ireneidiva:
An adult should know what to do in this situation rather than having a pity party.

i beg to disagree ma'am, this is not a pity party, this is what it's ...

Proverbs 11:14 Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counsellors there is safety.

i presume you're not married...

@poster, I an very sorry about the situation and my heart goes out to you. I would love to give you a hug and tell you that its all just a bad dream; I wish that was the case.

I have read all you wrote, but I want you to ask yourself the question of If God forbid you die today, what will your husband do and what will happen to your kids.

The honest answer to that question should propel you into putting your husbands issue to one side and putting ALL your resources into healing yourself medically and emotionaly and looking after number one; YOU!. Your symptoms sound like hyperthyroidism & if so getting the best treatment should be your focus right now. Your life is very important please. Your kids need you. They have been through a lot already. They see all, hear all, feel all and have lived through this for as long as this has been happening. its not fair on them.

In life there come points, when we have to draw a line in the sand and say ENOUGH!!. I understand the feeling of wanting to carry on hoping for change, but one just has to be realistic and look more deeply into the pros and cons and the short and long term outcomes of whatever descsions that one takes. Realistlicaly Where exactly do you see all this ending?

Divorce/separation should always be the last especially if children are involved, however it may be the better option when things get so bad to the point of physical abuse. People also sometimes under estimate the negative effect these things have on children in so many ways.

I will give you an example. School kids went back to school yesterday and at end of school, we walked down to the school to pick our kid up and to walk home. She came out with a friend.
Her friend asked if she could please walk with us to the bustop becasue her parents had forgotten to pay in advance for the school bus. We said sure and we started walking only to discover that she was limping. I asked her why and she said its because her shoes were too tight. When it became too much she took the shoes off and was walking on the road just with her socks.It upset me and I asked the kid to give us her parents number so we can speak to them.
I know that her parents have issues but one forgets that sometimes when these issues get too much and you are focussing all your energy on that, the children can get neglected both phisically or emotionaly and you are doing them damage in the long run. I can imagine how that poor girl must have felt yesterday.

Stop begging!!!!. Treat your medical condition, find yourself a job. You sound like a very strong woman. You have lived through financial hardhsip, so that shouldnt scare you. Pamper your emotional state and open the windows of your life and let in fresh air. Do things that make you happpy and fulfilled.
Stop arguing with him. Try and ignore. Its very hard, but you are just going to have to do it. Your talking doesnt stop him from coming home late and having extra marital affiars so dont bother yourself but focus that energy on you. Busy yourself. When you are busy you wont even have time to notice his excesses. He is also probably enjoying all the attention. Dont give him any oppourtunity to talk to you shabbily.

No one is going to ever love you as much as you love yourself. Love yourself first and people will love you. You have to be in a good state all round to be able to care for your children.

((hugs))

AdeniyiA:
i beg to disagree ma'am, this is not a pity party, this is what it's ...

i presume you're not married...

Trust me, she already knows the answers to her questions and she will remain in that house no matter the advise nairalanders give. Well, goodluck to you guys still giving advise.

fairyprincess: I was moved by Your story but got pissed when i came across the " i LOVE HIM " bla bla bla poo

(or whatever that implies) on Your post. What amazes Me is the amount of energy n time on this Love

Bullshit ladies expend on the Son's of Adam. See Dove it is never in a woman's position to love a man

(that the hard truth) You are only admonised by God to RESPECT AND SUBMIT to a Man NEVER THE OTHER
WAY ROUND ( U can only Love a Man's Money )

U r depressed U still love Him

U have a major health and U still love Him

anyway sha My prayers are with You.....

my dear,if only you know and believe that love is blind.

Please you need to get out of that house and do the right thing. ..you may not want to leave your husband, but,could it be that you feel he is better than you hence,you keep saying you love him.

if you think you deserve better, then you will know you do not deserve a man like that, he beats you for God's sake. ...no right thinking human being will abuse his/spouse this way.

you should value the lives of you and your kids more,you will continue to feel depressed unless you do the right thing and be strong and stand your ground that you wont allow yourself to be maltreated anymore.

OP, your story is pathetic to say the least, but in order to get your life back, you must understand a few things:

1. You CAN'T love someone else if you don't love yourself. That you're allowing a man take away your happiness shows you have no self love to start with. You came into this world alone so fell free to exercise your right to be selfish once in a while.

