Police is your friend,” an officer would proudly say.

“Go tell that to the marines,” is the likely reply he would get anywhere outside a police station.

We are now outside a station, specifically at Maryland junction, where the men-in-black/blue/camouflage/orange are going about their ‘duties’.

Some are controlling traffic but our ‘specimen’ for experiment are those flagging down vehicles and asking for their particulars and other ‘things’ of interest.

We spot a rather cheerful one in their midst and conclude he would be our ideal Man Friday – the one to tell us the reason for the seeming animosity between the police and the policed. We are right.

Note: We narrowed our ‘research topic’ to altercation during ‘stop and search’ for ease of…writing!

So, here are the six things you do that annoy a police officer on ‘stop and search’.

NO ‘HELLO’ OR ‘HI’

If we stop you for routine check while driving or walking, we don’t like you calling a so-called superior officer of ours on the phone. The worst part is handing us the phone to continue a conversation we didn’t initiate. Imagine this awkward chat:

So-called Superior Officer: Yes, who are you please?

Me: Who are you too, please SIR?

SSO: It seems you want to lose your job. Do you know who you are talking with?

Me: I don’t know; that’s why I’m asking SIR?

SSO: The person you are harassing…

Me: (cuts in) Harassing? I’m just doing my job…

SSO: (cuts in) Which job? The job you are about losing? My friend, will you release him immediately before I call Alausa?

Me: Ok sir. Ok sir.

I hand over the phone as well as your incomplete papers. You smile but I know it deserves a punch in return. Who am I to do that in broad daylight? I mark your face and car, though.

USE, MISUSE, AND ABUSE OF ‘ESPRIT DE CORPS’

You, a bloody civilian, just blurt out those words ‘Esprit de Corp’ once we flag you down. You are not a police officer. Neither are you in the navy, army, or air force. You are not even in the civil defence or boys scout. Perhaps I could forgive you if you are a staff of LASTMA!

“Esprit de Corps, Esprit de Corps,” you look so learned and educated yet you don’t know the meaning of the words.

Let me educate you.

When we say those words, we are referring to the common spirit existing among members of a group that inspires enthusiasm, devotion, and strong regard for the honour of the group. It’s like feelings of loyalty, enthusiasm, and devotion to a group among people who are members of the group.

You and I are not in the same category, sorry, group.



GALLANT MOPOL AND OTHER FUNNY BANNERS AND STICKERS

Related to the point above are the funny banners and stickers you hang on your front mirror and windscreen.

Gallant Mopol! Navy! Army! They announce.

Sometimes, we are magnanimous enough and listen to your explanation that the vehicle actually belongs to your father’s uncle’s son in the army, but most times, you allow your ‘Gallant Mopol’ to intoxicate you with Dutch courage and challenge our ‘audacity to stop’ you.

That’s when we remind you that you are a bloody civilian after all!

‘DON’T YOU KNOW I AM A LAWYER’ AND OTHERS WHO KNOW THEIR RIGHTS

“Don’t you know I’m a lawyer? I know my rights and if you infringe on my rights, I’ll sue you. Sue the IG; sue the federal government.”

We have no problem with you being a lawyer or knowing your rights as a citizen of the Federal Republic of Nigeria.

In fact, we love relating to learned gentlemen and women who have a copy of the 1999 Constitution resting above their dashboard. It shows you read and we know readers are leaders.

What we don’t like is you acting ungentlemanly; screaming like a drug peddler in a commercial bus just to pass your message across. We love your energy but we believe it can be put to better use – like in the courtroom.

TOUCH NOT MY ANOINTED

…and do yourself no harm!

Sorry, for corrupting Ist Chronicles 16:22, but it best explains how I may react if you go beyond using your speech organs in our interaction.

It’s so disrespectful touching an officer on the chin, shoulder, waist, wherever, just because you want to buttress your point.

I could choose to ignore your insults, stare, and any other ‘tactic’ you adopt as survival mechanism while with us.

I won’t ignore your touch.

IT IS MY OFFICE FOR PETE’S SAKE

However you view it, I’m in my office when on the road and you must respect my office, notwithstanding that it’s on the road.

When you go to a bank, do you fill deposit slip when withdrawing cash?

When you go to a hospital, do you prescribe drugs and injection that the doctor and nurse will administer on you?

Why then do you treat my office with contempt? Why can’t you obey simple instructions?

What’s difficult in comprehending: ‘’Can I see your vehicle particulars?’’

You know your vehicle insurance has expired, so why wait until you are asked?

We are here to serve you and believe me: ‘’Police is your friend.’’

Let’s have your views for or against the police, the opinion of our Man Friday on this topic. But we won’t be satisfied with: “Go tell that to the marines.”

Ok

Fp sure banker.

"Good day, officer! How is work?" is magical enough to get you a "move on" signal even after you have been parked.

Speaking from years of experience.

I will still say it...
"Go tell that to the Marines"... Police is never your friend.

