AudreyTimms: Something really dey follow una. Nice story. Jst nids a little editing. Luv d suspense. Hpe u won't end it abruptly lyk u did 'The HIV result' or else I go luk 4u fight u! Shikena!

Lolz no i wnt end it dat way!
Thanks, yea it does need editing. I usually type and send it with my fone with little time to proof read it.
U can chk out my other story, "our 1st date@ u may like it also.

Wow!
Issuessssss for them o

drcynthia:
Tanks Mcb2! And its babe o.
Pls, do i sound like a guy? Just curious

Yeah nice one gal! You sound intelligent and that's more important than gender...keep up the good work ...am a big fan! Woke In d middle of the night just to check for update!

mcbk2:

Yeah nice one gal! You sound intelligent and that's more important than gender...keep up the good work ...am a big fan! Woke In d middle of the night just to check for update!

*smiles* tanks so much mcbk2. I guess u ve checked out my other story. "Our first date" if not, u can already chk it out, u may like it.
Tank u again for ur words of encouragement!

...I was here....ts such a pathetic one. Nice suspense. And if I may suggest, also include narratives plus the conversational method

Samakinr: ...I was here....ts such a pathetic one. Nice suspense. And if I may suggest, also include narratives plus the conversational method

Hmmm pls show me an example of what u saying so dat i understand better!
I tink conversational method is wen u include names before d conversation.
David: u dey house?
Paul: i dey o
Dunno sha. Pls teach me!
Tankssasss!

drcynthia:

Hmmm pls show me an example of what u saying so dat i understand better!
I tink conversational method is wen u include names before d conversation.
David: u dey house?
Paul: i dey o
Dunno sha. Pls teach me!
Tankssasss!

Yea...that's conversational; I.e dialogue etc. What I meant is you describing your characters and settings... at least in the ambient of your story. Twill help we readers in having imaginations, and divert attentions a little from expecting the climax so soon. I know ure doing that ,if u can just do it more. U know u gat a good story line...keep your readers wondering by playing on their imaginations....

Samakinr:
Yea...that's convetsational; I.e dialogue etc. What I meant is you describing your characters and settings... at least in the ambient of your story. Twill help we readers in having imdginations, and divert attentions a little from expecting the climax so soon. I know ure doing that ,if u can just do it more. U know u gat a good story line...keep your readers wondering by playing on their imaginations....

Yea! I tink i understand what u r trying to say,
But wld stil love it if u just give me an example.
Tanks so much!

[quote author=drcynthia]
Yea! I tink i understand what u r trying to say,
But wld stil love it if u just give me an example.
Tanks so much![/quote
Chai.... I just re-read my post. M sorry for the blunders. I didn't prove read it...I was on road then. Pls bear with me.
What I meant was for example, describe your family settings etc,
When ll u be updating?

[quote author=Samakinr][/quote]
Um sometime during the week.

Drcynthia.... Bravo!

what a bad omen? Pls am working out o.i don't wanna continue crying.

Tank u all for ur comments.
U can also check out my other story.
www.nairaland.com/1836356/1st-date-must-read/1#25369022

Samakinr: ...I was here....ts such a pathetic one. Nice suspense. And if I may suggest, also include narratives plus the conversational method

Hi!
I just updated my other story "our 1st date"
I tried to do what u suggested. Please just read n see if i did it right.
https://www.nairaland.com/1836356/1st-date-must-read/2#25408626
I really appreciate!

drcynthia: Dickson was sweating and moving up and down.
Obviously confused and mumbling different things!


Ring ring ring!!!!! Ring ring ring!!!!
It was dicksons fon this time.
I was sure it was joan calling him also.
If it is joan pls don't tell her o!


Its not Joan? Its a number calling. He said.

Hello! Yes!

Haaaa mummy "E ka le o"
Kilo de ti e kpe mi kpe lu number yin?
Ta lo ni number yi?
(Translation: good evening mum, why aren't u calling me with ur no? Who owns this number?)
He spoke yoruba with my mum.
After some seconds of silence while he listened to what she was saying,
Next thing I heard was JESU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! From dickson!!!!!!!
While the fone fell from his hands!

I sprang up from my hospital bed!
Dickson what is it?
What happened!
Tears rolled down his cheeks!
Dickson talk to me! Pls!!!!!
I picked up d fone, but it was in 3 parts, the phone, the battery and the battery cover.

I tried to put d pieces back together

Egbon mi o! Ki lo she le? What happened?
What d mummy say?
He just stood there!

I sat on d bed trying to search for the last received number so that i could dial it.

Then he spoke,
Mummy called with our neighbours fon,
She said she has been trying to get daddy but his phone no isnt going through and that.....














































He paused now sobbing!
































That what na!
Dickson finish what u are saying pls!































Armed robbers just left her house and dey took all d money in d house, including the dollars we changed this evening. The money she was to use to travel!


I just fell down!



To be continued!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jesu! U need to feel my heartbeat!
drcynthia u are just too good!

Oya come update...

***************************************************
I sat on the bed thinking!

We think things can't get worse when we are faced with one problem or another!
But it can!
Its only the Grace of God that protects us all and see us through our various problems/hurdles in life.

What is happening to me? My family?
What have we done?
It has never been easy for any of us.
Sometimes I wonder why I was born into this family?

My younger sister doesn't have a clue about what has happened in the last 3hours.

My mum doesn't knw her husband, my dad is dead.

They were both suppose to travel together 2mrw to the US for her medical treatment!

Where there is life, there is hope!

