15 Signs You're In An Emotionally Abusive Relationship
by Adriana Velez

Emotional abuse, while it leaves no marks, can sometimes be the hardest type of abuse to understand in a relationship. It's hard to imagine that someone who "loves you" could abuse you -- and besides, it's just words, right? It's not like you're being BEATEN. Sad truth is, while broken bones heal, the wounds left from emotional abuse can last a lifetime. Emotional abuse is a form of abuse in which a partner uses verbal assault, fear, or humiliation to undermine the other person's self-esteem and self-worth. Emotional abuse is every bit as damaging as physical abuse.

Here are some signs you're in an emotionally abusive relationship.

1. You're Afraid To Talk To Them About Even The Little Things. You're afraid to tell your partner about a normal happening - your car needs brakes, your boss made you work overtime - because you're not sure how he will react.

2. They Make You Feel Bad About Yourself. When you do talk to your significant other, she puts you down and makes you feel stupid.

3. You Put Them Above Everything Else. You make yourself available to your partner no matter what the personal cost - just to avoid a confrontation.

4. You Don't Want Anyone Else To Be Around Them. You no longer want to bring your significant other around your friends or family because you're afraid he will berate you and humiliate you in front of your loved ones.

5. You Think You Must Be Crazy. You've begun to believe that you're the crazy one -- that you're the one with the problem.

6. They Don't Support You. When talking about an accomplishment - a promotion or something equally exciting - your partner sneers at you, putting you down, mocking your achievement rather than celebrating it.

7. You Feel Trapped. You feel helpless, like you're trapped in the relationship.

8. They Treat You Like A Pet, Not A Partner. Your partner treats you like an object, like property, not like a person with real feelings.

9. They Control Everything About Your Life. Your partner keeps a tight control on all things: money, the phone, using the car, who you see and what you do.

10. They Say It's Your Fault. If you fight back, your significant other blames you for the abusive behavior. "If you weren't so dumb, I wouldn't have to yell at you."

11. You Feel Worthless. You've begun to see yourself as worthless -- just like your partner tells you you are.

12. You'll Do Anything They Ask. You'll go out of your way to please your significant other, no matter how much you have to sacrifice. If that means staying up all night to wash the floor, so be it. It beats the "lecture."

13. They Make You Think The Rest Of The World Is The Problem. You're in complete isolation. Your partner doesn't want you around your friends or family and has convinced you that THEY are the ones who are abusive to you - not him.

14. You Think You Deserve It. You've begun to feel as though you deserve to be treated badly. If you were a better person, you wouldn't make her so mad!

15. You Make Excuses For Them Constantly. You find yourself having to rush to her defense whenever she is brought up in conversation. You make excuses for her behavior regardless of the situation.

If you're in an emotionally abusive relationship or even if you think you're being abused but it's "not bad enough" to do anything about it, remember: It is. No one deserves to be treated this way, and everyone is worthy of respect. Even you.

Have you been in an emotionally abusive relationship? Did you get out of it? What would you tell someone who was being emotionally abused?

Source: marriagepartners.com

No

Are YOU Emotionally Abusive?

Emotional abuse in intimate relationships is a serious problem. Many people believe that physical violence is the only legitimate form of abuse. Victims say that emotional abuse effects them as much, if not more, than physical violence. Emotional abuse can lead to family breakdown, mental distress and physical illness, death, and has a negative impact on the children in the family.

The goal of this fact sheet is to provide information so that emotional abuse can stop. It begins with you.

Do you...

⦁Call your partner names or put him down?

⦁Prevent her from having her own life, going to school, work, or getting together with friends and family?

⦁Make decisions that affect your partner or family without consulting him?

⦁Criticize everything that your partner does, complain about how she cooks or takes care of the children?

⦁Do everything to win an argument including threatening or intimidating your partner?

⦁Give your partner the silent treatment for hours, days or even longer to punish him?

⦁Want to have sex after an argument and insist it's because you love her?

⦁Involve the children in your arguments, threaten to harm or take them away from your partner forever?

⦁Take away his hearing aid if he is deaf or hard of hearing?

⦁Blame your partner for everything and never admit you are wrong?

