I Need Help To Build My Self-Esteem - Family - Nairaland
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| I Need Help To Build My Self-Esteem by EmptinexTune(m): 10:58pm On Oct 20, 2014 |
Have always hated myself but not as much as i do now.My bf left me for reasons best known t him.I kept asking him wat i did wrong but he wont say.He kept telling me he loves me but he doesnt wnt me anymore. Why would sm1 who loves u nd wants you reject you all of a sudden.I thought it was bcus of myself.I started hating me so much.I bcame scared t look at d mirror for fear of wat i wuld see.I started wishing i were sm1 else "mayb if my hips had been wider" "if only i were more prettier" "if only i had been light skinned" "if only i were more intelligent" Those words kept ringing in my head. I stopped going out.Wenever i go out,i walk with my head down.I was scared dat any1 who sees my face is going t hate me.It bcame difficult for me t make frnds.I was scared of getting attached t any1 cus i knw dey were still going t hate me. I thought of committing suicide but i just culdnt do it cus am a christian.B4 going t sleep anyday anytime,i prayed t God t take my life.Wenever i wake and see dat am still alive,i cry t God asking Him y He hates me so much,y He wont take my life.I felt mayb He didnt wnt me in His kingdom.I thought He was also rejecting me. Since i found out d reason y my bf left me,av been trying t build my self-esteem.Its over 3yrs now.i need help plz.No matter how pretty i look i will nt see myself as sm1 who is pretty.i dnt think i can do anything good.I blv no1 can ever love me completely.I really wnt t change my way of thinking. |
| Re: I Need Help To Build My Self-Esteem by amokeme(f): 11:04pm On Oct 20, 2014 |
So the whole self esteem thingy is because of ur ex  |
| Re: I Need Help To Build My Self-Esteem by EmptinexTune(m): 11:12pm On Oct 20, 2014 |
amokeme:partly |
| Re: I Need Help To Build My Self-Esteem by politricks: 11:13pm On Oct 20, 2014 |
IMO, Only you can get yourself out of this.All you need to do is to re-discover yourself remember that 'you are what you make of yourself'.I am sure there are guys out there that deserves and will love you better than your ex.Just have self confidence hold your head highiTry this but if symthoms persist after 1 week consult your doctor. |
| Re: I Need Help To Build My Self-Esteem by EmptinexTune(m): 11:21pm On Oct 20, 2014 |
politricks:i av done dis and many odas. Doctor??..are u suggesting dat i consult a shrink |
| Re: I Need Help To Build My Self-Esteem by Nobody: 11:27pm On Oct 20, 2014 |
I can only advise that you look for something you're good at and is interesting to you, focus your energy on that and make good friends who are good in such activities too. |
| Re: I Need Help To Build My Self-Esteem by politricks: 11:28pm On Oct 20, 2014 |
EmptinexTune:No consult a counselor instead. |
| Re: I Need Help To Build My Self-Esteem by amokeme(f): 11:28pm On Oct 20, 2014 |
EmptinexTune:This is really sad  nobody can make you feel bad without ur permission. Letting yourself wallow in self pity and depression is all your fault not your ex, and its not healthy atall.shake those feelings off, do things that makes you happy, take urself out, surround urself with happy people, make friend! Dont be scared to do what normal people do and pray to God abt it, you ll be fine  |
| Re: I Need Help To Build My Self-Esteem by EmptinexTune(m): 11:34pm On Oct 20, 2014 |
amokeme:Tnx a lot..m nt surrounded by happy pple,i dnt av tym t go out.i work long hours..m nt happy wer i work.i guess my environment z also affecting my self esteem |
| Re: I Need Help To Build My Self-Esteem by EmptinexTune(m): 11:36pm On Oct 20, 2014 |
politricks:if i had knwn where t find a counsellor,i wuld av gone a long time ago. |
| Re: I Need Help To Build My Self-Esteem by politricks: 11:39pm On Oct 20, 2014 |
EmptinexTune:Well this is how far i can go.I wish you all the best. 3 Likes |
| Re: I Need Help To Build My Self-Esteem by dytbabe: 11:44pm On Oct 20, 2014 |
In this jet age? Low self esteem? Gal u need rock ursef as a whole Bring out that happy u When u look good, there's this beauty in and out Chai, with this my big stomach, I don't give room for anyth less I hit mehn |
