Please all, I need your candid advice.

I took in for my boyfriend, immediately, he came with his family for d introduction ceremony. We were supposed to marry immediately too, but it never happened and I ve been living wit him ever since. Now, I ve given birth, d baby is 3months old and my mum and siblings re asking me to come back home and start a new life. I can't go back because of shame as they ve already announced to our neighbours that I am married! What do I do?

Do a court wedding

pickabeau1:
Do a court wedding

on someone who is not ready to marry her?

The man is not ready

pickabeau1:
Do a court wedding

he said they don't do court wedding. In their family

dominion247:
he said they don't do court wedding. In their family

Whats the basis of the marriage then. court is important for legal reasons.

You may need to go back home or else one day he will chase you out

dominion247:
Please all, I need your candid advice.

I took in for my boyfriend, immediately, he came with his family for d introduction ceremony. We were supposed to marry immediately too, but it never happened and I ve been living wit him ever since. Now, I ve given birth, d baby is 3months old and my mum and siblings re asking me to come back home and start a new life. I can't go back because of shame as they ve already announced to our neighbours that I am married! What do I do?

Is this the same Mum who cursed you/loved money more than you? https://www.nairaland.com/1186160/how#14169405


If yes, move closer to God...


Good thing your husband is still communicating with you. His own people-pleasing mentality get small comma, but if the reason he is still waiting is financially related and the grand wedding he is planning is not going to the family drinking garri for the next 3 months after the wedding, please bear with him and encourage him and don't relent in your role as the neck holding the head.

What tribe are u from?
Let him go and pay your bride price. The celebrations can come later.

Or is there another reason why he isn't ready?

Wait o, are u telling us everything? I hope you didn't railroad him into doing introduction with the pregnancy? Why do your parents want you to come back home despite the shame it will obviously cause? What's the real issue dear?

He needs to open up about the reasons for the delay in wedding preparations. Have you asked him about this?Are his reasons financial? What does he do for a living? Are you absolutely sure he agreed to marry you or is he being forced to do so?

Better go back now before it gets too late.Before you know it,you won carry another belle then your eyes will see clearly.Put shame aside and go back home to your family.At least they are ready to have you back. If he wants to marry you,he should come there.He is already seeing himself as married to you.If you don't know where you are heading to,at least you know where you are coming from.Make hay while the sun still shines.

Please leave this guy's house till he pays your bride price. Why will he pay for something he is getting for free? Its either you move back home or get your own place, but no matter what you do, know that people will always talk. Why hasnt he married her properly? What is she doing in her parents house? She is a slut thats why she stays alone. Why hasnt she upgraded her educational qualifications? She is a witch. Etc.

Hope you get my drift. Make decisions based on what is best for you and not what people will say, their life is not any better. The people who matter dont give a damn and those who give a damn dont matter.

Sophyrocks:
He needs to open up about the reasons for the delay in wedding preparations. Have you asked him about this?Are his reasons financial? What does he do for a living? Are you absolutely sure he agreed to marry you or is he being forced to do so?

financial reasons. He lost his job

Busybody2:



Is this the same Mum who cursed you/loved money more than you? https://www.nairaland.com/1186160/how#14169405


If yes, move closer to God...


Good thing your husband is still communicating with you. His own people-pleasing mentality get small comma, but if the reason he is still waiting is financially related and the grand wedding he is planning is not going to the family drinking garri for the next 3 months after the wedding, please bear with him and encourage him and don't relent in your role as the neck holding the head.

r yes! Y should she move closer to God? Just asking

I dnt comment on such case. Let me call my babe for u. HADIZY......

dominion247:
financial reasons. He lost his job

Then you have to go back to your parents till he picks up. Its senseless of you to expect a wedding when his source of income is gone na. The way some women reason sef na wa!! Forcing men to marry at all cost!!! No job and you are still expecting a wedding?

Leave His house and return to your parents, or you could rent an apartment of your own. The second option should only come into play if you have a source of income.

You should know people would always have something to say. That's why they've got mouths. It's left for you to either ignore them or let their words get to you. The choice is yours.

If you think you can't ignore them, you could as well, you know, play along and tell them you're married.

Just do the right thing. If not for anything, at least for your baby.

Tell them you are divorced.

what i dont get here is if he is not willing to marry you or he is not willing to do some spending. Honestly if it does seem that he is not gonna marry u, jes leave already. The shame you are running from will only accumulate when you find out that he is jes keeping you for nothing. More so, I think you should care less about what people say. Your happiness is paramount

dominion247:
financial reasons. He lost his job

How about you? Do you have a job/source of earning?
Now that both of you are already living together, who takes care of the financial needs of the family?

Introduction is different from marriage, immediately after intro you took in and move in with him, don't go back to your parents house just bear with him until he's buoyant to do the needful.

I stil dont understand the reason why you cant do court wedding and continue your married life

idu1:
I dnt comment on such case. Let me call my babe for u. HADIZY......

Thanks

But so sorry don't want to spit out what I have to say as it can get to the Op's Heart. Let me thus put it this way sounding euphemistic, let her go towards the single mother lane

dominion247:
he said they don't do court wedding. In their family

Is he from Mbaisee?

dominion247:
he said they don't do court wedding. In their family

Is he from Mbaise?

Hadizy:


Thanks

But so sorry don't want to spit out what I have to say as it can get to the Op's Heart.

Let me thus put it this way sounding euphemistic, let herho towards the single mother lane

ok dear

Give me just one reason you moved into a man's house that aint your hubby? And your parents allowed that? And now they want you to come home? Smh

Anyways, if you think the shame of moving to your parents house will be toomuch, then rent an apartment, even if its self contain and give yourself some fuc-king dignity!

Did you say he said they don't do Court marriage in his family? And you believe that bullcrap? Lol. So, the norm in his family is to "give girl belle, then put am for house"? You are just wasting your time playing wifey to him. That man aint getting married (atleast to you) anytime soon. Why would he even be in a haste to get married to you? When you are already "his wife", playing a wifey's role to the fullest. O'girl, the earilier you start "re arranging" your life, the better for you.

Men that really want to get married donot give excuses. Court wedding doesn't cost an arm and leg. Neither will an indoor bride price payment make him break the Bank.

Let your parents talk to him if you are incapable of doing so.
If you go back home there is no shame. The initial shame you may experience will pass once you take the bold step to live a day, two days and third day.
You could also say you guys are divorced.
Also understand that once you move out, he may not take you back.
Once the child has been born I don't think there is nothing compelling him to want to marry you anymore.
Marriage is fast becoming a thing of the past. In it's importance, it's relevance and it's value.

@OP:

You said he has lost his job so for now, the wedding has to be on hold.

Finances aside, is he interested in formalizing your relationship? If yes, what way; Traditional? Church/Mosque blessing? since court wedding is a taboo in their family .

Let us go back to the foundation: How do you two meet? Where you friends with benefits, pregnancy showed and you decided you must make it formal? Was there marriage in the pipeline before baby came? Is he someone you would have married babies aside?

Please respond.

He is willing to. No money
He wants a grand wedding. Not patch patch

The lady in question resigned when she wz pregnant

dominion247:
The lady in question resigned when she wz pregnant

The reason i dont like to waste my time commenting on some threads.....why not say its someones problem instead of saying it as if its yours....sometimes people bring up stories from radio, tv programmes and open a thread about it pretending they are the ones involved when in actual sense they dont even know the the real person having the challenge....na wao

whatever...enjoy your thread