⦁Control the money and make all financial decisions?

⦁Lie and hide things from your partner?

⦁Refuse to listen to your partner's thoughts, feelings or concerns?

⦁Use her disability or deafness to belittle or control her?

Do you believe that...

⦁You have the right to make all the decisions in the relationship?

⦁Your partner is to blame when things go wrong?

⦁Women are inferior to men?

⦁Men are superior to women?

⦁Women's role is only to have children and take care of her husband?

⦁You alone know what is best for your family?

⦁It is only abuse if you hit your partner?

Think about it...

⦁Most victims say that emotional abuse effects them more than physical abuse. For some it is the main reason they leave.

⦁You can be criminally charged for threatening, stalking or harassing your partner or ex-partner.

⦁It is wrong to force or coerce someone into having sex. If the person did not consent, you can be charged with Sexual Assault.

⦁Children who grow up in abusive homes are more likely to have problems in school, and later on in life. Boys may grow up to be perpetrators of abuse in their own adult intimate relationships.

⦁Alcohol or drugs do not cause abuse. You are responsible for your actions.

⦁Unemployment and work stresses do not cause abuse. Most people experience problems in life, but not everybody is abusive.

⦁Many people may not understand emotional abuse or take it seriously. Find people that can support you to change.

⦁Everyone deserves to be valued, respected and safe, not abused.

Take Action Now!

⦁Many victims say that what they really want is for their abusive partners to take responsibility for their behaviour and go for help.

⦁Contact the community services in your area and ask for a referral. Be specific about what you are looking for. Programs may be offered in different languages, or for deaf and hard of hearing men and women through culturally specific community centres. For centres that do not have a TTY, contact the operator for the Bell Relay Service.

⦁If you live in an area where there are no services, talk to your family doctor or someone you trust. Look for written information on emotional abuse.

⦁Couples' counseling is not appropriate where abuse is involved. If you are abusive, it is your responsibility to change. Your partner is not responsible for the abuse.

⦁Support your partner if he or she is going for counseling and do not interfere or interrogate them about it.

⦁Do it for you! Accept that your partner may leave even if you go for help. Your counseling must not be a way to control your partner or keep him or her in the relationship. It will still benefit you, your future relationships, and your children.

I am completely immune to emotional abuse because i do not ever create room for such horrid treatment. You can only be treated that way once you allow it and show that it is o.k for you to be treated that way. I can smell a man who has the potential of being abusive from afar o just by having a decent conversation with him.

I came across a man like that last year. He was rather too fast for my liking, coming out too strong, had this domineering aura oozing out of him, was already playing the 'husband' part even though he had not made his intentions known. He also would call me all the time expecting me to pick his calls at the first ring, always wanting to come around and spend the night in my place of which i always vehement refused. If i didnt pick as fast as he wanted, he would nag and nag like an id1ot and an overgrown baby that didnt see breast to suck! i had not started dating the f00l and yet he was already on my neck and bugging me like a parasite!! Suffocating!! Always complaining that i dnt call, bla bla bla. Mehn, I carry my slippers pick race oooo. Up till now, he doesnt understand why i avoided him.

I believe in taking things slow and starting out as friends with a man before accepting to date him. Helps me a lot in avoiding certain kind of men. Being sensitive enough to pick signs of an abusive person is also key. Never ever allow room for abuse from the very begining. once you sense it, you better run!!

⦁ "Give your partner the silent treatment for hours, days or even longer to punish him?

⦁Want to have sex after an argument and insist it's because you love her?"


How are these things abusive ? Ever heard of steamy make-up sêx?

Op, God bless you. You just wrote the story of my life up there.

Some abusive people use it to slowly drive you nuts. Make u mad and eventually throw you out as a mad person.

I started being unnecessarily forgetful and started having serious migraine too. I was losing my mind. But now , i would never forget where i kept anything and the headaches have stopped completely.

This is completely my story. Including of course the physical assault. From A to Z.