| Re: I Need Help To Build My Self-Esteem by Nobody: 11:46pm On Oct 20, 2014 |
Op, your problem is you give other people too much power over you, your decisions and your emotions. You place your happiness in the hands of others. The more you care too much about what people say or think of you, the more you become powerless and feel inferior. The more also will your self esteem go down. The issue of self esteem starts with you. You MUST make up your mind to see yourself as a Beautiful, strong lady capable of making decisions to make yourself happy. You MUST stop placing your happiness in others including in men you date. Your self esteem MUST NEVER depend on your partner. Apart from God, No one should have such power over you. Only you can TRULY make yourself happy. There are ladies with not so perfect bodies yet they carry themselves well, dress well, look attractive still, take good care of themselves and they tell themsellves that they are beautiful no matter what people say. Just because of the confidence they have in themselves, men get attracted to them. Do you know that just having confidence within you could make you very attractive? Your carriage, the way you confidently speak? You will see that some men look beyond the physical and choose to stick to that one woman who stands out. If a man doesnt like how you look, stay away from him!! So my dear, learn to be Confident no matter how you look. Any man who makes you feel otherwise should have no bizness with you. You should have no bizness with negative people or people who constantly put you down. You should never try to change into someone that you are not for anybody!!! People will always wanna put you down no matter what. You do good, they will talk. you do bad, they will still talk. Do your best and leave the rest!! They only spew mere words. Dnt allow mere words get to you. From now on, FORCE that confidence out of you. Look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that no matter the mistakes you make, no matter who says what, you are gonna keep being yourself, keep being beautiful, have fun and socialise. Always be positive. A woman with a very low self esteem is very unattractive. Your Ex is gone. Fine. Open doors for others. Soldier go, soldier come. 6 Likes |
| Re: I Need Help To Build My Self-Esteem by Nobody: 11:56pm On Oct 20, 2014 |
Basically, I think this has more to do with depression, than just self-esteem issues. You might have to go see your GP, and perhaps book a few counselling classes - before it gets more acute. Once suicidal thoughts start getting involved, with your conscious mind, getting medical help is always the best option. Also, you need to start loving yourself for who you're, and embrace the uniqueness of your existence on this planet. Don't worry about your flaws, because we're all flawed, and that's what makes you human. And endeavour to go out more, and do things you naturally love doing. Things that make you joyous with a fulfilling smile on your face. Don't allow yourself to be a slave to emotions induced by what-ifs/why people you gave everything to left you. You people will always come into your life, and leave. So, you need to have that at the back of your mind at all times. Nothing lasts forever - and he left you because it wasn't meant to be. Get yourself together and go conquer the world - the world is yours. Let me share one thing my dad told me at age 13, and those words kind of guide how I've led my life since then. He said, "there's going to be a time when your mum and I won't be here anymore, and your siblings would've their own families and responsibilities. So, you need to start preparing for that now, and try as much as possible to always prepare your mind for that period/time when those you love and care about won't be there anymore, or would leave you for another phase in their journey on this planet." Change is the only constant thing in life. Most times when people change, and move on, it has nothing to do with you. It's just a new phase/chapter in their lives. And you also need to move on. The only thing you can do is cherish the good moments you had together - but don't ever fault yourself for other people's personal choices. When you start doing that, you're going to do more harm to yourself. “Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.” - Dr. Seuss 4 Likes |
