SirShymex:

However, how many people in Nigeria can afford DNA test? I believe most are probably suffering in silence about the uncertainty of the paternity of their children. And that might subconsciously play a role in how they treat them.

Abeg that's not an excuse, I'm sure those women will be willing to wen foot the DNA bill of it means the man will step up to the plate once it's confirmed that it's his child. It's obvious you're auguring just for the sake of arguing.

tatiana009:
There will always be someone willing to commit a crime with you, it is up to you to choose to do it or not. Whoever the married party is, is the one who has made a vow and has the responsibility to keep it. Would you excuse a married woman having an affair by saying after all the man agrees to sleep with her?

why would i excuse a married woman based on that? she's the woman, not the man. she's the one to decide, not the man. for any sex congress to take place, the man must ask & a woman must agree.

even if a man has the evil intention to sleep around, there's no guarantee he will succeed.
women hold the power to any sex session. if she says no, that's the end of the matter regardless of the man's uncontrollable libïdo.

hensben:
why cant most ladies turn off the offer from the man when they know he is married with kids , everything still boils down to the most ladies who are gold digger, they cant start life with their own man cos of quick money to buy all stuffs and later look down on their peer group when she know she is 'aristo'.before you know, belle go enter.

There are many toy boys who would willingly collect money from a married woman regardless of it that means she would neglect their kids and yes some women do that , the difference Is that most women have a better sense of responsibilities towards their duties as a mother.The point is being a responsible parent is up to you.

OkikiOluwa1:
1st Bullet
SirShymex, I m not a feminist sympathizer or becoming emasculated. I only created this thread based on what I v seen in some parts of Nigeria. I v seen the highest display of irresponsibility by some dads. It's a trend that's going wild!
Irresponsible dads are impregnating daughters of other irresponsible fathers & they are giving birth to half-baked kids that ll become like their parent.
This thread is just to expose the danger their actions are causing or ll cause.
2nd Bullet
In some cases, some fathers are pushed by their wives to become cold to the family. I don't support such women.
But the reality in Nigeria is women do not v the support like those in the west. The economy here is also not helping them. The whole burden of raising the kids is much here than in the west. Though, there are women that try to be feminist in Nija.
Last Bullet
@ the bolded part of your post, it's unfortunate that kinda thing happened. The man was actually saying the truth. We are all human beans (beigns). Everyone can be provoked. Provocation leads to anger. I also don't support domestic violence but troublesome women should be ready for the consequence of their actions.
Now, if I say this in the west, I ll get into trouble right?

Thanks for clarifying your stance, brother. I can peep the picture now.

Personally, I just see a scary trend unfolding and I think men also need to start speaking out as well. These days, you see men having curfews set for them by their wives; men getting kicked out of their homes; men getting battered by their wives; men always trying to be politically correct when they talk about women etc..

And I've been a victim of these crazy women as well.

coogar:

why would i excuse a married woman based on that? she's the woman, not the man. she's the one to decide, not the man. for any sex congress to take place, the man must ask & a woman must agree.

even if a man has the evil intention to sleep around, there's no guarantee he will succeed.
women hold the power to any sex session. if she says no, that's the end of the matter regardless of the man's uncontrollable libïdo.

That's laughable, there are many instances in which the woman does the asking. It is always your responsibility as a person to say no. By the way if you feel the men are the ones who ask and the women say yes then that settles it , all the man needs to do is not ask! Or these men are getting raped

SirShymex:
Let me cite an example from a next country(not Nigeria) that might be relevant here. There's a popular sport analyst on ESPN called, "Stephen A. Smith." Last week, while he speaking about domestic violence, he said, "I don't condone domestic violence, but women shouldn't engage in provocation." That was all he said before feminists and PC warriors got on his case. And despite apologising for what he said in a 4 mins video - he was suspended from work, for a week - just for saying the truth. That's unacceptable!

I read that annoying story

SirShymex:

However, how many people in Nigeria can afford DNA test? I believe most are probably suffering in silence about the uncertainty of the paternity of their children. And that might subconsciously play a role in how they treat them.