I thank God for liberating me.

zboyd: 15 Signs You're In An Emotionally Abusive Relationship
by Adriana Velez

Emotional abuse, while it leaves no marks, can sometimes be the hardest type of abuse to understand in a relationship. It's hard to imagine that someone who "loves you" could abuse you -- and besides, it's just words, right? It's not like you're being BEATEN. Sad truth is, while broken bones heal, the wounds left from emotional abuse can last a lifetime. Emotional abuse is a form of abuse in which a partner uses verbal assault, fear, or humiliation to undermine the other person's self-esteem and self-worth. Emotional abuse is every bit as damaging as physical abuse.

Here are some signs you're in an emotionally abusive relationship.

1. You're Afraid To Talk To Them About Even The Little Things. You're afraid to tell your partner about a normal happening - your car needs brakes, your boss made you work overtime - because you're not sure how he will react.

2. They Make You Feel Bad About Yourself. When you do talk to your significant other, she puts you down and makes you feel stupid.

3. You Put Them Above Everything Else. You make yourself available to your partner no matter what the personal cost - just to avoid a confrontation.

4. You Don't Want Anyone Else To Be Around Them. You no longer want to bring your significant other around your friends or family because you're afraid he will berate you and humiliate you in front of your loved ones.

5. You Think You Must Be Crazy. You've begun to believe that you're the crazy one -- that you're the one with the problem.

6. They Don't Support You. When talking about an accomplishment - a promotion or something equally exciting - your partner sneers at you, putting you down, mocking your achievement rather than celebrating it.

7. You Feel Trapped. You feel helpless, like you're trapped in the relationship.

8. They Treat You Like A Pet, Not A Partner. Your partner treats you like an object, like property, not like a person with real feelings.

9. They Control Everything About Your Life. Your partner keeps a tight control on all things: money, the phone, using the car, who you see and what you do.

10. They Say It's Your Fault. If you fight back, your significant other blames you for the abusive behavior. "If you weren't so dumb, I wouldn't have to yell at you."

11. You Feel Worthless. You've begun to see yourself as worthless -- just like your partner tells you you are.

12. You'll Do Anything They Ask. You'll go out of your way to please your significant other, no matter how much you have to sacrifice. If that means staying up all night to wash the floor, so be it. It beats the "lecture."

13. They Make You Think The Rest Of The World Is The Problem. You're in complete isolation. Your partner doesn't want you around your friends or family and has convinced you that THEY are the ones who are abusive to you - not him.

14. You Think You Deserve It. You've begun to feel as though you deserve to be treated badly. If you were a better person, you wouldn't make her so mad!

15. You Make Excuses For Them Constantly. You find yourself having to rush to his defense whenever she is brought up in conversation. You make excuses for her behavior regardless of the situation.

If you're in an emotionally abusive relationship or even if you think you're being abused but it's "not bad enough" to do anything about it, remember: it is. No one deserves to be treated this way, and everyone is worthy of respect. Even you.

Have you been in an emotionally abusive relationship? Did you get out of it? What would you tell someone who was being emotionally abused?

Source: marriagepartners.com

n


yes i was in an abusive relationship.both verbally nd physical.

i finally left d relationship with my baby nd av neva been this happy .

av restored my self esteem nd am back,better and hotter than before.


my advise to a victim of such is to seprate urself from d bastard nd get a life before u commit sucide or find ur self 6feet below in d name of marriage.

ephee: n
yes i was in an abusive relationship.both verbally nd physical.
i finally left d relationship with my baby nd av neva been this happy .
av restored my self esteem nd am back,better and hotter than before.
my advise to a victim of such is to seprate urself from d bastard nd get a life before u commit sucide or find ur self 6feet below in d name of marriage.

kreamidiva: Op, God bless you. You just wrote the story of my life up there.

Some abusive people use it to slowly drive you nuts. Make u mad and eventually throw you out as a mad person.

I started being unnecessarily forgetful and started having serious migraine too. I was losing my mind. But now , i would never forget where i kept anything and the headaches have stopped completely.

This is completely my story. Including of course the physical assault. From A to Z.

I thank God for liberating me.

Thank God for yous

BABE3: ⦁ "Give your partner the silent treatment for hours, days or even longer to punish him?

⦁Want to have sex after an argument and insist it's because you love her?"


How are these things abusive ? Ever heard of steamy make-up sêx?

First point.