2. Your kids are far more important than any creature with a third leg. The only thing keeping you going are your kids. And that environment isn't healthy for growing children who need to be surrounded with love not an immature daddy that doesn't know when to stop having booty calls or an emotionally-drained mummy.

You need to get your life back for your kids, you're not in love with your husband, you're scared of a life without him (fear of the unknown). Better to be alive for your kids cuz when you love this man and he sends you to your early grave, his ex-girlfriend will balance on your chair and 'care for' your kids.

Dear, pack some things and go to your parents with your kids. Stay with them for a while, I know how difficult that option seems cuz you may be concerned by the stigma that comes with a broken home, but learn to not care what people think. Try to find another job and get your life back. Your kids NEED their mummy to be alive.

God Bless you and lead you through whatever decision you make

This is why I can't suffer with any man
So after all you suffer with him, now he has gotten money and his ex who dumped him because of his brokenness is the one who gets it all.
Ladies read this story and learn, don't let any guy decieve you cos d fact that you suffered with him doesn't mean when the money come he will remember what you went through for him

bellong:
The first thing you need now is to get your sanity and self esteem back. If you remain in a toxic environment, you will go deeper in depression than the current state.

What you are fighting for isn't right for the children. It is not doing them any psychological advantage for them to constantly witness how your husband batters you. They are better raised with a single responsible parent than with two parents who wouldn't be able to manage their business without involving them.

Please, your children shouldn't be present witnessing how your husband harrasses you all in the name of wanting them to grow up with a father.

Involve your parents about the situation, get a temporary separation from him. Stay away from him for about two - three months to give him time to reevaluate the situation.

Do not underestimate the power of prayer if peradventure he is under the influence of charms.

It is well.

I second this sweetheart you need some good good loving environment to get back to planet earth, you are lucky to have a caring parents pls pls save yourself and those innocent children from this toxic environment pls.

ireneidiva:
Trust me, she already knows the answers to her questions and she will remain in that house no matter the advise nairalanders give. Well, goodluck to you guys still giving advise.

are you for real

ireneidiva:
An adult should know what to do in this situation rather than having a pity party.

Just pray u don't find ursef in her shoes. Its so easier said dan done my dear. It is only whn u r in dt situation u wud realize d difficulty in making a decision wtout consulting ppl wt experience, unless u don't care if u av a broken home. I undastand dis lady nd I rily do not blame her 4 wanting her marriage bck regardless of wht d hubby has done 2 her, all I can say here is PRAYER is d key. Get out of dat depression hole, u can just giv ur sef a break. Go to ur parents' house bt stay prayerful. Anytime drez any suicidal thought, my darling, look @ ur children nd thnk of d lov ur parents av 4 u too, u wudnt want 2 make either suffer 4 ur loss. I pray God b wt u nd help u handle d situation d best way.

I don't have anything to say to you, really.

you know what to do but have chosen to ignore your gut feeling and overlook things.

You are just like your husband. The only difference between you two is you are yet to go physical on him. Selfish self centred people-You both are. You people think only about yourselves and NO ONE ELSE. So you both deserve each other. Do me a favor and stay together. Birds of a feather.

OP, as you allow yourself wallow in a situation that is driving you deeper into severe depression, I will just leave you with these tidbits.

-Rate of suicide is 20 times more in people with depression than in the general population.
-A non-fatal suicide attempt is the strongest clinical predictor of eventual suicide. In plain English: you have had 5 unsuccessful suicide attempts, you are more likely to die by suicide eventually than your next door neighbor is.

Think about this very carefully and think about your children just as much as you obsess over this undying love you have for your husband.

Note: I have only addressed the mental health aspect of your situation. Obviously, there is still death by HIV or physical abuse.

You decide what you want to do with this piece of information. Your life, your call.

jennykadry:

What's up JK?

@Ileobatojo

My one and only . Ba wo ni

Its about time you start making decisions that will benefit you and your kids. Remember your kids rely on you, make sure you bring them up in the way they should go... away from an abusive father

OP, what you need to do is ask your self what you really want with regards to
1. YOU (
2. CHILDREN
3. Marriage

Then re-define your priorities in terms of their importance, and make a decision.

Your husband is at the height/peak of his ''LATE ADOLESCENCE'' there is nothing that you can say or do to him to make him listen, EXCEPT prayers which may take time. Your priority right now should be to be yourself and your kids and your health.