So why are they in doubt of their paternity when they have not done the DNA test? Do you mistreat children or become irresponsible simply you because you SUSPECT the children are not yours? Come on! How do you know all these when you are not in naija? You see why i said you shouldnt bother contributing since your knowledge of the present naija is low? When you are not absolutely sure they are not kids? of what use is it suspecting? That doesnt make any sense at all. That is no excuse for being an irresponsible father. try something else Sirshymexx.

Nice try. IT DIDNT WORK.

tatiana009:
Abeg that's not an excuse, I'm sure those women will be willing to wen foot the DNA bill of it means the man will step up to the plate once it's confirmed that it's his child. It's obvious you're auguring just for the sake of arguing.

Nah, if they're willing to foot the bill, when can't they do it voluntarily and show the men proofs of paternity?

"Willing-to" isn't "doing" - they need to start doing asap.

Who wants to raise a next man's kid?

SirShymex:

Thanks for clarifying your stance, brother. I can peep the picture now.

Personally, I just see a scary trend unfolding and I think men also need to start speaking out as well. These days, you see men having curfews set for them by their wives; men getting kicked out of their homes; men getting battered by their wives; men always trying to be politically correct when they talk about women etc..

And I've been a victim of these crazy women as well.

It's obvious you know nothing about the situation in Nigeria. A woman setting a curfew for her husband or a woman kicking her husband out are things that don't happen. Here it's the other way round

The society can not judge them because the society is responsible for their outcome. Boyhood, manhood, and fatherhood are all fleeting phases of a man's physical, social and spiritual development.

Africans tend to grapple with the web of deep seated customs and family traditions and culture which emphasize a complete and comprehensive training of the child-male or female. They are oblivious of the fact that a child NEVER acquires a perfect training.

Come to think of it, everybody have different personalities, dispositions, temperament and identities which can never be molded into a desired state which is relativeband quite subjective too within a period of 50 years by the parents. Therefore, any interaction or relationship between people is the sum of their habits, ambitions, regrets, prospects, failures among others.

Relationships are said to be successful or meaningful when a common ground has been reached and sustained between parties. Men who impregnate women at will and never settle down have not discovered the supposed common ground, Men who seem to be irresponsible are entangled in bigger battles which is quite more occupying than their families.

The best virtues of Fatherhood are not those taught by the society alone but by hard knocks in experience department. A man knows how to love his kids when one of them dies through an illness or parental carelessness. Men that cannot father a child the natural way will have an unusual affection for other's kids. And because we do not always learn, we finally encounter a dilemma that what makes an irresponsible father responsible is what makes a responsible father irresponsible too!

Sophyrocks:
So why are they in doubt of their paternity when they have not done the DNA test? Do you mistreat children or become irresponsible simply you because you SUSPECT the children are not yours? Come on! How do you know all these when you are not in naija? You see why i said you shouldnt bother contributing since your knowledge of the present naija is low? When you are not absolutely sure they are not kids? of what use is it suspecting? That doesnt make any sense at all. That is no excuse for being an irresponsible father. try something else Sirshymexx.

Nice try. IT DIDNT WORK.

Do you know how much DNA testing is?

Honestly, I don't think a lot of people naij would be able to afford it.

SirShymex:

Nah, if they're willing to foot the bill, when can't they do it voluntarily and show the men proofs of paternity?

"Willing-to" isn't "doing" - they need to start doing asap.

Who wants to raise a next man's kid?

How will they foot the bill if the men haven't even requested for a DNA test. Do you or anyone here know of any man in Nigeria who requested for a DNA test and the wife didn't oblige? Abeg let's stop discussing things that don't even occur just for the sake of arguing. Goodnight

hensben:
why cant most ladies turn off the offer from the man when they know he is married with kids , everything still boils down to the most ladies who are gold digger, they cant start life with their own man cos of quick money to buy all stuffs and later look down on their peer group when she know she is 'aristo'.before you know, belle go enter.

..

tatiana009:

There are many toy boys who would willingly collect money from a married woman regardless of it that means she would neglect their kids and yes some women do that , the difference Is that most women have a better sense of responsibilities towards their duties as a mother.The point is being a responsible parent is up to you.