Communication is vital in a relationship. Refusing to talk things out is undermining the very fabric of the relationship. Not only is this a childish, immature way for adults to handle disagreements, it tends to hurt the feelings of the one you're 'punishing', when you refuse to talk things out and ignore their attempts to do so. That's emotional abuse.

Second point.

Steamy, make-up s-x is usually accompanied by billing, cooing, heartfelt apologies and lovey-dovey words. It is different from someone who wants to have s-x, after a big argument, when s/he KNOWS you're not in the mood and coerces or forces you to have s-x, as a way of 'showing love'. It's a form of marital rape. It's also a way of establishing dominance. After such an encounter, the feelings after the act are far from loving. That's the difference and that's abusive -- emotionally and physically. It makes you feel dirty, used and resentful.

Sophyrocks: I am completely immune to emotional abuse because i do not ever create room for such horrid treatment. You can only be treated that way once you allow it and show that it is o.k for you to be treated that way. I can smell a man who has the potential of being abusive from afar o just by having a decent conversation with him.

I came across a man like that last year. He was rather too fast for my liking, coming out too strong, had this domineering aura oozing out of him, was already playing the 'husband' part even though he had not made his intentions known. He also would call me all the time expecting me to pick his calls at the first ring, always wanting to come around and spend the night in my place of which i always vehement refused. If i didnt pick as fast as he wanted, he would nag and nag like an id1ot and an overgrown baby that didnt see breast to suck! i had not started dating the f00l and yet he was already on my neck and bugging me like a parasite!! Suffocating!! Always complaining that i dnt call, bla bla bla. Mehn, I carry my slippers pick race oooo. Up till now, he doesnt understand why i avoided him.

I believe in taking things slow and starting out as friends with a man before accepting to date him. Helps me a lot in avoiding certain kind of men. Being sensitive enough to pick signs of an abusive person is also key. Never ever allow room for abuse from the very begining. once you sense it, you better run!!

I have to agree with your general observations.

In my early dating days, I had some female relatives who held 'Womanhood Training Days' where they schooled the dating females on men to avoid, how to conduct yourself on dates, etc. We even had little skits acted out by some of the older male relatives. Very instructive but hands on training was the best training of all.

What was weird though, these types of man all seem to follow the same basic script. They come on strong, try to 'buy' you, worry the hell out of you, will stalk you, act like they 'own you, will try to 'block' any other man from approaching you, blow up your phone, etc....all before the first official date! lol

As I dated more, I also became quite adept on picking up how 'dangerous' some men were by the level of anxiety I felt when they were around me --that self-protective instinct that many women choose to ignore. Some even creeped me out big time. There was definitely no first date. All communication was cut off. The more stubborn ones only backed off after a little talk from my father, backed up with a 38. lol

That's the very reason a woman shouldn't jump into bed with a man too soon. It's best to hang back and closely study them and even enlist the help of older, more experienced female relatives, if you're unsure about a particular man's true motives and overall character.

This is why some of these predatory jackals prey on young women and not women around their own age. Most young women's self-protective instinct hasn't matured enough, so they stand little or no chance against older, more experienced men like this. This is also why I've never been a fan of most of these May-December romances. They're unbalanced and by their very nature manipulative and leave these young women open to be controlled, exploited, used and abused. They're in an even worse situation, if they marry such men.

But you know how some young women are. They think they know it all and will ignore any good advice and later on wished they'd listened.

So be it!

Experience is the best teacher, if you survive the drive!

zboyd:

First point.

Communication is a vital in a relationship. Refusing to talk things out is undermining the very fabric of the relationship. Not only is this a childish, immature way for adults to handle disagreements, it tends to hurt the feelings of the one you're 'punishing', when you refuse to talk things out and ignore their attempts to do so. That's emotional abuse.

Second point.

Steamy, make-up s-x is usually accompanied by billing, cooing, heartfelt apologies and lovey-dovey words. It is different from someone who wants to have s-x, after a big argument, when s/he KNOWS you're not in the mood and coerces or forces you to have s-x, as a way of 'showing love'. It's a form of marital rape. It's also a way of establishing dominance. After such an encounter, the feelings after the act are far from loving. That's the difference and that's abusive -- emotionally and physically. It makes you feel dirty, used and resentful.

err, they say, "don't speak when you're angry". So I can't cool off and have an alone time when I'm pissed at my partner because "he'd be hurt" by my silence? Isn't that selfishness ? I'll rather not talk till I'm "fit" to talk.


