The way this world is heading a lot of girls are certain to settle for less. Sometimes settling for less might be a good thing, for example: What good is a woman/man that cannot help his or her partner to grow? The best relationships are those in which the participants are aware of their flaws and make conscious decisions to grow each day. Look at most celebrities, their marriages do not last, too much ego, too much fakeness.

@safarigirl - In a perfect world your post would be practicable but let's face it, 9ja girls are victims of their society only a few are actually smart enough to reject their status as victims and aspire for greatness. Most are just too lazy, they prefer waiting for prince charming to sweep them off their feet and lodge them into abundant wealth......OLE

ochon: I'm still wondering why the OP in the thread that lead to the birthing of this thread received so much flak for her thread. Did you bashers read that thread at all? As in, read it slowly, assimilating the post word by word? Because it seems to me most of y'all didn't get what the OP(on that thread) was saying.

Safarigirl, Onyiridike NEVER said ladies should settle for less, she never did!! She said ladies should not be "obsessed" with men's height as a PRIORITY for marriage. You need to check the meaning of the word "obsessed." She's basically saying don't miss out on a good man because he didn't meet up to your "height scale" you've made a MUST criteria for a man you will marry. And she wasn't making it a must, she's just giving an advice. You can choose to STICK to your choice or not, your cup of tea. She talked about missing out on a good and successful man because she listened to naysayers discouraging her even though she liked him.

What that lady is trying to say, is "sometimes you've got to compromise" on certain things. She never said "settle for less." They are entirely two different meanings (I'll explain with a former post of mine from my former diary later on in this post). The truth is, You, I and everyone out there MUST "compromise" at one certain time/stage in our lives. It's a must!!

"Compromising" doesn't mean settling for less. Growing up (even now we're all grown), we all dreamt of a good life, a life of riches and affluence. A life where we'd have to cross our legs on a couch, eat all day and live like kings. A life where we have mansions, drive the poshiest cars, date the finest men/women. A life where we're paid in 6 figures. All these are wishes/dreams. But guess what? At the end of the day, few get to have it such way, majority will end up "compromising" and living their lives as they see it while still hustling to make it big. Most of us dream to be a don like Mike Adenuga. But guess what? Most of us will never get to live that life. So we will work and make sure we are "at least" successful to enjoy the basic amenities of life. It's called "compromising" not "settling for less."

Before I explain with a diary update of mine about what "compromising" and "settling for less" means, let me paint a clear picture with this example. Most of us, if not all, wants to get paid handsomely from their first job; say N200K per month. That's the general wishes. But how many of us get to find such jobs? What we've at the end of the day is people "compromising" and going for the moderately-paying job while seeking for a better paying job. Such people had to compromise to build up their work experience and get better jobs in the future. Which fresh graduate that dreamt of getting paid "N150K" a month will see a "N90K" paying job for a month, and say "no o, I must not settle for less, I must stay unemployed till i get a N150K paying job?" Your guess is as good as mine.

Now to explain what "compromising" and "settling for less" means, here's an excerpt from a diary I used to keep.



P.S: Your issue about the stigma women face in Nigeria has nothing to do with the former thread. This is a whole new discussion which you should bring up in another thread for us to trash it out. And yes, I believe women are facing some stigma when it comes to marriage in Nigeria, but that's another topic entirely.

I think u ar the one that need to go back and reread what the op said. she countered the first op

Safarigirl obviously missed class the day reading comp was taught
I'm still a fan o

GRE® test scores are valid for five years after the testing year in which you tested

shymexx:

That's what's up - someone just has to say the truth. No matter how bitter it's and whose ox is gored. Unlike sissified manginas and white knight who dwell on trying too hard to protect an anonymous image, and massage the non-existent egos of faceless chics on a faceless forum. Tell the truth and save a life - and even if they hate you to saying it as it's, you'll subconsciously change someone's life. I salute you for the courage, brethren/comrade!

Once you start looking at naij families these days, it's somewhat worrisome - especially the single-parent household culture. There are just too many, and I'm beginning to see a pattern, which looks like the dysfunctional vicious cycle that's relative to African American family structure. At least with AAs, you can cite the prison system, gang culture, and drug era - but what's the problem with naija families? When you start analysing things by studying the pattern - you'll find out that Nigerian women are the problem. A lot of them are too promiscuous, and they have this innate tendency of always taking advantage of whatever favours them, to destroy their husbands - scary.

Yes, I don't think Costa is fully fit. I just hope he stays healthy throughout the season - an unfit Costa is still better than the legendary Drogba. And I want to see more from Loic Remi before I jump on his bandwagon.