I dont think you live in nigeria with the way you air your opinion.

hensben:
why cant most ladies turn off the offer from the man when they know he is married with kids , everything still boils down to the most ladies who are gold digger, they cant start life with their own man cos of quick money to buy all stuffs and later look down on their peer group when she know she is 'aristo'.before you know, belle go enter.

I. Still insist if the married man can't say No, why can't he use a condom2 prevent pregnancy?.. And forget abt struggling wit some single guys out there, some of them are pest looking for whom 2 suck dry... Not looking for a gud babe 2 start life wit.. I told one unfortunate guy 2 his face, that due to his actions that's y, real girls will always opt out on married men, cos he has Failed woefully, in bn a man wit d little he has. Everything is not all abt money, but for christ sakes av pride, in certain things a guy tend 2 show 2 his babe.. He was ashamed and short of words, he couldn't say anythin, afterwards, cos he knew I had hit d nail on d head. After some yrs, that same guy will say, no girl wants a struggling guy.. He no dey taya 2 struggle? Na only him waka come this life?.. Abeggi...

SirShymex:

Thanks for clarifying your stance, brother. I can peep the picture now.

Personally, I just see a scary trend unfolding and I think men also need to start speaking out as well. These days, you see men having curfews set for them by their wives; men getting kicked out of their homes; men getting battered by their wives; men always trying to be politically correct when they talk about women etc..

And I've been a victim of these crazy women as well.

Eh yah!
It's a pity bro.
This world is like a see-saw. When people sit on it, it goes up in one part & down in the other part. Just as we are dealing with irresponsible dads in Africa, women are going wild in the west.
It's a sorry world!

tatiana009:
That's laughable, there are many instances in which the woman does the asking.

how many times does that happen? how many women do you know go about asking married men for sex? i can assure you in 90% of the cases, men do the chasing & men do the asking. it's up to the woman to say yes or no. if all women learnt to close their legs to these married men, there would be no single extra-marital sex on the planet.

it's as simple as that.

It is always your responsibility as a person to say no. By the way if you feel the men are the ones who ask and the women say yes then that settles it , all the man needs to do is not ask! Or these men are getting raped

when men ask, there's no guarantee he will succeed. when women say yes, there's 100% certainty that sex would take place.

the fault is with the women!

SirShymex:
Thanks for clarifying your stance, brother. I can peep the picture now.

Personally, I just see a scary trend unfolding and I think men also need to start speaking out as well. These days, you see men having curfews set for them by their wives; men getting kicked out of their homes; men getting battered by their wives; men always trying to be politically correct when they talk about etc..

And I've been a victim of these crazy women as well.

start speaking out & be labelled a sissy by the same women asking you to speak out. have you seen the video of feminists disrupting the meeting held for abused husbands? feminists didn't want men that have been hurt to discuss their bitter experience & get help.

i am a man - i cannot moan.
my emotions have been beaten out of me since i was a child. i took my corporal punishments in school like a boss. no amount of cane strokes can make me cry. it's innate - a man just has to be a man regardless of what bitter feminists might throw our way.

SirShymex:

Do you know how much DNA testing is?

Honestly, I don't think a lot of people naij would be able to afford it.

Any man sooo concerned about the paternity of his kids would not mind taking the pains to cough out the money to carry out a DNA test.

Nice Try.

[quote author=oneangle] This is so touching. Now i feel like crying . Hmm I really don't think i can wrap my head around d pain of losing sm1 so damn close to me like my skin not to talk of my mother- sm1 who gave me life, my everything after God, i know wtout her am finished, my mentor & all that. . . Gosh! I really don't wanna think 'bou it.
My dear, i know how u feel. I know it's not easy esp. if u 2 were close. It wud seem d whole world's crashing on one's head u know.

Take heart. Be strong for urself ok? And may God grant u the fortitude to the bear the irreparable loss. Pele (sorry), it is well.

it takes much more than deep pockets to be a father though.

troy20: it takes much more than deep pockets to be a father though.

EXACTLY.