That's the point of make-up sêx; the thrill. At the beginning of the intercourse it may a little rough, but if your man's bed game is amazing, you'd forget about the fight before he cūms.


So, what you consider "abuse" is relative.

BABE3:

err, they say, "don't speak when you're angry". So I can't cool off and have an alone time when I'm pissed at my partner because "he'd be hurt" by my silence? Isn't that selfishness ? I'll rather not talk till I'm "fit" to talk.


That's the point of make-up sêx; the thrill. At the beginning of the intercourse it may a little rough, but if your man's bed game is amazing, you'd forget about the fight before he cūms.


So, what you consider "abuse" is relative.

A cooling off period is understandable but AFTER the argument is what was noted as being emotionally abusive (destructive): "(Do you) give your partner the silent treatment for hours, days or even longer to punish him?"

As for the make-up s-x being rough at the beginning, yeah it's relative to those who don't mind such encounters, after a blowout argument. Others may differ.

zboyd:

I have to agree with your general observations.

In my early dating days, I had some female relatives who held 'Womanhood Training Days' where they schooled the dating females on men to avoid, how to conduct yourself on dates, etc. We even had little skits acted out by some of the older male relatives. Very instructive but hands on training was the best training of all.

What was weird though, these types of man all seem to follow the same basic script. They come on strong, try to 'buy' you, worry the hell out of you, will stalk you, act like they 'own you, will try to 'block' any other man from approaching you, blow up your phone, etc....all before the first official date! lol

As I dated more, I also became quite adept on picking up how 'dangerous' some men were by the level of anxiety I felt when they were around me --that self-protective instinct that many women choose to ignore. Some even creeped me out big time. There was definitely no first date. All communication was cut off. The more stubborn ones only backed off after a little talk from my father, backed up with a 38. lol

That's the very reason a woman shouldn't jump into bed with a man too soon. It's best to hang back and closely study them and even enlist the help of older, more experienced female relatives, if you're unsure about a particular man's true motives and overall character.

This is why some of these predatory jackals prey on young women and not women around their own age. Most young women's self-protective instinct hasn't matured enough, so they stand little or no chance against older, more experienced men like this. This is also why I've never been a fan of most of these May-December romances. They're unbalanced and by their very nature manipulative and leave these young women open to be controlled, exploited, used and abused. They're in an even worse situation, if they marry such men.

But you know how some young women are. They think they know it all and will ignore any good advice and later on wished they'd listened.

So be it!

Experience is the best teacher, if you survive the drive!

Completely agree with you.

Abeg see better thread jor.
Not one where people will tell u abuse him or her back if he abuse u bla bla bla.

What happens to walking away?

It is those that live who usually tell d aftermath of abuse. We all will die one day but how? The one u can control,pls do.
U hv complete control of ur life and is entitled to be happy ur own way.
U feel u r in an abusive relationship emotionally or physically,pls don't wait for any advice, run for ur dear life!

No be that person bring u come this world and without d person u can live.
Haba!

moca: Abeg see better thread jor.
Not one where people will tell u abuse him or her back if he abuse u bla bla bla.

What happens to walking away?

It is those that live who usually tell d aftermath of abuse. We all will die one day but how? The one u can control,pls do.
U hv complete control of ur life and is entitled to be happy ur own way.
U feel u r in an abusive relationship emotionally or physically,pls don't wait for any advice, run for ur dear life!

No be that person bring u come this world and without d person u can live.
Haba!

Na only me waka come.

kreamidiva:


Na only me waka come.

Sweety,how far naw?
I dey come, I dey busy, make we gossip small

moca:
Sweety,how far naw?
I dey come, I dey busy, make we gossip small

Lol. Ashiri woman!

I dey kampe. Come make i open my pandora's box for u.

Hahahaaaa!!
Nne abeg gwuwaa akuoyibo nsugbe sharp sharp!
Akpiri na akpo m dry
Kedu nke na eme na ndu gi ugbu a codedly?

