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Should Working Wives Share Household Expenses With Their Husbands? - Family (6) - Nairaland

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Re: Should Working Wives Share Household Expenses With Their Husbands? by Odunharry(m): 8:42am On Oct 07, 2014
jaybee3:
Money money money
Na real wa
i dey tel u
Re: Should Working Wives Share Household Expenses With Their Husbands? by kmoneyman: 8:43am On Oct 07, 2014
Of course she should contribute financially if she is working. Afterall d man lends a hand in house chores.
Re: Should Working Wives Share Household Expenses With Their Husbands? by Mclick(m): 8:51am On Oct 07, 2014
I stand on the Bible and model 2 which is the bible model, as that is most sustainable expecially in the present economy. For ladies, nomatter how rich your hubby is, he will always appreciate little help here and there, marriage should be a mutual thing, if each knows his or her duties and play them well, there will be less friction. In some cases you find women providing the most, that doesn't make her the head, that is if she is wise enough to handle it with an understanding man. Meanwhile, real good men will always love, honour, respect and ardour virtuos women.

1 Like

Re: Should Working Wives Share Household Expenses With Their Husbands? by holax: 8:51am On Oct 07, 2014
she must support
Re: Should Working Wives Share Household Expenses With Their Husbands? by belente(m): 8:55am On Oct 07, 2014
Couples responsibilies in marriage is all about undstg. My aunt is d bread winner, but she still d husband
Re: Should Working Wives Share Household Expenses With Their Husbands? by kmoneyman: 8:56am On Oct 07, 2014
cococandy:
Simple.

I detest men who don't remember you're a woman when it comes to collecting your money but will be quick to remind you you're a woman when they want to have their way.
What's so special about a womans moneyThis Stingy character wey una get yet always out make man dey spend undecided
Re: Should Working Wives Share Household Expenses With Their Husbands? by Ejiod(m): 8:57am On Oct 07, 2014
Virtuous woman where are thou?
Re: Should Working Wives Share Household Expenses With Their Husbands? by innocent1(m): 8:58am On Oct 07, 2014
Let me put it this way, the woman is there to assist the man and that is the essence of marriage. If the woman is working she MOST contribute her quota financially if not what will she be doing with the money she earns? Pile it up to take care of herself and her boyfriends?

No reasonable woman will argue this. And no reasonable man will like to make decision all alone in the family. However, the man can handle some of the capital expenditure in the family. Where he need the help of the woman he can ask for. But the re-current expenditures shouldn't be shared. This should be managed by the two of them.
Re: Should Working Wives Share Household Expenses With Their Husbands? by AreaFada2: 9:01am On Oct 07, 2014
blaise26abj:


There are a lot of ways that she can be a helper when his health is concerned. Medication, Food and vacations. Why would he be proud to take a vacation? is it a lowly thing to do? just a trip downtown to a hotel with madam for only a week can do a lot to reduce stress.
.

He probably has to work a lot. He might consider taking such a break as a sign of weakness. Remember he considers paying all the bills as a sigh of being a man/husband. Ego is also at play here.

In my line of work, I see a lot of career high-flyers ending up with a massive heart attack or mental breakdown. In diaspora though. I think such is possible anywhere.
Re: Should Working Wives Share Household Expenses With Their Husbands? by tete7000(m): 9:09am On Oct 07, 2014
Nothing in life is rigid, people should realise the essence of life is happiness. Referring to stories about, will it not make sense people adjust than rather have their marriages collapsed? Will not make sense that husband and wives adjust their views and save their marriages and save their children pain of divorce? Many things people fight about to me are usually unreasonable. I will rather spend my money on my home than keep it in bank and have my marriage collapsed? My take though.
Re: Should Working Wives Share Household Expenses With Their Husbands? by MilitaryMinded(m): 9:09am On Oct 07, 2014
Marriage is very dynamic. Any model can work in any marriage. Mr and Mrs A can use model A and Mr and Mrs B can use model B. As long as there is love, happiness, mutual respect, it doesn't matter which of the above model is used.
Re: Should Working Wives Share Household Expenses With Their Husbands? by biggmusty(m): 9:18am On Oct 07, 2014
Its okay if a woman decide to contribute to a marriage bt ha husband shouldn't force ha cos its ha choice to make, bt having equal decision making right well depend on d husband. Some dnt mind while some do u cnt blame either of dem. In my own opinion I fink women should av a say bt dey should av it in mind dat d husband av d final say.. Our african culture state dat "a woman nd all she have belong to d husband" nd am sure most religion state dat too... Na oyimbo jux dey cos trouble
Re: Should Working Wives Share Household Expenses With Their Husbands? by Meggy007(f): 9:20am On Oct 07, 2014
When I see issues like this I begin to wonder what dating/courtship is all bout. I mean if people will team up (for the right reasons) yu'll know yur partners spending habit while yur dating.