If I were you, I would
1. Pray, PRAY , PRAY
2. Seeing that he has physically started abusing you, he wont stop luv, he will still continue. I would move out and inform his family of my move THOUGH i don't mean divorce perhaps in SEPERATION terms.
3. If you cant move out, I would advice you to STOP NAGGING about counselling and yada, yada stuff to get his attention. Get a life by occupying yourself with your children and making yourself some money.
4. Give his "NEW GIRLFRIEND'' all of your husband, with a clear heart ( with this advice, you will write me a PM telling me what happened.
NOTHING BEATS A WOMAN WHO STEALS YOUR MAN THAN GIVING HER ALL OF HIM Sounds cray hey, but it works, she won't cope with half of what you coped with

You know there was this post sometimes ago about an abused woman that wrote a letter/will to her husband incase she dies, which she certainly saw coming. This reminds me so much of it. The husband virtually drained life outta her. But she stayed and payed with her life. And guess what the husband is v. Much alive, prolly even settled down with anoda woman.

My point is, love yourself first. When your gone,its done. There is nothing left to fight. Take care of your health, your mind, and then your children. I need you to believe that God will fight for you,compensate you and vindicate you, but you need to be alive for that to happen.

Please be strong and practical.. The only thing that is certain is that time will tell. But in that time,occupy yourself by focusing on getting well and raising your kids(trust me you never feel youve invested too much in them coz dey will never abandon u like their father).

I could go on n on. I wish i could give you strength right now. Please stay strong.

I am waiting for the prayer team to come o because prayer is the master key .


Titi Arowolo, rest in peace.

@op there is life beyond the grave, be hopeful you hear

I read too many stories like this, and I wonder is it worth getting married?

JENNYKADRY

You are the most stupid person in this world. May be you are the ex girlfriend dating her husband. Can u read loud your comments and rate urself ?. If you don't have anything to offer better be silent and not post any comment.


This story is very pitiful. Don't have sex with him to avoid contracting any infection HIV inclusive. Don't be surprised he is avoiding having sex with u because he knows he will infect you(u never can say) .
1) Ignore your husband and move on do as if he does not exist(it is not easy,but u can make it, but pls dont insult him).
U are a strong woman. Focus on ur health, happiness, children and ur future(think of what u can be doing to earn money). Do not support him AGAIN financially. Save ur money for urself and ur kids.
2) Discuss this with ur parents and possibly there should be a family meeting between ur family and his family. U cant do it alone.
2) If u can leave the house for a while say 1,2 or 3 months. Pls do it for ur sake and that of ur children. Ur kids need their mummy alive and healthy, all u need now is FRESH AIR. If u die(God forbid) they will SUFFER I MEAN SUFFER.They will become SLAVES and possibly ABUSED. No matter how much a man loves his children he hardly take care of them VERY well as he should especially when he is married to another woman.
3) If u don't have anywhere to go to, try to keep ur mind very busy, maybe church activities, movies or any handwork. U have to be careful in visiting friends because some of them may compound your problem.
4)Before u have sex with him again make sure u both go for medical test. Men can be very careless. So many of them sleep with women(not the wife) without condom. I have read stories in this nairaland family of men who infected their wives with HIV.
Finally , hand everything over to God.

Am really not surprised that this is happening, marriage is one adventure people should never be in a hurry to get into, without understanding.

I have one word for your Husband - He is a Jerk, no matter what you have or might have done, it still doesn't warrant any form of physical abuse.

I have seen supposedly perfect marriages develop serious issues that are beyond repair, how it gets to that state simply beats the hell outta me.

You really need to get new friends cos obviously the present ones aren't helping, you need to rediscover your life, find something that makes you happy.

Finally my advice isn't to this lady, but to those unmarried girls out there, please when your time comes DONT GET MARRIED TO A BOY. Get married to a man with proper home training, just as it's important for a woman to have good attitude, it's also very important for the man as well. When it comes to marriage never ever ever pick a man by the size of his pocket, don't marry because he has money or because he doesn't have money, marry someone you can tolerate his bad habits.

To the OP, Prayers are your best bet out of this predicament, divorce is not an option if you want God to intervene, you could separate for a while to clear your head, but never ever blame yourself for his attitude, he had a choice and he has certainly made it.

@Adufemi hi,

I read your post and it's heart-rending. Your distress is palpable. From what you've shared, it's quite clear that both you and your husband were immature when you married. And he was spoilt and somewhat irresponsible to boot.