I dey dey do ajibo for my corner
Wetin man go do now.
No time.

moca: Hahahaaaa!!
Nne abeg gwuwaa akuoyibo nsugbe sharp sharp!
Akpiri na akpo m dry
Kedu nke na eme na ndu gi ugbu a codedly?

I dey dey do ajibo for my corner
Wetin man go do now.
No time.

Lol.... nne okwa i ma na e nwere ndi igbo ebe a. Ha ga amata ashiri m na akpara gi.

Hapu ndi mmadu laba ura this night,anyi agba d ashiri wella

Ok. U know what's up
U can look for one isolated section and thread let's gist. Will peep in this nite after every every. Just gbue m na ekwe nti nairaland.

moca: Ok. U know what's up
U can look for one isolated section and thread let's gist. Will peep in this nite after every every. Just gbue m na ekwe nti nairaland.

kreamidiva:

Lol.... nne okwa i ma na e nwere ndi igbo ebe a. Ha ga amata ashiri m na akpara gi.

Hapu ndi mmadu laba ura this night,anyi agba d ashiri wella

no vernacular here.

Where una wan hide?? Asiri 101.

I dey come make i tie my head tie, wear slippers follow una.

Eeeh?
Ok na. Esom gi n'azu. Asiri a agaghi agafe m azu.

Moca

kreamidiva:

Lol.... nne okwa i ma na e nwere ndi igbo ebe a. Ha ga amata ashiri m na akpara gi.

Hapu ndi mmadu laba ura this night,anyi agba d ashiri wella

Chillisauce:



no vernacular here.

Where una wan hide?? Asiri 101.

I dey come make i tie my head tie, wear slippers follow una.

Chilli chilli chilli.

Hapu. Aga m egbu unu nile the gist.

cococandy: Eeeh?
Ok na. Esom gi n'azu. Asiri a agaghi agafe m azu.

Moca

Ndi ashiri ooo....

My kids' dad said i like ashiri too much. I told him that ashiri makes the world go round. Simples.

Umu nwoke na-akpa ashiri ofuduzie umu nwanyi.

See as everybody dey carry seat siddon here

Oya!
Creamy kreamidiva, where u dey!
Report for duty now now.

Abeg, whoever dey around, how can one upgrade seex life?
Which style make sense pass?


Abeg let's chat and learrn.

Tread owner,don't kill moi
U know there is lv in sharing

kreamidiva:



Chilli chilli chilli.

Hapu. Aga m egbu unu nile the gist.

moca: See as everybody dey carry seat siddon here

Oya!
Creamy kreamidiva, where u dey!
Report for duty now now.

Abeg, whoever dey around, how can one upgrade seex life?
Which style make sense pass?


Abeg let's chat and learrn.

Tread owner,don't kill moi
U know there is lv in sharing

Sis,i don report o.

I'm riding solo. Topic not for moi. Celibacy tins...

moca: See as everybody dey carry seat siddon here

Oya!
Creamy kreamidiva, where u dey!
Report for duty now now.

Abeg, whoever dey around, how can one upgrade seex life?
Which style make sense pass?


Abeg let's chat and learrn.

Tread owner,don't kill moi
U know there is lv in sharing

Sis,i dey here o.

Topic ain't for me. I'm riding solo for now. Celibacy tins...

Make i learn kwa maka mgbe m .ga ebido iku ibonge again.

Nne, forget solo o!

moca: Nne, forget solo o!

Lol.... who i wan practise with?

moca: See as everybody dey carry seat siddon here

Oya!
Creamy kreamidiva, where u dey!
Report for duty now now.

Abeg, whoever dey around, how can one upgrade seex life?
Which style make sense pass?


Abeg let's chat and learrn.

Tread owner,don't kill moi
U know there is lv in sharing

Ah ah! Ndi ashiri nile where una dey?

Chilli,coco babe puta nu bia gwa moca how to spice up sex life o...

#looks around thread and doesn't see anyone. Tip toes to one corner and whispers# Moca!Moca!where are u. Come make we gist. Ndi ashiri alaba go. Bia ka m koro gi ihe no on ground ugbua.