For instance yur with a girl who never gets yu anything on specials days or ordinarily and yu as a man complains but she doesn't budge and yu go ahead and marry her. Then don't friggin complain when it she keeps her earnings to herself as yur wife!(Model 1)

Yur good to your man,get him stuffs when necessary,show him you care in more ways than one,which probably he appreciates, but he never sees reasons with you on serious issues yu both thrash out, una come marry, ehn, swallow yur cross and endure when he appreciates yur money but not yur brains(model 2)

Or yur that girl who your man refuses your gifts or any monetary assistance yu give to him(yu go dey think say na lobe and be blushing from ear to ear at that time and be bragging to yur friends how yur man don't let yur fEet touch the ground)una come marry, then he works his butt half dead to keep his family going insisting yu keep yur money, just STFU and carry yur burden!!!(Model 3)

Yuv got brains ladies and gents,use it when picking your man or woman for life,and above all PUT GOD FIRST in dating and after

Ps:greatgod2012 lady and d one who's got loving parents after 50yrs, you both DOPE.
CHEERY SHOUTOUT to my momma who's the pillar of me crib todei.you're my inspiration! And dad,me love you plenty too.

3 Likes

Re: Should Working Wives Share Household Expenses With Their Husbands? by kunletoks(m): 9:22am On Oct 07, 2014
Slim101:
Mine shd be scenario 4:
My wife and I both contribute our quota to d welfare of d household, kids and family projects. But she wants me to make every decision which could be burdensome sometimes.
Most times she calls me to ask what to cook, which of our accounts she should lodge money (we have diff accounts but we both have access to all our atm cards and PINs).
She even somtimes asks me what to do with her salary. I always encourage her to make at least some decisions without waiting for me but she won't budge. She believes all decisions that concerns us shd be made or sanctioned by me.
This often wears me out but I'll marry her over again 3million times.

May God continue to bless ur family.

1 Like

Re: Should Working Wives Share Household Expenses With Their Husbands? by dabossman(m): 9:33am On Oct 07, 2014
I say whatever works for you and your spouse. There is no one size fits all approach. You and your partner need to discover what works for you, preferably during courtship\dating. None of the models are wrong if both partners already have a mutual understanding that its the model that works for them.

In my own home, I take responsibility for the family upkeep, especially for major expenses like rent, school fees, utility bills, feeding and maintenance for things like the car, gen and other amenities. I don't demand that my wife contribute from her salary, but the beautiful thing is that she contributes anyway. She goes out and buys stuff she feels we need. She buys clothes for our kid, buys groceries extra groceries that I might miss and even buys stuff for me (recently got me two wristwatches). Whenever I'm short on cash for any particular expense, she usual chips in and I'm not too proud to ask. I usual try to pay her back; sometimes she refuses, saying we are in this together. I'm too glad to have her save the bulk of her income for the rainy day. Let that be our back up. Wise woman that she is; she invests it for better returns. I also have a percentage I save too though. It works fine for us.

When it comes to decision-making, we discuss together. We weigh the pros and cons, air our opinions and talk things through. Where there are strong differences in opinion, and there will be because we have different upbringings, we try to reach a compromise. Sometimes we don't. But somebody has to bite the bullet, the buck must stop on someone's table, someone must make the game call, and that is me as team leader.

Like someone said earlier we make decisions together, then I have to take ultimate responsibility. When there are contentious issues, my wife usually defers to me. I have goofed a few times, but even then she know I took that step because I believe it was the best at the time, and I'm not to proud to admit in retrospect that I was wrong. And even when I decide to do anything the way she suggested and it goes wrong, I don't blame her but still take responsibility for taking the final decision.

Like I said, it works for us. I do not resent her, but love and adore her. She's my number one cheerleader. My queen who makes me feel like a King.