Lol as with almost all Nigerian women, money seems to be the only motivation for doing anything. Apparently these women gain more from being single parents (in the UK for instance) hence they won't hesitate to break up their marriage, chuck their husbands out & have the house all to themselves so they can freely enjoy their life of promiscuity while the man is left shattered.

Many Nigerian men these days are frustrated, because their lives has been turned into a living hell, they can't do anything but endure if they want to maintain the roof over their heads.

This is why I believe Nigerian women don't deserve to live in a free society, as they abuse it's privileges. They need to be tamed, just like a wild animal, you need to tame it if you wish to domesticate it.

There are more Nigerian women giving their husbands hell in the UK than the other way round, why is this? I don't see this happening in other communities.

I will kill any woman who even dares to make my life miserable, I won't go through that nightmare.


Lol Drogba has had his time, he's earned his legendary status. I'm sure Mourinho won't want to rely too much on costa but lets see what happens. I haven't seen much from Remy so can't really say.

I read your OP and went to the thread you referenced

I think that Onye's post is very beautiful and teaches common sense to ladies.

Her thread just summaries that a tall frame, six packs etc. are not characteristics required to make a good husband neither are curves the requirement for a good wife

She infact encouraged ladies NOT to settle for less by focusing on the real thing

safarigirl: Being born into a society such as the Nigerian one connites certain things for a female.

From the day you can tell your right from your left, you're basically taught to be subservient to men. You're told that your place is in the kitchen and your brothers' place is in front of the television. Most of all, you're told that your only purpose in this world, is to fulfill the desires of some dude, serve him and bear his children. You are not to aspire for anything more and failure to live up to these expectations means failure as a person.

Well, this thread was inspired by a certain thread that was on FP today:

https://www.nairaland.com/1911041/why-nigerian-girls-should-not

Now, the stupidity of this thread is baffling. Basically, it's some lady telling females to settle for less. Telling us that we do not deserve the best and we shouldn't make any efforts to aspire for such because that would be foolhardy.

I honestly sympathise with her that she was unable to get the man of her desires, and eventually chose to settle for Plan B, who in fact was not what she desired, but as they say, when the desirable is not available, the available becomes desirable.

Time and again on Nairaland you find numerous chauvinists telling women basically that they have no opinion, telling us that we ought to dance skelewu because one of these rare species called 'men' looked upon us with pity and decided to marry us. And for those poor souls like Rita Dominic, Linda Ikeji and Genevieve Nnaji who are yet to be honored witha wedding ring? They should keep praying the rosary and hope they don't die 'marriageless'

Marriage is the be all and end all of a woman, therefore, she must settle for a raggamuffin if she hasn't found a gentleman at the ripe 'OLD' age of 27. Once you're through with University, your next bus stop should be a man's house.

Many women have ended up in loveless, frustrating marriages after settling for less, because all your friends got married after University doesn't mean you must marry at that time. Don't be the one whose story ends with 'Had I Known'

Feel free to live a little, keep your head on your shoulders, walk with your chin up, if you want your man to be as tall as Lebron James, don't settle for Tom Cruise, if you want him to be as charming as Antonio Banderas, don't settle for Al Pacino, if you want him to be as fit as CR7, don't settle for Mr. Ibu. If you must settle for less, let it be reasonable, don't go from a Lebron to a Kevin Hart because you're 'getting old and all your mates are married" no be who marry first dey happy pass.

Even the bible says "ask and it shall be given unto you" so if you tell God "I will manage..." He will bless you with a 'manageable' man.

God bless you as you settle with the best

ZUBY77: While you have some good points, you still mixed things up.

This whole thing has to do with the society you were born into.
Things change over time.

The same America you are trying to stamp as the good environment restricted women from voting.
But eventually relaxed the laws that restricted women from doing certain things.

Whether you like it or not, We have males and females on earth.
One is stronger than the other and when you are stronger (America) You decide for the weaker (Iraq, Libya etc).

In African context, a certain law made it that women doesn't get land allocations in their fathers place.
It was made so to encourage marriage.
If you decide not to get married, that's your business buy understand that you are not getting nothing from the Father.
You must either marry or make your own big money.
Even with your money, you are not allowed to have kids in your father's place.

So the marriage thing comes again.

When your desired man is not reachable, you can step down a little.
Yes, men do the same too.
I know thousands of men who wanted to marry Ini Edo but when it didn't work, they didn't go for Angelina Jolie, they stepped down.

So forget your biased opinion.