Amelian:




I. Still insist if the married man can't say No, why can't he use a condom2 prevent pregnancy?.. And forget abt struggling wit some single guys out there, some of them are pest looking for whom 2 suck dry... Not looking for a gud babe 2 start life wit.. I told one unfortunate guy 2 his face, that due to his actions that's y, real girls will always opt out on married men, cos he has Failed woefully, in bn a man wit d little he has. Everything is not all abt money, but for christ sakes av pride, in certain things a guy tend 2 show 2 his babe.. He was ashamed and short of words, he couldn't say anythin, afterwards, cos he knew I had hit d nail on d head. After some yrs, that same guy will say, no girl wants a struggling guy.. He no dey taya 2 struggle? Na only him waka come this life?.. Abeggi...

my dear, life is all about struggle hussle , either you do your hussle on a high profile or low key, till we live this earth.

pls, are you in nigeria cos what you just typed about guys depending on a lady is rare here in nigeria

coogar:

how many times does that happen? how many women do you know go about asking married men for sex? i can assure you in 90% of the cases, men do the chasing & men do the asking. it's up to the woman to say yes or no. if all women learnt to close their legs to these married men, there would be no single extra-marital sex on the planet.

it's as simple as that.



when men ask, there's no guarantee he will succeed. when women say yes, there's 100% certainty that sex would take place.

the fault is with the women!




start speaking out & be labelled a sissy by the same women asking you to speak out. have you seen the video of feminists disrupting the meeting held for abused husbands? feminists didn't want men that have been hurt to discuss their bitter experience & get help.

i am a man - i cannot moan.
my emotions have been beaten out of me since i was a child. i took my corporal punishments in school like a boss. no amount of cane strokes can make me cry. it's innate - a man just has to be a man regardless of what bitter feminists might throw our way.

It's obvious you don't live in Nigeria, guys on this forum who do live here please do young women toast married men or not? Lol in fact most of my married friends here complain about how aggressive the young women are.

Please there is still no logic in saying someone has no control over choosing to ask for sex. Any married man who chooses to ask for sex will eventually meet a woman who will say yes, it is the law of probabilities. If the man asks 10 women for sex and 9 are good women who say no he'll eventually find a loose woman like himself who will say yes. It's like someone who chooses to buy drugs will eventually find someone to sell it to him. The minute he chooses to ask for sex is the minute he has chosen to be irresponsible. By the way this thread isn't about the infidelity of married men but the men who neglect their fatherly role. It does t matter if a billion women agree to have sex with him, it's his responsibility to make sure that he doesn't give the money meant for the school fees and feeding of his children to those women.

I'm done with this, I don't believe in using my brain cells for a discussion that's obviously going no where, so let just agree to disagree.

I wonder why people go on and on about universal bad traits and tag it 'Nigerian men'. Does that mean that from other continents do not neglect their kids or abuse their wives/kids too?

Someone (I think Cococandy) even tagged patriarchy as the cause of the cases of irresponsible fathers on a societal level. Tell me, are there fewer baby mamas and single parent families in the US or Sweden than in Nigeria?

The main culprit behind a man's irresponsibility is himself, but he is by no means the only one. They say charity begins at home. How many parents teach the children to be responsible? Since Nigerian mothers perform their parental roles perfectly (unlike Nigerian fathers) as you guys are trying to insinuate, why do their sons grow up to be irresponsible fathers? The mistresses men keep, are they free from a share of the blame?

At times I see some comments and wonder if it's just deep-seated bias or plain ignorance.

Antanananovic:
The society can not judge them because the society is responsible for their outcome. Boyhood, manhood, and fatherhood are all fleeting phases of a man's physical, social and spiritual development.

Africans tend to grapple with the web of deep seated customs and family traditions and culture which emphasize a complete and comprehensive training of the child-male or female. They are oblivious of the fact that a child NEVER acquires a perfect training.

Come to think of it, everybody have different personalities, dispositions, temperament and identities which can never be molded into a desired state which is relativeband quite subjective too within a period of 50 years by the parents. Therefore, any interaction or relationship between people is the sum of their habits, ambitions, regrets, prospects, failures among others.

Relationships are said to be successful or meaningful when a common ground has been reached and sustained between parties. Men who impregnate women at will and never settle down have not discovered the supposed common ground, Men who seem to be irresponsible are entangled in bigger battles which is quite more occupying than their families.

