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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Please Help Me,am Confused, Depressed.i Dnt Have Anyone To Talk To (6048 Views)
Help Me... My Mum Is Making Me Depressed. / Dear Family, A Depressed Soul Needs Your Advice. / Please Help Me,am Confused, Depressed.i Dnt Have Anyone To Talk To (2) (3) (4)
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Re: Please Help Me,am Confused, Depressed.i Dnt Have Anyone To Talk To by Adufemi(f): 12:51pm On Sep 03, 2014 |
damiso: @adufemi I can feel your pain from your words but first things first NEVER ever let another human being determine your happiness at all times.Yes it is our spouse's responsibility to share life's joys,pains struggles etc but we should always have it the back of our mind that they are human and as such from time to time might fail us so please honey you CAN and will be happy with or without him.Thats why I have never gotten that 'he/She completes me" statement. Thank u so much! I know its unhealthy for d children at the same time I now know why people say dnt let other people determine ur happiness. Cos they know this and sometimes they manipulate. I hate it too; I want to be self sufficient and happy by myself, I want to be that woman who ignores her hubby, live her life, take care of herself and her kids etc I make a new resolution everyday sumtimes ill tell maself I will ignore hubby and just be happy! Am succesful at this until I see him or he gets bak from wok and say sumfin nasty to me or ignores me.my heart breaks all over. At a point I travelled to Ghana by road to source for goods, d trip was unecessaer but I needed a break, I promised myself that ill have fun and not think about hubby or home. I dint last 24 hrs, I started calling him , he piked and told me he is busy and shld atop bothering him, he even set his phone to rejectamy calls permanently. I left Ghana the following day, I was supposed to spend 1 week. Thanks for the advices and suggestions |
Re: Please Help Me,am Confused, Depressed.i Dnt Have Anyone To Talk To by thorpido(m): 12:56pm On Sep 03, 2014 |
pheyikemi: apart from the fleet of cars he's got now, u both shd try and acquire landed properties, it doesn't depreciate like cars. So dat uc won't be back to square zero.There's more going on in this marriage than just acquisition of properties. 1 Like |
Re: Please Help Me,am Confused, Depressed.i Dnt Have Anyone To Talk To by smokescreen4: 12:58pm On Sep 03, 2014 |
Am sooo sad, it's well dear, I hate it when some men play God in their wives lives, mere mortals,in dis life where nothing is certain, does he own his life? does he know tomorrow?kai I don't even know what to type, be strong for your kids if you die his ex would move in less than two weeks and treat your kids anyhow.i have since learnt that my happiness does not depend on anyone not even my spouse. 5 Likes |
Re: Please Help Me,am Confused, Depressed.i Dnt Have Anyone To Talk To by Nobody: 1:07pm On Sep 03, 2014 |
I was moved by Your story but got pissed when i came across the " i LOVE HIM " bla bla bla shit (or whatever that implies) on Your post. What amazes Me is the amount of energy n time on this Love Bullshit ladies expend on the Son's of Adam. See Dove it is never in a woman's position to love a man (that the hard truth) You are only admonised by God to RESPECT AND SUBMIT to a Man NEVER THE OTHER WAY ROUND ( U can only Love a Man's Money ) U r depressed U still love Him U have a major health and U still love Him anyway sha My prayers are with You..... |
Re: Please Help Me,am Confused, Depressed.i Dnt Have Anyone To Talk To by snazzylove: 1:07pm On Sep 03, 2014 |
Adufemi: Adufemiiiiii! Haba! U wan die on top love? I really am sorry and regret to say that you are the one that empowered that guy to treat you like trash. YOU ARE SUFFOCATING HIM WITH LOVE PERIOD!!! NOBODY LIKES THAT, PERSONALLY IT PISSES ME OFF, AND AM SURE THAT IS WHAT IS HAPPENING TO UR HUBBY! Free him abeg. Try to harden up and see if you story will not change, it may be what attacted him back to his ex. He doesn't need the 'baby mama' kind of love. Do ur tin and pay less attention to him, let's see if he won't come back and try to know what's making u tick. 5 Likes |
Re: Please Help Me,am Confused, Depressed.i Dnt Have Anyone To Talk To by thorpido(m): 1:17pm On Sep 03, 2014 |
Adufemi:Lady,you will do well and move out NOW.Your need to be away from your hubby to sort himself out and you help him with prayers. I've seen women in your kind of situation slip into depression and usually don't come out of it.You need to your health and your sanity for your sake and the sake of your kids. Sometimes love is not enough. |