(Tears rolling down her cheeks)


******************************************************

I looked @my elder brother who was already on d floor sobbing.
I reached out to him. (The drip giving set was too short)
I held the drip stand and walked towards him.
I held him tight. (Both of us crying)

Dickson: why us! Why! From 1 problem to another.
Me: God knows why! But pls we can't lose mumsie also.
She must travel 2mrw.
Dickson: I agree with u. But where do u get money from now?
The one they stole from the house, we even borrowed it.
I can't sell my car from now till 2mrw 9am.
So how will she go?
Me: God will make a way but I swear on my life, she will go.
(Luckily we had paid 60 of the medical bills, the remaining 40% was for radiotherapy and chemotherapy).

Dickson: what about joan? What do we do?
Me: let's leave her out of it and go and see mumsie.

Dickson: (stanley was the least of my problem now) he thought.

Me: nurse, pls come and remove this needle from my hands. I want to be discharged.

Nurse: ok.

Dickson: I still have some money with me, let me go and settle your bill. (Dickson walks out)

Me: (dailing a number)..............calling Chief Balogun

Chief balogun was my boss @ work. He has been trying to sleep with me. I ve always turned down his advances. He calls me like 3x a day. I vent spoken with him in long while. He keeps calling my line. He has 2 wives and 9 children, but he still wants me. I have never slepts with a married man talk less of an old man. He even said he wanted me to be his 3rd wife!
I dont ve any choice!
Lord!











The phone was ringing

Me: (dailing a number)..............calling Chief Balogun
He didn't pick the 1st 2 calls.

Me: I guess he is angry with me.

let me try a third time.

(He picks)
Me: Hello sir, good evening sir!
Chief Balogun: Yes . Good evening. I thought I was dreaming when I saw it was you calling me, why are u calling this late?

Me: Sorry for calling late but I have a little problem..........

Chief Balogun: what is the problem? Now that you have a problem you are calling me. I have been calling u for the past 1 month u refused to pick my calls?

Me: I'm sorry about that sir, also don't worry about what my problem is.
I just wanted to ask u if your offer was still open?
If yes? Then I agree.

















































































Me: chief are u there (i knew he hated me for ignoring him all this while)

































Chief balogun: yes i am here!
I was looking for the TV remote so i could hear u well, sorry

Chief Balogun: haaaaaa serious! U agree to be my girlfriend!!!!!!
Very good! I will make u happy.
Give u anything u want.

Me: ok, can I see u tonight? I need some money from u please, it urgent.

Chief Balogun: hehehehehehe suree! O le ri mi na. (U can see me) as far as u will let me enjoy that perfect body of ur's! Haaa finally.

Me: (silent)

Chief Balogun: are u there? Shay u say u want to be my girl friend na! And nothing goes for nothing! Infact ti o ba fe motor, I'l buy it for u.

Me: (tears rolling down) ok. Where do I meet u?

Chief Balogun: hehehehehe go to sasun hotel along obasanjo road. Shay u knw the place? Just tell the receptionist to take u to chief balogun usual room.
Let me dress up. I am on my way.

Me: ok

Chief Balogun: ehen! How much do u want?

Me: when u come. Just come with your cheque book.

Chief Balogun: ok iyawo!

Dickson walks in.

Dickson: I have settled the bills.

Me: ok.

Nurse removes the needle and disconnects the drip.

Me: pls drop me @ olu obasanjo junction. I wanna see 1 of my friends there. Wld meet u up @home.
Just tell mumsie dad was in d hospital or @ his friends or better still with me. Whatever lie u tell just give me heads up ok?

Dickson: ok. I will also see if I can get any1 to buy my car before morning.

Me ok.




To be continued!!!!!!

I could ve swore that u were going to end the story or u didn't have where to go again!
Once again drcynthia u have proved me wrong!
The word is 'wow'
Just wow! U should tink of writing scrip for movies u know?
And the stories are original!
Kudoos to u joor!

JustPassingBy: I could ve swore that u were going to end the story or u didn't have where to go again!
Once again drcynthia u have proved me wrong!
The word is 'wow'
Just wow! U should tink of writing scrip for movies u know?
And the stories are original!
Kudoos to u joor!

Tanks dear

Hmmmmmm
I bet dx story will win a Grammy award if acted•

AgapeCharis: Hmmmmmm
I bet dx story will win a Grammy award if acted•

Mehn! This lady can write.
Simple!
If wishes were horses, @drcynthia would ve been my wife

JustPassingBy:
Mehn! This lady can write.
Simple!
If wishes were horses, @drcynthia would ve been my wife

Lol, funny u.

AgapeCharis: Hmmmmmm
I bet dx story will win a Grammy award if acted•

Lolz, Grammy ke? I pray o.
Honestly, its u guys that r motivating me and mayb the strike also...... Tanks anyway.

@samakinr say sometin o!
U r my teacher!

drcynthia: @samakinr say sometin o!
U r my teacher!

....I was here...I love your plot...twas perfect. I will send a pm to you... should I say friend?

This should be titled "Perfect Storm"

Samakinr:
....I was here...I love your plot...twas perfect. I will send a pm to you... should I say friend?

Yea sure! Friend.
My teacher said my plot was nice!
I am a fast learner!

donbabade: This should be titled "Perfect Storm"

Hmmmm. Might just rename it that!

Drcynthia do u have conscience at all ? This storm isn't perfect for any human being....

JustPassingBy:
Mehn! This lady can write.
Simple!
If wishes were horses, @drcynthia would ve been my wife

cummon dude. Dt was too fast. U should have waited for me to say it first. U pulled d word outta my mouth