;DNaija police
Very funny

Hilarious indeed, was this written by a policeman? Then there is hope for our police force after all. This guy can write a book sef

USE, MISUSE, AND ABUSE OF ‘ESPRIT DE CORPS’

You, a bloody civilian, just blurt out those words ‘Esprit de Corp’ once we flag you down. You are not a police officer. Neither are you in the navy, army, or air force. You are not even in the civil defence or boys scout. Perhaps I could forgive you if you are a staff of LASTMA!

“Esprit de Corps, Esprit de Corps,” you look so learned and educated yet you don’t know the meaning of the words.

Let me educate you.

When we say those words, we are referring to the common spirit existing among members of a group that inspires enthusiasm, devotion, and strong regard for the honour of the group. It’s like feelings of loyalty, enthusiasm, and devotion to a group among people who are members of the group.

You and I are not in the same category, sorry, group.

Very funny. I heard a cab man say this once. Unfortunately for him, he didn't get the correct pronunciation. He said something like "sprit dey come". I barely heard him but the policeman told him to repeat the words again, loudly. Na so the cab man vex. Instead of him to start begging because his papers were not complete , he was speaking grammar. Very funny scene.

@OP, interesting write-up.

Msheewww

noblezone: "Good day, officer! How is work?" is magical enough to get you a "move on" signal even after you have been parked.

Speaking from years of experience.

Me I just say

Yallaboi aikin ku na kyau fa


((Officer u people are doing a great job))

Ahahahah funny 1 @ OP, n dt cab man too, "spirit dey come" juju dey pass ni...

Caracta:


Very funny. I heard a cab man say this once. Unfortunately for him, he didn't get the correct pronunciation. He said something like "sprit dey come". I barely heard him but the policeman told him to repeat the words again, loudly. Na so the cab man vex. Instead of him to start begging because his papers were not complete , he was speaking grammar. Very funny scene.

@OP, interesting write-up.

Lol no be small. Spirit dey come ko, spirit don come ni! Ha ha chei, abeg make una no use laugh kill me o. That taxi driver funny die.

Whatever. I hate it when they ask "anything for boys"? Una nor dey collect salary?

Shior

noblezone: "Good day, officer! How is work?" is magical enough to get you a "move on" signal even after you have been parked.

Speaking from years of experience.

Some officers are just dumb like the Op .... ThanGod this is not your office Op !

He asked my uncle to park , he asked for our particulars , he asked us to Open our bonnet and he exclaimed that the engine numbers differ from the that in the particular ..... Mehn New Car chacha for that matter !!


My uncle collected the particulars and called two officers for proof reading , the janja:weed Police became angry and delayed us for 3hrs until our bigger uncle in PH called him to order ....

Fear Police abeg , it seems more touts are being recruited yearly !

lmao I just looooove the "Esprit de Corps" part..cracks me up every f'ing time. A man with whom I was traveling one time kept repeating it to a police officer when they stopped the bus we were in and the police man just strong e face more as if he heard nada..Its one of my cherished personal jokes

Just give them #50 and go your way #DazAll

Black wear,Black heart!

I always address them by their names like officer Ajayi or Okeke, how's work? It always sets the tone for friendly encounters...

I'm seriously laughing @ d spirit dey come!

Caracta:


Very funny. I heard a cab man say this once. Unfortunately for him, he didn't get the correct pronunciation. He said something like "sprit dey come". I barely heard him but the policeman told him to repeat the words again, loudly. Na so the cab man vex. Instead of him to start begging because his papers were not complete , he was speaking grammar. Very funny scene.

@OP, interesting write-up.

The one that annoys them the most is when they stretch out their hand for Roger and you start speaking english to them

I prefer naija police force to other forces here,

Goodday Officer! How is work?

If it's an angry/aggresive team or officer, while they are in action, I go just raise my voice and twale them ''who say no government?'' and you see mad man smiling and asking ''how far wetin dey ground?''

Lol ...

Still doesn't change my opinion about the NPF

Some people have handed over calls to the police with the person on the line faking to be a high ranking officer.

In the case of Army,just say AJUWAYAH then you good

Some officers dey misbehave too. Na so I say make I respect one road safety officer one day, as I stop he wan begin use me do yeye. Before he ask me one question finish, he don begin find how to open my door. Shior! Now now so? Na im I use my central lock, row up halfway. As he say make I park well, na im I just release my break move ahead.

I hate them, but where is that NL womanpolice, am missing her

I hate to hear,Police is your friend.what kind of friend? Egunje friend?

Oh boy!!! Laffin alone is good. 'Spirit dey come' that cab man rili must av bin a spirit,tinking dey wunt stp him. Some of our officers can b so annoying while some ar quite polite. I jt dnt like d part wia dey must try to 'rope u in'. Cooking up lies to get u oblige. Heard a gist of a scenario where an officer calmly stp a guy and quickly jumped into his car and asked him 2 pls drop him off along d road. Nt knwin dt he was taking him to wia his fellow officers were only to fabricate lies dt d guy refused to stp wen he asked him to and trying to drive him away. Dts very cynical of any officer. Since dt day,I dey fear d men in black ooo.