It may not work for others. Find what works for you.

8 Likes

Re: Should Working Wives Share Household Expenses With Their Husbands? by Nobody: 9:36am On Oct 07, 2014
Na WA o
Re: Should Working Wives Share Household Expenses With Their Husbands? by saymalcolm(m): 9:40am On Oct 07, 2014
ocelot2006:



Point of correction, Marriage is NOT a partnership.

If marriage is not a partnership, pray tell what it is then?

1 Like

Re: Should Working Wives Share Household Expenses With Their Husbands? by Emmalot121(m): 9:40am On Oct 07, 2014
greatgod2012:
It's obvious and unfortunate that many don't really understand what marriage is all about.
Marriage is all about partnership, teamwork, in everything, every aspect and every area in love, understanding and empathy.
Marriage is not about one-man battalion, it's about two people working as one in every area that involves their marriage and lives.
If, as wife, you really love your husband, with understanding and empathy, you will realise that it's "unmarriage"(formed by me) to saddle your husband with all the financial responsibilities, apart from the fact that it isn't good for his health, it shows that you yourself aint committed to being teamed up with your husband, (selfishness)which sooner than later, may brings up unhealthy marital relationship to spring up.

Similarly, if, as a husband, if you really love your wife and see her as part of you, you will involve her in every decision to be taken at home, and in your life, when it comes to household matters, you will know that you're both one and act accordingly. You will see her as part of you that mustn't be neglected or abandoned.
At the end of the day, both parties enjoy their commitment towards each other and peace reigns absolutely.
Is marriage defined as relationship btw just 2 people, or have u forgotten polygamy exist? undecided
Re: Should Working Wives Share Household Expenses With Their Husbands? by abbakacici: 9:46am On Oct 07, 2014
innocent1:
Let me put it this way, the woman is there to assist the man and that is the essence of marriage. If the woman is working she MOST contribute her quota financially if not what will she be doing with the money she earns? Pile it up to take care of herself and her boyfriends.

most Nigerian men have ego, they believe that their wives contributing financially as a greater failure. that is why no matter even if the wife want to help the husband will not accept it, reason because men believed that when the wives contributing financially thus they must take part in all decision making and also the money will be family money not his money, most men hate second mostly because all his personal expenses will become useless thus not necessary, yes in defence to ladies most of personal expenses are important in general but man food is another man poison therefore the golf or polo equipment or paying extra to watch all the sport channels etc are very important and my wive contributing financially he has explain expenses like that to her which men hate. furthermore some men like helping other people especially his family a lot and if she contributing financially he might ask him to step back on the help so that they can save more for a rainy days
Re: Should Working Wives Share Household Expenses With Their Husbands? by dabossman(m): 9:48am On Oct 07, 2014
AreaFada2:
.

He probably has to work a lot. He might consider taking such a break as a sign of weakness. Remember he considers paying all the bills as a sigh of being a man/husband. Ego is also at play here.

In my line of work, I see a lot of career high-flyers ending up with a massive heart attack or mental breakdown. In diaspora though. I think such is possible anywhere.

This usually isn't because people are working too hard just to provide for the family, but because today's workplace demands too much of employees. It worse in a country like Nigeria where Labour Laws are not enforced. Even the working woman is not spared. Many working wives are made to work long hour and even weekends, usually leaving them with little time for family and health issues too.
Re: Should Working Wives Share Household Expenses With Their Husbands? by drololaaof: 9:49am On Oct 07, 2014
It is a pity that many do not understand what marriage is. It is a union of partnership. Holy scripture tell us a good wife know how to take care of her home. Most decision making process of the house and the family are being made by the good,gentle and knowledgeable wife before the pronouncements by the husband/father those women complaining should go back to the drawing board to learn how to manage their hubby

1 Like

Re: Should Working Wives Share Household Expenses With Their Husbands? by abbakacici: 9:54am On Oct 07, 2014
dabossman:
I say whatever works for you and your spouse. There is no one size fits all approach. You and your partner need to discover what works for you, preferably during courtship\dating. None of the models are wrong if both partners already have a mutual understanding that its the model that works for them.

