is based on what I reason to be true not what is defined as the norm " irrespective of race". To me it's common sense which is applicable in all relationships not just in romantic ones.
You have no insight into my reality so cannot question it. You exist only as far as nairaland and the same applies with me, I do not presume to know or even begin to know you despite what you may have shared on this platform.
Now the world is more connected, the fact I can even have debates with people on the other side of the planet is an attestation to how the limitations of physical boundaries do not apply to the sharing of ideas and new knowledge.
People travel and mix and because of that there will be influx of ideas and change. Regardless of how you might wish to keep things like they are, the world is changing, Africa is a part of this world hence will be part of that change, a bit slower but definitely.
The idea of " headship" is outmoded and with time will be fully eroded giving way to a more balanced relationship between genders. Are we there yet, no but we are lot farther than we were 100 years ago.
It is happening, whether you agree or not or choose to disregard my contributions because I'm married to a white fella. Does not negate what is and will continue to be.

Well, I don't really have time for debates especially when the subject-matter is redundant, and it involves building castles in the air. There are certain things you might "reason to be true" based on your experience. However, when you apply it to the universe, it will turn out to be false in other climes, hence the basis for human interaction to thrive has to be built on mutual respect and a clear understanding of what's wired into people's mentality.

Based on your assertion of how connected the world is: I'll like to stray away from this topic a little bit, and draw a comparison from something else in the "connected" world. Democracy for example is what everyone in the west "reason to be true" when it comes governance. However, how has it turned out when folks tried to apply the same concept in other climes like: middle east? Well, it failed woefully. That's what folks need to understand...people are raised by different cultural values, and change has to happen by gradual progression. Not because someone discovers something to be "true" and kumbaya, everything has to change. Thus creating a counter-productive conflagration, that will actually cause more problems - than solve anything.

Regardless, I still don't see the correlation between being "head" of the family and domestic violence. And no matter how balanced the relationship is, someone has to take the initiative - with the other partner contributing to it, for it to work. It's just like a car - there can only be one driver. Even in the west, most conservative folks always lay emphasis on the need for men to be the head of the family and lead by example. I'm sure you know about the law that was passed by David Cameron's government about absentee fathers.

shymexx:

Well, I don't really have time for debates especially when the subject-matter is redundant, and it involves building castles in the air. There are certain things you might "reason to be true" based on your experience. However, when you apply it to the universe, it will turn out to be false in other climes, hence the basis for human interaction to thrive has to be built on mutual respect and a clear understanding of what's wired into people's mentality.

Based on your assertion of how connected the world is: I'll like to stray away from this topic a little bit, and draw a comparison from something else in the "connected" world. Democracy for example is what everyone in the west "reason to be true" when it comes governance. However, how has it turned out when folks tried to apply the same concept in other climes like: middle east? Well, it failed woefully. That's what folks need to understand...people are raised by different cultural values, and change has to happen by gradual progression. Not because someone discovers something to be "true" and kumbaya, everything has to change. Thus creating a counter-productive conflagration, that will actually cause more problems - than solve anything.

Regardless, I still don't see the correlation between being "head" of the family and domestic violence. And no matter how balanced the relationship is, someone has to take the initiative - with the other partner contributing to it, for it to work. It's just like a car - there can only be one driver. Even in the west, most conservative folks always lay emphasis on the need for men to be the head of the family and lead by example. I'm sure you know about the law that was passed by David Cameron's government about absentee fathers.

gold medal! Gold medal!! Gold medal!!!!

So u never know? R u a learner?

Relationship101:
Erm... Do you mind telling me what that is?