carefreewannabe: I am afraid it won't work out and the children will have to live without both parents under one roof

Why are you scared it won't work out?

onegig: Why are you scared it won't work out?

I don't know. There are so many reasons why people divorce. People fall in love so they can fall out of love again. This could be a reason. I am also someone who does not forgive everything and anything. I wouldn't forgive violence or cheating.

temigracie: marrying the wrong man....marryins someone who doesnt love me and my kids....aldo,i knw noone s perfect..i dont expect a perfect man...but i blive God will perfect all our imperfections....

Just be careful who you let into your life o.

carefreewannabe:

I think you should try to accept that nobody is perfect and that people make mistakes, just like you do. It will make it easier for you to put up with your partner's shortcomings

I perfectly understand no one is perfect but shouldn't we be striving to get better? I understand there are some traits you can't help but put up with but there's always a point where you have to draw the line between imperfections and things that are basic gives in a relationship.

carefreewannabe:

I don't know. There are so many reasons why people divorce. People fall in love so they can fall out of love again. This could be a reason. I am also someone who does not forgive everything and anything. I wouldn't forgive violence or cheating.

That's a tough one then. I wish you luck.
Since you don't forgive anything how do you cope with friends and family? And how do you finally balance the books. By seeking revenge or what?

onegig: That's a tough one then. I wish you luck.
Since you don't forgive anything how do you cope with friends and family? And how do you finally balance the books. By seeking revenge or what?

I am actually quite forgiving but there are some things I do not forgive.

no fears cause i have got Jesus by me...

So all those who get divorced, or have cheating partners have Satan in them?

Must you guys always make out spirituality even with issues than needs common reasoning.

As NL’ chief marriage advocate, I’d be remiss in not responding to this thread .

I’ll try and respond under headings as opposed to individuals, apologies if I miss anything or do not address your particular concern;

1. Wrong Partner – First, make yourself the right partner. Ensure you have a full grasp of what marriage entails in your personal worldview. Find someone whom you fancy like mad and who shares that same worldview. Your worldview could be faith or ideologically driven.

2. Changing Spouse - Character is what you are really after in a partner. That is why you first need to be mature yourself - so that you are of sound character and can recognise AND appreciate it in others. The AND is very important, as it means you appreciate character over more fleeting qualities.

3. Infidelity – If it’s key to your grasp of marriage, 1 and 2 above should ensure it is likewise to your partners.

4. Romance dying – In part this is a continuation of 3. Like a flame the romance alive. It needs stoking. Make an effort. Keep yourself fit, healthy and well-groomed.

5. S3xual incompatibility. I wrote about this here; https://www.nairaland.com/1845744/intimate-incompatibility-marriage#25285259 - but please be committed to working together to achieve mutual satisfaction and being willing to talk about it. It may mean “putting out” for the other at times, but it is certainly worth it and it will be appreciated.

6. Child-bearing effects – yes a tricky one. I wondered about this. Not thinking myself better than your average Joe, I did wonder “if many men cheat at this stage”, why would I be any different? I loved my wife more after the birth of our first child. But our worldview means we pray to be more loving, faithful and harmonious all the time. What does your worldview say? (I also married a woman that was rightly curved and endowed, but a little thinner than perfect, leaving “growth allowance” )

7. Losing Freedom & Control – marry understanding that two become one, with God, your life is not your own, with a spouse, neither is your body. Look forward to the joy of mutual endeavour and the sense of security & being needed (not needy) that having someone who is always concerned about your wellbeing and welfare – as their priority – brings. Sweet accountability.

8. Homosexual child - Short of trauma or a high degree of homosexual socialisation, this is highly unlikely to happen. 75% of teenagers that express SSA are free of it by the time they reach 24. My worldview says pray for your kids and demonstrate masculinity and femininity to them within a strong marriage. Don't invite it into your home by implicitly or explicitly endorsing it.

9. Divorce - This has nothing to do with marriage. Like darkness and light, like life and death. Marry, well, marry with understanding, marry with commitment and it’s actually quite unlikely. The stats mostly reflect those who marry for the wrong reasons.

10. Death of a spouse – The thought of this brings me out in a cold sweat. I’ve learnt to continually submit this to My Lord. May He establish that which he blessed me with. Maybe it would help us all to love them as though each day might be our last together?

Happy hunting, be sure to enjoy your courtships. I still go through my wedding album - one of the best days of my life - even though I played second fiddle .

May your marriages be established and blessings unto generations to come.


The uxorious TV

^^^ Nice Analysis.

Tv01 has said it all..hats off bro!! Really wish u work in the ministry of justice..i encounter matrimonial cases daily in the citizens right dept and am expected to be a mediator..i get dazed most of the time because i just wonder what went wrong....with someone like tv01,my job wud be easier..av learnt to just listen and help them in d best way i can..

Sexual Incompatibility my greatest fear.

^^^
That's scary.