The best virtues of Fatherhood are not those taught by the society alone but by hard knocks in experience department. A man knows how to love his kids when one of them dies through an illness or parental carelessness. Men that cannot father a child the natural way will have an unusual affection for other's kids. And because we do not always learn, we finally encounter a dilemma that what makes an irresponsible father responsible is what makes a responsible father irresponsible too!

Jesus Christ!
What's this in your head dude?
Last Bullet
You just f ooled yourself while trying to form Abraham Maslow, Aristotle or Plato.
Guy, you be F9!

fellis: I support the move to take it to front page.

seconded my me Miss Willorie

hensben: my dear, life is all about struggle hussle , either you do your hussle on a high profile or low key, till we live this earth.

pls, are you in nigeria cos what you just typed about guys depending on a lady is rare here in nigeria

Guys depending on ladies being rare in nigeria? Wow!! And you claim to live in nigeria?

OkikiOluwa1:
Jesus Christ!
What's this in your head dude?
Last Bullet
You just f ooled yourself while trying to form Abraham Maslow, Aristotle or Plato.
Guy, you be F9!

get a grip dude & stop being a wet blanket!

hensben: my dear, life is all about struggle hussle , either you do your hussle on a high profile or low key, till we live this earth.

pls, are you in nigeria cos what you just typed about guys depending on a lady is rare here in nigeria

Wow? Really? Uv not seen such guyz?? They are here live and direct in nija. I don't knw of other countries... But try ask ladies , u r close 2, their experiences wit their past bfs, and they will tell u... Its not a hidden fact.. And Av bn in dis country since d day I was born till date.

Sophyrocks:

Guys depending on ladies being rare in nigeria? Wow!! And you claim to live in nigeria?

unmarried persons? It's rare jor. Stop making up 'facts'. It's an unwritten rule in Nigeria that it's a guy who has to spend for his girl.

How many times have you heard people call a girl maga?

tatiana009:
It's obvious you don't live in Nigeria, guys on this forum who do live here please do young women toast married men or not? Lol in fact most of my married friends here complain about how aggressive the young women are.

toast married men or ask married men for sëx? please don't colour the question with mildness.

Please there is still no logic in saying someone has no control over choosing to ask for sex. Any married man who chooses to ask for sex will eventually meet a woman who will say yes, it is the law of probabilities. If the man asks 10 women for sex and 9 are good women who say no he'll eventually find a loose woman like himself who will say yes.

so you now agree there are loose women? that's after insinuating men are the demons & women are the angels that got brainwashed into sleeping with these married men. so if some women are loose, why don't you want them to take responsibility for their action?

It's like someone who chooses to buy drugs will eventually find someone to sell it to him. The meet he chooses to ask for sex is the minute he has chosen to be irresponsible. By the way this thread isn't about the infidelity of married men but the men who neglect their fatherly role. It doesn't matter if a billion women agree to have sex with him, it's his responsibility to make sure that he doesn't give the money meant for the school fees and feeding of his children to those women.

and why do you think these men are neglecting their love-child? why are there even single mothers everywhere in nigeria? it's because of the wives. there's a solution to this case of abandoned single mothers & their kids.

let all housewives in support of female rights come together & invite their husbands' mistresses into their homes. in this way, all the mistresses that got impregnated by married men would be duly taken care of as there's no longer need for the men to keep it as secret.

before polygamy was made a taboo by you women, men were forced to marry any woman they put in the family way. it was an effective way to reduce mothers without husbands in the society & a solution to make sure the kids born outside wedlock were well taken care of. modern women bought into western civilisation & made polygyny almost a crime - well you can now see the result of women's jealousy & selfishness......secret mistresses & illegitimate kids now populate everywhere.

I'm done with this, I don't believe in using my brain cells for a discussion that's obviously going no where so let just agree to disagree.

the discussion is going somewhere - don't be in a hurry to throw the baby out with the bath water.

Amelian:


Wow? Really? Uv not seen such guyz?? They are here live and direct in nija. I don't knw of other countries... But try ask ladies , u r close 2, their experiences wit their past bfs, and they will tell u... Its not a hidden fact.. And Av bn in dis country since d day I was born till date.

Exactly. And they be coming here forming all macho for nothing when ladies be feeding their butt. Pffft.