I have married the man of my dreams 5 months ago. I am South African and he is Yoruba and spends most of his time in Nigeria on business. I lost my job just a few months before our wedding - yet managed to continue sustaining myself through my savings until about 2 months ago and started a small business too. My hubby says we are having it hard and is complaining that his Nigerian clients are taking too long with payments and the financial system in SA is very time bound. I haven't seen my husband over 2 months now - he is not keen on me visiting Nigeria and does not even support my suggestion to work in Nigeria. I am very confused as I am doing my last semester in a master's degree - to secure a better income as a expat. I don't know what happens in our bank account- am kept in the dark and I find myself depressed some days and feeling anger and hatred towards him. He knows that we have spent all the money I had saved up and now he keeps sending me whatever amounts of money he feels I deserve whenever he wants to. I feel that my life is spiraling down and I don't know what to do anymore. He keeps telling me that the business is growing yet we seem to have more creditors. He says I'll never understand the business land scape in Nigeria so should just accept whatever he does. I feel trapped as my school work is now suffering as well as the business coz am always stressed, sick with depression and always under pressure. He has changed and I still love and trust him, yet I am scared of being played.

zbaby86: I have married the man of my dreams 5 months ago. I am South African and he is Yoruba and spends most of his time in Nigeria on business. I lost my job just a few months before our wedding - yet managed to continue sustaining myself through my savings until about 2 months ago and started a small business too. My hubby says we are having it hard and is complaining that his Nigerian clients are taking too long with payments and the financial system in SA is very time bound. I haven't seen my husband over 2 months now - he is not keen on me visiting Nigeria and does not even support my suggestion to work in Nigeria. I am very confused as I am doing my last semester in a master's degree - to secure a better income as a expat. I don't know what happens in our bank account- am kept in the dark and I find myself depressed some days and feeling anger and hatred towards him. He knows that we have spent all the money I had saved up and now he keeps sending me whatever amounts of money he feels I deserve whenever he wants to. I feel that my life is spiraling down and I don't know what to do anymore. He keeps telling me that the business is growing yet we seem to have more creditors. He says I'll never understand the business land scape in Nigeria so should just accept whatever he does. I feel trapped as my school work is now suffering as well as the business coz am always stressed, sick with depression and always under pressure. He has changed and I still love and trust him, yet I am scared of being played.

what else can i say dear, the best is to sit him down and let him understand your plight. be firm with your discussions and let him see reasons with you that you can no longer cope with lack of finance, he is the man of the house, he should be able to come up with something for you, most especially since you are not in your country(SA) please, try and find time to iron things out with him.
I wish you the best of luck in your marriage

...

zbaby86: I have married the man of my dreams 5 months ago. I am South African and he is Yoruba and spends most of his time in Nigeria on business. I lost my job just a few months before our wedding - yet managed to continue sustaining myself through my savings until about 2 months ago and started a small business too. My hubby says we are having it hard and is complaining that his Nigerian clients are taking too long with payments and the financial system in SA is very time bound. I haven't seen my husband over 2 months now - he is not keen on me visiting Nigeria and does not even support my suggestion to work in Nigeria. I am very confused as I am doing my last semester in a master's degree - to secure a better income as a expat. I don't know what happens in our bank account- am kept in the dark and I find myself depressed some days and feeling anger and hatred towards him. He knows that we have spent all the money I had saved up and now he keeps sending me whatever amounts of money he feels I deserve whenever he wants to. I feel that my life is spiraling down and I don't know what to do anymore. He keeps telling me that the business is growing yet we seem to have more creditors. He says I'll never understand the business land scape in Nigeria so should just accept whatever he does. I feel trapped as my school work is now suffering as well as the business coz am always stressed, sick with depression and always under pressure. He has changed and I still love and trust him, yet I am scared of being played.

Even though information on how long and close you courted is not available from your post, I strongly believe in your marriage. This stage, had there even been no financial strain, is usually very testy in marriage.

Please keep the communication lines open. Trust him anyway- it is good for your health and his. It is my opinion that he is trying to fix things before bringing you over and should he want to get you over with, it is my honest opinion that your depression would have been about his no-communication.

I wish your home, studies and family income well.

Ciao.

sexyseun: what else can i say dear, the best is to sit him down and let him understand your plight. be firm with your discussions and let him see reasons with you that you can no longer cope with lack of finance, he is the man of the house, he should be able to come up with something for you, most especially since you are not in your country(SA) please, try and find time to iron things out with him.
I wish you the best of luck in your marriage

She didn't say she isn't staying in SA.
@ op... Conversation is key in this sort of situation. Wish you all the best dear.

I am not really sure you knew this man well before your marriage to him as exemplified by his insistence on you not visiting him in Nigeria and his resolve to shroud his business in secrecy from you.

Like you alluded to in your post, I just get the hunch that this man is most definitely playing the double here and I won't be surprised if he has a family here in Nigeria.

Where did you contract your marriage and who were the people in attendance?
If all was done in SA without any blood relation present, then you have entered what we call ONE CHANCE!!

One of your issues here is the long distance between you two,of course, you are not with him and so you are thinking of what he is up to where he is....try to let go of the anger and hate and be positive, think of the good in him and try to trust in him,but do be careful at the same time and follow your instincts.....

He does not want you to come to Nigeria.

He keeps you in the dark about your finances.

Shady is shady. This man is playing you.

Communication is a two way street.

matify:
I am not really sure you knew this man well before your marriage to him as exemplified by his insistence on you not visiting him in Nigeria and his resolve to shroud his business in secrecy from you.

Like you alluded to in your post, I just get the hunch that this man is most definitely playing the double here and I won't be surprised if he has a family here in Nigeria.

Where did you contract your marriage and who were the people in attendance?
If all was done in SA without any blood relation present, then you have entered what we call ONE CHANCE!!

hey Mr. U don't talk like that when advising people and if u don't have anything useful to say just keep quiet. Must everybody married abroad be married also in Nigeria? That's how u people go about spoiling ur brothers/country's name in forum like this and blame the world for givin us a bad name. The lady is havin financial crisis, advice her on what u know and not condemn the hubby before her. Advice like this brings distrust in the family and before u know it, they start havin more complicated issue than this. Ma'am try and talk with ur hubby and advice him too, and if his present business is not bringin forth good profit, he should change his line of business.

Long distance marriage

Hmmm

zbaby86

How far?

Hope the fortunes and smiles have returned.

Again, I wish you well.

Daylight 419... Sis pls wake up frm ur dream n face reality..... And the reality is *drum rolling*... Ghen ghen... Ur husband is married to anoda woman in nigeria, his hrt does nt beat for u anymore... Dats y he does nt want u to cum to nigeria.... Dnt ask me hw I knew... *walks out*