| Re: I Need Help To Build My Self-Esteem by JEITO: 11:56pm On Oct 20, 2014 |
My sister! Hmmm... Thankgod you didn't commit suicide else you would have died a defeated girl. But for your self esteem issue, your bf didn't leave you becos you weren't goodlooking, perhaps he left becos you lack self confidence and always talk down on yourself. Do you know hw it feels for him to be hyping u b4 his guys-men yet you display the exact opposite of what he talks about? If you become more beautiful, more educated, richer, fairer and all the other qualities you have been desiring, and your mentality is still mediocre, then you'll still be in the same state if not worse considering that you now have these physical qualities yet can't seem to keep people around you. Don't be in haste to get into another relationship. Infact if any guy comes now, tell him "no" so that you can build yourself up else you might just end up in another broken relationship. I will suggest you get a life coach or mentor with sound Biblical knowledge that you can interact with one on one because if your case is as serious as it sounds, then you may not give the quality of help you desire here on NL. Since you are a christian, I'll advise you go through the scriptures and see what God says about you as his child. But importantly, you MUST start believing and loving yourself. If you talk down on yourself, how do you expect another to talk good of you. Mind you, the words you say about yourself, have the most effect on your life and not what others say or feel about you. And as you think of yourself, so are you. Stop bothering with your physical appearance and start focusing on your Spiritual as well as mental appearance. Btw, if you check around you, you'll find out there are so many people that you are better looking, more knowledgeable, richer, fairer, higher placed than yet they still walk with their heads held high. Abi u wan fall for gutter befor u go look up ni Flog that thought outa ya mind jor. You are just afraid to break out of your comfort and the sooner you do that the better for you. Abi you don't know timid/low self esteemed girls are the girls guys take advantage of the most? You live on the knife edge and try by all means to please a guy and he might just end up demeaning you. Even if you end up married, you won't enjoy your marriage unless you break free from this mental prison you've put yourself in. 1 Like |
| Re: I Need Help To Build My Self-Esteem by Glowstone(m): 12:18am On Oct 21, 2014 |
Your problem is spiritual |
| Re: I Need Help To Build My Self-Esteem by Nobody: 6:14am On Oct 21, 2014 |
Op,lemme say something about myself. When I was young,I fell from the stairs,which affected my walking slightly (noticeable). Even at that,in school,I dated the most beautiful girl,my fiancee now is a professional model,to tell you how beautiful she's . Never look down on yourself,believe in yourself. Be the judge of yourself. 2 Likes |
| Re: I Need Help To Build My Self-Esteem by idu1(m): 6:36am On Oct 21, 2014 |
Op are u short in height? |
| Re: I Need Help To Build My Self-Esteem by Bishopskiss(m): 7:47am On Oct 21, 2014 |
EmptinexTune: 1st thing u gotta know is dt u are perfect n Beautiful just d way u are. 2ndly u need to know dt most guys are pretty dumb. D will never know d value n uniqueness of what de ve. As fr having bigger hips n d rest unfortunately d results myt ve been d xme. The irony here is dt noone can help u but u. U need to look inwards, recognise n appreciate ur inner strengths. One thing i can tell u for sure is dt they are plenty good, lovable guys around who r just wishing they cud know u better. So hold ur head up wit pride n smile, let go of some idiots n better men who will appreciate u wil com knocking. N/B: nobody can make u feel like trash unless u let him. U ve to be happy wit urself alone. Good Luck Beautiful 3 Likes |
| Re: I Need Help To Build My Self-Esteem by Fxwarrior: 7:49am On Oct 21, 2014 |