In my own home, I take responsibility for the family upkeep, especially for major expenses like rent, school fees, utility bills, feeding and maintenance for things like the car, gen and other amenities. I don't demand that my wife contribute from her salary, but the beautiful thing is that she contributes anyway. She goes out and buys stuff she feels we need. She buys clothes for our kid, buys groceries extra groceries that I might miss and even buys stuff for me (recently got me two wristwatches). Whenever I'm short on cash for any particular expense, she usual chips in and I'm not too proud to ask. I usual try to pay her back; sometimes she refuses, saying we are in this together. I'm too glad to have her save the bulk of her income for the rainy day. Let that be our back up. Wise woman that she is; she invests it for better returns. I also have a percentage I save too though. It works fine for us.

When it comes to decision-making, we discuss together. We weigh the pros and cons, air our opinions and talk things through. Where there are strong differences in opinion, and there will be because we have different upbringings, we try to reach a compromise. Sometimes we don't. But somebody has to bite the bullet, the buck must stop on someone's table, someone must make the game call, and that is me as team leader.

Like someone said earlier we make decisions together, then I have to take ultimate responsibility. When there are contentious issues, my wife usually defers to me. I have goofed a few times, but even then she know I took that step because I believe it was the best at the time, and I'm not to proud to admit in retrospect that I was wrong. And even when I decide to do anything the way she suggested and it goes wrong, I don't blame her but still take responsibility for taking the final decision.

Like I said, it works for us. I do not resent her, but love and adore her. She's my number one cheerleader. My queen who makes me feel like a King.

It may not work for others. Find what works for you.
although some men will make decision together with their wives but when the wife buy stuff for the house or the kids the husband try to paid them back a friend of mine just deposit the money in her account because he know she will not accepted it directly but she hate it,
Re: Should Working Wives Share Household Expenses With Their Husbands? by freecocoa(f): 10:25am On Oct 07, 2014
We are called partners for a reason.

We won't model after any other marriage, we'll find what works for us and use it.

1 Like

Re: Should Working Wives Share Household Expenses With Their Husbands? by Cutesexy1(f): 10:27am On Oct 07, 2014
Of course they should,65 percent for the husband and 35 for the wifey,i think it fair enough.
Re: Should Working Wives Share Household Expenses With Their Husbands? by okabe(m): 10:41am On Oct 07, 2014
Cutesexy1:
Of course they should,65 percent for the husband and 35 for the wifey,i think it fair enough.
Lol, u r funny, I'll b sure 2 contact u 2 do dat calculation 4 me wen I tie d knot *smh*
Re: Should Working Wives Share Household Expenses With Their Husbands? by haibe(m): 11:08am On Oct 07, 2014
dabossman:
I say whatever works for you and your spouse. There is no one size fits all approach. You and your partner need to discover what works for you, preferably during courtship\dating. None of the models are wrong if both partners already have a mutual understanding that its the model that works for them.

In my own home, I take responsibility for the family upkeep, especially for major expenses like rent, school fees, utility bills, feeding and maintenance for things like the car, gen and other amenities. I don't demand that my wife contribute from her salary, but the beautiful thing is that she contributes anyway. She goes out and buys stuff she feels we need. She buys clothes for our kid, buys groceries extra groceries that I might miss and even buys stuff for me (recently got me two wristwatches). Whenever I'm short on cash for any particular expense, she usual chips in and I'm not too proud to ask. I usual try to pay her back; sometimes she refuses, saying we are in this together. I'm too glad to have her save the bulk of her income for the rainy day. Let that be our back up. Wise woman that she is; she invests it for better returns. I also have a percentage I save too though. It works fine for us.

When it comes to decision-making, we discuss together. We weigh the pros and cons, air our opinions and talk things through. Where there are strong differences in opinion, and there will be because we have different upbringings, we try to reach a compromise. Sometimes we don't. But somebody has to bite the bullet, the buck must stop on someone's table, someone must make the game call, and that is me as team leader.

Like someone said earlier we make decisions together, then I have to take ultimate responsibility. When there are contentious issues, my wife usually defers to me. I have goofed a few times, but even then she know I took that step because I believe it was the best at the time, and I'm not to proud to admit in retrospect that I was wrong. And even when I decide to do anything the way she suggested and it goes wrong, I don't blame her but still take responsibility for taking the final decision.

Like I said, it works for us. I do not resent her, but love and adore her. She's my number one cheerleader. My queen who makes me feel like a King.

It may not work for others. Find what works for you.