Re: Please Help Me,am Confused, Depressed.i Dnt Have Anyone To Talk To by Godmystrength: 1:18pm On Sep 03, 2014 |
snazzylove:hmmm snazzylove, is there any justification of been attracted to your ex while still married to spouse?? and please i need more explanation on the highlighted... |
Re: Please Help Me,am Confused, Depressed.i Dnt Have Anyone To Talk To by Zehner(f): 1:18pm On Sep 03, 2014 |
Acidosis: Hmn...my dear! The matter tire me! |
Re: Please Help Me,am Confused, Depressed.i Dnt Have Anyone To Talk To by Acidosis(m): 1:25pm On Sep 03, 2014 |
Zehner: my dear! The matter tire me!na so I see am dear |
Re: Please Help Me,am Confused, Depressed.i Dnt Have Anyone To Talk To by thorpido(m): 1:26pm On Sep 03, 2014 |
Godmystrength: hmmm snazzylove, is there any justification of been attracted to your ex while still married to spouse?? and please i need more explanation on the highlighted...Justification?There's nothing to justify here.He is a man walking the wrong path,abandoning his family for some outside pleasure.He's not thinking if it's right or wrong,he's just doing it. |
Re: Please Help Me,am Confused, Depressed.i Dnt Have Anyone To Talk To by Nobody: 1:27pm On Sep 03, 2014 |
He doesn't love or respect you anymore or even tour family. You can't force him to. Stop being so needy it's hard but it's the reality. If you kill yourself trying to force him to love you your kids will be the ones to suffer. He is not under any juju he is just not a content man from your story always on the look for the next best thing. 6 Likes |
Re: Please Help Me,am Confused, Depressed.i Dnt Have Anyone To Talk To by pheyikemi: 1:30pm On Sep 03, 2014 |
thorpido: There's more going on in this marriage than just acquisition of properties.oh yeah? Did u read where she said they are doing fine now and he has fleet of cars. Finances caused d constraint in d family, and acquiring cars aint d best, u spend more to maintain cars and eventually they depreciate. At least if d man builds a shelter for his family, it's something. It is d legacy(debt/a good future) d man leaves the children will meet. The Op shd learn to stand on her feet for d sake of her children, and sorry for all u went thru. 1 Like |
Re: Please Help Me,am Confused, Depressed.i Dnt Have Anyone To Talk To by shizzleStar: 1:33pm On Sep 03, 2014 |
Adufemi: Thanks all, I have thot of a temporary seperation, I hamadam, you opened two separate threads for this and your story here is incomplete. Did you not also open this thread? https://www.nairaland.com/1885551/please-meam-confused-depressed.i-dnt#25990304 where you said My husband was my best and only friend then and I was his best and only friend too(he cut off all friends |
Re: Please Help Me,am Confused, Depressed.i Dnt Have Anyone To Talk To by Godmystrength: 1:37pm On Sep 03, 2014 |
thorpido: Justification?There's nothing to justify here.He is a man walking the wrong path,abandoning his family for some outside pleasure.He's not thinking if it's right or wrong,he's just doing it.I was responding to snazzylove where she said the OP might be responsible for why her husband is attracted to his ex |
Re: Please Help Me,am Confused, Depressed.i Dnt Have Anyone To Talk To by cococandy(f): 1:44pm On Sep 03, 2014 |
Juju ke? Where was the juju when he was broke? Some guys can be very loving and smooth when they are broke. Give a man wealth and his true self shows. 4 Likes |
Re: Please Help Me,am Confused, Depressed.i Dnt Have Anyone To Talk To by Zehner(f): 1:47pm On Sep 03, 2014 |
cococandy: Juju ke?#word 2 Likes |
Re: Please Help Me,am Confused, Depressed.i Dnt Have Anyone To Talk To by cococandy(f): 1:51pm On Sep 03, 2014 |
Op I really feel and understand your pain. I know what it's like to work with someone towards success. Sharing your pains and celebrating your joys together. With a Great hope for the future. You think since you're so in love and so happy with so little,then it would be exponential when the wealth comes. Alas it didn't happen. Letting go can be so hard. Admitting you worked so hard for nothing seems impossible. |
Re: Please Help Me,am Confused, Depressed.i Dnt Have Anyone To Talk To by snazzylove: 2:05pm On Sep 03, 2014 |