I have seen your posts where you argue with guys over football, it is something you have the right to do and must be encouraged but to tell your father that you want Brad Pitt or nobody else, then you must go out and look for Brad or don't come back because you can never be the only one who saw Brad on TV.


All in all, knowing when to cash in is important.
God blessed women in such a way that numerous men always come after them whether they are ugly or beautiful, it is left for the girls to be calculative and know when to cash in.

Stop dreaming, we live in a real world.

I concur!

depato88:


u nailed it bro.....afta evry sed n done like my mother used to say " the pride of a woman is her husband"

Actually a woman's pride are her children

.

safarigirl:

Yes, I'm obsessed with tall guys, I'm 5ft.2" so I can't be following some shortie

Akpuka...

safarigirl:
My dad washes his things himself

awwww. woman-wrapper.

100Cents:

I am an average sharp boy who on meeting a new lady, 7 out of 10 will want to go to bed. U know ?

The insincerity of women show once you mention marriage and a good mannered guy is not interested in bedding a woman instantly once it is marriage on his mind.

Ladies tend to exploit the good mannerisms of decent young men whose sole aim of meeting and engaging them in a relationship is marriage. This tends to make this good mannered guy to unleash again his player instincts which he has already jettisoned in search of a life partner.

Guess you get my drift ? Long story cut short,.most single ladies should have been married long ago but greed and insincerity marred their relationships and made either them or the guys to walk away..

Indeed a superman..

But how wud U thk all ladies wud want to go on bed with U dat instant even if U're Dangote's first son??
U mit av hanged around wit sum,played wit sum,interact wit sum,as a matter of fact dated sum..I mean,d fished-brain ones..dat still doesn't implies we all can be like dat!

Settle 4 less or no settle 4 less,we all av our difft qualities we watch out 4..

One thing I'm sure of is,those dat are meant to be together ll definitely be together(4get abt those dat walk away,they aint meant to stay)

Dat'z y prostitutes' still get married & live fine despite their wasted life..
Que sera sera!

Stop abusin & dangradin women 'coz most of Us are created to be pampered' (not all though)

Sehindemi:
Indeed a superman..

But how wud U thk all ladies wud want to go on bed with U dat instant even if U're Dangote's first son??
U mit av hanged around wit sum,played wit sum,interact wit sum,as a matter of fact dated sum..I mean,d fished-brain ones..dat still doesn't implies we all can be like dat!

Settle 4 less or no settle 4 less,we all av our difft qualities we watch out 4..

One thing I'm sure of is,those dat are meant to be together ll definitely be together(4get abt those dat walk away,they aint meant to stay)

Dat'z y prostitutes' still get married & live fine despite their wasted life..

Stop abusin & dangradin women 'coz. most of Us are created to be pampered' (not all though)

Sister, i don't degrade women.

So you tot my post was degrading ?

Sorry, many guys didn't see it that way.

It'd just that women look through there own windows and when we don't look through the same window, we are harsh.

But come to think of it, being nice to women makes man a maga. That's all about my message..

100Cents:
Sister, i don't degrade women.
So you tot my post was degrading ?
Sorry, many guys didn't see it that way.
It'd just that women look through there own windows and when we don't look through the same window, we are harsh.
But come to think of it, being nice to women makes man a maga. That's all about my message..

Oh owk..
*drops my pen*
Don't av maga in my Dico!

/
Idleness dey worry una.

Man and woman matter wey from Adam and Eve person no fit solve, na im all of una dey here dey drag.

\

I have not seen anything wrong with having dreams and ambitions, even when it comes to the domain of who and who not to marry.
As a matter of fact, we men also have such goals as per the kind of woman we want to bear our children.
But there is a banana peel here, for two pertinent reasons.
One, there are some dreams that are JUST unreasonable, and as I grew, I have come to realize that we do not live in utopia. Want to accept it or not, that's the truth.
The fact that a Jada Pinkett married a Will Smith does not make it a rule of thumb for every one. What do YOU have that makes you think you can attract that tall, rich guy? And even when you do,if you don't have the character to match it, its just a matter of time.

Secondly, we are all wired differently, and God has different plans for all of us. If you are destined for a Kevin Hart, with all your dreams, you either be with him or remain single. It s the bitter truth. I have heard of a case whereby the Lord used a vessel to tell a young unmarried lady that she has used her husband as a boyfriend.and to make it worse, they are no longer together.
So let's be careful and wise.

No wonder there are so many unmarried ladies nowadays,its I now I understand better.

CharmO1: Actually a woman's pride are her children

yea. wanna get to to b ur friend. any posible way of contactin u?