Wow I love your marriage oo, nice model.
Re: Should Working Wives Share Household Expenses With Their Husbands? by madan(f): 11:31am On Oct 07, 2014
cococandy:
Simple.

I detest men who don't remember you're a woman when it comes to collecting your money but will be quick to remind you you're a woman when they want to have their way.
Re: Should Working Wives Share Household Expenses With Their Husbands? by publicenemy(m): 11:35am On Oct 07, 2014
MarvellousGod:
I don't stand anywhere! !!!!

I want to work and contribute to my family projects/expenses. .

AND

I must make decisions with my husband, I must have a say.. we must talk things over, he can't just decide alone.... Nobody has the final say in a marriage, decisions should be reached by both couples. ..

QED


*modified*
See them mentioning me. angry angry
if your wife can't participate in decision making, then why marrying her?? undecided undecided Does anyone need to tell you to involve your wife in decision making when the effects of those decisions are going to be borne by both of you? If you think taking decisions alone in your home makes you a man, then I only but pity your wife who's irrelevant in her own home.

btw, why are you men not disputing my first point?? undecided undecided

Please can i marry you ?
grin grin grin grin .

But think the man should always have an edge in the final say thing,but it depends on how reasonable and responsible he is in his decision making.
Take for instance..I heard a woman narrate her ordeal on air on a radio station.

She and her husband was travelling at night with their kids in the car,they drove past about 4 guys whose vehicle broke down on the high way and the wife begged the husband to stop and help them,her husband refused stating that they could be criminals but the wife was insistent and unhappy and the husband not wanting to offend the wife by having the #FINAL SAY stopped and drove back to the guys. As soon as her husband got down and approached the guys to help them out one of the guys brought out a gun and shot him on the spot and he died.they were robbed of everything,kicked out of the vehicle and the robbers drove of with the vehicle.Today she is a widow working in the church just to get food to take care of her kids.
As much as i appreciate ur post and love your mentality you need to know that women are naturally emotional and are very likely to make decision based on emotion and when your husband is always succombing to you wishes in decision making,trust me even you will see him as less a man and that isnt good news.so sometimes your husband just have to overule ur decision,have you upset,apolohise and make you understand why he had to do that and as a wife you have to stand by him regardless of the fallout from that decision.

But you are absolutely right,both parties should make the decisions.

I really love your post,not many Nigerian ladies think that way.
Re: Should Working Wives Share Household Expenses With Their Husbands? by touche(m): 11:36am On Oct 07, 2014
I believe there's no particular standard. The couple should discuss and agree on this subject before even getting married in the first place undecided
Re: Should Working Wives Share Household Expenses With Their Husbands? by dabossman(m): 11:37am On Oct 07, 2014
MarvellousGod:
I don't stand anywhere! !!!!

I want to work and contribute to my family projects/expenses. .

AND

I must make decisions with my husband, I must have a say.. we must talk things over, he can't just decide alone.... Nobody has the final say in a marriage, decisions should be reached by both couples. ..

QED


*modified*
See them mentioning me. angry angry
if your wife can't participate in decision making, then why marrying her?? undecided undecided Does anyone need to tell you to involve your wife in decision making when the effects of those decisions are going to be borne by both of you? If you think taking decisions alone in your home makes you a man, then I only but pity your wife who's irrelevant in her own home.

btw, why are you men not disputing my first point?? undecided undecided

Personally, the only part of your comment I don't totally agree with is saying "nobody has the final say". Somebody must make the game call and be responsible for it ultimately.

I'll give an example. Recently my wife and I had a three day long argument about letting our child resume school after the whole Ebola scare. Left to her the kid won't resume till January when we can be 100% sure all is well. I was of the opinion that it was now safe to go back to school and that the Ebola situation had been largely contained successfully. I told her I understood her concerns but I believe her position was based largely on fear and some misconceptions. I didn't see why the kid should lose a whole term on that basis. At the end of the day I had to make the call. She concurred grudgingly, and the child is back in school. Like I said in my previous post, it doesn't mean I don goof sometimes, but my wife knows I made the final call with good intentions after considering all our different opinions. And I admit it when I goof.

There have also been issues where I said "you know what, we'll do It your way". If things go wrong I don't blame her. I still take responsibility for making the call to do it her way. That's what is expected of a team leader, be it a CEO, football coach or hubby\parent. Someone must make the game call, otherwise issues will remain pending forever.

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