Godmystrength: hmmm snazzylove, is there any justification of been attracted to your ex while still married to spouse?? and please i need more explanation on the highlighted... No justification whatsoever. How do I explain this, its difficult for me to explain but I'll try. From all she's saying(Adufemi) she's actually showing hubby dat she's helplessly in love which I think is why hubby is reacting the way he is(my opinion though). Then for getting attracted to ex, maybe I didn't put it right, but what am trying to say is that probably dat 'leech'(ex) is giving him tough love. So in essence am saying she should try tough love ans see if it works for her and bring him back home plus prayers. Hope u undrstand my point now, plus I never said OP is responsible for why hubby was attracted to ex. 2 Likes |
Re: Please Help Me,am Confused, Depressed.i Dnt Have Anyone To Talk To by freecocoa(f): 2:12pm On Sep 03, 2014 |
Madam OP, stop talking about loving this man because you don't, you have to know how to love yourself before loving someone else and you obviously don't love yourself. I hardly feel sorry for people passing through something like this, I mean how useless does one have to be to allow themselves be treated worse than trash, it's annoying abeg, pity yourself before looking for people to pity you. 7 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Please Help Me,am Confused, Depressed.i Dnt Have Anyone To Talk To by bellong: 2:24pm On Sep 03, 2014 |
cococandy: Once in a while, the use of some, most, average etc will help not to misunderstand your point. And No, what you raised is not a gender specific problem but the Adamic nature in all. 1 Like |
Re: Please Help Me,am Confused, Depressed.i Dnt Have Anyone To Talk To by soulglo: 2:37pm On Sep 03, 2014 |
In don't understand this "my happiness is tied to him" business. You sound like you're ready to die for him. You need to snap out of it. I can't tell you to keep him out go your life because no woman has left until she was ready to. You really need to take sometime out and have a frank talk with yourself. You do not love this man. You think you do but you don't. This is not love. You need to spend that energy on yourself. Get some self help books geared towards situations like this. Get a notebook and write down all the things you wish for yourself. Your goals. 1year goal, 5 year goal, 10 year goal. Then come up with a plan and process to accomplish that. Write them down and write the steps you will take towards these goals. Some might take time but stay on course. Every night before you sleep you should write a list of what you will do the next day towards the shorter term goals. On the weekend go through all your lists and see what you accomplished and write a new list for the week that you will break down daily through the following week. When you stay on this and focus all your energy on you then you will gradually start seeing life as beautiful again. I got through a particularly difficult break up like this. I'm the type of person that writes lists for my lists anyway but i became a todo list writer on steroids. It helped me stay focused and left no time in my day to answer his calls or think about him. It's easy to get lost in someone else but for your sanity and definitely for the sake of your kids you have no choice but to snap out of it. Take the focus off him and put the focus on you. |
Re: Please Help Me,am Confused, Depressed.i Dnt Have Anyone To Talk To by bukatyne(f): 2:50pm On Sep 03, 2014 |
bellong: Thank you sir, God bless you I really do not know where this 'staying for kids' in a toxic environment came from. The kids are learning fast that's why domestic violence will never cease. @ OP, Please move out of the house temporarily for your sanity's sake and health. Luckily, you have a business that can get you going for now. Also involve your parents and let him come out to say what his future for your marriage is. It takes two (husband & wife) to work on a marriage, you cannot do it alone It is well 1 Like |
Re: Please Help Me,am Confused, Depressed.i Dnt Have Anyone To Talk To by Nobody: 2:51pm On Sep 03, 2014 |
Cant you see the more reason why you should separate from him. His major problem is that he is easily influenced by friends/anything not that he does not love you. If the job he has now ends he will have nothing to show as he squanders as he gets them. Stop trying to make him love you cos you only making yourself worthless in his eyes. The said girlfriend may even be treating him like rag. If he lost the job,friends and all, he will come to you only to start being foolish again anytime he his on his feet as he will make new foolish ones. The only sure way to get him to start thinking sensibly is to pray he gets truely born again-now are born again yourself to start praying he is one? Its not easy but you and thankGod you have something doing Adufemi: |
