bruf: Hello Family,
Its been a great pleasure been on this section,I've learnt so much from here,and I know I can get helpful and reasonable advices here.
Straight to the point. I'm from a family of four,viz my mom,my elder bro' , my younger bro' and myself,our dad is late. We're just an average family. My elder bro' got married last year n now has a child. He's still sort of dependent on our mom. I'm currently seeing a young man,whom from all indications loves me deeply,I love him too as well,we've been dating for over a year now. He's told me he wants us to get married and to be frank with you,I'll be the most blessed lady to get married to such a promising young man,'cause he's a good man;but i'm really so scared of what the future holds for us if we end up getting married,this is because even though I'm from an average family,all my needs has always been carted for and I wouldn't know what starting my family with little will look like,'cause my fiance is currently earning very little(25k) and I'm a recent graduate who is even yet to serve,though I got a casual job to keep myself busy for the time being. Sincerely I envision a bright future for us.
I'm of the school of thought that believes that children would grow up to take care of their parents n not the other way round. Growing up,I've always dreamt of taking good care of my mom and my younger bro. I'm scared of ending up like my elder bro' who's still sort of dependent on my mom,Its my desire for my husband n I to take care of my mom as well as his parents.I love my fiance so much to leave him because of low finances,he's still doing his best to get a better job and I'm really encouraging him alongside with prayers. I'm not the type that will stay at home idle when we get married,I'm willing to support him.
Now my big is fear is, well to do suitors are coming(I'm in my twenties)but I feel it will be cheapening to leave my man for some other coz of money,I know money is vital in making a marriage work;but I feel its still not enough to break up something that seems genuine,he meets most of my requirements of an ideal man just that currently he's yet to get a better job... Dunno if I'm making any sense.
Please advice me,I'm really confused...

You already answered your question. Read the bolded part again. Emphasis on "currently". You have described him as a promising young man. Sweetie like changes at ever turn. These men with money today proves nothing for the future. You love this man and he loves you and you're both dedicated to each other. He is not lazy and your happiness is important to him. Focus on that. Taking care of your brother should not even be on your radar. That's his worry and not yours. Never look at someones pockets to determine their value. Having a high net worth does not make you worthy.

Why is he the one making the move for marriage now considering his low income, is he scared of losing you or something i havnt thought of? You are unstable and indicive now cos you dont want to say tomorrow you missed a good man or chances at rich suitors. Trust me when we get to crossroads like this, the answer lies in time especially when we take a deep breath n remain calm to see it(now till end of your nysc i belive is more time enough). Then to your man, he is making tangible effort to increase his pay like doing extra jobs or taking another available low pay job that gives time to do others and earn more or he is just where he is moving only for a bigger uncertain job. Encourage him to do the former as the latter is not ok for one hoping to marry soon. Finally there's truth in the above that says 'some broke niccar sabi love'. So chilax with a clear mind look at the situation and his hustling attitude critically. You will know what to do sooner than you imagine with the contented contents of your peaceful heart.

EfemenaXY:

With regards to this your tale, you have no control over what becomes of you both if you do decide to tie the knot.

He might sit up and make something tangible of his / your lives, he might not, depending on his outlook, circumstances, and luck. You and only you can decide if it's a "risk" you want to take and work hard + hope for the best.

What you can control however is to prevent both your lives getting any more difficult. Marriage is not about how soon (re: commenting that you're in your twenties), but rather, it's about how well (i.e: remaining happily married, irrespective of your circumstances).

Babies are expensive. Naija is a tough, unforgiving place. My advice to you is to hold off getting married till you're both financially stable. You can already see for yourself, based on your older brother's current experiences how hard life can get. If you feel you can't wait and you really must get married, then hold off having kids.

See, it's easy to say don't have kids but I'd like you both to really understand how expensive having babies can be, so I'll be giving you some maths homework:

~ Go to your nearest supermarket and find out how much a 900g tin of powdered SMA costs. Let's assume your baby uses 3 tins a month. Now multiply that number by 12 to get the total cost of how much feeding your baby with an average of 36 tins of SMA will cost.

~ Find out how much a box of nappies cost. Not sure of the local brands back home but you could try out a pack of 54 Huggies / Pampers nappies. Newborns use an average of six a day. So you'll need about 180 in a month - so that's at least 3 packets of x54 nappies. Multiply that number by 12 again.

~ Baby clothes, cosmetics (baby oil, shampoo, bath liquid, etc...) find out those too. Mind you, babies quickly outgrow their clothes. Calculate how much those will cost.

~ Now will you both be living with your mum / his family? If not, find out how much it'll cost to rent a one room flat and the utility bills that come along with it (e.g light, water, gas, etc) and multiply those by 12.

Mind you, these are just the basics. Bare minimum. There aren't any luxuries here. If you feel you both you can cope with this, then okay. Somehow I doubt it if his 25K salary can stretch that far. How much do you earn (assuming you work)? Do you think your combined earnings would be enough to keep your heads above water?

If not, then it's best you wait. Especially with having babies. No child deserves to be brought into a world of acute poverty where the parents barely eck a living.

Be wise.

Thank you so much ma,I'll be willing to wait.

soulglo:

You already answered your question. Read the bolded part again. Emphasis on "currently". You have described him as a promising young man. Sweetie like changes at ever turn. These men with money today proves nothing for the future. You love this man and he loves you and you're both dedicated to each other. He is not lazy and your happiness is important to him. Focus on that. Taking care of your brother should not even be on your radar. That's his worry and not yours. Never look at someones pockets to determine their value. Having a high net worth does not make you worthy.

I really do appreciate this warm advice of yours. Thank you.

Floodgater: Why is he the one making the move for marriage now considering his low income, is he scared of losing you or something i havnt thought of? You are unstable and indicive now cos you dont want to say tomorrow you missed a good man or chances at rich suitors. Trust me when we get to crossroads like this, the answer lies in time especially when we take a deep breath n remain calm to see it(now till end of your nysc i belive is more time enough). Then to your man, he is making tangible effort to increase his pay like doing extra jobs or taking another available low pay job that gives time to do others and earn more or he is just where he is moving only for a bigger uncertain job. Encourage him to do the former as the latter is not ok for one hoping to marry soon. Finally there's truth in the above that says 'some broke niccar sabi love'. So chilax with a clear mind look at the situation and his hustling attitude critically. You will know what to do sooner than you imagine with the contented contents of your peaceful heart.

Yes he does extra jobs,to add to his income,I'd say he's hardworking,its just a pity that the beautiful job that befits him hasn't come,but we're trusting God it will come sooner than we expect. Thank you so much.

Thank you all for your advices,they are very valid,God bless you all for showing concern. Do have a beautiful week ahead.

Before considering marrying him, you need to sort certain things.

1. What is he doing about his prevailing circumstance (little pay).
2. What are his chances of making it, ie, his approach towards making it big or better.
3. Does he have a defined and laid down plan to actually archive his aims.
4. Are you included in his plans and decision making.
5. Do you guys have the same winning attitude and approach as regard the subject matter. Ie, are you both operating on the same atmosphere of positivity.

It's true that we can't predict the future, and it's equally true that you have 50/50 chance of making it or otherwise. But how far you see, what you see and what you believe will take you a long way not just in marriage, but In decision making as well.

Determination they say leads to success. But it's worthy to note that he can change after making it.
Determination and perseverance can take you to the top, but it takes character to keep you there. In other words, you can't predict humans when their status changes