I started to shake my head as I read the opening account of the run up to your marriage and the issues you went through. Courtship really should be the best time - your hardship started before you even tied the not, instead of it being a time of joy and the prologue to the most fulfilling time of your life.

The one good thing that comes out of all you've suffered is that you've grown-up somewhat- having learnt some hard lessons - and still demonstrate an admirable desire to restore your union. My short response would be; pray and hope for the best, expect the worse and work with the truth of your present reality.

There are children involved, please think of their long-term welfare. But too be honest, I'm in some ways more concerned about you in the immediacy of this situation. You are in poor health, severely distressed and with barely a support network. Your "love" for your husband, may appear to give you reason to persevere, but you must not let it blind you to some of the hard choices you need to make based on what gives here.

Love does no harm to another. If this man treats, scratch that, humiliates you as described, he certainly does not love you. And I would ask, what is it about such a one that you yourself love? It's a distorted love, more of a unilateral dependency, as evidenced by your hurt at a lack of intimacy. Really? That should be the least of your worries and perhaps something that is a small mercy.

You not only need to be out of there, but you also need to be somewhere where you will be given the care and love you sorely need at this point. Please attend to your health as a matter of urgency. You'll need strength for the times ahead. I hope your immediate family can be there for you at this time.

Take time to consider your situation and what's best for you and your children. I won't be prescriptive, but please think long and hard about the future. Even if you do get back with your husband - assuming he is actually willing - it has to be on the basis of adult and responsible love for you and your children. You will be best served by making your own way than living a repeat episode of what you have just gone through. I'm not sure you'll live to tell the tale if you do.

The Lord be with you. All the very best.


TV

babyoku1: JENNYKADRY

You are the most stupid person in this world. May be you are the ex girlfriend dating her husband. Can u read loud your comments and rate urself ?. If you don't have anything to offer better be silent and not post any comment.

My comment? You don't like my comment? Let me quote my comment again to piss you off the more. Here we go.....

jennykadry: I don't have anything to say to you, really.
you know what to do but have chosen to ignore your gut feeling and overlook things.
You are just like your husband. The only difference between you two is you are yet to go physical on him. Selfish self centred people-You both are. You people think only about yourselves and NO ONE ELSE. So you both deserve each other. Do me a favor and stay together. Birds of a feather.

There. Now meditate on my comment once more. Grab a bottle of wine while you are at it.

iwakolewa:


my dear,if only you know and believe that love is blind.

Ladies should start thinking with their heads abeg.

Men are selfish in nature (except the broke bottom pretenders ),

Point out one unselfish Man You know and I will show 10 male virgin Pastors.

Dove, My Own Love has eyes oooooo and it is fixated on My bank account

As carefreewannabe will say:

You need to pray and fast hard to save your marriage and change this man.

jennykadry:

My comment? You don't like my comment? Let me quote my comment again to piss you off the more. Here we go.....



There. Now meditate on my comment once more. Grab a bottle of wine whilst you are at it.

,lol this woman is crazy

TV01:


TV

Tv very insightful advices you give.Your wife is one lucky lady.

May God give us wisdom and patience to go through life challenges.

Sagamite: As carefreewannabe will say:

You need to pray and fast hard to save your marriage and change this man.

I thought this is how you run your relationships

fairyprincess: I was moved by Your story but got pissed when i came across the " i LOVE HIM " bla bla bla poo

(or whatever that implies) on Your post. What amazes Me is the amount of energy n time on this Love

Bullshit ladies expend on the Son's of Adam. See Dove it is never in a woman's position to love a man

(that the hard truth) You are only admonised by God to RESPECT AND SUBMIT to a Man NEVER THE OTHER

WAY ROUND ( U can only Love a Man's Money )

U r depressed U still love Him

U have a major health and U still love Him

anyway sha My prayers are with You.....

You must be high on some cheap drugs. Wack thinking.

carefreewannabe:

I thought this is how you run your relationships

Mine would have to pray to all the Gods in Sagamu if she is a shythead!

I dont fear marriage. I fear love that isnt mutual. Nothing kills faster.

Sagamite:

Mine would have to pray to all the Gods in Sagamu if she is a shythead!

Nooooo, I thought you pray and fast to make it work.

There must be a pinch of magic in the way you control it by making the impossible possible.