Re: Please Help Me,am Confused, Depressed.i Dnt Have Anyone To Talk To by kweenkong(f): 2:52pm On Sep 03, 2014 |
Madam op i am reall sorry about what you are going through but you can change your situation and that is what all other posters have written. you are an educated , full grown mother who should be able to take decisions for herself. I might sound harsh but i think you need a bit of tough love. Your husband is enjoying the fact that your life is miserable and that is why he makes it worse.You need a total change of attitude and outlook to life . If he your husband falls down and die i guess u would die with him and make your lovely children orphans? Why do you need the love of a man to validate your existence, a mere mortal like yourself who has no control over his own life? Worse have happened to people and they have gotten out stronger and happier. I am happy that you have a business even if its small , focus your energy on it,nuture it and watch it grow. This would allow you prepare for any eventualites. You say he loves the kids abi like he loved you before ,what is stopping him from disregarding them in future . Your husband is not a lost case but most men only find there way home when they are totally destroyed , do you want to wait for that , to prove that you are the dutiful wife . The best revenge will be getting a life and fixing yourself up while he squanders his away. Take charge for once , you are responsible two adorable children. And if i might ask whats your parents take on this ? if seperation or divorce so be it , at least your life is most important and you have a better shot at been happy . As per your health it is your responsibility so take charge . 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Please Help Me,am Confused, Depressed.i Dnt Have Anyone To Talk To by mikeywise(m): 2:58pm On Sep 03, 2014 |
Adufemi:I can't believe all this, i think you have been charmed. |
Re: Please Help Me,am Confused, Depressed.i Dnt Have Anyone To Talk To by Nobody: 3:19pm On Sep 03, 2014 |
For women like the OP I normally dont give advice because they dont need it. If an adult cannot love herself then there is little anyone else can do for her. I am sure her parents and people are tired of talking too and she may have stopped talking tosome of them who tell her the truth she doesnt want to hear, all she wants to believe is that he is charmed and she would probably go from place to place to "break the charm" Good luck to her. Infidelity and battery yet she clings on for dear life doesnt even want to try reassesing her life for the fear of the mistress "Taking her place" what Place A place for battery, heartache and pain? Let the mistress take it by all means jor, gladly hand it over. 1 Like |
Re: Please Help Me,am Confused, Depressed.i Dnt Have Anyone To Talk To by Godmystrength: 4:17pm On Sep 03, 2014 |
snazzylove:okay. but i still don't get it. tough love in marriage? anything wrong in loving your spouse without measure?? abeg snazzylove, no confuse me o. |
Re: Please Help Me,am Confused, Depressed.i Dnt Have Anyone To Talk To by zed7: 4:19pm On Sep 03, 2014 |
. 1 Like |
Re: Please Help Me,am Confused, Depressed.i Dnt Have Anyone To Talk To by snazzylove: 4:26pm On Sep 03, 2014 |
soulglo: In don't understand this "my happiness is tied to him" business. You sound like you're ready to die for him. Exactly d problem I have with her situation. Smh |
Re: Please Help Me,am Confused, Depressed.i Dnt Have Anyone To Talk To by snazzylove: 4:32pm On Sep 03, 2014 |
Godmystrength: okay. but i still don't get it. tough love in marriage? anything wrong in loving your spouse without measure?? abeg snazzylove, no confuse me o. Nne desperate situation calls for desperate measures. B4 I married my hussy, I used to love like this oo(the I go die type of love), not that I don't still luv him very much though, but not at the detriment of my life(that I cherish so much). When we got married and I started seeing tinz, no be person tell me use water dilute d love small and develop thick skin towards certain things. Exactly what am asking Adufemi to try out. |
Re: Please Help Me,am Confused, Depressed.i Dnt Have Anyone To Talk To by Godmystrength: 4:39pm On Sep 03, 2014 |
snazzylove:na wa for love o |
Re: Please Help Me,am Confused, Depressed.i Dnt Have Anyone To Talk To by cococandy(f): 4:49pm On Sep 03, 2014 |
Oh sorry I realize I should have used 'some'. My bad. bellong: |
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