Op you are the most amazing, kind hearted and caring lady I've ever met on Nairaland. It wouldn't be good to loose your sweetness over a guy who doesn't know what he lost. You are a rare gem. For the son of God to die for you means you are worth it. I consider myself the luckiest guy alive to be on your thread girl. Do you know that there's no one like you in the whole world? Smile girl. Have you watched the movie, '3 1diots' a bollywood movie. Go to moviesmobileDOTnet and download any of Madea's films. 2 Likes |
| Re: I Need Help To Build My Self-Esteem by destante(f): 7:56am On Oct 21, 2014 |
The problem lies in your first statement. You hated yourself right from the onset? Why? You are chubby or slim, you are short? Which? You first have to love yourself from within. You can't give what you don't have. Self esteem is like giving out your love to others in a way that shows you are confident. Its different from pride which carries this hate factor. How then do you give out the love that you don't have. Pls concenterate on your good sides. Love yourself from within first, and watch your esteem grow. |
| Re: I Need Help To Build My Self-Esteem by Rhema14(m): 9:04am On Oct 21, 2014 |
EmptinexTune:hello emptinex tune..saw ur post nd was really touched. Will however want to share some ideas with u on how to build ur self esteem... Cos i was also at that level so i felt what u ar feeling. Will like to share some ideas wth u frm experience...ONLY U CAN HELP URSELF OUT OF LOW SELF ESTEEM. And do it nw becos its really destructive. Chat wth me on whatsapp on : |
| Re: I Need Help To Build My Self-Esteem by EmptinexTune(m): 9:53am On Oct 21, 2014 |
Tnx a lot.you guys have been really helpful nd understanding.Av tried most of d advice you guys have given me.it worked until my dad left nd i bcame more depressed(my parents are seperated) presently i work with my dad nd his gf.And you all knw how it is.I knw dat once i leave d job i will get back t my normal self by making use of ur advice nd encouragements. |
| Re: I Need Help To Build My Self-Esteem by EmptinexTune(m): 9:54am On Oct 21, 2014 |
Rhema14:Tnx i will send u a msg |
| Re: I Need Help To Build My Self-Esteem by EmptinexTune(m): 9:55am On Oct 21, 2014 |
Fxwarrior: |
| Re: I Need Help To Build My Self-Esteem by EmptinexTune(m): 9:58am On Oct 21, 2014 |
Fxwarrior:Wow..i feel elated..your post brought tears t my eyes.No1 has ever said such amazing words t me.indeed am a rare gem yes av watched d movie 3idiots |
| Re: I Need Help To Build My Self-Esteem by EmptinexTune(m): 10:00am On Oct 21, 2014 |
Bishopskiss:am going t hold those bolded words like a treasure |
| Re: I Need Help To Build My Self-Esteem by Juzzybabe(f): 10:03am On Oct 21, 2014 |
You are only hurting yourself. Before I got married,a guy did to me exactly what your ex did to you. But as I speak,we are BFF now. You feel awful about yourself because a guy left you with no excuse,don't lie on self esteem dear. I will advice you to brace up and always see yourself as the best. The earlier you realise that no one is better than you,the best for you. NB: Everyone advising you here has individual problems. so be strong. |
| Re: I Need Help To Build My Self-Esteem by EmptinexTune(m): 10:29am On Oct 21, 2014 |
idu1:No,y do u ask |
| Re: I Need Help To Build My Self-Esteem by Nobody: 10:48am On Oct 21, 2014 |
EmptinexTune:u really need to change ur thinking U shouldn't hate ursef for any reason. Even if he thinks u'r nt pretty enough, don't allow dt gt into ur head. There are a million persons who thinks the current miss world isn't pretty at all. Some people will never see d beauty in u. It doesn't mean u'r ugly or unattractive.... It just means dey were neva meant to b n ur path. Learn to love you. If you don't love you, how do u expect someone else to love you?? See d good and d beauty in u and thank God for them everyday in ur prayers... If u do dt,,before long it'll sink into ur inner man dt "mehn! Am so damn pretty!" Wear a smile! Be free! U are beautiful Annypie.....ur comments |
| Re: I Need Help To Build My Self-Esteem by EmptinexTune(m): 10:54am On Oct 21, 2014 |
AgapeCharis:"mehn! Am so damn pretty!" |
| Re: I Need Help To Build My Self-Esteem by Nobody: 11:00am On Oct 21, 2014 |
EmptinexTune:yeea! Dtx d spirit 1 Like |
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