One too many times, we hear people say ‘I need a soul mate, someone who can complete me’. This, to me, is one of the most selfish statements I have ever heard.

Firstly, why would anyone want to be with someone who is incomplete? The truth is: we all want better; we are all selfish. Yes, I said it. I say this because I find it hard to imagine ‘Mr Right’ galloping the entire circumference of the earth, frantically searching for an incomplete lady to complete. In fact, ‘Mr Right’ is probably looking for someone to complete him as well!

So what does this make us? Does it mean that we are all lacking, looking for that person who makes us whole? Now, that is a big problem! A steaming bowl of problems, I tell you. What have we been doing with our years? Those years of being ‘single and searching’ was the time to make ourselves as whole as possible.

Before I proceed, I would like to clarify what I mean by ‘complete’ and ‘whole’. A whole or complete woman knows herself and what she stands for. She has figured herself out and does not live under the illusion that she is perfect. She is aware of her imperfections and works hard to make them manageable and much less than her strong points. Now, each strong point is her selling point (D’Prince could not have said it better, ‘‘identify your selling point’’)

So, where do we go from here??

Firstly, know yourself inside out. Be aware of what you like: your pet peeves, principles and what you stand for. Our men define some of us: their best meals are our best meals, their best movie, writer, political views are ours as well, not by chance, but because we are too lazy to study ourselves. We justify this by saying ‘‘He knows me better than I know myself’’. Really? How does that even work? You were you before he even met you!

Secondly, improve yourself. Once you know yourself, it is time to identify your assets and develop them, since this is what you are bringing to the table. Yes, a relationship is just like a business agreement. Take for instance, a business merger. Two companies agree to amalgamate to form a single company in the best interest of both companies. Before this is done, both parties are aware of their individual assets and liabilities (choosing to disclose this is another issue). If one party is bringing all the assets, and the other, nothing, but liabilities, then it is probably going to end up as an acquisition.

I’m sorry if my idea of relationships comes across a tad too serious, but we have to realise that love is really not enough to sustain a relationship from the wooing stage to the ‘till death do us part’ bit. Yep, there’s that.

People fall in and out of love every day, no one wants this, but it happens. In the unfortunate event that this happens (hopefully not), there has to be other things on the table to keep a man with his lady and the lady with him – long enough for them to find their way back to love.

Our relationships should make us better people. Be it marriage, courtship or our everyday friendships. Before we give another the task of completing us, let us do the best job possible by working on ourselves well enough to be able to complement them.


Writer : Mercy A. copied from www.femmelounge.ng

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long post

Lovely.